Best of the Phantom Podcast

[00:00:10] Welcome to Blank Check with Griffin and David. I'm producer Ben Hosley, and today we are proud

[00:00:28] to present our first in a series of Best of episodes from our days covering the Star Wars

[00:00:34] prequels. Now normally this is a podcast about directors, right? We look at filmmakers who

[00:00:39] had a massive success early on, and they got a series of blank checks to make their own

[00:00:44] crazy passion projects. Sometimes you know those checks clear and well other times they

[00:00:50] bounce baby. But the early days of this show were somewhat different. In the beginning Griffin

[00:00:57] and David set out to record a podcast, weekend and week out only about the Phantom Menace.

[00:01:04] Now some of you listeners might not be aware, but this podcast was actually once called

[00:01:09] Griffin and David Present. And for almost a year 30 plus episodes, Griffin and David

[00:01:15] talked about nothing but the Phantom Menace, then Attack of the Clone and finally Revenge of the Sith.

[00:01:22] And while Blank Check prides itself in being a No Bits podcast, Pro Smits, No Bits, during these

[00:01:29] three miniseries, the overall bit was that Griffin and David were only aware of Episode 1 as a

[00:01:35] standalone film, and then would discover the subsequent sequels at the end of each miniseries

[00:01:41] run. Alright, that should be enough setup. So without any further ado, here is the best of the Phantom podcast.

[00:01:50] Are we here to praise Phantom Menace? Absolutely not. No. We're here to investigate. We're here to

[00:01:56] investigate. We want to figure out what it's about because it's a weird, weird movie taken on its own.

[00:02:01] It's a weird movie. That's exactly it. We want to take this movie on its own term. This is our

[00:02:06] key point. This is where we are changing the game. This is a piece of cinema that came out in 1999,

[00:02:12] the most profitable, successful film of the year. The most talked about movie of the year. Everybody

[00:02:17] thinks about it in the terms you're describing. It's the hinge on which this whole franchise

[00:02:22] kind of fell apart. It's so disappointing in comparison to the original films. Right. Forget

[00:02:26] the original films. We're not going to talk about them. Forget the following film.

[00:02:29] Forget the cartoons. Yep. Forget, I don't know, the Holiday Special? All of it.

[00:02:35] All of it. Just take it, put it in the garbage and just leave the Phantom Menace.

[00:02:40] This introduction, this long-winded introduction that you've been listening to is

[00:02:43] I think it's very short.

[00:02:44] The last time you will hear us talk about the original films or the ensuing prequels or

[00:02:52] the upcoming Disney produced Star Wars films. We're not talking about any of that ever again on

[00:02:57] this podcast. Nope. God, this guy looks like he's going to be the breakout star of the film.

[00:03:03] This is the one who's most visually appealing to me on the shelf, Wato. Oh boy. Had to buy Wato. I

[00:03:09] went this guy is going to be fun. He's distinctive. We'll get to Wato. We'll get to Wato. That's

[00:03:14] going to be a two-part or we're going to do two episodes just about Wato. I think that might

[00:03:16] be another spin-off actually. Just Wato you talking about. So you got yourself Anakin,

[00:03:22] you got yourself Wato. Okay, I had the budget for probably four or five more characters.

[00:03:26] Oh no, I can't do it because I need to get a Comtec communicator. I don't know what that is.

[00:03:36] I do not know what you're talking about. A technological breakthrough at the time.

[00:03:40] The Phantom Manus want to have your characters talk. Okay. The first time ever Star Wars

[00:03:44] characters come to life they talk to you. Sure. The first time ever Phantom Manus

[00:03:49] one film into the franchise. Maybe it's a franchise, maybe it is. I don't know.

[00:03:55] You're getting out to rough territory. But the figures are so small. I don't know if you remember

[00:04:01] this. They're small figures. Sure. They're like three quarter-gages. Yeah, he's holding his fingers.

[00:04:07] Little penis-sized figures, right? Yeah. Sides of little penis. Yeah, little penis.

[00:04:12] Yeah. Not saying like our penis. No, no, no, no. A little penis. Think of a little penis and

[00:04:16] that's about how big the action figures were. Yeah. Couldn't fit the technology inside them to

[00:04:20] make them talk. So each figure came with like a little microchip. Okay. In plastic casing.

[00:04:26] And I see, and you had to buy a separate thing? Yes. To make those microchips make noise.

[00:04:31] Right. Okay. Looked like a dog tag, translucent plastic. It had a low picture of the character

[00:04:36] on it. Get the chip and they have the Comtec communicator which looked like the thing

[00:04:40] that Qui-Gon uses later in the film. Sure. He's like Space Phone. It's like a Space Phone.

[00:04:47] Right? Great dialogue. So it looked like a much bigger version of that. Yeah. And you'd get one

[00:04:51] of your chips and you'd swipe it across and the sensor would just play the sound.

[00:04:55] This is for teaching kids to use their credit cards when they grow up. Right.

[00:05:00] That costs about $35. Oh my God. And so you bought that? Bought that.

[00:05:06] Wait, how did we get on this? How did you get, or is this just...

[00:05:08] Because I want to say at this point in the film, you're asking what new gun rig came with

[00:05:11] this next year. Yeah, what does he have? Yeah, he doesn't really have anything.

[00:05:13] At this point in the film, the characters didn't come with that many accessories because

[00:05:17] the Comtec chip. Kids are crazy about these Comtec chips.

[00:05:21] That's definitely why I know what those are. Yeah. Kids are crazy about them.

[00:05:24] Yeah. They had a little hole in them. Their legacy endured.

[00:05:27] They suggest that you'd wear them around your neck. They came with a little...

[00:05:29] The Comtec communicator came with a little beaded chain.

[00:05:33] It's like, oh, where is the brace to put on your backpack?

[00:05:35] Kids are gonna be trading Comtec chips like crazy. Like crazy.

[00:05:38] Like crazy. You're the queen. Deal with it directly. Talk to them. Just go, hey guys, cut it out!

[00:05:44] An elected 14-year-old queen of a planet. Yeah.

[00:05:47] You maybe know how to deal with a couple of nemodians in their donut ship.

[00:05:51] You didn't get that job by accident. You got for a reason.

[00:05:53] According to Wikipedia, she brought down an unfortunate, like a king that nobody liked.

[00:05:58] She was the leader of a political revolution in this planet.

[00:06:01] And she was like eight. Yeah, when she was a child.

[00:06:03] Eight. And then she's elected queen. Yeah.

[00:06:07] Which is me, you know. Yeah.

[00:06:08] Maybe president? I don't know. Senator or something? I don't know.

[00:06:12] And she, you know, the minute she's elected queen, they're like,

[00:06:14] hey, do you like to have one giant U-shaped braid around your head?

[00:06:18] She said yes, please. And she was like, yeah.

[00:06:19] And it's gonna be the thickness of a human arm. And they're like, yeah, she was like, laid on me.

[00:06:24] That is how I want to do all negotiating.

[00:06:26] Here's the queen on a dollar story and not time.

[00:06:27] I want my head to literally be just being pulled back at all times by this giant braid.

[00:06:32] That's the reason she's sitting in a chair and that chair's got a back.

[00:06:35] Oh, that chair, that chair has a reinforced back.

[00:06:37] She's not sitting on a stool. She's not standing up. She can't.

[00:06:39] She's probably 90 pounds. And then you add the clothes and she is 800 pounds.

[00:06:45] If even 90 pounds. Yeah. She's, she's a light as a feather.

[00:06:49] Queen on a dollar story. She's a young woman.

[00:06:51] She's not a fully grown woman.

[00:06:52] She's a girl. I'd say she's a girl.

[00:06:54] Yeah. Not yet a woman.

[00:06:55] Not yet a woman. Queen on a dollar story in a nutshell is she was born.

[00:06:59] Yep. She learns how to poopy in a toilet like a big girl.

[00:07:05] Then she leads a revolution and gets elected queen.

[00:07:10] Right. Those are all of her major life events.

[00:07:13] Yeah. She's so young, she hasn't lived through anything else.

[00:07:15] No. I don't, I mean, she really, she's doesn't, we don't even know how experienced

[00:07:19] she is in the ways of the world.

[00:07:21] She knows how to poopoo in a toilet.

[00:07:23] But other than that. That is true.

[00:07:24] That is true. Other than that, she might not even know how to read or write.

[00:07:27] Barely had time. We don't see her do it.

[00:07:28] Barely had time. I was trying to figure out her age.

[00:07:32] They use their own year systems.

[00:07:34] Of course it's a BBY.

[00:07:35] BBY. So I don't know, I can't even do the math because I don't understand.

[00:07:39] She was born 46 BBY and she was elected.

[00:07:45] She was elected 33 BBY.

[00:07:48] So she was 13 years old.

[00:07:50] Okay. So and but this movie is probably, it's somewhere, she could be 13, 14 years old.

[00:07:54] Let's say she's 14.

[00:07:55] Fine.

[00:07:57] Apportments doesn't.

[00:07:59] Yeah, exactly. Apportment doesn't.

[00:08:00] Yes. Perfect.

[00:08:02] Nice big bag of bagels.

[00:08:03] She's a freshman in high school.

[00:08:05] That's right. That's right.

[00:08:06] Well she would have been, she had to drop out to be the democratically elected queen

[00:08:09] right exactly of a planet.

[00:08:12] So we're talking about Naboo though and Naboo as a planet is,

[00:08:16] its status is it's the most gorgeous place in the world.

[00:08:19] Right.

[00:08:20] It all looks like one expensive like a retreat in Tuscany.

[00:08:24] Exactly. It's like a rehab clinic.

[00:08:26] It's like the whole planet was marble and then some people were born, it's promises right.

[00:08:31] And the people were born and they just carved buildings out of the marble.

[00:08:34] But the whole planet is marble and trees and waterfalls.

[00:08:38] That's like what you see.

[00:08:39] And everyone's fashion game is on point.

[00:08:43] Everyone is wearing eight costumes at once.

[00:08:46] Like I swear to God, it's crazy the clothes they wear and it's great.

[00:08:51] I like that.

[00:08:52] And no one ever says, what I love also is that no one ever says like Qui-Gon.

[00:08:57] And I feel like almost any other movie would have some tossed off line where Obi-Wan is like,

[00:09:01] she's wearing the fucking craziest dress I ever saw.

[00:09:04] Right?

[00:09:06] Some snarky line might be tossed in if this were a marvel movie.

[00:09:10] But no one says like, hey lady, like why are you wearing all that?

[00:09:14] Like you need to walk around right now.

[00:09:17] Well I think this is a dangerous path because you know we talk at this too much.

[00:09:20] We could get into like very hacky like 90s country central make me laugh style routines

[00:09:25] about Padme's outfit.

[00:09:26] This sounds great.

[00:09:27] Let's do 20 minutes of that.

[00:09:29] But it also is like...

[00:09:30] No I love her outfit.

[00:09:32] I love the costume.

[00:09:33] They look incredible.

[00:09:33] Love the makeup.

[00:09:34] But thinking about them practically, right?

[00:09:37] Yeah.

[00:09:40] Most countries in which the royalty or the appointed elected officials have some sort

[00:09:47] of uniform.

[00:09:49] This is the royal garb that you wear.

[00:09:51] It is just that.

[00:09:52] It is one uniform.

[00:09:54] Yeah and you wear it like on special occasions like you know once a year maybe or when you're

[00:09:58] being crowned that kind of stuff.

[00:10:00] Like the Queen of England doesn't walk around in her friggin you know crown jewels.

[00:10:04] And there is a decorum for how she's going to dress on a daily basis.

[00:10:06] Sure yeah.

[00:10:07] There's a decorum for how she's going to dress at a royal ball or whatever it is.

[00:10:09] Yeah.

[00:10:10] Wear nice clothes but nothing crazy.

[00:10:12] It just feels like every fucking week, every fucking day she's got to put on

[00:10:15] a whole different crazy thing and it's not just a very complicated dress.

[00:10:18] It's the accoutrements, it's the hair, it's the makeup.

[00:10:21] And let's not forget her planet is being blockaded.

[00:10:24] Yeah.

[00:10:25] Her people are dying.

[00:10:26] She says it over and over again.

[00:10:28] Armadillo, the meeting is beginning any minute now.

[00:10:31] Oh let me put a cubic ton of hair on like around my head.

[00:10:35] How long do you think that's going to take?

[00:10:37] Is it a wig or is it...

[00:10:38] I don't even know what it is.

[00:10:39] It's literally like some sort of like giant large hadron collider of hair

[00:10:44] that's just arced around my face.

[00:10:46] It just looks like she's spending like three hours in the hair and makeup truck

[00:10:49] every morning before they have to meet.

[00:10:51] I would legitimately love to ask Natalie Portman what it was like to wear those costumes

[00:10:54] because they are so incredible and I'm sure she has sort of a fond memory of looking like that.

[00:10:59] She's 14, she got to dress up.

[00:11:01] But it must have been really crazy to walk around in that stuff.

[00:11:05] I think she probably couldn't very well.

[00:11:07] Yeah.

[00:11:07] She's sitting in chairs a lot.

[00:11:09] A lot of sitting.

[00:11:10] Yeah.

[00:11:10] Big chairs.

[00:11:11] A lot of leaning.

[00:11:12] Like you know...

[00:11:14] Huge chairs.

[00:11:15] Fucking chairs.

[00:11:16] So let's...

[00:11:17] All right, let's delve into this.

