[00:00:01] Blank Check with Griffin and David, Blank Check with Griffin and David Don't know what to say or to express All you need to know is that the name of the show is Blank Check Guess what? I'm a witch Guess what? I'm a podcast fan
[00:00:26] More or less embarrassing than being a Clippers fan Who can say? At this day and age, I mean it's the equivalent I think that would be the joke at this point Right? If this movie were made tomorrow
[00:00:37] And this feels like a movie that could very much be made tomorrow Of course, the people are demanding it Mameza hasn't happened already Make this exact movie again But also it feels timeless It feels like this pitch would work in any era
[00:00:51] Well the jokes are just they're well written jokes They just work They could work in any decade, any year They just work. It's classic comedy And you know, a key to comedy usually is clarity Right? And this movie is crystal clear
[00:01:09] You understand exactly what it's going for at every moment Yes, I've got to say I think And I was saying this off mic You know, comedy, sure there's some yucks in this movie But this is just one of the hottest movies of the 2000s
[00:01:24] This movie is just so damn steamy Well it's one of those things where the movie kind of underperformed at the box office I think it was because they were selling the comedy Rather than the sexual chemistry I feel like I think the outrageous sexual chemistry of this movie
[00:01:39] Made people uncomfortable It was like, I am curious yellow You have Nicole Kidman Of course And she's been in Mulan Rouge with Elon Yes You and McGregor and the chemistry It's really one of the generation's best romances But it really just pales in comparison to this
[00:01:55] That's what it is Yes, your point is at this point in time Nicole Kidman is known for more of sort of a musical comedy bent To view her as a sexual object in a movie is difficult And Farrell is coming in here who famously
[00:02:08] Is a very physical actor Shows a lot of skin And he's like, Nicole I'm going to show you Yeah, right I'm going to show you how to make the screen sizzle Yeah, exactly, it's a sizzler This is a sizzler This is my top ten sizzlers
[00:02:23] Well, as a heterosexual woman I say I've never been more attracted to a character Than the unexplained deeply unpleasant Jack, our protagonist of this film Jack, quiet Jack, quiet Yeah, so I mean you're lobbing it up perfectly, Dana But today, of course We're talking about the movie Bewitched
[00:02:43] About a man trying his hardest To make sure that the witch on Bewitched Does not become the primary character A movie which also does the same Yes, you're right It's a fair point Right, the movie inadvertently does that Yes Or inadvertently, I don't know
[00:03:01] This is like four movies crammed into a hundred minutes I think it's more like ten movies crammed into a hundred minutes I lost track at a certain point But I think it's about ten When we were an hour in, Forky was like
[00:03:15] Wait, does he know she's a witch yet? And I was like, no And she's like But he's still gonna deal with that Like that's gonna be a whole other thing There are three reveals Where it's like he backstabbed her She's secretly a witch
[00:03:28] There's so many second act switches One of them is literally undone There's a 15 minute segment of the movie That is like edit-undude Yes I have to say when she had a real Aunt Clara I lost it I was furious at the film Look, we're champing at the bit
[00:03:50] We gotta get into this There's too much to talk about It's rare we have a movie where we're just like I don't know Like, clear out the schedules We might not be able to get this in in four hours
[00:03:59] Like there's too much to crack into in this movie I have a hard out in two and a half hours Okay, well you're gonna have to push that back I'm sorry This is officially gonna be our longest episode ever Hi everybody, I'm Griffin I'm Davidson
[00:04:17] And this is Blank Check with Griffin and David It's a podcast about filmography It's directors who have massive success early on in their careers And are given a series of blank checks To make whatever crazy passion projects they want And sometimes those checks clear And sometimes they...
[00:04:34] Trying to wiggle my nose It doesn't It's more of a chin waggle like I said Now what I wanna say is I also think that when Nicole Kidman is doing Is more of a chin waggle Especially if you look at Elizabeth Montgomery In the original show
[00:04:46] The magic trick of it was Her nose seems to wiggle without the rest of her face Moving that much And on Nicole Kidman you can see the effort And so much of the movie is based around People seeing her do the nose thing and going
[00:04:59] Oh my god, how do you do that? I can't believe that I remember there being stories about how she worked On the nose for like two years She wiggles her face It's not that crazy It's like she's trying to get a booger out Without picking her nose
[00:05:14] That's what it looks like, right? Well put Thank you I wanna watch Elizabeth Montgomery to see Cause like, you know, the show had the cartoon Yes, right And so, you know, the cartoon wiggles its nose as well And obviously that's very prominent Nose wiggling But she doesn't...
[00:05:32] She's just wiggling her damn cheeks That's what she's doing Also if you're magic You should have the ability just to isolate your nose That could be part of your magic Did they live in another realm? What are the rules of like... Okay, there are no rules!
[00:05:48] This is a miniseries on the films Of Nora Ephron It's called You've Got Podcast And sometimes when we announce a director People go, I don't get it What's the arc? That's just like they made a lot of hit comedies Like what is that?
[00:06:05] Here's the thing about Nora Ephron Aside from the fact that her successful movies Are very much worth talking about For the influence they had And the weirdness of how they came to be She's got some big swings And some big bounces
[00:06:18] Now the other bounces I feel like are movies Where people are just like, what? People didn't like the movies Right But also they just like did not even register The movie came out and people were like No, no, no thank you, not for me Right
[00:06:33] And that was the bounce Big pre-existing IP Big Two big movie stars kind of at their peak moment Huge budget Big summer release I feel like this one When you explain mixed nuts to people People say I can't believe that exists I've never heard of it
[00:06:53] When you explain the witch to people They go, oh right I forgot that existed But also that's what that fucking movie is about Actually They spent practically 40 years Trying to crack up a witch movie And that's what we got Dana, we were talking The witch is high concept
[00:07:14] The sitcom It's ready to be a movie It's high concept enough You could have just At the end of this movie They tease that the couple Is now becoming bewitched And I just wrote in my notes I would watch that movie Let me just watch that
[00:07:28] Richard Kynes and Sideris That sounds fun Let's have some witch antics Okay, I'm gonna speed through Some things here But our guest today The Noble Blood podcast Is there a name for the romantic comedy podcast? It's not Who knows when it's gonna come out So yeah Okay
[00:07:48] Just Noble Blood And untitled Dana Schwartz Romantic comedy podcast Dana Schwartz, ladies and gentlemen Hi Thank you for having me Of course Of course Of course Now you had seen this movie before Yeah, I was talking about it I was a big bewitched fan growing up
[00:08:07] My mom had watched it growing up So she had all the DVDs I think they were Maybe they were VHF Whatever But I watched Old Bewitched I had multiple seasons I was a big old school bewitched fan And I distinctly remember Going to the theater