[00:11:18] But talking about the logic of the film either she is taking hours to prepare for each meeting

[00:11:24] Right.

[00:11:25] In which case she is delaying every meeting.

[00:11:27] Sure or maybe she just doesn't sleep.

[00:11:29] Her citizens are dying.

[00:11:30] Maybe new beings don't sleep.

[00:11:31] Okay or she doesn't sleep in which case you're telling me we got a government official.

[00:11:34] You're telling me we have someone running this entire planet and they're operating on

[00:11:38] what four or five hours of sleep at best?

[00:11:41] She has to cut into her sleep.

[00:11:43] She is a kid though.

[00:11:43] Maybe that's it.

[00:11:44] So her hair can look tight?

[00:11:45] You know because like a 14 year old can take a lot of no sleep.

[00:11:47] When I was 14 I would sleep like four hours and I'd be running around you know maybe that's

[00:11:51] the reason.

[00:11:51] It depends when puberty kicks in.

[00:11:53] I will say an Ali Portman you know a svelter.

[00:11:56] The actress was older than 14.

[00:11:58] An Ali Portman.

[00:11:58] I don't know about that.

[00:11:59] I think maybe not actually yeah.

[00:12:01] Look the movie was 16 years ago.

[00:12:02] An Ali Portman is probably 30 right?

[00:12:04] Yeah something like that.

[00:12:06] I think she was like 14.

[00:12:07] She might have been yeah.

[00:12:08] I just want to also point out they steal space balls joke.

[00:12:12] They do?

[00:12:12] They do.

[00:12:13] What's the space balls joke?

[00:12:14] And tell me if I'm wrong.

[00:12:15] No sure.

[00:12:16] But at one point when they're discussing the hyperdrive the equipment they mention the fact

[00:12:22] yeah well we've got a bunch of the queens close.

[00:12:25] Oh that's true they do say that.

[00:12:26] They steal a joke from space balls.

[00:12:30] And I'll say actually you know now that you point out there is that scene during

[00:12:33] the duel of fates that moment during the duel of fates fight when they cut Darth Maul's

[00:12:39] lightsaber in half and then his penis turns into another lightsaber.

[00:12:43] That also felt like it was stolen from space balls is when his pee pee turns into a laser sword.

[00:12:49] I was outraged when I saw that one in particular.

[00:12:51] Which is just blatant theft.

[00:12:54] It's worth noting that they're like jeez we got a bunch of our fucking clothes.

[00:12:57] We got we managed to smuggle those on this ship somehow.

[00:13:00] Yeah.

[00:13:01] Why are they bringing her clothes?

[00:13:02] It was the last second escape.

[00:13:04] No one else in this movie ever changes their clothes.

[00:13:07] It wasn't a planned escape.

[00:13:09] They were just walking.

[00:13:10] We don't see those trunks.

[00:13:11] No the Japanese attack they were just like what quick what ship can we get on we got to get

[00:13:15] out of here right now because it's just one second.

[00:13:18] Wait one second.

[00:13:19] She has eight wheelie bags.

[00:13:21] Yeah.

[00:13:21] She gets on there.

[00:13:23] Yeah maybe that's just maybe just every royal ship just has a bunch of clothes preloaded in

[00:13:27] case she needs to make several costume changes during a space flight.

[00:13:31] Maybe because they all have those big flowing robes with those hoods and you can't even

[00:13:35] see their arms they just sort of look like little teepees.

[00:13:38] Right.

[00:13:38] Maybe underneath each of them is constantly carrying two trunks working clothes.

[00:13:44] Just Sasha Verite Verite that's not one of them is it.

[00:13:48] I don't know anything can be a name.

[00:13:51] All right.

[00:13:52] Pog may Pog may quit.

[00:13:56] Who's this yoga?

[00:13:57] Yoda Yoda.

[00:13:58] I call him.

[00:13:58] I don't even remember his fucking name.

[00:13:59] This guy does not stick in my mind.

[00:14:01] This is not a well defined or memorable character.

[00:14:03] He is a CG creation in the Blu-ray that I watched.

[00:14:07] Yes.

[00:14:08] He's I don't know what three feet tall he's like a green guy with alien ears and sort of hair

[00:14:13] and like great hair he's like a little guy he talks like in this sort of weird salted

[00:14:17] speak I can't get the hang of the sort of phonetic nonsense and and he he's kind of the

[00:14:22] there's two bosses it seems like there's two main guys in the Jedi Council you got Yoda

[00:14:28] and you got Samuel L Jackson an excellent actor Academy Award nominated actor.

[00:14:33] Yeah surprise he took such a small role.

[00:14:35] He took a few lines as a bald Jedi knight called Mace Windu.

[00:14:41] Maybe his old friends with Lucas or something.

[00:14:43] Who knows seemed very interested in being the project that's all I know.

[00:14:46] Yeah I don't know why it couldn't have paid that much.

[00:14:48] Now there's another creature yeah on the Jedi Council performed by a puppet named Yaddle

[00:14:55] looks great the proof is in the pudding right there there's a puppet right next to you

[00:14:58] just do it as a puppet.

[00:14:58] You got a puppet.

[00:14:59] You got a puppet.

[00:15:00] You can't just give the lady puppet the lines maybe who cares about Yoda.

[00:15:04] You have the great Frank Oz he has played women puppets before he's played Miss Piggy.

[00:15:08] Just get him over to the other side of the set.

[00:15:10] Stick his arm up Yaddle's butt we know the hole is there because they're already pooping

[00:15:14] in the chair just stick the arm up the chair's poop hole.

[00:15:17] This is a real insight into behind the scenes Hollywood filmmaking right now yep.

[00:15:22] Yaddle.

[00:15:23] Yaddle.

[00:15:24] Female Yoda.

[00:15:26] Right.

[00:15:26] Species Yoda's species.

[00:15:30] So queer me and they came with a full name but there still no is is there's no

[00:15:34] There's no speaking like Yoda now there's still no is name for species there is not.

[00:15:39] Why is that species mysterious I don't understand I don't know okay I don't know Yoda species okay

[00:15:45] now Yaddle also known as the one below I heard that I went does that mean she's one step below

[00:15:52] Yoda does that mean a woman is one step below a man certainly very regressive but Lucas has

[00:15:57] shown nothing but regressive views towards towards all creeds and colors they're not his own

[00:16:04] everyone he just loves othering other people right she's a very othering movie okay so that's

[00:16:09] that's what I thought but then I went into this um Yaddle let me find this whole fucking entry here

[00:16:18] okay there's a whole prologue I don't need to get into right but then as part of a raid as

[00:16:25] part of a mission Yaddle was captured and imprisoned in a chamber deep beneath the ground by

[00:16:30] Tulok and subjected to various forms of torture over the green skin pad won did not give into

[00:16:34] Tulak's torture Yaddle was still a pad won at this point which is an apprentice Jedi we've established

[00:16:38] that's what Obi-Wan is yes refusing to tell him when the next Jedi would arrive to challenge the

[00:16:43] brutal at a vase warlord after marion targations Yaddle simply replied that Turek's reign of terror

[00:16:47] would end Tulok furious the adult was not blocking her torture so had to keep Yaddle

[00:16:50] as a hostage even though she would not submit to question um what are you getting at here

[00:16:55] so fucking long yeah um rather than keeping his captive I'm jumping around Tula cruelly

[00:17:01] imprisoned Yaddle for life in her underground pit in case she ever became used as a hostage in the

[00:17:06] future um Yaddle was imprisoned for a hundred years wow yeah here we go here we go Yaddle stayed

[00:17:16] in solitary confinement for in her underground prison for over a century and her only source

[00:17:20] of provisions were the wardens who sent down baskets of fruit and vegetables for a time however

[00:17:24] as supplies on cobra ran low the warden became so preoccupied with their own survival that they

[00:17:28] slowly forgot about the one below wow Yaddles existence became the stuff of legend though a few

[00:17:34] pitiful beings continued to send food down the shaft of sort of ritual Yaddle relied on the force

[00:17:39] for survival okay so just again why is this not the main character of the whole movie that was

[00:17:47] my point yeah that's my point who is this Yoda motherfucker who cares oh he got a high score

[00:17:53] on the blood test like I don't care yeah I want someone with some pay-fills has nary a line in this

[00:18:00] film not a line not a species no not a that's all I got I mean patriarchy and full effect here

[00:18:10] yeah absolutely the one below now we've been trying to say maybe George Lucas is trying

[00:18:15] to make a point maybe that's maybe there's um a whole grand allegory going on here I mean look

[00:18:21] John McCain spent what five years as POW sure and we salute his service but we didn't elect him

[00:18:28] he got close so we didn't elect him my president Yaddle over a century down below sure Jedi how

[00:18:36] council not the master do you think maybe everyone else is like well she only got on the

[00:18:41] council because of the whole you know one below thing you know like she's actually not that great

[00:18:46] but they're like well you know we all feel a little bad for Yaddle after the whole she was in

[00:18:51] prison for 100 years with no food thing uh no joke um when y'all return to the Jedi temple and

[00:18:59] chorus at the Jedi council determined that she achieved enough unity with the force oh yeah you

[00:19:03] think so oh yeah they were like oh yeah it appears this all checks out they were looking at their

[00:19:07] little checklist um yay I mean you didn't actually give us a carbon of your w2 but we're

[00:19:13] gonna let that slide reminder for a hundred years the last 90 of which they forgot to give you food

[00:19:20] and they're just sitting in their chairs the whole time you were imprisoned and using the force to

[00:19:25] survive she somehow found a way to turn the force into nourishment yeah the force which seems to be

[00:19:29] mostly a way to trick people and knock them onto their butts okay so since she had achieved

[00:19:34] unity with the force they decided that she did not need any additional training oh good oh thank

[00:19:39] you we were gonna have you run this uh this uh gauntlet this hurdle course but you know what

[00:19:44] you know what here's a chair we got a chair uh Yaddle you just hook it up to the sewerage system

[00:19:50] one second you missed a couple classes Yaddle so we don't know if we can pass you yeah you've

[00:19:53] gotten incomplete in ap biology but unfortunately you can't just start up that class again because

[00:19:58] all of your teachers died in the century yeah also none of us know who you are but none of

[00:20:04] us have any frame of reference the council proposed that Yaddle be elevated to position Jedi

[00:20:08] master and offered a seat on the Jedi council even though she was still a pad one so I'm absolutely

[00:20:13] right it was a total sympathy seat master Yoda feeling that it was too strong a deviance from

[00:20:18] the typical Jedi code and Jedi training was the only council member against Yaddle's elevation

[00:20:22] what this guy well you know what he was saying he was like look um I am the one representative

[00:20:28] of Yoda's species of Yoda's species which I named yeah I'm the guy we used to be called

[00:20:32] something else but now we're called Yoda's species however after examining her story

[00:20:37] and through a quick glimpse into her future Yoda back down allowed yeah the join the ranks

[00:20:41] of Jedi council you know he's like he's like subjecting her to this terrible and terrorist

[00:20:46] she's like still on the hospital bed malnourished and he's like were you really in prison for

[00:20:51] a hundred years key detail over through examining her story not enough and through a quick glimpse

[00:21:00] into her future not only did Yoda think she had served her time a little glimpse

[00:21:05] down below he had to take a little glimpse in the future and go let's take a peek and he's like

[00:21:09] are we married what we're not oh yeah right Jedi's aren't allowed to get married forget Yaddle is not

[00:21:14] the main character it's crazy this should be called the Yaddle the the the epic saga of Yaddle

[00:21:20] the Yaddle mass Yaddle Wars if you want to start a franchise off on a good foot right

[00:21:25] because as we say Georgie boy too steeped in the mythology Georgie porch right not giving us

[00:21:30] just a good story because episode one you want to launch off with some great characters that we all

[00:21:34] love get us on board emotionally and then you can flesh out the world instead it's like oh here's this

[00:21:39] kid eh the end like loose end loose end loose end yeah episode one should all take place in the

[00:21:45] pit yeah it should just be uh episode one colon the pit the one below the one below

[00:21:52] Star Wars episode one Yaddle episode one the love below what if it was called Star Wars

[00:21:58] episode one colon below

[00:22:04] Star Wars episode the one below

[00:22:09] this kid's got off the charts mini-chlorians by God thinks you might be able to bring balance and

[00:22:13] no one's noticed it until now you're telling me they're going all around the galaxy trying to

[00:22:16] find all these different they find people of all creeds colors sexual orientations

[00:22:22] socioeconomic background just shut it all down from the moment they're born and go

[00:22:25] we're taking your kid yep we're making a wear brown clothes dickless

[00:22:30] Jedi asshole yep uh his job will be sitting in a poop chair and the tallest tower in cars right

[00:22:38] I forgot we established that they're they're just constantly in this chair because they

[00:22:42] never stand up from the chairs all we see Qui-Gon do throughout the movie is brainwash people

[00:22:47] and murder people yeah that is all that he does hand wave thing he tries to convince people of

[00:22:51] other things yeah um oh and uh messes with a chance cube messes which god you know like nothing

[00:22:58] sacred yeah exactly if you can't trust a chance cube how are you gonna get any bets done that's how

[00:23:04] we're supposed to make these decisions that are too big for mere mortals what if it's like

[00:23:10] it's a thing where you want to roll a 50 50 chance of something happening you know there's

[00:23:15] only one way to do it it would be a six-eyed a die at which three are colored blue and three

[00:23:20] are colored red and then if blue comes up or red comes up then you know who's one that's the only

[00:23:25] way to figure this out that's the only way to decide a 50 50 chance yes well what are you gonna do

[00:23:31] instead pick something with two sides on it I don't understand what you're talking about I don't

[00:23:35] understand what you're talking about how would that work no I don't understand six sided chance

[00:23:39] cube yeah chance cube actually you know that the simplest form on earth is a perfectly even

[00:23:47] sanded cube yeah and those are so easy to create yeah and impossible to mess with yeah can't create

[00:23:53] a loaded one oh well actually you can't you can't mess with them with the force of will actually

[00:23:57] you can't uh but still other than that it's it's a perfect form of decision making all good flying

[00:24:04] Jews have them in the star wars universe exactly I'm sorry in the phantom menace universe I don't

[00:24:09] know what you're talking about I'm saying the phantom no no I know what you're talking

[00:24:11] I know it's the star wars universe but since we only got this one film yeah why call it the

[00:24:15] star wars universe it's the phantom menace universe the phantom menace first I think there was another

[00:24:19] name you want to tell me there was one name in particular oh there is seemed very interested

[00:24:24] in this is a pre-show adigale Evan peel but this is the one I really want to say for ds this is

[00:24:29] the one I really want to tell you the guy with the very long neck and then ahead right of it sort

[00:24:34] of he's got a bit of a jedi temple head yes or a Jedi council maybe they modeled after him

[00:24:39] yeah he looks like a q-tip he has some of the most expressive character animation I've ever seen

[00:24:44] because of course if a character has a really long neck it means their neck is constantly going

[00:24:47] to be moving around in the background every shot his neck is just way yeah just wiggling right

[00:24:53] his head is staying still and the neck is wiggling while the head stays in position right

[00:24:58] um and his name is I genuinely don't know what his name is Yari al poof

[00:25:05] why are a el not a bad first name poof

[00:25:14] now David yeah we're good friends we are we've known each other a long time yeah

[00:25:20] uh one of the things I know about you is that you spent your adolescent years

[00:25:24] living in London England in the united kingdom that's right uh poof has a slang meaning there

[00:25:29] does it not want to point out this movie shot in the united kingdom uh almost almost entirely

[00:25:34] yep yeah now poof does have a slang meaning in that country does it not it's slang a derogatory

[00:25:39] what might be the word you want to use yeah yeah it's it's uh an offensive word to mean uh a homosexual

[00:25:45] man interesting yeah interesting you bring that up because I'd like to tell you what the name of

[00:25:49] the species that Yari al poof falls into can I tell you yeah you can tell he's a queer man

[00:25:55] oh

[00:25:59] what what he comes up with all the names right from the home world of queer mea oh my god

[00:26:04] he's a queer me and male q u e r m i a n how did you not lead with this when we were talking about

[00:26:13] like Jedi sex lives queer man I had to save it yeah well you did a good job he is two

[00:26:19] letters away from just being called a queer man and his last name is poof is q u e r m i a n

[00:26:28] he's a queer man from the planet really one changed a vowel and then moved forward that's

[00:26:33] all you need he created a queer me an alien named Yari al poof so we've spent a lot of time in

[00:26:39] the past talking about the racist yeah connotations of certain characters behaviors

[00:26:47] vocal patterns names occupations yes uh interest in money goals

[00:26:57] sorry uh circumcision strategies um we thought it was views on women yes we thought it was just

[00:27:07] limited to race yeah to other cultures right is george lucas jewish but I thought he was jewish

[00:27:13] is he not jewish I think he's not yeah anyway we can we can figure that out later yeah um

[00:27:19] but no george lucas also apparently hates people of different sexual orientations what does

[00:27:26] the matter with him what does the matter I think that he literally like when he's naming coming

[00:27:30] up with the names he gets like a few good ones like darth mall that's good right you know

[00:27:35] and then after a while he's like I don't know queer poof I don't know whatever

[00:27:40] like it's terrible uh can I read a little description from Yari al poof's um

[00:27:47] uh wikipedia yeah I'm gonna I'll allow it his backstory isn't that interesting but I want to

[00:27:52] get into this this is talking about the queer me and race yeah okay some of the things that

[00:27:56] define the queer man race as a queer me and poof's unusually long legs body and neck

[00:28:01] caused him to stand some three feet taller than other humanoid species okay sure that's

[00:28:05] what we saw yeah additional his upper arms poof has an additional set of delicate arms which he

[00:28:10] hid under his cloak weird hid them secret arms keeping something a secret possessing remarkable

[00:28:17] dexterity because of the extra set of limbs poof's sensitive all factory glands were located in

[00:28:23] his hands no hands yep poof has four hands and he uses them to smell things he had two brains

[00:28:33] one located inside his skull and the other in his chest it's pretty cool I saw I should

[00:28:43] I know he spent a lot of time talking about how unfortunate the name is this guy why is it so

[00:28:47] much of the stupid yoda guy who's just like me me me me you know and and samuel jackson phoning

[00:28:54] it right in he basically skyped that performance in except skype hadn't been embedded yet um

[00:28:59] and then you've got a two-brained gay icon sitting like three chairs over hold on hold on

[00:29:07] we don't know that yari al poof is gay in our first episode we said maybe this

[00:29:13] movie is about politics maybe it's about how politics and and systems and the endless

[00:29:18] bureaucracy right how it prevents things from getting done yeah you know like the wire yo

[00:29:24] you guys seen the wire how government is is inherently flawed yes and how it prevents actual

[00:29:30] social change right societal change and then in the second episode we said that it's kind of we

[00:29:37] said kind of said the same thing and medulla yeah god we're a bunch of it was the death it was

[00:29:43] the death of the culture the society all that stuff the silly tomfooler if you have the time

[00:29:48] to create decoys and everything then maybe that needs to collapse exactly but this is the death

[00:29:52] of eris doctor this episode of i'm arguing the opposite maybe the jetties are the ones who need

[00:29:57] to be taken down yeah well we're it's about like the the ossified like sort of structure of religion

[00:30:04] and how it prevents any kind of advancement or change right so better to let the democratically

[00:30:10] elected officials well those guys aren't great either we might need a revolution maybe we need

[00:30:15] some kind of like figurehead uh-huh who can lead the whole galaxy if you know what i'm saying you're

[00:30:22] saying you need like a new hope to come in yeah exactly exactly a change we just need we kind of

[00:30:29] need to brush a lot of old things aside but you know sometimes the only thing that keeps

[00:30:33] uh star systems in line is fear yeah so i don't know maybe that's the answer maybe maybe the

[00:30:39] answer is repression repression yeah maybe yeah we'll see we don't see i don't know it's too bad he's

[00:30:46] never gonna get to make any more of these man how many more times are we gonna watch this movie it's

[00:30:50] so many more times it's weird it's weird for how well this film did because at the time it's

[00:30:55] released it was the third highest grossing film all-time second highest grossing and still

[00:30:59] people were talking about it for so long people lined up to buy tickets it was crazy how

[00:31:06] people were so excited the hype was huge ever want to see it and then just it stuck in development

[00:31:12] hell apparently i mean we haven't really i'll admit we have done absolutely no research no on the other

[00:31:18] movies if they were ever planned if anything ever happened with them there must be scriptments

[00:31:23] floating around the internet what we've got right now is the phantom that's all we got that's what

[00:31:26] we've got right now maybe in a future later date we'll talk about something else but right now

[00:31:31] what we've got is the phantom in us maybe one or 60 i don't know if lucas ever gets off his hind and

[00:31:36] if he gets off one of his uh jedi poop chairs yeah you know it's so weird to me i looked this up

[00:31:40] the other day producer ben like that yeah uh yeah go ahead i looked this up the day uh i i because i

[00:31:46] just realized i'm i spoke here i said if lucas ever gets off his his hide and uh decides to

[00:31:52] make another film i found out he sold his production company lucas film to disney oh well

[00:31:58] did he make he probably made like what like five six million dollars from that billion wait a second

[00:32:03] for one movie okay he also produced the film tucker a man in his dreams oh about the guy who

[00:32:11] made a car yeah uh frances for coppola jeff ridges i think it's about 13 million domestic in the u.s

[00:32:19] got a couple oscar nomination uh two i think deans stock well i think was nominated and not no

[00:32:24] lando is nominated lando lando calrissian martin landale calrissian the great where the name came

[00:32:32] from the great martin landale christian uh go on i talk you 12 points oh boy um yeah he he made

[00:32:45] a right he produced a few other movies radio land murders howard the dock uh willow oh willow uh he

[00:32:51] did do the indian jones films yeah i've heard of those yeah uh they're fun yeah they're good fun

[00:32:56] yeah there's like least one of those yeah yeah and um well i mean i think maybe disney you know was

[00:33:05] like could have like you know gone back to the accountants like thought like yeah maybe shouldn't

[00:33:10] have taken lucas's first offer but hey there's a lot to play around with you've got the the nose

[00:33:18] hand jedi and you've got you know boss nass like there's a lot of things you can kind of a lot of

[00:33:24] elements chance cubes yeah so maybe maybe why isn't disney selling chance cubes they should be selling

[00:33:29] chance every time i'm like should i do this or that and i'm like what do i do where are the chance

[00:33:33] cubes as a former part-time disney store employee i can tell you chance cubes would be flying off

[00:33:39] the shelves you could price those things at the low low price of 800 dollars oh my god every

[00:33:44] household would want one jewel and crust a chance cube one side it's rubies the other side it's like

[00:33:48] sapphires yeah sapphires yeah you just need two different colors yeah um maybe maybe that's why disney

[00:33:55] bought the company you know yeah they were like watching the movie they were like no i'm tired and

[00:34:00] then wato takes out a chance cube and the guy was like whoa wait what's that what's that what's

[00:34:04] that get this guy on the phone what's his name what's his name mucous um maybe no maybe they

[00:34:11] bought it because they see potential in the star wars universe the phantom universe yeah

[00:34:15] or maybe and we have to consider this as a possibility in hollyweird maybe they just wildly

[00:34:21] overbid on strange magic yeah strange magic man maybe they spent five billion dollars on strange

[00:34:27] magic i thought it was one billion dollars really i have no idea i think it's more

[00:34:34] you haven't actually introduced our guest yet oh his name is conor allo sorry just

[00:34:38] the great conor allo anyway so the purpose of this podcast is to nail you to the wall

[00:34:42] just like the jinx nailed bobby durst to the wall all right let's do it we want to jinx you by the

[00:34:46] way we record these podcasts a month in advance of their release that's right that's right this

[00:34:50] this reference is hopelessly outdated i uh one of one of my jokes that i came up with on the

[00:34:56] fly during the south by southwest show that i was proud of and it went over pretty well

[00:35:00] was that george lugus uh was under the impression that the jinx was a tv series that started

[00:35:06] dr dr but that was his new series and george watched uh four episodes before he finally realized

[00:35:14] this is not jar jar's new show the jinx because it does feel like one of those things when like puff

[00:35:18] daddy became pd d that like dr dr drinks would just be like no no call me so the jinx call me so

[00:35:24] the jinx um he thought it was he thought that that all the blinking was like a foreshadowing

[00:35:30] of like jar jar blinks like that was a little bit of a like he's on his way yeah jar jar does

[00:35:35] drink uh blink very deliberately yeah in the phantom menace is blinking is yeah so he moves

[00:35:40] his whole head just like robert durst for you listeners at home uh david is moving his whole

[00:35:44] head while he blinks yeah we we want to get i want to get connor's opinion on carousel how do

[00:35:49] you feel about carousel the whole planet's a city we've talked about this whole lot right yeah

[00:35:53] the whole planet's one big city and it's addressed in the commentary the designer's like very

[00:35:58] exciting to make carousel the whole planet's a city you know doesn't go into like the the

[00:36:03] absurdity of that statement the whole planet is one city is the direct wording which is not possible

[00:36:09] uh if you it just sprawls until it's filled the whole planet right yeah but then how

[00:36:16] what would downtown carousel be it would be on one hemisphere if they don't want

[00:36:21] right but they eventually would turn into uptown carousel would it not um

[00:36:27] you definitely have to change your way of thinking yeah you know i mean you have to

[00:36:31] rethink what a city is but can a city sprawl to fill a whole planet without dividing itself into

[00:36:38] multiple cities you you say yes well it's not me saying yes it's it is what it is it happened

[00:36:46] saying that coruscant isn't one big city is like saying that uh those droids didn't explode

[00:36:53] yeah they did they did i mean it is what happened the planet is a city that covers the whole

[00:36:58] face of the planet so the concept of uptown and downtown is an outmoded way of thinking of what a

[00:37:05] city can be it's you're the problem i'm a problem yeah as usual before we move away from uh tarenstamble

[00:37:11] i just want to quickly note that i have read in in perhaps that same interview that same quote

[00:37:16] that uh he was disappointed not only because he had to act against no one

[00:37:20] had to act against a ping pong ball but specifically he did them because he had a crush on

[00:37:24] ali portman wow who at the time was 14 tarenstamble is i don't know it's 108 yeah he's an old man that

[00:37:30] suddenly uh shifts the story into one word like lucas is the hero of that story where he's like

[00:37:37] i'm keeping ali portman away from you get me a ping pong balls talk to that penguin talk to that ping

[00:37:42] ping pong balls if it is something that is illegal for you to do it i think that ali

[00:37:46] portman may have been 16 oh which in england is age of consent that is correct it is so

[00:37:52] it's all that's the only reason they held in england right daren samson system film in england