[00:08:21] To see this movie with my mom And I remember liking it And I enjoyed it This was the first moment But I was like 11 or 12 Just for context I was like 12 year old Going to see this movie And I liked it I was like
[00:08:38] Oh, it has the cadence And look of a movie The same way Stephen and some things Have like It's a movie It's a movie And I remember This was the first movie Where I saw reviews Or rotten tomatoes And it got obviously savaged For very good reason
[00:08:53] And this was the first time As a young person I was like Oh, movies that I like Or thought were good Maybe aren't good Yeah Yes But I was like I was like This movie is a disaster I thought I had seen this movie
[00:09:09] I had a false memory Of seeing this movie My sister Past and future guest Romley Newman Huge classic sitcom fan Mostly watched classic sitcoms As a young child Because she doesn't Especially at a young age Did not like conflict She liked high concept Charm comedy Everything's wrapped up
[00:09:29] In 22 minutes Right Anything with too much of a conflict With stress around She didn't like watching shows With kids in them So she watched a lot of classic sitcoms But which was one of her favorites My mom took her to see it
[00:09:40] And I thought I had seen this movie Because my mom and Romley Romley who must have been Seven at the time Explained it to me In depth Sure And it was seared into my brain As I can't believe those things Happen in this movie Well, I
[00:09:56] This movie came out in 2005 I was working at the Boston Phoenix Little intern college intern boy And I lived in Boston I didn't have many friends So I would go see movies All the fucking time by myself And so I saw Bowich by myself I guess
[00:10:13] Mostly probably out of boredom But also like I was I was all in on Will Ferrell So I think I was probably just like Well You know maybe he's gonna You know he'll be good I don't know The advertising was all Will Ferrell All Will Ferrell
[00:10:28] Him going like Sherpa All that Like the trailer is all Ferrell Humus Humus The height of comedy Is saying humus with a little Chuh on it That's such a 2005 joke Is just What if I pronounce something Correctly Right And this is I mean
[00:10:49] This is his big flop year We're gonna talk about it Well, cause I was gonna say I was all in on him And this is It's gonna have to be A lot of career context On Ferrell I feel like we haven't really talked about before
[00:10:58] Kidman's come up before Right? Yeah, but you know We can talk Kidman But Kidman Yeah, there's career context On both of these that are kind of crucial This movie just made me feel So bad for Nicole Kidman I think any A great Gorgeous woman
[00:11:13] Who has starred in movies Where her romantic lead Was Tom Cruise And Ewan McGregor Should never have to pretend To be attracted to Will Ferrell And certainly not With this In this character He's probably a lovely man Whatever In this care In this context
[00:11:28] I'm trying to even figure out Just how to organize this I'm so overflowing Okay I'm gonna start with the first Build actor in this film Nicole Kidman Yes And the reason she's first Build is This is three years removed From an Oscar win For the hours
[00:11:43] She's a really Two years when you Let's say because of The time that movies Take to get made Three years is where you Really see the full force Test of someone's power Post Oscar win It's like These are the projects That they're signing on to
[00:11:57] Right after the Oscar That go through A full incubation period Development Right That's exactly what I want To talk about Because the year after the You know, the 2003 The year after the hours She's in the human stain Supporting role Whatever Shot before And Cold Mountain Which is
[00:12:13] You know, big Collaboration with Anthony Mangelas Yeah Obviously a big deal movie But also was In the works before She won the Oscar Right So I would say that Her big sort of chunk Of post Oscar Is this two prong thing Where she is pursuing
[00:12:28] These very daring projects With interesting directors Dogville Dogville, Berth, Fur Which didn't hit But you know Still counts Right That's sort of her being Like, I will Here's my clout To make interesting stuff Yeah Like box office be Damned All of that is interesting Yeah
[00:12:49] And then you've got Hollywood Being like, alright Nicole We're gonna We're gonna figure it out We're gonna find all kinds Of great stuff for you Like don't you worry The Hollywood machine Is whirring away We're gonna reboot The Stefford wives for you Political thriller
[00:13:04] You can do the interpreter You can do bewitched Like Hollywood is throwing All this garbage at her Because they're like You're like a Sort of scary robot lady Like that seems to be What they think of her Well there's this thing That happens And I feel like it's
[00:13:20] Now finally dissipated A little bit Probably largely because of TV And actors being less precious About their careers But there was a thing That existed for a very long time That was like Tom Hanks is the best case scenario Here's a guy Who's like a star
[00:13:36] But then he wins the Oscar It's his anointment And then for a decade He is bulletproof Like this is the moment Where you graduate to being Just like guaranteed Money in the bank America's favorite movie star And you get to unlock New rooms That also happens
[00:13:52] Way more if you're a man I feel like women Winning the Oscar Is not always good for the woman And also Nicole Kidman Not only is she a woman But she's in her mid-30s At this point And I feel like You know She already had
[00:14:06] Her first career wave Where she's in Batman And she's in You know Practical men Right Like you know And so Like she's in her 30s She's a woman in her 30s And Hollywood is just like Baffled They're like Let's reboot anything That ever had a woman in it
[00:14:23] I don't know Well David As you can tell from this movie Multiple audition scenes Of a 30-year-old unknown actress Hollywood has none of those There are no good actresses In Hollywood Who are 30 years old Yes, absolutely not No I mean there's a reason They don't work
[00:14:40] It's on them Absolutely And I want to say that Unequivocally No it is that thing It's like What I think of it Specifically as Is An actress who's very famous And is like beloved But is not necessarily like A solo Like classical movie star Box office draw
[00:14:59] Usually because they're a little More interesting as an actor Than that And then after that Hollywood is always like We need to find some movie We can over pay you for Like there has to be some movie Where we can pay you $15 to $20 million
[00:15:13] To just put you on a poster And have it be money in the bank And it's almost always A mistake like this It's like catwoman It's eonflux It's that kind of like You're very very famous But now we're going to put Everything on you The idea of
[00:15:27] Nicole Kidman is a steppard wife Halle Berry is catwoman Like that's it You know Let's find the property To put you in On our happy feet episode We discussed her Her biggest hits And they're all movies That she has supporting roles in So like Aquaman, happy feet
[00:15:43] Baman forever The upside Just go with it Those are her biggest five hits Her biggest hit as a star is The others Which is sort of like An organic hit It hit because it was a good movie But that's like her only A zag, you know
[00:15:59] It was like a ghost story When Halle Berry didn't have a lot of You know what I mean? That's her only solo $100 million movie Right? I think Because Cold Mountain is kind of A trio movie I guess Certainly Did that hit 100 Did it end up at like 98?