[00:37:58] no i'm with her wait what's this i can't be with that it's a ping pong ball the thing that i think

[00:38:04] would have fixed this movie is uh rather than putting all your comedy chips into this

[00:38:10] buster keaton slapstick uh digital character um if there had been a character in this movie

[00:38:18] who was charming and roguish and who undercut the movie who maybe sort of poked fun at a little

[00:38:25] bit of the self seriousness of the other characters i think there's a candidate for this i've spoken

[00:38:30] both of you about this prior to this that captain panaca uh if that character had been

[00:38:35] played by any comedian that you like picture anyone we were throwing out names the first

[00:38:40] name that popped into my head was vince fawn yep just i was thinking it doesn't even have to be like

[00:38:44] a lot of people don't like vince fawn but at that point in time he was you know just just emerging

[00:38:49] in a big way yeah but i think if you put him into that role um another name we threw out was

[00:38:54] like bernie mack and bernie mack destroy it and because basically that character spends most of

[00:38:58] the movie saying this is a bad idea i don't think we should do this which is a great

[00:39:04] angle for a comic character to have to be like listen this is a bad idea i didn't sign up

[00:39:09] for this right um how popular would a character be in a movie like this if he or she was like

[00:39:17] listen sister i'm just in it for the money i gotta get out of here i got other stuff i gotta do i

[00:39:21] don't want to be in a star wars adventure i got my own stuff going on absolutely i think if you

[00:39:26] cast someone charming and likable and allowed them to kind of say you know this is bullshit i

[00:39:31] don't like being a star wars adventure i gotta go live my life and then you keep wrangling him

[00:39:35] back into it he's like well here i go again yeah that sounds like that would be the key character in a

[00:39:39] star wars yeah maybe the almost the fulcrum point for a lot of characters who are much more idealistic

[00:39:44] and it doesn't have to just be a comic character you could have given maybe captain panaca and uh

[00:39:50] queen aledalla could have had a little fling or something that'd be great i think taren stamp

[00:39:53] just entered into the running again if that's the case yeah he's gonna have some harsh words

[00:39:57] for you his agents are calling that's right i've written a list of jokes roguish jokes

[00:40:02] taren stamps a very funny act right i shouldn't be down on taren stamp of course as always we have

[00:40:08] with us here uh the ben dooser himself the pro doer producer ben hello fennel hold on i'm gonna

[00:40:15] say something that makes sense hello gentlemen okay hello fennel producer ben you are not allowed

[00:40:19] to edit that out and now hello fennel is our no i'm editing that out you're not you're not

[00:40:25] hello fennel hello fennel hello fennel we're gonna make hello fennel t-shirts it was like

[00:40:30] it was fellas and gentlemen all wrapped up in the one hey it was perfect and now we have a

[00:40:34] catchphrase we didn't have a catchphrase we didn't have a t-shirt now we got both so we're going through

[00:40:38] the i&b cast list of the phantom ns going one performance at a time and judging whether or

[00:40:42] not we think they're good david and i have to agree mm-hmm and then we'll tally up a point for

[00:40:48] either the good column or the bad column if david and i are in a deadlock hello fennel

[00:40:53] himself prodoer ben god damn it will be the tiebreaker i'm the robert duvall of the judge

[00:40:59] wait yeah he was the judge yeah he was the judge yeah okay cool yeah who is the judge in the

[00:41:04] judge though like is there another judge judging the case of the judge yeah i don't even remember

[00:41:08] who it is okay all right yeah have you ever seen the judge no we talked about this on the first

[00:41:11] episode okay we should maybe do a whole podcast about the judge it's a good idea yeah have i

[00:41:17] ever told you this story uh i was on vacation with my family okay how old are you um i was

[00:41:25] nine eight or nine okay um i think i was nine and my uh it's the year before phantom ass comes out

[00:41:32] right 1998 right and the movie is top secret at this point okay no one knows anything other than

[00:41:37] the cast right and uh we're walking into uh our hotel and sitting there oh boy in the hotel lobby

[00:41:47] at the bar slumped over oh man is liam nason right the great liam nason is his hair long does he

[00:41:52] have the quagon hair no i think it's short hair yeah i think it was a wig it's probably a wig yeah

[00:41:57] it's weird and they'd wrap filming i mean as you remember in the commentary they said a lot of

[00:42:00] shots were filmed like a year later right so i think they shot the movie in 97 there was like a year

[00:42:05] of post then reshooting and then right yeah so this was this was probably a year after principal

[00:42:09] photography had wrapped and uh he's sitting there like real drunk right right uh in retrospect

[00:42:16] i have a very clear image of him in my head i don't think i identified him as drunk even though

[00:42:19] i knew he was at a bar but now i saw this is like this is a functional drink thing yeah and uh

[00:42:25] my dad goes griffon do you know that in and i go no and he goes that guy is the lead

[00:42:32] in the new star wars mode he knows what's gonna appear he's not gonna say that guy was in chinlose

[00:42:36] looks he's gonna say that guy's in the new star wars he knew that was gonna blow my mind i really

[00:42:40] he went yeah he's like the new jedi i think right i went oh my god he went do you want to meet him

[00:42:46] and i went yeah so my dad brings me over and he goes hi liam i'm sorry to bother you and he like

[00:42:52] says yeah and he goes uh this is my son's like a griffin and jamesy uh we called my brother jamesy

[00:43:00] at the time sure uh as he still do yeah and uh uh they're big fans of star wars and they wanted

[00:43:08] to meet you and he went oh hi nice to meet you boys you know sure he's polite right shook my

[00:43:15] tiny baby hand with his hand which is the size of a head right and uh i said excuse me sir can you

[00:43:23] tell me what the new star wars movie is about fair right that's all i want to know right and he went

[00:43:29] i can't tell you anything but i can tell you it's going to be magic wow and he was right the best

[00:43:37] one yet the best one yet let's never forget your review but i think that's very sweet that's a nice

[00:43:45] story he seems sincere when he said it right i think he hadn't seen an assembly of the footage yet

[00:43:51] i mean you imagine he shot the film largely against screen so he may have literally just meant like

[00:43:58] i can't tell you because i don't know i don't know uh because it was so perplexing to make this

[00:44:02] film but i assume that magic will ensue to turn it into a good right right next performance andy

[00:44:09] andy secum i think secum another english actor well shactor i believe credited as andrew secum

[00:44:17] in the role of watto yes um son of the late sir harry secum cbe another another actor i'm sorry

[00:44:27] line of actors um so he plays the role of watto now we haven't talked a lot about watto

[00:44:33] my favorite character in the film yeah he had done a lot of tv and a couple small british films

[00:44:39] before episode one and since episode one he has largely reprised the role of watto in video games

[00:44:46] and uh lego specials who knows how he got this role i'm yeah it's it's kind of curious i'm

[00:44:53] assuming he's mostly a stage actor right one one assumes and uh he's got the voice he's doing a

[00:44:58] very pronounced voice i don't know if you want to do an impression of watto i will in one second i

[00:45:03] just want to point out he has been married to caroline bliss in september 1995 good for him

[00:45:07] 20 years nice to make it work 20 years this september marriage is a full-time job you know

[00:45:11] it's not a walk in the park yours on me we've been married for 25 years or you would look

[00:45:15] forward to our few sequel podcast about our marriage about our marriage talking marriage uh

[00:45:19] uh i have a great faith in the boy it's it's i really don't know what to say about this performance

[00:45:29] i love watto you know i am in the tank for watto this entire the genesis of this podcast was you

[00:45:37] tweeting the words watto though and me replying to it that was the whole tweet and that came

[00:45:43] four months at that's literally why this podcast exists that we started tweeting watto

[00:45:47] jokes at each other yeah you brought up the chance cube then we took it from twitter to a

[00:45:51] private text message and went wait a second should we do yeah we started just texting each other names

[00:45:55] of episode one characters to see who could come up with a funnier name who could have the better

[00:46:00] pull and then you went wait we should do a podcast that is the origin of this initially this

[00:46:05] was going to be like a 30 episode podcast where we only talked about one character each episode

[00:46:10] we just went into the backstory of one character and discussed it for an hour okay i think we

[00:46:15] need to watto comma th o that came off of a very successful run of tweets i had six months later

[00:46:21] where i wrote bad news went to the doctor today test her inconclusive but he thinks i have waddo fever

[00:46:32] and then kept on posting about waddo fever in the side effects with different pictures of waddo

[00:46:37] and those tweets got literally in the sixes or sevens of retweets um i love waddo he was

[00:46:45] the first action figure i bought i remember distinctly u.s last week as part of the um uh taco bell uh

[00:46:53] phantom menace uh kfc pizza hut rule the galaxy thing which planet was which most estli was most

[00:47:00] espa sorry uh misspeak there for random gibberish most espa was definitely um the taco bell

[00:47:09] it's tatooine right the plant is the trashiest one because i remember in addition to uh each store

[00:47:15] having like eight toys you had to collect and a future episode i want to read out the list of all

[00:47:18] these toys because the names of them are incredible sure and you can imagine what kind of gimmicks

[00:47:23] they're each like a little spring-loaded thing yeah with amazing titles but they also each had

[00:47:29] cups collectible cups not like collectible glasses no i yeah like plastic cups they were big

[00:47:34] plastic like big gulp cups and the design of the cups were the body of its respective character

[00:47:41] each store had four cups okay this is the merchandise sidebar for this week right each

[00:47:45] store had four cups so the cup just looked like waddo's body it looked like waddo's tummy

[00:47:51] yeah with his little legs and then the top of the cup there was like a bust of the character

[00:47:56] okay it was actually more than but because it had arms that you could move and ahead

[00:48:00] so it was like half of an action figure on top of a cup you'd stick a straw and waddo's back

[00:48:04] and i had that cup and i drank the shit out of it i bet you did i drank the shit from it i drank

[00:48:10] the shit out of the stuff i drank from that cup we understand um waddo cup was my favorite

[00:48:17] waddo is my best friend i'm strongly gonna vote for this being a good performance all right i'm

[00:48:21] not gonna argue with you really yeah oh my god i thought that was gonna be a fight no because

[00:48:25] i think that again i probably have a lot of problems with waddo as character and waddo as voice but he

[00:48:31] sells the shit out of the voice and he's funny he's got good timing what's this the Jedi thing yeah

[00:48:36] yeah no it's true and that's an important moment because you know i'm a toy then we don't do Jedi

[00:48:41] trees toy there you toy there toy there you know it's uh you know the Jedi have been invincible

[00:48:46] thus now and he he gives yeah he gives a good laugh yeah uh he's well animated i think wada's

[00:48:54] a great character it's just one of the great characters in all of modern cinema david schwimmer

[00:48:59] made me aware he is a bit of a jewish slaver yeah and he's gotten on circumcised nose and maybe it

[00:49:05] wasn't immaculate bird maybe she just didn't want to tell anakin that waddo was her father

[00:49:08] what if we come up with the theory that waddo is anakin's father what have you come to the

[00:49:11] theory that anakin is half jewish not jewish in the eyes of the lord because his mother

[00:49:17] probably isn't jewish it's unclear yeah what if his what if oh boy am i gonna say it yeah

[00:49:25] what if anakin's penis is a little blue track what if anakin's penis his seven-year-old little boy

[00:49:31] penis looks like waddo's nose waddo's uncircumcised nose we're gonna email george lucas we'll

[00:49:41] hopefully have an answer for you by next week i assume we'll get back to us shortly because

[00:49:44] he's not working anything right now yeah he's george lucas at example dot com

[00:49:52] all right emails back and tell us whether anakin has a little baby uncircumcised blue penis all right

[00:49:58] goodbye goodbye everybody another one for the record books five episodes of just talking about

[00:50:08] phantom menace not acknowledging anything else

[00:50:13] not not comparing it to other movies that may or may not exist

[00:50:17] and uh all stemming out of one tweet waddo though waddo comma th o period waddo

[00:50:33] hey guys we're about halfway through i just wanted to check in remind everybody to look forward to

[00:50:39] later this month we'll be doing an episode on m night's new film split it'll be january 23rd

[00:50:45] and then starting in february we'll begin our new mini series on the films of steven spielberg

[00:50:52] the dream works years uh we'll be picking up with the lost world the lead on that series

[00:51:02] all right enough of me let's just jump right back into it david you're saying oh that would

[00:51:06] be crazy what isn't crazy in a movie that takes place a long time ago in a galaxy far far away

[00:51:16] what isn't crazy everything's crazy i guess so a galaxy far far away okay i'm bored a lot of

[00:51:21] movies take place in different galaxies a long time ago a long time ago you're telling me this is

[00:51:26] the past well how else will george lucas know to write about it oh you're right yeah i can't

[00:51:31] i can't write about it we're assuming i'm assuming he unearthed all of this information somehow

[00:51:35] how long are we talking a couple years you think it was just like 15 years in the 80s yeah it takes

[00:51:43] place but in a galaxy far far away 1982 in a galaxy far far away right you know david one of the

[00:51:49] reasons we started this podcast was so that we could spotlight some of the characters and the

[00:51:55] sidelines of the fan mass who jumped out to us and go on wookie pd and find out yeah how deep the

[00:52:01] rabbit hole goes yeah and i think this episode has finally provided me with a moment to talk about

[00:52:06] you want to talk about grog I want to talk about grog if wato boss nass and tarpels were my holy

[00:52:11] trinity as a 10 year old i say my holy trinity now is grog rah tc 14 and grog rah i am all