[00:16:13] It's like 95 Yeah None of these movies hit 100 The others hit 96 As a box office nerd Doesn't it stress you out When movies get that close to 100? I hate it Didn't Mulan Rouge do okay At the box office? Really well overseas Did a well overseas And did okay considering
[00:16:30] The movie that it was Yes But it made 57 domestic It was more of a cult thing From the beginning Like And also like A huge, huge DVD movie Like at a moment At a moment that was peak DVD It comes out in like May
[00:16:47] And by the time it's nominated for Best Picture It's like exploding on DVD It had the sort of leg up On everyone else Kidman's best movies are Either things like Mulan Rouge And the Eyes Wide Shut Which are like Big quote unquote movies But that are weird
[00:17:04] And are sort of kind of daring And unusual Or her smaller films Where she's working with You know, auteur Is like like birth But she works best in a Somewhat transgressive zone There is this weird aspect In Nicole Kidman Where it's like Not only is she best there
[00:17:21] But it seems like that's the stuff She likes the most 100% Like I interviewed Karen Kasama For Destroyer And she like had nothing But like she was just overflowing With praise for Nicole Kidman's process Like not just like Oh, she's a nice lady I feel the same thing
[00:17:37] That she's like An incredibly serious committed Actor Like she is one of those people Who just like takes it Really seriously as a craft And is not that engaged With sort of movie star bullshit But yes I love her, but she does need The right thing
[00:17:52] It's very weird to have this In Stepford Wives back to back I think she is capable Of being funny I mean certainly one of her best performances Ever is to die for But that's a very different Brain of comedy Right, she's funny in that
[00:18:06] But it is sort of like An actory kind of fun She's funny because She's so serious She's taking that role So seriously Has she ever been funny Now I am thinking about this She's similarly funny in Eyes wide shut in the same way She's amazing in that
[00:18:22] Eyes wide shut But right, but like Cause I haven't seen Like just go with it To die for is Is a comedic role though You know what I mean Like that is a role though Yes she won the Golden Globe Actress in a comedy I would say
[00:18:35] I think she's far better In Stepford Wives Than she is in this I think Stepford Wives Neither of these movies are her fault But her performance doesn't work in this In Stepford Wives I think she does what she's Asked to do incredibly well In Stepford Wives
[00:18:47] She has a character Her character has a place Where she starts And a place where she goes And this they just like Sort of plug her in It's so weird Right, I don't think This movie is her fault But she is god awful She's awful in this movie
[00:19:00] It is a terrible Zero percent It's not really her fault Zero percent her fault As you say I don't know what her character is She's playing This character is written Like she's 12 years old Like a child Or an alien Or a robot It makes no sense
[00:19:14] But not just a 12 year old A dumb 12 year old Yeah Who's never been outside This movie needs a prologue That explains that she like Lives in a witchy dimension Where technology doesn't This movie needs some lady In the water shit Where it like Yeah there's like a narrator
[00:19:31] Who's like in the You know since time immemorial Witches have And then Lay it out for me baby But also then they're very inconsistent Like then she does know How credit cards work And then she's really good at things And then about 30 minutes into the movie
[00:19:44] They decide that she knows everything And is very smart And has been in the world before But here's another thing Like spoiler alerts Everyone else We find out is a witch In this movie Seems a lot more comfortable Existing in The human world Which raises the question
[00:20:00] Is she not from a human world? They try to explain at the end If you leave You can't come back for a hundred years But then she goes That's not true I don't know what the mythology Of this movie is And Michael Cain Clearly fucks mortal women
[00:20:13] All the time All the time It either needs a prologue Explaining that she's from like Brigadoon Or it needs to be Witches coexist among us Silently She gets everything She's a normal human being She just has magic powers I just glommed the sabrina The teenian
[00:20:30] Witches just glommed the sabrina The teenage witch world Onto this movie That's how I have to think about it Witches can live in our world But there is also a witch realm That they can also live in They can move between them And it's really
[00:20:44] Neither here nor there What they decide to do But I'm pretty sure In the original BeWitched There wasn't a witch realm Correct It was just people Witches live among us And that's a thing They know how credit cards work Because they live in our world
[00:20:57] They just are magic And everything works for them We have so much to talk about I want to get through Farrell So that we can get to Because I have an article I found a really good resource About the development history Of this movie I cannot wait
[00:21:08] Will Farrell Obviously An SNL star Now here's my big question Before we run through the films In chronology Has any movie star Had their success So, so directly tied To one collaborator As Will Farrell In terms of The discrepancy between the good movies And the bad movies
[00:21:31] I know what you mean Right, because it would be like If Will Farrell's not working with Adam McKay It's a write-off It's almost always A red flag And there are exceptions There are ones that are hits But that haven't necessarily I would say no
[00:21:47] Because his emergence is not tied to Adam McKay That's what's crazy But once he makes Inker Man You can tell whether the movie Is going to be good or not Elf is right before Inker Man Okay, yeah Before it, he has a good run
[00:22:02] Working up from character actor to movie star And then once he makes his first McKay movie It is like A, most of the non-McKay movies flop B, the McKay movies The non-McKay movies that Succeed at the time have not aged perfectly well I'm not saying they've aged poorly
[00:22:18] But people don't think about it No, no, but no, 100% So here's Will Farrell He's on SNL obviously It's very funny I assume you guys agree that Will Farrell Has the capacity to be a tremendously funny Comedian sketch actor He is a perfect sketch comedian
[00:22:34] I'm not saying that in a backhanded way Against his movie career He is just one of those people who is So perfectly suited for sketch comedy He throws his whole body into it Yes, if he's in a thing You're immediately like
[00:22:46] I want to know what he is doing He also does funny faces Like there's people like Jim Carrey That just know how to do a funny face Will Farrell can do a funny face But in a way, unlike Jim Carrey It feels like there's something
[00:23:00] Just inherently funny about this guy Like when Jim Carrey does a serious interview You're like, oh wow Jim Carrey is really drained of all Comedic energy here Right But when Will Farrell is serious There's still something funny about him It's just like Problem
[00:23:17] He's got a perfect body for comedy His eyes are so beady His height is funny Like everything about him is just inherently But it's the thing about downhill Just was it this year downhill Where they're like Oh god, you know this
[00:23:31] It's about this guy who's just sort of exposed As a bit of a buffoon Like he sees himself as a And I'm like You cannot cast Will Farrell for this This is malpractice And this movie has the exact same problem Which is just like
[00:23:42] You know this guy's a buffoon And you know he's gonna fucking lose it There's no tension to Will he or won't he In a Will Farrell movie I would say I would argue it's even more ridiculous In 2020 In 2005 I suppose Hollywood's still trying to be like
[00:23:56] Can he play a regular guy? You know like Well because This is the other thing is As much as we're saying He's a perfect sketch comedian He does not feel like an obvious choice To become a movie star In any sense There isn't like a clear pathway
[00:24:10] In a head to How does this guy become a movie man You know or whatever I feel like the other important through line In the characters he plays Is there is that like Childishness Like he's an over He's a man child He's an overgrown boy
[00:24:23] Which also then is like Well you can't really be a romantic interest Because adult women aren't sexually attracted To men Man childs I don't know what the plural of that is Man children Man children No that's why it's especially weird When like Zoe De Chanel
[00:24:40] And him going in E In elf Literally like has the mind of a child Yeah like okay If you're gonna throw a romance Into a Will Ferrell movie Like okay but that can't be the point That's just like a gross thing No it can't be the point
[00:24:55] The best ones are the ones where The romantic subplot feels like A parody of romantic subplots Like Amy Adams and Tal day good night Christina Apple Anchorman Right Well the fact that the other guys The joke is that he's married to Eva Mendez Right
[00:25:11] And the whole time Mark Wahlberg is like I don't understand We have to begin with How did you marry this woman Like anytime they're talking That's a good joke Right I just think about there's like a quote I remember Fincher doing some Interview after
[00:25:27] The whole extended casting process Of Girl with the Dragon Tattoo Remember that when there was like A year of people breathlessly speculating Yeah who will play this movie Right and it had apparently Come down to Scarlett Johansson And Rooney Mara Yeah I pierced my nipple for that role
[00:25:43] Didn't even get a call back I did too and I didn't even get a first read I did too and I wasn't even auditioning No We just all had the fever We'd gotten the Lisbeth bug But he said this thing that I think about all the time
[00:25:58] Where he was like Look Scarlett Johansson gave a really great audition I was very impressed I didn't think she had it in her But what it boiled down to for me Was Scarlett Johansson was acting Like Scarlett Johansson was doing a really good job
[00:26:10] Acting in a way I had not seen her do before But Rooney Mara is inherently weird Like there's something just inherently Weird about her What's happening in that movie He looked at her and he's like This woman has never eaten a pie before Right he's just like