[00:52:23] about that grog now just to give you a people to give our audience you people you people a reminder

[00:52:32] who this is you might remember that at a certain point in the movie jarger is walking among the

[00:52:37] markets of ma saspa it's right after he stepped in poop and he goes oh yeah five fucking minutes on

[00:52:44] that right he's done some poop then he almost trips he falls over he grabs some food uh just

[00:52:51] is it a living thing oh i can't remember it's like a frog or something he pops in his mouth yes

[00:52:55] there's like a lizard type creature hanging at a little stand it's like a most as he's like a

[00:53:00] open marketplace yeah right yeah uh ma saspa there's all kinds of things you could say about the

[00:53:05] sort of third world of tatooine and the way that's presented and this is one of the you know it

[00:53:09] feels a little like a open-air moroccan market yeah and um these lizards are on display yeah

[00:53:17] so he just grabs one there is a very very by our standards ugly creature yeah sort of somewhat

[00:53:22] scary heavy set creature with big eyes and sort of horns instead of hair super sharp teeth and

[00:53:31] teeth uh with a big knife jarger sees one of these lizards he grabs it with his tongue and

[00:53:36] tries to eat it this creature's angry and jarger is like oh no no and they step away i believe

[00:53:45] what graga says is is quoted on her wikipedia page which is okay you want a wonka kakoba whoopee whoopee

[00:53:54] that's her one line right that is her one line which i believe means you have to pay for that

[00:54:01] it costs three whoopee yep seven whoopee sorry that's what the that's what the uh currency is

[00:54:11] um so Jesus Christ um so i we were playing a game when we started playing this when we

[00:54:19] started planning out this podcast who can come with the more obscure character name from recall

[00:54:23] to bring up here and then i was sending you a bunch of pictures of gragra and i realized i should

[00:54:28] find out who gragri is right so we just described the entirety of gragra's screen time it's she

[00:54:35] says that one line oh right b that's the first thing we found out it's a female which is not clear

[00:54:40] presents as male yeah yeah that's fine but that's fine right um so that was a surprise right off the

[00:54:46] bat her her species is a spokes spokes a spoke spoke okay that's what the species is called

[00:54:52] here is gragra's you guys gotta you guys gotta just read this entry by the way you should have

[00:54:56] it open i'm with me i really love this yeah and 32 bb why gragra gra gra gra gra gra gra

[00:55:01] graga demanded jar jar beings for the seven we we how do you put whoopee whoopee whoopee whoopee

[00:55:08] we i don't know for a gorg that's what those lizards are called the gorgi it from the market

[00:55:12] salsa bowl but then start to bully jar jar as revenge for the latter and inadvertently

[00:55:15] ruining his meal by spitting out into the pot oh right jar jar then spits out the thing because

[00:55:19] gragra's like a graga left the issue unattended yeah that's what we know that's the film here's

[00:55:26] how wikipedia then moves on with this uh graga regretted her harsh behavior and on later reflection

[00:55:32] realizing that perhaps they've been caused by trouble at home there's nothing to say just carry on

[00:55:37] she spoke to her husband grognak only to discover that he was as emotionally distant as he had

[00:55:44] always been this is on the internet for you guys to read right now this is canon yep this

[00:55:49] encouraged her to sell enough gorgs including sauces created from them to buy her own ship

[00:55:54] so she could leave her husband and her life of quiet domestic oppression behind becoming a symbol

[00:56:02] to gorg mongers everywhere by the way that's her uh title she is a gorg monger that is what her job is

[00:56:09] she eventually left most asked but a work elsewhere which caused the gorg population

[00:56:12] in the sewers to grow considerably over the following years homeless people often fed on these gorgs

[00:56:19] why isn't she the lead character at the fucking well or at least why aren't we seeing all of that

[00:56:24] in a spin off this is the yaddle conundrum again here's a character with an interesting art god what

[00:56:28] a rich rich backstory an interesting arc she's like the normal ray of gorg mongers not only that

[00:56:38] but she is like the fulcrum point in maz esmas gorg like community the entire economy changes

[00:56:46] without her they overrun the city and they feed the homeless this is a fucking movie

[00:56:54] and forget that like uh quiet domestic oppression this is the ours quiet domestic

[00:57:01] oppression that's heartbreaking uh symbol to gorg mongers everywhere what ship does she get

[00:57:06] where does she leave see i love the salty and it's not like she has an abusive husband her

[00:57:10] husband just doesn't really appreciate her his name again is grog knack is a grog knack who does not

[00:57:15] have a wikipedia entry by the way let's get on that oh boy well people said to me i went how is it racist

[00:57:21] and they went jar jar brinks is is an offensive stereotype of black peoples people said that

[00:57:25] to me as a 10 year old right yeah and went that's not true no one talks like that he's an alien

[00:57:30] black people don't talk to you know what i'm talking about that's jar jar language right and then

[00:57:34] like in high school i became really obsessed with mens furry i was trying to like get to the

[00:57:38] bottom of it wow yeah i was i was trying to solve the world's problems i don't think you succeeded

[00:57:43] no through a tenth grade paper that was titled back in blackface um and i got a b- minus uh

[00:57:50] it was a terrible paper that's a great title if i ran for president be the first thing that

[00:57:54] came up you would just be disqualified immediately it was just so i think if you

[00:57:57] ran for president this podcast might be the first thing that came they just have to play

[00:58:01] all the namoyan clips tied together every time i did that voice uh so jar jar even within

[00:58:06] the context of the gungans is stupid like the gungans aren't weird or stupid except they talk in

[00:58:13] this like kind of baby language which really jar jar is both talking in this obnoxious language

[00:58:18] and really really dumb okay so this is my question number two if the other gungans didn't speak in

[00:58:27] the same language would jar jar be less offensive so if so you're saying jar jar still talks like

[00:58:33] he talks just oh me so are you great and then they go down and boss i was like what's up i'm so sorry about

[00:58:42] i think that would be really bad because then it would be like jar jar literally was a mentally

[00:58:47] infirm like a disabled person who'd been cast out of the gungans that's why i kind of prefer

[00:58:52] like on some sort of short bus a one-way short bus out of odogunga oh well should we bring

[00:59:00] maybe the pilot of the ship because the ship's grunting and he might be someone who knows about

[00:59:04] fucking hyperdrives no no leave him let's bring jar jar beings yeah even bring up boring old ricolay

[00:59:11] like i'm saying ricolay could be like oh yeah that's the hyperdrive engine we need right i am the pilot

[00:59:17] right panaca gets stuff or panaca rickolay knows the ship r2 even was the one who fucking went

[00:59:23] out to try to fix the hyperdrive in the first place also also it's a desert planet of sand jar jar is an

[00:59:31] underwater creature yep this is the worst place for him to be yeah he should get in a bathtub and just

[00:59:36] take it easy until they can go home yep but nope out he goes with them if you go well oh god he owes

[00:59:42] quigan a life debt he's gonna follow quigan wherever he goes if it's a real life debt and if jar

[00:59:46] jar's respectful of that life debt then quigan should just go hey jar jar if you want to help

[00:59:49] me out do my taxes is he fucking stay in the ship and do my taxes i think the jedi are taxed

[00:59:55] okay but i'm just saying give him a menial no i know of course is jar jar falling into the shower

[01:00:00] like how close does he have to be everywhere anyway i forget is it actually is it discussed is

[01:00:06] it like jar jar's like i want to come to it no they just cut to them walking out of the

[01:00:10] ship and jar jar's in tow he's part of the skeleton crew now got a two-parter for you gentleman

[01:00:17] okay all right is there a subtler way to establish the traits of these characters we put into question

[01:00:23] without using stereotypical tropes or is the issue more telling to the larger problem at play in this

[01:00:29] film that because so much effort is spent on exposition and driving the plot along yeah that

[01:00:34] proper character development is ignored okay just quickly before we answer that i want all of you

[01:00:40] to know that producer ben was reading that that was typed up on his computer screen just so

[01:00:45] you don't think he's the poet laureate and you're wondering why we're stumbling over our words for

[01:00:50] an hour and producer ben gets up and doesn't miss a beat i think that ben has a very good point

[01:00:54] about that he does have a very good point it's really smart he's a poet laureate of this podcast

[01:01:01] because you're right like yeah no one gets to be developed as a real character in this movie

[01:01:07] because there's way too much time spent on like so you're enjoying i'm a queen you know

[01:01:12] gungun no they just have to uh so it's like oh well jar jar will just fall over a lot yeah

[01:01:17] and he's got to talk like a fucking idiot or else we're not going to get that he's stupid

[01:01:21] he's the dumb funny one he's the sleazy one yep yeah all right that's true that's the problem

[01:01:27] george lucas is like well i'm making like a flash gordon cereal everyone has to conform to

[01:01:33] a really obvious loony tunes type uh archetype just so we get it and then we can be like oh

[01:01:40] i have a hyperdrive for you the fact that we've seen this movie like 20 times and we still

[01:01:48] i don't think that's a criticism on uh on us i think that's a criticism on the film i think

[01:01:53] that's everyone's so interchangeable at all times basically yeah and also it's just hard to follow

[01:01:58] what the fuck is happening see it's so many times and i still not really sure what's going on one

[01:02:04] thing to do which is get a hyperdrive yeah i know that one thing they need to do they go to one

[01:02:09] store yeah it is owned by a flying a little flying jewish man named wato with a big old belly

[01:02:15] he is a toy derian means he can't play any mine tricks on him bro which means he's basically

[01:02:20] like a big fat tommy and little hands and feet and little wings that are flapping all the time

[01:02:25] and kind of a shriveled skull head with a big floppy skin nose he's gotten on circumcised

[01:02:31] nose yeah with this yeah it's got like wrinkles in it you know it's it's a really like care

[01:02:35] and he's got like four teeth and he has stubble he has a beard which is really gross so she's rubbing

[01:02:42] all the time and he's uh he kind of he is bulging bulging bulb-bulb-bulb-bulbiz eyes yes and he talks

[01:02:49] like i don't know you can do water better than me probably there you go that's faithful that's

[01:02:56] the key to water he owns a store where he has two slaves a somewhat petite sort of quiet

[01:03:03] placid woman named shimmy skywalker yeah and his uh her and her son uh anakin who's an eight-year-old

[01:03:10] slave i don't know if we've discussed this in the past go ahead i don't know if it's crass i'm talking

[01:03:15] how to turn do we think wato's sticking it to shimmy we have discussed we have discussed this

[01:03:20] because you discussed whether water is the father whether anakin has an uncircumcised

[01:03:25] water rose for a penis

[01:03:30] well you know shimmy says that anakin was uh amazingly conceived out of nowhere and

[01:03:36] quaggorn thinks maybe the force conceived him yeah but yeah the force in wato's hands

[01:03:42] wato's whole operation he's kind of like i mean i've been watching a lot of star trek

[01:03:46] he's kind of like a furengi in star trek and um well you know he's sort of like

[01:03:51] a wheeler dealer who um doesn't mess around and uh is always looking for the right bargain and the

[01:03:57] right deal and right he's sort of like it much like the that race it's like this sort of merchant race

[01:04:03] that you can very quickly follow a quick path down to a very uncomfortable area does it poor i can't

[01:04:07] work on the sabbath yeah he's like a wheeler deal it was as i've said before in this

[01:04:13] podcast it was david schwimmer who alerted me to this uh he gave some interview where he said

[01:04:17] he saw the phantom minister which i love the idea of just thinking about just david schwimmer

[01:04:20] one day buying one ticket to see the phantom minister sitting down seeing it watching watching it

[01:04:24] having a good time and wato shows up and he's like this is an offensive stereo type of juice

[01:04:28] until that point he was agreeing with me that it was the best of the film yeah he was next to you

[01:04:32] wasn't the best of all the films ever made yeah i saw the best one yeah oh wait you thought it

[01:04:36] was the best one yet the best film yeah very clearly because what else would i be referring

[01:04:41] to there are no other films in this franchise all i could be referring to is the medium

[01:04:46] of film it's the best one of these yet yeah so it beat blank check it like knock blank check down

[01:04:50] a number two yeah i mean talk about films with incredible sci-fi premises blank check finally

[01:04:57] i thought it was unstoppable and blank check finally got knocked down mr mackintosh got kicked

[01:05:01] to the curb sorry um but yeah i saw uh star was episode one the phantom minister in zygfield

[01:05:07] with my father peter newman my brother jamesy and david schwimmer yeah david was my babysitter

[01:05:13] and david schwimmer leaned over and said wato is an uncomfortable jewish stereotype to you

[01:05:17] i said get your hands off my mouth duds david so uh wato yeah he owns a couple slaves and

[01:05:25] quigan makes this deal with him um the hyperdrive what is the deal it's if anakin wins the pod

[01:05:32] race he gets the hyperdrive and anakin the well originally it's the hyperdrive oh no he right

[01:05:39] he bets the ship as collateral right ship yes he puts that money up uh against the hyperdrive

[01:05:47] but he says hyperdrive is not worth it you need to throw in a slave and wato's like all right

[01:05:50] well how about the woman slave and he's like well let's leave this to the chance that gets up later

[01:05:55] at first he's just like ship for the hyperdrive yeah and then he changes the deal which yeah

[01:06:00] wato really could be like hey man like yeah like what are you doing like you know uh welching on

[01:06:06] me here but uh yeah you like that word yeah this of course is the podcast where we talk about star

[01:06:12] wars episode one yeah well the star wars movie the phantom right the phantom it was the one star wars