[00:26:24] Everything about you is fucking strange And with a movie like this And the way I work What's important is What is the inherent movie star quality That you have Which is what is the thing That at four o'clock in the morning When we've been filming for 16 hours
[00:26:39] And we're on the hundredth take Cannot be beaten out of you You know it's just like What is the thing that is just innately in you That I will get on screen Every single second I shoot of you And I feel like with Wolf-Herald
[00:26:53] It's a similar thing that Hollywood has Constantly struggled with outside of McKay Which is like How do you use what he's good at And how do you not apply him to things That he fundamentally doesn't click doing Because there are just these things about him
[00:27:06] That are so inherently there Even when he tries to play serious You know even when he's playing more of a character Even when he's playing more of an everyman It's just like there's shit that you just Cannot control with him Um, but It's a welfare Yes, go ahead
[00:27:21] SNL Then it's sort of like building this career of like He does small parts The first two awesome powers Austin Powers, Dick Uh, he does you know A couple of movies that are based on sketches Night at the Roxbury He's very funny in Dick
[00:27:35] In a very small way But he's very funny in Dick Right, he does all three That's those three paramount SNL movies That come out one year after another When Lorne Michaels is like I'm gonna make an SNL movie Every year Every fall there'll be a new SNL movie
[00:27:48] Night at the Roxbury Then Superstar Then The Ladies Man He is co-lead in all of them I believe he's second building all three of those movies That sounds plausible I'm looking up The Ladies Man Is the one I remember the least Even though it might be the funniest
[00:28:03] Of those three movies I think so He is fundamentally the second lead of that movie He is the antagonist And then you know And he'll pop Yeah, he's the villain in Zuland Yeah Right, he's getting a little bigger And people love him And old school
[00:28:18] Old school he's just doing that thing Where it's like he's the wild card Like he doesn't He's a co-lead But he doesn't need to be Playing a realistic person But it's He's silly He's in a perfect strike zone It's a comedy But he's playing it
[00:28:33] A little bit more like an actual human being Than he maybe has been asked to do in the past So it's showing like Oh, maybe you can put him in a less heightened environment Even though that movie is obviously heightened But I think
[00:28:45] The line at the time was Okay, but you still You can't make him a leading man Like that movie works because he's the third guy He gets his sections to run wild But I will say I do think
[00:28:58] I know I like old school a lot more than you do And a lot of it does not hold up well That movie has just never meant anything to me I feel like a lot of people watch it all the time Yeah, that movie
[00:29:08] I've seen it like twice It was a big one for me at the time It was, I think for me, what like Wedding Crashers was for a lot of people Which was a movie that was never anything for me But of that era Those slack pack movies
[00:29:18] That was the one that like clicked for me I do think he plays The scenes with the dissolution of his marriage With actual pathos He's a good actor or can be Right, that's the thing But that was like That was a turn point of like
[00:29:31] Oh, this guy could maybe handle The emotional scenes If you push him up to a lead But I feel like At the moment that Elf happens People were like This can't sustain an entire movie Everything about that movie Elf is 10 months later Right, that seemed like
[00:29:42] You can't pin the whole movie on him And this premise seems wafer thin How is that gonna last? And the trailers are all You feel like I've seen all the jokes And Elf is a whole movie And I remember feeling this When I watched it
[00:29:54] Where you're like, oh they're pulling it off Like the whole time as you've been like I love Elf They haven't fucked up Yeah, Elf's great Yeah, and is, is I mean like the only Like I know how we David, you and I feel about one of these movies
[00:30:06] I'm curious to hear Dana's opinion But I feel like there are only two movies That have like entered the Christmas canon In the last 20 years successfully And they're Elf and Love Actually Yeah And I think Love Actually is Pretty much a war crime Terrible movie
[00:30:21] Yeah, I think as a film It does not work I think there's, there's, there's There's sections that are quite a lot of things There's sections of it that I enjoy And I think I'm I have like a nostalgic attachment to it
[00:30:32] But like if I'm looking at it through like the cold lens Of like, is this a movie? Like no, it's not a movie It opens with that monologue about 9-11 Yes it does Yes it does One day I'll do a commentary for that movie For the Patreon
[00:30:47] That's just me screaming Yeah, he tied it to time But I do like Elf I haven't seen it for a long time But I would hope it holds up I feel like I've watched it like on TBS A thousand times I love it I think it's a masterpiece
[00:30:58] I watch it with my family once a year We almost always watch it on Christmas Or at least my sister and I I think it just really fucking works But that's the moment Anchorman's in production That's already gonna happen But now he like That movie made $175 million domestically
[00:31:14] It was huge Huge domestic hit It was not a big international hit The important thing that we do need to flag about Elf though Is I think the only part that doesn't work As we were talking about earlier Is the subplot with Zoe Deschanel The love interest
[00:31:27] And for the exact reason you said It's just he's a child He's a child And she's playing to the top of her intelligence In that movie I think she's very good in that movie But you just never at any point believe
[00:31:39] That she would view him as a sexual entity It's not her fault But just make them friends That's fine Yeah, totally fine He can teach her the magic of Christmas And they can be friends No, I don't think anyone sees the baby At the end
[00:31:51] And is like, I'm okay with this I don't want to imagine him having sex I don't want to imagine Buddy the Elf Like being like, ugh It feels perfunctory And then when Anchorman comes out Like six or seven months later And all of the sexual stuff in Anchorman
[00:32:04] Is treated like a joke You're like, this feels more comfortable This is how this should work He can play as ridiculous as he wants to And it's all And nothing has any real stakes here That movie does well It obviously grows a lot more Past its initial release
[00:32:19] But it's not as big of a hit As Anchorman But this 2005 is the year Where it's like, okay He's everywhere Now we're going to start giving him 15 to 20 million dollar paychecks He's in five movies He's in Woody Allen's Melinda and Melinda Which is a movie I've seen
[00:32:37] I don't really remember that well But I remember being fairly bad I think he's alright now He's fine in it He's playing the Woody Allen Which is weird Yeah I don't know It's just the whole Right, it's like Rod Mitchell Has two versions Of the same story
[00:32:54] One is comedy This has the makings of a great comedy Or delicious tragedy That's my wall of shaw I'm sorry It's not better Come on That movie goes nowhere Yeah, correct Kicking and screaming Which is the soccer, the kids' soccer comedy Directed by Bob Dylan's son Yes
[00:33:15] With Josh Husherson That is sort of like The perfect example of Hollywood Looking at his output till now Just being like Should you just yell all the time? Let's just construct a project Around you screaming your head off That's also a movie where The director got fired
[00:33:33] Like a week into production Bob Dylan's son was like A pinch hitter on that movie Because it was going so Catastrophically wrong Like five days in But that's also this thing That I feel like Is very often the downfall Of most comedy-leading men Which is
[00:33:51] You become so valuable Your quote becomes so high That if a script is actually good They don't want to give it to you Because if a script is funny You can hire someone who isn't expensive yet And they'll make it funny What you want to pay someone
[00:34:06] 20 million dollars to do Is a high concept comedy Where they're like On paper this seems to us Like it should be funny But no one has successfully written Any jokes for it If we hire you You will, through sheer force of will Make it funny
[00:34:19] They'll just scream the lines And the audience will laugh out of habit You'll do your improvs or whatever And you'll make it funny That's how Eddie Murphy Ends up doing Meet Dave Is just like He costs too much money Where the only scripts
[00:34:31] That are going to get offered to him Are it's blank does a blank It's blank inside of a blank Blank works as a blank And they're just like You take care of making jokes Mike Dicca is third building that movie That movie's insane As himself
[00:34:48] And you second building that movie? Robert DeVall Yes, Academy Award winner Robert DeVall I saw it on a plane His dad is the rival Right, the rival coach It's a comedy version of Great Santini Sent around Centered around Children's soccer Superb and soccer league Yes, yes
[00:35:04] Where Mike Dicca has a large role Yeah, Mike Dicca is like His neighbor or something There's all this stuff with Mike Dicca His assistant coach Yes, it's a terrible movie Okay, fourth is his Small appearance in wedding crashers Obviously the biggest hit of the bunch Right
[00:35:20] And then fifth is the producers The third is Bowich We'll talk about Bowich And he just plays the Nazi in producers, right? He does Yeah, he's the crazy guy with the pigeons But we all remember his very deserved Golden Globe nomination For best supporting actor for that movie
[00:35:37] What? No, Dana, of course you remember that Because we were all talking about that performance In 2005 I mean the producers which was all You know, Nicole Kibben was supposed to be incorrect And was recast with Inwa Thurman They almost did two movies together
[00:35:51] They were almost our new heparin and Tracy Four Golden Globe nominations Picture, actor, supporting actor Original song But this is a perfect example of this Comedy A-lister thing where they're like Okay, let's test you out What can we slot you into? Like what works?