[01:06:18] movie made uh sometimes i just call it star wars you know just for brevity for sure well yeah why

[01:06:23] wouldn't you call the first film in a franchise just star wars why would you need a subtitle

[01:06:27] because george lucas had a lot of plans yellow plans he had big epic plans for where the

[01:06:32] series was going to go and he never got to fulfill as far as we know any of them as far as you know

[01:06:37] but we do our research we do our research i just feel like sometimes i get so sleepy yeah sure um so we

[01:06:44] talk about uh the phantom ass yeah george lucas's fourth feature film yeah okay let's go

[01:06:51] let's go we have 11 13 11 30 that was one american graffiti great film there's another one

[01:06:57] i always forget one more and then he made the phantom ass there was a gap in between there

[01:07:01] one somewhere between like 1975 and 1999 there was one other film i don't remember what it was yeah

[01:07:07] is it about like Stalinist rush or something i was like boring like that st is definitely the first

[01:07:14] two letters that guy needs to learn how to make a crowd pleaser i will say yeah i mean he he never

[01:07:19] really settled down uh and got his head out of the clouds this was that movie uh was self-financed

[01:07:25] with the hundred million dollars that well that's important to this episode um and so essentially

[01:07:31] the merchandise the cart came before the horse the merchandise paid for the movie that was then

[01:07:35] going to result i don't know why any company would pay a hundred million dollars for the first film

[01:07:40] in a franchise that is totally untested but i mean i don't know we have the figures but we have

[01:07:45] the box office figures it was probably it was probably a successful move on is a hasbro's part

[01:07:50] i think they overestimated demand but you don't think they sold some toys they did they did

[01:07:55] but they shipped way too many okay all right yeah all right so there's some landfill somewhere with

[01:07:59] like a bunch of like uh uh grogras right filling up a ditch for any other grogra actually wasn't

[01:08:05] released until 2007 okay but for any other film in a franchise i know because i waited

[01:08:11] uh for any other film uh the merchandise sales would have been through the roof yeah expectations

[01:08:16] were way too high they produced too many they sent too many to stores and so a lot of them were put

[01:08:21] under discount this is all important for today's episode because i don't want to speak for everyone

[01:08:28] but i think i speak for everyone i say that everyone loves this podcast i mean 100 percent

[01:08:33] approval rating is that what you're talking about yeah people are going bananas or do you mean

[01:08:37] that everyone on earth listens to it both right and they all love it everyone loves it yeah

[01:08:42] seven billion thumbs up anybody who's anybody and i'm not saying like anyone who's important

[01:08:46] i'm saying literally anybody who is a body yeah and has an ipod this pod or an android who cares

[01:08:54] you know not not platformist no absolutely not i used to own an android not anymore

[01:09:02] i used to own a zoom i didn't know it's really i'm just kidding android android uh uh the the

[01:09:08] mere company name um comes from the droids of the star wars films they pay a royalty do you know

[01:09:15] this i had no is that true the android company pays a royalty to george lucas one george lucas

[01:09:22] knows how to make a buck yeah holy cow yeah um but uh two they couldn't have just called it something

[01:09:27] else geez they could have called it tc 14 they could have um tc 14 is uh the best uh i'm sorry

[01:09:39] i got this wrong they don't pay a royalty to the android phone it was the motorola droid

[01:09:46] oh right yes yeah which was an android phone right but it was just called the droid this

[01:09:51] he owns the word droid so so far we've said on this podcast that it's the best podcast everyone

[01:09:55] everyone loves it and then we talked about droids for five minutes this is the worst podcast

[01:10:00] this is actually like jokes aside this is actually maybe the number one worst podcast

[01:10:04] i think i think so i think i think we're pretty proud standard barriers to that title i think so

[01:10:09] this podcast isn't going anywhere just because the very words the phantom menace brings bile into

[01:10:14] my throat right we're doing a couple more episodes yeah oh yeah yeah we're gonna uh milk a little

[01:10:20] more blood out of this stone oh and uh once once that is done we're we're gonna keep shop you

[01:10:26] might have noticed on itunes we're not listed as the phantom podcast we're listed griffin

[01:10:30] and david presents makes us super accessible a lurgy branding initiative we'll move on to talk

[01:10:37] about other stuff i don't know what else we're gonna talk about you know we can't move on to the

[01:10:42] starware saga because it's a one and done yeah they pulled a real producer ben on making this film

[01:10:47] honestly i'll do one more sweep just to double check things but i think unfortunately phantom

[01:10:52] menace is really as far as it goes yeah i think after one last whenever our last episode of this

[01:10:57] focus on phantom menace it's not a pressing thing quick sweep it's not no we're talking about

[01:11:01] looking for a needle in a stack of needles yes um a needle in a stack of needles yeah okay so now

[01:11:09] we're on to uh ebay um so you're looking for this toy on ebay no we're gonna look for other stuff

[01:11:16] this is what i want i told you recently that i've been bidding on comtech lots uh yeah you did

[01:11:22] i think you told everyone i think you meant maybe you only told me in private yeah i might

[01:11:26] told you in private because i was a little embarrassed i've been getting drunk and looking for

[01:11:28] lots of context ben ben producer ben just shaking his head like he's feeling sorry for this man over

[01:11:35] here i'm not really interested in the hero okay see this is something i want right here and this

[01:11:40] is a buy it now best offer okay holy this is a pile of context it's 19 contact which if you

[01:11:47] haven't listened to like episode one when griffin talks about this it's this like complete pyramid

[01:11:50] scheme of a toy where you have to buy some kind of like radio comment communicator now toys talk

[01:11:56] like never before each figure comes with a little plastic chip and you would like plug the chip in

[01:12:00] you wouldn't even plug it in you swipe it over the top it looks like obi-wan kanobi's

[01:12:04] calm like communicator okay you buy that the reader which i maybe have somewhere

[01:12:08] my parents are moving so i actually have to move all my my childhood from your childhood

[01:12:12] home yeah wow so i have to move all my stuff out are they downsizing now that uh the kids

[01:12:16] are out of the house or your sister uh yeah it's a combination of uh empty nest and also my father

[01:12:21] being in tremendous financial debt oh cool uh yeah uh real mismanagement of funds sorry hear that bud

[01:12:26] do you want to you want to say that on there yeah sure oh cool my dad will never listen to this

[01:12:33] what if your dad listens every week no okay here's here's the plan sorry ben ben i'm gonna

[01:12:39] say cut that part out but then don't cut it out but then i have plausible deniability because

[01:12:43] i said cut it out you know what i'm saying you should cut this part out this part out okay cut

[01:12:47] the part out with me telling you to say right cut it out okay anyway so clean edit point cut it out

[01:12:53] okay yeah ben just cut that part out cool all right no problem are you just gonna read fan fiction to me

[01:13:02] if anyone is still listening to this podcast at this moment in time i beg you

[01:13:07] there's just two guys staring at each other you know in front of two microphones in a hot room

[01:13:13] reading fan fiction hot room about the fans of minutes like griffin texted me this morning or last

[01:13:18] night saying let's just do fan fiction this week and i didn't even know how to reply to it you didn't

[01:13:23] even respond no i was two in the morning i was asleep i'm in a really dark place right now

[01:13:29] warning this was thrown together during a mutual fit of insanity it's written by dr gantz

[01:13:33] so this was thrown together during a mutual fit of insanity we refuse to be held responsible

[01:13:38] for our own demented mind switching point of view will be indicated by headers spoilers

[01:13:42] none there's headers yeah summary a cultural ritual takes an unexpected turn when obi wanna

[01:13:53] quigon find themselves in opposite sides of a hole in the wall are you in some are you in like an

[01:13:59] obi one quigon section of the site like is this uh those seem to be that's just that's mostly

[01:14:06] what it is yeah that's most the fan fiction that's written it's interesting there's no amidale

[01:14:11] very little nothing about you know lives of the handmaiden very little um so the headers there are

[01:14:16] headers uh right right from the get go okay so it tells you which perspective because i guess

[01:14:22] we're in opposite sides of the hole in the wall so you gotta know which which side you're on okay

[01:14:25] ready quigon you're you're you're struggling here quigon jen stuck his penis through a whole

[01:14:37] wall barely they got glory holes i mean i saw it coming i guess you know the opposite sides of the

[01:14:49] wall but i thought there would be some build up this story is no time they're not even telling us

[01:14:54] how they got to the wall where it is where the hole is what planet they're on well the hole is at

[01:15:01] sort of probably like penis height well traditionally a hole in the walls

[01:15:05] oh please finish that sentence well i've always heard that there's a place in

[01:15:11] france where the ladies wear no pants and there's a hole in the wall or the guys can see it all

[01:15:15] right i i also heard that this doesn't seem aphorism maybe that is this whole maybe this is he in

[01:15:22] france i don't know we don't know yet they started okay media res so just we don't know where

[01:15:27] this story is the first sentence or no i want to see this he looks like on jen stuck his penis

[01:15:31] through a hole in the wall it wasn't an exp that's that's its own paragraph by the way that's one

[01:15:38] sentence period new paragraph that makes sense it wasn't an experience with which he was intimately

[01:15:44] familiar eminently comfortable you look serratipus what is this seraptitiously down the length

[01:15:52] of the wall where other holes weighted at varying lengths with varying diameters oh that makes sense

[01:15:57] that there would be like you know it's an alien yeah like civilized you know like there's a lot

[01:16:02] of different penises and a lot of different heights and shapes and sizes it was more cold than a rousing

[01:16:07] the plasticine ring that cradled his most intimate part so they put rings around the holes it's not just

[01:16:12] a car job punch yeah right uh the cradles most intimate parts had not been warmed in preparation

[01:16:19] for occupancy beggars can't be choosers furthermore he felt rather vulnerable considering that he had

[01:16:25] no idea who might be on the other side of the wall why is he doing this also he's a jedi

[01:16:30] he should have some familiarity like he should be able to sense you know someone's feelings or

[01:16:36] yeah he can sense a great disturbance in the course tell me you can't figure bouncing carefully on his

[01:16:42] heels to keep the circulation going he waited obi won knelt on the cushion that had been provided

[01:16:50] for him waiting for his first patron god this was embarrassing why would this be happening

[01:16:57] what what possible reason i'm hoping it's explained we're in media russ i think you're right that the

[01:17:03] in media russ is is crucial to the uh to the setup here i'm hoping it unfold itself because we're

[01:17:10] you know it's like we're hooked right in yeah obi won did what yeah god this was embarrassing

[01:17:16] just how did he always manage to get involved in these things okay so we're learning a little

[01:17:20] more he's this isn't the first time this has happened i want to make this clear this is not

[01:17:24] written by george lucas and has nothing to do with the star wars expanded universe but he is dumb

[01:17:28] man he shook away his lingering discomfort it wasn't important he told himself all that mattered was

[01:17:36] doing his duty and doing it well it would not do to shame the jedi with a poor performance

[01:17:44] not far down from him was another humanoid performing his duty so they're multiple and

[01:17:49] there's no there's no uh separation there's a big wall a lot of holes a lot of holes so on one

[01:17:55] side of the wall bunch of people sticking their wheelies in and the other side of bunch of people

[01:17:58] are kneeling on cushions yeah for what reason we do not yet know obi won't find his eyes reluctantly

[01:18:05] drawn to the site it should have been humorous perhaps watching a young man serve a singing

[01:18:10] anonymous patron through the barrier of a wall but somehow uh he squirmed uncomfortably

[01:18:16] trying to watch without obviously staring can we skip ahead quaggan quaggan uncomfortably

[01:18:23] attempted not to listen to the person that had already been enjoying the services of this

[01:18:27] establishment when he arrived this is filled with innuendo for a thing that began with quaggan

[01:18:32] put his penis through now they're beating around the bush the services now they're acting coy

[01:18:39] apparently he found this concept more exciting than oh quaggan did himself did still when

[01:18:43] the jedi master discovered that what accepting the ritual courtesies of the jacks terry and royal

[01:18:47] court involved he'd been glad that he could sneak away without his padwan and obi won's

[01:18:52] customary place at his side now we're learning a little more okay right quaggan doesn't know

[01:18:57] that obi won's selling on this side of the wall they're visiting a jacks terry and palace apparently

[01:19:00] like a glory whole civilization this is what you do yeah right right anyway nice sneak away

[01:19:08] without obi won here to witness this was merely uncomfortable with him here it might have been

[01:19:13] impossible quaggan squirmed a bit gazing up at the ceiling with the squirming jesus christ

[01:19:19] this is my favorite piece of writing sorry squirm to be gazing up at the ceiling period

[01:19:24] beige period you could use a nice new coat of paint and a quiet page

[01:19:31] a quiet page sure because you know i hate a loud base the man next to him finished with a shout

[01:19:40] convulsing palm slapping against the wall and quaggan blush crimson looking away and humming a

[01:19:46] little to himself jedi control when he was accepted and pleasureed he would not make such a vulgar and

[01:19:54] embarrassing display it would not be commensurate with the dignity of a jedi master so we know the

[01:20:01] stakes i hate it when he comes he can't act like a fool the stage is set that's the goal

[01:20:09] don't act like a fool when you bust a nut obi won fighting the urge to whistle obi won instead

[01:20:19] settled himself on his back against the soft cushions his back okay the cushions the customs of some

[01:20:25] people would never cease to amaze him he thought shaking his head slightly when the chamberlain

[01:20:30] had told him what would be expected of him it had been all he could do not to faint right there