[00:36:14] Does he do Stranger Than Fiction somewhere in this time? That is the next year The next year is a goddamn glut as well Because you got that, you got Talladega Nights Which is obviously a genuine hit Huge You have that indie movie Winter Passing That doesn't exist
[00:36:28] Doesn't exist Isn't he a voice and curious George? He's the man with the yellow hat And we all remember that of course For Stranger Than Fiction He got his second Golden Globe nomination For best lead actor in a comedy He has two, does he have more than that?
[00:36:42] Two in two back to back years The weird thing about Stranger Than Fiction Is I feel like I almost like that movie And he's so miscast to me That it upsets the whole balance of the film That movie is just not as good as it should be No
[00:36:58] Well that's it, that's what's so frustrating about it Is I like Maggie Gyllenhaal And I'm like it's so close I think Maggie Gyllenhaal is really good in that movie Yeah, and he's so off The tone is so different than the tone of the rest of the movie
[00:37:09] But I think it's that same thing too Of just like you watch I remember my dad seeing about Schmidt A movie I'm curious to rewatch But I asked him how it was And he said it's just weird You spend the whole movie waiting for the scene
[00:37:24] Where Jack Nicholson pops and it never happens That's crazy, that movie rules I agree with you And I think that's just That was my dad's preconceived notions But his take on it was You know Jack Nicholson is capable of being Jack Nicholson I assume if you cast him
[00:37:40] It's because there's going to be some scene Where he finally loses it, you know And I think in that example That is an incorrect expectation But I think with Will Ferrell You put him in a movie In something like Stranger Than Fiction You're like, okay
[00:37:54] Will Ferrell is mild mannered in Act 1 Act 3 he's gonna lose his shit Something's gotta happen Otherwise you don't cast him Right, he's gotta blow his top They gave us him blowing his top in the trailer I remember that very distinctly Right, so much screaming Yes
[00:38:08] He didn't need to scream This era was just Oh, five times a year you see a trailer In which Will Ferrell screams Anyway So this is just But I think this movie is This is the perfect example of Hollywood Not knowing what to do with him
[00:38:27] Trying to slot him into The more traditional rom-comy Like you'll be funny, sure But you can also be a leading man, right? You can do it all I don't know if there's a version of this movie Where Will Ferrell is playing a more conventionally Appealing person
[00:38:44] Obviously this movie is completely hamstrung By the, you know, insane concept Like, it's hard for anyone to be real The most fucking grounded character Is like Stephen Colbert Who just looks concerned And where's Nice Sweaters? Where's a Nice Sweater? To wrap up this Ferrell loop
[00:39:05] After that two year run you're talking about And Taladega Knight's being Far and away the biggest hit Of that two year run He's sort of like, okay I gotta stay in my Gary Sanchez At a McKay lane They have their production company
[00:39:21] If a movie isn't directed by McKay It's very often produced by McKay It was very often developed by McKay The ones that are less good McKay helped incubate and said I'll let other people make them Things like Lay into the Lost Which is really fucking strange
[00:39:39] But started out as a McKay movie And then became a very overblown Over budget thing But it stuck between those two zones Rather than just being Let's slot Will Ferrell into some old TV show But then it is, I remember people
[00:39:53] Constantly being like, oh Will Ferrell's star is done He just had two big flops And another McKay movie would come out And it was like, oh he's rebounded It's the other guys people like him again to hit And Bewitched is predicated on the idea
[00:40:05] That if an actor, a movie star has a big flop His career is over and everyone hates him Women in coffee shops Waitresses He is universally derided Because he had a big flop They hold it against white men So hard if they have one flop
[00:40:21] They never get to work again A couple things I want to say I'm trying to think, will it have come out By the time, I think it'll have come out But Netflix has a Eurovision movie Yes, directed by David Dobbkin Director of The Judge
[00:40:38] I believe coming out the day this releases Or somewhere around there With Rachel McAdams And Pierce Brosnan And I hear that that movie completely rules Like everyone is telling me how good it is I'm so excited I love Eurovision Serious film critics that I know
[00:40:56] I've seen it multiple times Someone told me it made them cry Like, Bob mostly being like It's funny I was ready for that to be a calamity Maybe it's also everyone being stir crazy But the hype on that one is good But it does sort of
[00:41:12] That one looks more like a Holmes and Watson Where you're like, well This is probably going to be something we just ignored When Holmes and Watson came out I was writing for Entertainment Weekly They did not have any Press screenings
[00:41:26] We're just going to have to take another take Can you say that again very quickly? Sure, when Holmes and Watson came out Eww I'm sorry, I was over eager Let's take three When Holmes and Watson came out I was writing at Entertainment Weekly Eww
[00:41:44] Ben keeping all three times Great And there were no press screenings For that film I had to write a review for And I believe I was assigned that movie Because it came out on Christmas Day And they knew that as a Jewish person
[00:42:02] With no family in Los Angeles They were like, well Dana has nothing else to do So at 10 in the morning I went alone to the Grove To see Holmes and Watson alone On Christmas Day And it was probably the worst Christmas I've ever had Holmes and Watson Eww
[00:42:22] As I was leaving the theater I overheard two strangers say That movie was fucking awful Two people who voluntarily Saw that movie at 10 am on Christmas day Presumably because they didn't have to review it Somewhere else People were vicious about that movie
[00:42:38] It was the worst reviewed movie of that year It won the Razzie for Best Picture and Best Directer Worse Right, yes, I'm sorry But that's another thing So he has this period where it's like The McKay directed movies are the highs
[00:42:52] But then you have like Blades of Glory Will do well in this and that And then it's the point where McKay is like Wait a second, I want to be very serious And not only does he stop directing comedies But he also stops developing them
[00:43:04] And producing them with Ferrell He's so much more in like the succession lane And they've now dissolved Gary Sanchez That's when Ferrell is really like Now we're into get hard territory To daddy's homes How much do you think it broke Will Ferrell's heart that he wasn't
[00:43:20] W and vice Ugh, man I wonder if that was a conversation Where they were like we can't do that I wonder It would break the movie But fucking break that movie Absolutely, and I would kind of like To see McKay figure out
[00:43:38] How to use him in a McKay movie Well Look, Anchorman 2 I saw it once and I've not revisited And a couple people have been like Check it out again, there's something there And I've been like, eh, we'll see I haven't really gone back to that
[00:43:54] My take on that movie is That's a movie made by someone who doesn't want to be making comedies anymore Yeah, I sort of agree And what funny stuff there is Is because you have these funny actors And they're doing things The best performance in that movie
[00:44:08] Comedically, Greg Keneer kills it Keneer's funny I'm a big Keneer head Oh, yeah This is a very pro Keneer podcast But like post Anchorman 2 His hits are the Lego Movie And the Daddy's Homes Like the Lego Movie I think he's actually really wonderful in that But obviously that's