[01:20:34] in the richly decorated throne room like some flighty little child not the jedi he was supposed to be

[01:20:41] david is now checking his emails i am not listening to him the other servicer was certainly getting

[01:20:47] vigorous he noted with a touch of apprehension this might not be as easy as he had first thought

[01:20:53] all thoughts were wiped away when he glanced back at his own station and saw that this first

[01:20:56] patient has arrived when he wasn't paying attention i understand there's a dick hanging

[01:21:02] out of the hole in the wall i think i think i can see the like ultimate twist of this story i think

[01:21:10] i can see where it's all heading he wins mentally not a good way to start out mentally mentally

[01:21:15] went like this not a good way to start out shifting forward onto his knees he steeled himself

[01:21:23] for what he was about to do just duty he reminded himself this is a part of his mission must be

[01:21:28] handled like any other why is he doing just duties part of a mission they handle like any

[01:21:33] other task the last sense explained it did not explain all of it no it did not a part of his

[01:21:38] brain snickered at the word handle why is his brain snickering and wincing and he ignored it calm

[01:21:44] and ready to do his service until he got a good look at exactly what he was supposed to be servicing

[01:21:49] oh boy i mean this is the first time i'm genuinely intrigued right quagga the longer he

[01:21:58] waited to be attended the more uncomfortable quagga and group perhaps he had stuck himself

[01:22:02] into the wrong hole maybe he was being filmed for purposes of blackmail maybe the size of his cock

[01:22:07] was just too intimidating for anyone to take him up on this ludicrous off we've never talked about

[01:22:12] it but liam nissen is famous for being well and down right yeah that's a long-standing film

[01:22:17] hollywood rumor right within hollywood circles he is remembered to have one of if not the biggest

[01:22:22] uh penis i hate everything that we're doing today jane stigginson once said it was like a

[01:22:27] fucking avion jane stigginson's the world's first superman yeah no no no no we'll get anyway carry on

[01:22:34] yes she is you're right he gays longingly back in the direction of the small dressing chamber where

[01:22:40] he had left his robes and lightsaber well the metal one anyhow so davis what's going on here

[01:22:49] no i understand it's like a lightsaber of the flesh

[01:22:52] you've made multiple lightsaber penis puns in the course of us doing this

[01:22:59] maybe this is going to help us figure out it's not this might help us after this story we're done

[01:23:06] i have six more tabs open i'm not listening to what are you working on right now i'm just looking at

[01:23:13] some casting rumors about martin freeman and captain america's civil war he's gonna play

[01:23:17] i think that he's gonna play like uh what is going on what is going on he's reading fan fiction

[01:23:24] to me i've i was into it i've been captivated this whole time okay then i'll get back into it

[01:23:30] what would you want to do with this episode i don't know

[01:23:34] we've run dry yeah we definitely run dry what if we are out of phantom edit

[01:23:39] we're like out of phantom edit things has this one be broken i mean i feel like last week was the

[01:23:43] one we went stir crazy and this is the one we're just resigned well well this is the one where we are

[01:23:48] looking where there is not information if that makes sense i suggested reading the novel you said you

[01:23:53] didn't want the time commitment considering that's only five percent different than the book i suggested

[01:23:58] playing the playstation game you said you didn't want to because i got bad reviews no i wouldn't

[01:24:02] play i just don't have a place station i don't either have playstation three but i thought it

[01:24:06] was probably on the store we could buy it on itan's way is the playstation game significantly

[01:24:10] different no probably not i think clay from obi wants perspective i don't know

[01:24:15] i don't know what to do david yeah i know just read me another uh plot description

[01:24:21] quaggon relaxed suddenly his intuitions telling him that he was quite literally in good hands

[01:24:28] see what they did there that's great i like that i like that we that's you might notice on

[01:24:37] itunes we're listed as griffin david presents which has made us difficult for some people to find

[01:24:42] people like i keep going phantom menace or whatever you know right i go to the phantom

[01:24:47] podcast and i get a podcast about the phantom the old radio serial guys you could have gone with my

[01:24:52] suggestion which was griffon simsburg yeah that would have been so easy to go yeah of course that's

[01:24:58] the poet lori an auto correct nightmare poet lori the phantom podcast benduser aka the

[01:25:04] the producer aka producer ben aka hello fennel hello fennel yeah hello fennel oh well oh god what a

[01:25:10] panty dropper that one is um maybe we should be called hello fennel we could be called hello fennel

[01:25:17] that might be easier to google i'll contact it but i said i cracked the code you did you you were

[01:25:22] very excited i said a lot of these things we pitched about doing a podcast about have a

[01:25:26] through line i realized that that is what attract us to the phantom as in the first place

[01:25:31] and is the kind what someone does when they're given complete creative freedom yeah or they have a lot of

[01:25:39] hollywood capital to spend on a sort of a passion project maybe you know my dad used to call it my

[01:25:44] dad and i used to call it the get out of jail free card right so it's like there's this idea

[01:25:49] that if in hollywood they have you know short memories yes so if you fail doesn't matter how

[01:25:54] many times you succeeded before that you're out yeah but sometimes you have a success that's

[01:25:58] so big you get a get out of jail free card yeah so you can make one wild folly one extreme passion

[01:26:05] project sometimes they turn out well and sometimes you get to make a bunch of them like sometimes

[01:26:09] hollywood just keeps forgetting like the wachowski brothers you know like yes wachowski siblings

[01:26:13] they you know it's that big yeah sometimes you just you just keep getting a hand of the keys

[01:26:16] to something you gotta you keep on getting get out of jail free card often you just get

[01:26:20] the the one right yeah the idea is that you can flop that big because you know they'll give

[01:26:26] you one more chance afterwards right you get out of movie jail they take you out of movie jail

[01:26:30] and they they take you off the bench um that we're fascinated by that a lot of when we talk about

[01:26:36] projects we always talk about the context of remember this is what they were coming off of

[01:26:40] and uh you know of course there's Lucas coming off the massive success of thx 1138 American

[01:26:45] graffiti yeah and maybe one movie in between he'd been a producer for producing the end

[01:26:50] jones yeah that's a good movie uh this is a good movie yeah i like that way yeah but but as we've

[01:26:56] talked about a lot um uh the house where a toy company uh paid a hundred million dollars for

[01:27:01] the rights of this film so he had complete creative control he was working outside the

[01:27:04] studio system they trusted him implicitly and that was what was fascinating to us is this

[01:27:08] movie was not uh uh fettered by the studio heads coming in the mucking about going to change

[01:27:14] this change that he made exactly what he wanted to make yep and i think for us that's

[01:27:18] fascinating when someone when all the trips are down and they go i'm finally getting to make

[01:27:21] something the way i want to and a couple times it's resulted in some of my favorite pieces of art

[01:27:26] ever yes what are you thinking of anything particular there's one movie i'd really like to

[01:27:31] cover my favorite movie of all time i think we'll save it for later yeah we'll save that but my

[01:27:33] favorite movie of all time is falls into that category squarely right and uh you have never

[01:27:39] seen it no i've never seen it yeah so i want to do an episode to make it clear that we're

[01:27:42] not always just because shit on stuff yeah no and we also went into this thinking we were gonna

[01:27:47] yeah yeah we thought we were gonna crack there are things we like yes that maybe have now just

[01:27:52] been tarnished beyond repair but a hundred percent you know we definitely originally like can remember

[01:27:57] the good times to go back and remember the good times yeah um the best of them the best one yet

[01:28:01] yeah but our points it's not just going to be like oh movies have flopped and movies have failed

[01:28:04] or trying to whatever we're gonna talk about no no no this is what fascinates us it's when

[01:28:08] someone has all the clout and the heat to make exactly what they want yeah and and how it

[01:28:14] turns out because i guess it's an idea people go art business commerce mixes in the executives

[01:28:20] a lot of times when someone's given complete artistic control it's a disaster oh no but it's

[01:28:25] but it's never blend or like boring or hollywooded to death no i mean how we saw mad max yes

[01:28:32] last week and there's a perfect example it went right yeah but you know of something that

[01:28:38] could have easily just been a you know oh yeah total like spectacle of folly but instead he you

[01:28:44] know good job george if fury road had come out 10 years ago we would definitely be doing a podcast

[01:28:48] about it yes oh my god it would be right in our wheelhouse and that's a movie why did he get to make

[01:28:54] that because of happy feet seriously because happy feet was so successful yeah well happy feet

[01:28:59] he didn't do as well but he was already good to go you're right happy feet was such a

[01:29:07] surprise profitable and oscar wing like hit for it was one of the for warner brothers from

[01:29:13] warner brothers who did not animation to break right right right right right um who also produced

[01:29:18] mad max yeah and uh it was it was at the time of its release one of the 10 highest grossing

[01:29:23] films that warner brothers had ever released that's crazy including like six harry potter

[01:29:26] happy feet is by the way like not a good movie but has a great i don't like that movie personally

[01:29:32] maybe you like it has a great opening 20 minutes when the when he's a baby it's so good yeah when

[01:29:38] he's elijah wood or whatever well happy feet would have worked better the fury road version

[01:29:46] where it was like let's just keep it to one thing and just do the shit out of this one

[01:29:50] thing like the great thing about your eyes is just one fucking chase as a movie yeah

[01:29:55] getting back to what this podcast is ostensibly about items family values uh yeah i love that

[01:29:59] and we should we do one on that because that's my literally one of my favorite movies i would

[01:30:03] happily do that eat me um that wasn't me that was a that's a that's a public reference that's an

[01:30:10] afv pull for any of you afv fans out there um so the podcast is going to continue we're

[01:30:16] going to cover other things we've got a lot of suggestions from fans we've talked about a lot

[01:30:20] of things i think by popular demand our hands are tied we got it we gotta do judging the judge i get

[01:30:25] 50 tweets a day about this judging the judge uh so you might think we're joking but uh judging

[01:30:31] the judge is coming up yeah so here's here's the idea right now this is you're listening to

[01:30:36] the season finale of the phantom podcast looks like we made it early june commentary episode

[01:30:44] then we're coming back week or two after that with judging the judge it's a hundred percent

[01:30:49] happening yeah i'm gonna have to watch the movie the judge i'm really excited it's great

[01:30:53] so if you it's terrible so if you subscribe if you're subscribed to griffin day presents it will

[01:30:58] just be a continuous podcast we'll do the judge we will have a new title in terms of how we presented

[01:31:02] the artwork will be different but it'll be the same fucking podcast wherever you listen

[01:31:06] it'll be right there in the same place uh and and and then after that i don't know

[01:31:10] we'll we'll we'll see after we're gonna yeah we'll figure something out but we'll keep

[01:31:14] the theme going of grand follies uh or wild successes coming off of massive successes what

[01:31:20] people do when they're giving complete fit that because david dobkin had just made fred claus

[01:31:25] did he make something in between i might uh he made the change up which was a big flop

[01:31:30] my take on it is that it's downy jr coming off the heat of the avengers i know i just

[01:31:34] being able to make whatever he wants uh the change up is another movie i never saw

[01:31:38] but it's really bad right it's bad i that's the one with the uh ryan randals and uh jason

[01:31:43] jason may be in the pool yeah i think i've seen every david dobkin movie which is

[01:31:47] astounding because i like zero david dobkin you don't even like uh clay pigeons is that the one

[01:31:51] he uh it's okay it's okay uh but back to the matter at hand the phantom man stars were stars

[01:32:00] wars war star wars episode one the phantom menace it was supposed to be part of a big sci-fi saga

[01:32:08] and it never got off the ground as we all know there's only one of these movies and that's

[01:32:12] what's fascinating to us is it's a dead end um we started this podcast and not this episode uh but

[01:32:18] the oh oh lone nine episodes ago uh we uh started this with one explicit goal answer one question

[01:32:28] so simple answer one question simple we thought so much like sarah canik we thought answering

[01:32:34] one question was going to be easy that's still going on by the way yeah they got some j

[01:32:39] testimonial i don't i don't care about serah and what's crazy is we answered her question on our first

[01:32:44] episode of course yeah we know we know the answer not as guilty yeah no question we can lock them away

[01:32:48] forever and not and j did it together and they're both guilty that's why the stories don't make sense

[01:32:52] because each of them has half the story because they're trying to no i understand i fully because

[01:32:58] they i do think yeah adnan was involved jay was involved some in some way right and the stories

[01:33:02] don't match up with anything because each of them kind of has half the information but they have

[01:33:05] to cut out the parts where they were involved as a dumb stupid um the dumb dumb and non and j are

[01:33:11] dumb uh we we've come in with one question that we thought was easier to answer and we failed

[01:33:16] entirely yeah what is star wars episode one the phantom answer we did fail i mean we would always come

[01:33:21] we'd brush against it maybe we'd have a theory that would that had some grounding but we'd never

[01:33:26] but i feel like a lot of our answers were delivered in this tone uh so what do you wait

[01:33:31] the phantom s is about trades do you know what this sound is right here

[01:33:38] that sounds like contact chips this is 30 with the contact chips wow i have not been able to

[01:33:43] recover my contact reader good perfect so we're just going to open the trip extra useful and

[01:33:48] we're going to play for you the sounds of how the chips sound just physically as items as

[01:33:53] plastic trash i'm actually i'm actually a little excited to hold these things because i've

[01:33:56] heard about this okay so this is a this is a carbo box and inside is a taco bell bag

[01:34:00] oh this is wrapped in a plastic taco bell bag oh wow yeah so let's just rub some of these chips

[01:34:06] together in here what do you got you got there i got a box mess here okay and i got here what are

[01:34:14] leuk sky walker i don't know who the fuck this well sky walker that's anakin's name so maybe

[01:34:20] that's his like grandpa or something from a novel it says aspiring pilot so maybe this is i did

[01:34:25] we got kwaigon we got amadala i have something that is just star wars i don't really know what

[01:34:32] that's the one that comes with the contact reader it's just got some various uh sound effects i got

[01:34:36] adi golly here member of the jedi council yes rick oley a uh i'm just excitedly showing me yeah

[01:34:43] oh i got two of the big guns right here i got i got anakin anakin sky walker these are all

[01:34:48] numbered by the way and on the back they have a name and a status anakin sky walker son of

[01:34:52] schmi sky walker owned by wato and then i got kaya d mandi and i'm gonna play for you right here

[01:34:56] here's the sound of two contexts being rubbed together this is really exciting podcasting

[01:35:01] i'm just looking for tc 14 right now we gotta get a tc 14 here right there was definitely

[01:35:06] if it let's dump these all out admiral maddie i don't know who he is yeah he's probably

[01:35:11] extended as a shit it's not stupid uh naboo foot soldier great uh this is this is now seeing

[01:35:18] them all play on the table like this this was uh a really stupid purchase oh you like this one that

[01:35:24] well that's interesting and just quickly before we analyze your analysis i want to make it clear

[01:35:29] that you are reading that from a pre-written text poet laurian himself because i don't want

[01:35:34] people thinking that he just spins this shit off his brain and suddenly every time he's so

[01:35:37] concise griffin hey smart good work good writing but don't think that came right off the top

[01:35:43] of the dome put put the ruler away reading off a pre-prepared document go on excellent point

[01:35:48] raised in that prepaid statement you just read off computer screen man those are hot takes and they

[01:35:53] definitely i'm gonna need some mittens for those takes yeah they definitely a little too hot to

[01:35:57] handle and also it's easy to come up with takes that hot when you take the time to write them

[01:36:00] in advance i just i'm not demissioned your accomplishment but i want to make it clear

[01:36:03] you and i are just riffing david oh yeah we're just going off the top of the dome

[01:36:07] we're like jazz musicians exactly bam bam bam bam it's almost the things we don't say

[01:36:11] is important these are the things you do a hundred percent especially during fan fiction

[01:36:15] episodes where you mostly talk about quite gone to penis well um so you know we'll be taking

[01:36:22] a little break we'll be coming back with a bonus app uh early june of the uh feature line commentary

[01:36:28] our last time watching the fan of menace that week um and then we'll be doing judging the

[01:36:33] judge and after that i mean sci-fi is fun to cover so you know what i'm thinking imdb has a

[01:36:37] feature similar to movie connections so you can see like other things that are similar so we can

[01:36:42] see if we could find any comparisons here um let's see here there's a references section so apparently

[01:36:47] fan of menace references casablanca citizen kane the wizard of Oz metropolis and the buster

[01:36:54] keaton classic seven chances i did not pick up on any of those references yes but apparently it

[01:36:59] also references the foam viva zappada because it features the line wipe them out all of them

[01:37:04] okay stupid but let's look up here uh other similar film wait a second what do you got

[01:37:11] um i guess is one of the similar films hmm to the phantom menace so a movie that came after it

[01:37:18] but there's a section here and it says followed by followed by star wars episode two well that

[01:37:27] one assumes that would have been the title of the failed sequel that was not picked up by a studio

[01:37:33] or anything like that right ben i'd assume so yeah well sometimes i need to be has credits for

[01:37:37] films that are in development yeah right exactly but hold on this one has a subtitle it says attack

[01:37:41] of the clones yeah i'd say what not a great title interesting and then in parentheses next to it is

[01:37:49] 2002 so that was when it was the planned release date was i don't think i would be worked so

[01:37:54] wait let me click on this link what are you talking about griffin by the way i'm so confused

[01:38:00] the day we're recording this right now at david pointed out it was the 17th anniversary 16th anniversary

[01:38:05] the release of the phantom mask oh yeah yeah you won't be listening to it on that day but know

[01:38:08] that we're doing it that way so david release date may 16 2002 box office gross 310 domestic

[01:38:19] 310 dollars so probably just played in the one theater 310 million

[01:38:23] runtime 142 minutes then 120 i max face sound mix dts dobby digital ex color

[01:38:30] 2.35 to one aspect ratio this sounds like a finished movie there's another movie there's another

[01:38:36] star wars movie the whole time under the under our noses who who did that he did it the crazy bastard

[01:38:45] the crazy bastard did he pulled it off star wars episode two the phantom menace i assume the

[01:38:51] whole cast is back wait yeah yeah you and mcgregor's will be won kenobi of course now the

[01:38:55] portman is padme of course and then playing the role of ankin skywalker hating christianson

[01:39:00] oh the guy who was in life as a house but that's weird everyone at other actors the same and then

[01:39:05] suddenly so is this set significantly in the future is now the portman gonna be wearing old age

[01:39:12] makeup because probably enough times past and that title much concept of time do you have here

[01:39:19] i don't know that title attack of the clones that's uh yeah that's a mediocre title i would

[01:39:25] think though i mean what the breakout star of the phantom menace was darth maul well or or gregor

[01:39:31] right sure yeah darth maul dies he does so you're just gonna wait wait so we've just discovered

[01:39:36] there is another star wars movie i can't this is great this is huge by the way we're gonna need to

[01:39:41] clear out judging the judge but then we're gonna need to clear out some time to do this we're

[01:39:44] going to judging the judge and then i think we're gonna devote another 10 weeks we're gonna

[01:39:47] become a tag attack of the podcast there you go we'll do attack of the podcast there's an

[01:39:51] episode that's insane you know this actually all seems very familiar i might have actually

[01:39:56] like been aware of that at the time i think i just sort of focus so hard on yeah you know

[01:40:01] the crazy thing is now that we're talking about it i think i might have seen it three times in

[01:40:05] theaters and you maybe own a ton of toys related to it is my i might have a whole thing to

[01:40:09] launch into it but i don't remember anything about it no me neither i don't remember anything

[01:40:13] about it but i probably spent upwards of 200 on merchandise because at that point

[01:40:17] older my my allowance was greater yeah so my prediction by the way is bringing down the Jedi

[01:40:24] Jedi corruption is felled by renegade obi-wan and anakin yoda is revealed to be the yoda is the

[01:40:30] truth on maybe he's working with city and your prediction is an army of darth malcholons being

[01:40:36] fought by our heroes yeah on probably gungan grounds yeah and they got to get the gang

[01:40:40] back together exactly gotta bring back the original team so it's queen amadala it's maybe even

[01:40:45] some of the handmaid lia's in there yeah definitely captain panaka oh jesus yeah jar jar

[01:40:51] r2 c3 tc uh grog raw wato sobba pops up all our favorite friends they all team up it's like it's

[01:41:00] your old it's the avengers that sounds great we need every character from the phantom anates

[01:41:05] universe to team my expectations could not be higher they could be the whole time we're complaining

[01:41:09] oh this is a movie pointing to a sequel that never happened it happened there was a second star

[01:41:14] wars movie it happened and and also i mean look fan response was not great at the time it's

[01:41:20] released he had to take that constructive criticism sure he did i'm sure he took everything that they

[01:41:23] said to heart especially about like too much cgi not enough practical elements in your sets things

[01:41:28] like that i'm sure he was like you're right guys next time it's going to be a little more

[01:41:33] tactile i own all the toys but i know nothing about it and i can't wait to crack in all right

[01:41:37] right okay and that was our episode tune in next week for our second best of with attack

[01:41:44] of the podcast and please always great review subscribe and hey what do you tell your friends

[01:41:51] about us huh blankies this episode is actually a great rosetta stone into the blankie verse so

[01:42:00] just a nice suggestion for all you lovely people out there in the world uh let's hope

[01:42:07] 2017 is better yeah all right well this has been producer bed we have a super cut

[01:42:18] all the best tc 14 moments to play us out and on behalf of briffin david myself

[01:42:26] we'd like to thank all the fans for your continued support thanks guys bye

[01:42:30] hey

[01:42:33] jedi's walk in yep a doc they're what they walk in they're they're led to a room by a protocol

[01:42:39] droid named tc 14 i think what a great character she's very shiny like uh nothing carry on we

[01:42:46] haven't seen anything that looks like her before she's one of a kind tc 14 this is sort of george

[01:42:52] lucas's take on a ditzy secretary is that like is that the idea she's been mind wiped so many times

[01:42:57] she's sort of like oh she does that a lot she's she leads them in yeah please sit down can you

[01:43:03] remember home mother's name tc one one four no no but her mother's oh tc one the original the ogee

[01:43:10] exactly um the ot but she the otc tc 14 our favorite lady she's so smart maybe the hottest

[01:43:18] bitch in the game right now she's so smart and sexy david do you remember when i told you

[01:43:23] that i had some bad news oh boy yes and it was uh john fenson oh god how disappointing could it be

[01:43:31] tc 14 we want to meet the actress right oh it's a guy he's a grip it's his only acting role

[01:43:38] right sure i've now found out who is the voice of tc 14 yes and i have some great news for me

[01:43:45] it is better than we ever could have imagined is it a little bit of havalin tc 14 is played by

[01:43:49] one of our mutual favorite underrated actresses who tc 14 is played by the great lindsay duncan

[01:43:55] oh what she is uh lindsay duncan is a treasure but uh who knew wow the great lindsay duncan has

[01:44:02] three lines as the voice of a robot is thirsty i just can't now if i you want to as if i didn't

[01:44:11] already want to fuck tc 14 now that i know it's lindsay duncan call me crazy but i think we'd

[01:44:16] actually make a good couple yeah you make a great cup right i mean it depends i don't know what lindsay

[01:44:21] is looking for at this point in her life if she maybe wants to have a little fun with the younger

[01:44:25] man i think she might and also i mean let's be honest i'm not that much fun i mean if she wants to

[01:44:30] have a little fun with a younger man i'm the choice but like the idea is like sometimes someone

[01:44:34] older dates someone younger and they're like i can't keep up with him you can keep up with

[01:44:37] yeah you can keep up with me i mean i but you do have to watch like a lot of like dvds in

[01:44:41] your apartment yeah but that's the point you get to stay on the couch and drink tea and then

[01:44:45] you have to watch chicken run a bunch chicken run she might be a voice and chicken run for all

[01:44:50] we know he's a voice and chicken run i don't want to fuck that chicken john fensham is a physical

[01:44:54] tc 14 in the suit for tc 14 uh with that real sort of cum hither mariland monroe as a jerky

[01:45:01] yeah fuck me uh physicality um i mean he's really playing sort of the eye candy of the movie

[01:45:07] i agree i feel you know not conflicted that it was played by a man it's certainly

[01:45:12] broadening my sexual horizons because i really really want to fuck tc 14 with every movement

[01:45:17] oh boy skipping straight down to lindsay duncan as the voice of tc 14 that's one we really wanted

[01:45:22] to get to like like pour and honey on a dick you know absolutely my favorite lindsay duncan

[01:45:29] performance is as the voice of tc 14 in the wet dream that i had last night that is my favorite

[01:45:36] all right so she's a good she's a great okay what was the point you were building up to

[01:45:41] oh what will your professional yeah what part would you want most in the fancy

[01:45:46] you can have any part like what part would you most want to sink your teeth into

[01:45:51] your not a joke answer no not a joke answer i mean you can give me a joke answer if you want

[01:45:56] but in the script in fact give me your joke answer and then give me your joke answers bro

[01:46:00] obviously my serious answer or tc 14 boyfriend a part you would write a boy yeah and that's

[01:46:07] where tc 14 being like these are some jetties and hottest shit in the world the hottest piece in

[01:46:12] the galaxy uh she knows their jetties because they're public presentation as hobo people with

[01:46:17] laser swords but right but they do is it possible that i didn't get tc 14 well what did she have a

[01:46:24] contact yes 100 she had a figure and she had a contact well it looks like you didn't get her so

[01:46:28] congrats well great the fucking 35 dollars spent for nothing for not this is awful this is the

[01:46:33] worst day of my life no it's not there's some really good ones oh you're right because saving grace

[01:46:38] what's here a second package uh oh oh my god a second package it says fragile on it what is this

[01:46:46] david i told you i had surprises i showed up late and you were in the bathroom so you didn't even

[01:46:50] see i brought this box in you didn't even know what's your planet i didn't actually what's

[01:46:55] what's coming out of this oh my god wow 12 inch electronic taking picture talking tc

[01:47:04] 14 i'm gonna hold to the mic it's very quiet but it's working come on tc 14 come on lindsay

[01:47:10] no that was not picked up by the microphone i'm gonna listen to i'll tell you the phrases this is i'm

[01:47:14] tc 14 at your service oh god i bet you are my master will be with you shortly you're my master

[01:47:20] tc 14 master my body we are greatly honored by your visit yeah wait until i visit your vagina

[01:47:26] make yourself comfortable in your vagina and this way ambassador into my vagina all right so that's

[01:47:32] tc 14 i have a disgusting sexual is there like an x mark in a sequel coming but it's just about you

[01:47:37] trying to build a tc 14 probably yeah just just to be clear like i'm not into like submissive treatment

[01:47:43] of women that's not like sexually what gets my bag but tc 14 is not a woman she's a robot so i'm

[01:47:47] really into that sexy