[00:44:30] But both the live action and the voiceover I think he is incredibly good in that In the second one he's a cameo Yeah, second one is barely in it And the Daddy's Homes Even people have tried to talk me into those And I find them
[00:44:44] I can't watch the second one I'm not fully defending them I think there's stuff in the first one that is Incredibly strange and interesting Him and Wahlberg are very funny in the other It's not like they are not A good team The first one fine Hey, look
[00:45:02] I have not watched the second one I refuse to deal with the second one John Lithgow's reveal in the trailer One of the great moments of comedy But I'm not watching that fucking movie The first one has some good bits in it It's not a particularly good movie
[00:45:16] It has some good bits I think Farrell will figure it out He'll do something else Maybe he'll make a movie with McKay again Maybe Hill Maybe Eurovision, Wayne's Best Picture Maybe it's a series with Paul Rudd I don't know Eurovision is perfect He'll probably do a funny voice
[00:45:36] He's wearing a wig Great I think it's what people want out of him That's what I want out of him I want him to do a silly voice And make me laugh and sing a song And be in a comedy Yes Bewitched Can I read through this?
[00:45:56] Speed round through this So the movie Is set up In the 90s With this feeding frenzy For 15 years on The shows that are in syndication Need to be made into movies Be they animated, live action sitcom dramatic Everything's getting turned into a movie Like Adam's Family, Fugitive
[00:46:20] Brady Bunch The Jetsons Movie All these 60s, 70s, 50s TV shows Are getting regurgitated It's just peak syndication reruns, cable TV shows that now 3 generations Have lived with And for Hollywood, that's like dollar signs in the eyes Right Brand recognition And just the existence of cable TV
[00:46:44] And like you say, reruns Has just burned these things Into the collective consciousness Whether or not you've even seen them It's the generational thing You know what's a crazy one That I think about? The George of the Jungle movie Oh yeah, George of the Jungle movie
[00:47:02] I know George of the Jungle I know the song Had less than 15 episodes In total It had one season that ran in the 70s And 20 years later We still knew it deeply Because there was not enough original programming for children That those 12 episodes were still being
[00:47:20] Replayed at Infinium And then following the Brendan Fraser thing He wasn't a Dudley Dewright movie Correct, he was That was them going too far though That was them being like Can we do anything? No Not a segment from Rocky and Bowie But think about it this way
[00:47:38] As an equivalent, if you were to Tomorrow announce a live action Aureals monsters movie That would be pitched at 90s kid Nostalgia I mean, that's my point We would be into it, right? I don't think that would mean anything inherently To a six year old
[00:47:56] Because things have grown more diffuse And there's not like Right, but hey, give me that Aureal monsters Come on, come on Give me a live action rocket power I want to see people surf on waves That are the size of a To these skyscraper
[00:48:12] I am here for all of these But it's very much the point that the things don't have The same sort of meaning I do think now we're seeing friends And the office hit a level That we viewed happy days And we were shocked when we were young
[00:48:26] And watching like Nick at night You know? Like the success of those shows on streaming services Shows that same kind of thing Of like I want to watch the past generations comfort food But In the 90s, the film is set up
[00:48:40] It's bought by Paramount for a large amount of money The rights because it's so high concept It's one of those shows that replays Everyone knows the theme song Everyone knows the nose wiggle The advertising campaign sets itself up Ted Bessel Is supposed to direct it An actor
[00:49:00] Ted Bessel, who I think had mostly done sitcoms Okay But it's set up by Penny Marshall's First look deal at Paramount With Bessel Supposed to do it And she hires a former staff writer Monica Johnson from Laverne and Shirley To do it
[00:49:18] Then Richard Curtis takes a crack at the script Then Douglas Carter Bean Takes a crack at the script So already first strike At making a Bowich movie in the early 90s They're like, huh, this is weirdly difficult No one can crack this We're getting increasingly over qualified writers
[00:49:34] To try to tackle what seems like it should be a gimme And no one can find Any way to make a fucking movie out of this And I imagine at this point It's not the idea where they're Making a Bowich TV show Absolutely not. At this point
[00:49:48] It is a completely conventional Bowich movie That is, normal guy marries a woman Finds out after wedding that she's a witch That's all they're trying to do They're trying to take the shortest walk To a Bowich movie Then Ted Bessel dies Suddenly of an erotic aneurysm
[00:50:04] Okay, so the whole thing Is halted. It's done The thing shut down Then Penny Marshall goes fuck it I'm not giving up on that Bowich movie premise It seems like at no point does she want to direct this herself But she gets
[00:50:18] This movie is two main producer credits Penny Marshall and Nora Efron So she carries the movie Over to Sony Where I think she's set up at the time They go through whoever is hot At that moment, Cameron Diaz Kristen Davis, Lisa Kudrow Gwyneth Paltrow, Alyssa Silverstone Reese Weatherspoon
[00:50:38] Everyone has sort of talked about it And Ellen Simon who wrote One Fine Day Larisse Alsonani who wrote My Girl, the Brady Bunch movie Everyone's taken crack at it And no one's getting anywhere There's a certain point where it morphs into
[00:50:54] Jim Carrey is loosely attached to the movie But the movie Without being about the making of a Bowich TV show Is maybe taking more of a self-knowing Brady Bunch tone And one of the big conceits of the movie Is that halfway through
[00:51:08] The actor playing Darren is going to change That was funny Sure, one of the things the sitcom Is famous for is replacing The actor Dick York Literally just He just quit because he was fucking tired Right? Like he was like
[00:51:24] Ill and he was like I can't do this anymore What came out of the end of his life was he had had a really bad injury I think in the war And then had a bad surgery And became addicted to painkillers after it And he was struggling
[00:51:36] With both his pain And his drug addiction And there was like a day where everything came to the head on set He said like I need to Step away from this I think he collapsed on set or something like that And it's like the director was just like
[00:51:50] Do you want to quit and he was like That's alright with you Instead of just being like you know what We did five seasons let's wrap it up They were like fucking get you Alright get someone else We're going to get a new Darren right now
[00:52:04] Another strong job white guy Right and it went from Dick York to Dick Sergeant It was like the joke was like When you're watching in syndication And they're in out of order You're always trying to remember which one it is You're watching
[00:52:18] So they were like oh maybe that's a hook of the movie Is like you do the Brady Bunch Movie style thing where you're sort of playing off The tropes of the sitcom While existing in the world of the sitcom But you have one actress playing Samantha
[00:52:30] Two big comedy stars playing Darren and you switch them halfway through And for a long time it was like Jim Carrey's on board And for a long time finding another equally famous Actor who's willing to only be in half the movie And Jim Carrey was bandied about
[00:52:44] Because apparently Dick York was one of his big inspirations And they look really similar So he wanted to do it But then in the mid-2000s Early 2000s This is like the same position that Green Hornet was in Where someone was going like
[00:53:02] We've been sitting on this property for 20 years We have to make something Where they're just like If we don't make a bewitched movie I'm gonna blow up this studio I've been in too many meetings about the Witch for us to not make it now
[00:53:16] Things have gone too far The next bewitched picture in the door gets an Automatically That's really what it was So Amy Pascal calls up Nora Affron Who she's close with and has worked with before And says like Nora I need someone to rescue bewitched Anything
[00:53:34] Right, right and truly I think she just says Look I wouldn't be interested In making a movie about that TV show Is there anything to making a movie About someone trying to make the TV show? And she goes yes Absolutely here you go Greenlight
[00:53:48] Like it was just sort of like full speed ahead What if a novelist or TV writer Wrote about how hard it is To write a novel Or a film Has anyone ever thought of that? Well I get it Because I get how that pitch can seem appealing
[00:54:04] Because like you say Bewitched is famous for Switching actors anyway right Uh huh So you can sort of do a jokie And what things are getting rebooted We got Scooby Doo movies right I can see why they're like yeah perfect That's a funny
[00:54:22] Angle on an old fashioned thing There's one more wrinkle here in the development process Which ties the whole room together It's that Kidman had already loosely been in talks For the nebulous we don't have a script She would be a good star for Bewitched
[00:54:36] Then she wins the Oscar And everyone's like fuck She looks a lot like Elizabeth Montgomery Now she's a big movie star We assume she's going to become a big mainstream Comedy star So we have to lock this shit down From the hours her performance in the hours
[00:54:52] Was so side-splittingly funny Right we need to lock this shit down though Because yes obviously She made us yuck with the hours And people are going to want to keep that train Of rolling so they Signed Nicole Kidman to a 17.5 Million dollar Pay or play contract
[00:55:10] Nicole Kidman will get 17.5 Million dollars Even if the movie doesn't get made That's what that means Get it Nicole But so that's when Amy Pascal reaches out To Nora Efron and is like anything We have Nicole Kidman There's a ticking clock
[00:55:28] I've seen too many versions of this movie It has to be this So then they go back to Jim Carrey And they go Jim we got Nora Efron on board We got a real filmmaker On board and Nicole's on board Are you down to do it
[00:55:42] He's less into doing the one that isn't Metta in the way that he thought he was going to do And so he leaves it For fun with Dick and Jane And that's when they're like We need to slot in Who is like the new Jim Carrey
[00:55:56] Like who else is just in that zone of Funny man let's not even think of what their persona is Who is just an A-list comedy star Because this role kind of makes More sense with Jim Carrey Well Jim Carrey as you said Looks a lot like Dick York
[00:56:10] But because he has that sort of old Sorry I knocked my mic he sort of has that old School Hollywood face like that John That Chin and the hair Like he looks like a 1950s movie star When he's not being silly
[00:56:22] And look I think Will Ferrell is handsome But he is more like Sort of adorable I would guess Yeah he's cuddly Jim Carrey's hot Jim Carrey's hot He's hot Like Jim Carrey and Liar Liar Is like a great The kind of hot dirt bag white guy
[00:56:42] So okay so now In his suit I'm like Do horny on main like he's hot No he is Like he's like in his sort of like Off the you know Off the farm like bearded Like dirty white t-shirt zone I'm like but he's the hottest version of that
[00:57:00] Like he's just got That energy and this is a thing Dana I feel like you asked at the beginning of the episode And now that we've done all the table setting We can get into the many questions about the internal logic Of this movie what kind
[00:57:12] Of star is Will Ferrell supposed To be in this movie it is a thing That drives me crazy in movies about Fictional movie stars where you cannot Even identify an analog For what he's supposed to be because it's like It seems like are we
[00:57:26] Supposed to accept that Will Ferrell is a very Self serious conventional A-list drama star because that seems To be the types of projects they talk about Then the midsection where he gives her Like the comedy lessons it seems like
[00:57:38] This is a guy who came out of sketch comedy And learned like funny faces and funny walks And is teaching her pratfalls And then you see all the clips of the movies He's been in and all of them are like Bad prestige movies
[00:57:50] They're parodies of incredibly serious movies And I'm putting Joke in quotes like the joke is that In these prestige serious movies he's like Doing bad mugging Right because Will Ferrell does not look like he is a guy Who was in Mel Gibson movies
[00:58:06] If that's what we're supposed to believe he was The thing that I find What are the other parodies There's a boxing one The Vietnam one Those are the three you see The thing that's most infuriating To me that I could not wrap my head around
[00:58:22] Was also that he is a Hated movie star that like women Women are like oh Jack Whatever is Jack What's his last name I dare you to tell me his last name His last name is Wyatt But when they find out That he's with in this Jack White
[00:58:40] Movie everyone's like oh Jack Wyatt Like he's this A-list movie star Who was in a flop But like women hate him Sort of like was he me too Did he have like a Mel Gibson scandal His wife left him His wife left him for a male model
[00:58:56] Which you think people would have sympathy for him Yes he would totally get sympathy for that And she would be dragged extensively Like in all horrible society This is 2005 There is no way that he ends up hated in that scenario Especially when his big vanity project
[00:59:10] Is that artsy Like people just wouldn't care They keep on talking about how the movie Like maybe we shouldn't have shot it in black and white And they say no one saw it Which is fine yeah then he makes another movie No one saw it it wasn't offensive
[00:59:24] It wasn't like he did blackface You know what I mean like he's not coming back from a scandal But something like Tropic Thunder Where you're like okay this movie is trying to pretend That like Ben Stiller is like a Stallone type character
[00:59:36] Who's had too many flops in a row And Ben Stiller does not realistically play Like someone who could be that sort of serious Straightforward action star But I understand this movie takes place on Whack-a-Doo Planet and at least they've told me What kind of star he is
[00:59:50] In this the fake trailer so we know exactly What type of star he is He's supposed to be Schwarzenegger somehow Or whatever yes We're talking Cruz I thought Any combination of it But the point is we get the analogs Of what he's supposed to be
[01:00:06] And like are we supposed to accept that when he walks Down the street people view him As a conventionally sexy leading man Or not This is a problem I also have with Birdman Where Birdman they act like Michael Keaton's character is this like Dumb, lunk head jock
[01:00:22] Who's straining for serious credibility And I'm like Michael Keaton is fucking Weird everything about him is weird Yes has always been unconventional Right that was the whole People rioted when he was Batman Like you're never going to convince me That he was like some empty
[01:00:38] Like muscle bound star Yeah that he needs to try To be taken seriously as an actor Right and then the Will Ferrell thing here is the opposite Which is just like the movie is like Are people going to buy him in a sitcom
[01:00:50] Yeah are they going to buy this Like hated sort of A hacky act Hack in a Cash grab sitcom which is like Yeah of course that's what This character was built for Of course would be yes Who could he be This is now I'm wrecking
[01:01:10] I was thinking 2018 Ben Affleck Is who they're trying they're going for They're preemptively He's just a douche bag Even though there's not like one thing It's just that we all know he's a douche bag Can I give you what my take is Knowing Nor Efron I kind of
[01:01:26] Feel like this is who she was using his inspiration Bert Reynolds Okay because Bert Reynolds was on a sitcom That's why But no one hates Bert Reynolds A waitress wouldn't like spit in his coffee No woman in the Right in the regular world was mad at Bert Reynolds
[01:01:43] But there was that period in the 80s where it was like He became too big He became too arrogant Another messy divorce And then it was viewed as like a real taking your lumps That he was suddenly on a CBS sitcom It is crazy that he didn't
[01:01:57] That he did evening shade That's crazy The public would not lash out at the guy Bert Reynolds became a joke And he was broke and he didn't have a movie career anymore And him being on a sitcom was weird And he notoriously had a big ego
[01:02:11] But the public didn't treat him this way And that's the only sort of analog For this where you're like Okay a guy who wasn't like Super self serious as a movie star But was You know it's a Matthew Perry That's the thing that's what I sort of get
[01:02:27] And it's not that he was a big movie star Except that he was a TV star I get the vibe that this is like Matthew Perry doing the odd couple reboot That's my mental analog for this People are sick of him
[01:02:39] I guess is probably what it's supposed to be Right they're just sick of him Like maybe he didn't do anything Specifically evil They're just like I've had enough of you This is a terrible introduction To a romantic lead though Absolutely What's also very weird
[01:02:57] Is that he is never once charming No Early on they tell us They explicitly say she only took this role Because she had a crush on him And you're like Okay even if this was the first man You've ever seen in the human realm He's incredibly off putting
[01:03:15] He's not charming And he's not flirtatious They don't have a meet cute For someone who's so good at romantic comedies There's nothing in their interaction Where she'd be like I have a crush on you I just I have to say something
[01:03:29] Because I need this out of my head before Okay so the first The first scene of the movie that he's in Apart from when he's at the pitch meeting Cold open is This feels like a but witch movie Cold open is Nicole Kidman Lands in some Californian suburb
[01:03:45] She sees a nice house And then if I can just take one minute To dissect the logic already Tearing apart tearing itself apart at the seams She sees this house she likes Hmm she wiggles her nose She magically makes appear A real t-sign saying that it's
[01:04:01] For sale right Griffin you're pointing out that she manipulates The laws of magic so that she can make A successful real estate transaction Rather than just wiggling her nose and be like I own this house Or I'll make a house What she wants to do is go through
[01:04:17] Wiggle here's the house it's for sale Additional wiggle tours today She seems to wiggle into existence A real estate agent who then tells her that She needs referrals And then she wiggles no referrals necessary And closes the deal I wonder what happened to the family
[01:04:35] Who lived in that home These are the many questions It was a pre-existing house that wasn't for sale What if we just saw them all explode into goo Like that's the side effect This is the movie in a microcosm Why is this movie making everything
[01:04:49] So much more complicated than it needs to be Right away before any line of dialogue Has been introduced What would be better is if she buys A shitty house that is already for sale And using magic makes it nice We get it
[01:05:03] Or she doesn't have the money and she uses magic To increase her bank account The limits of her power She's omnipotent she can do anything She can control time and reality She can make time go backwards She can rewind time She's fucking Thanos So she's going through magic
[01:05:21] Myriad of steps of bureaucracy She has infinity gauntlet power She can control time, space, reality She can do anything she wants But that is where this movie almost Immediately tries to set up The one concept that is trying To do the heavy lifting
[01:05:37] Of what you're saying Dana which is She is tired of being able to do anything She wants her life to be boring and banal She wants to deal with the daily inconveniences What is a compelling character If not someone who doesn't
[01:05:49] Who just wants her life to be boring I want to deal with true leather I want to see a woman with like infinite powers And be like you know what I want to do Nothing I wish I had less to do and then she even says
[01:06:01] I want a data man who is like broken And imperfect It's like literally like I need a fixer Upper I want a data man who sucks I'm going to say as a woman Who has dated men who suck It doesn't work It's not going to make you
[01:06:17] Less existentially tormented I will say As a man who has dated Women who try to fix me It doesn't work I'm also the thing that Was interesting about the original Bewitched in a modern context Looking back on it is she tells Darren her husband Samantha tells Darren
[01:06:37] That she's a witch and he In a 1950s 60s housewife way doesn't want her Using magic in a sort of analog To like I don't want my wife to work That's sort of the joke and tension Of the original sitcom It is very much of its time
[01:06:53] Well now you're married and you know what that means You don't do your job and she tries And there's some fun tension there And that's the interesting tension That I would want to see Confronted in a modern bewitched But instead they're like what if
[01:07:07] She just doesn't want to use magic Because there are no consequences To her using magic There's no reason or social tension Just uh She doesn't want to but then she will Forever like she never stops Using magic and it's almost like
[01:07:23] They're trying to set up an elf premise Where it's like okay it's a fish out of water comedy It's someone who comes from such A different world where everything operates so Differently that It's about them trying to understand How normal people live
[01:07:37] But as you said there's no tension inherent In her character because she keeps on breaking Her own rules it's just the idea that She's saying I want to not use magic And there's nothing at stake in either direction For her
[01:07:49] And David just like how you were talking about That they don't establish like a witch realm What works about elf first of all Is everyone knows the lore of the north pole That is a collective vocabulary we all Have and then the movie Additionally established
[01:08:03] The world of the north pole as it exists So then when he makes jokes about the north pole We all know oh ha ha That's what it's like up there This we don't know what being a witch is like No this movie as I said Needs to open
[01:08:17] Either with five to ten minutes In like a bog right Like in like the moors With her talking to like fucking Merlin And just explain that she like grows up In like an alternate dimension In a cave before she comes to the world
[01:08:31] You go it's not sitcom coding Witch it's not just she wiggles her nose She actually comes out of like some different Fantasy realm But a fantasy realm where you understand that sometimes Apartments for rent have showings that day What? Right Here's what happens in the movie
[01:08:47] She's revealed to be a witch And her experience being a witch is that she has Unlimited powers And then she also has a dad played by Michael Caine And he uses witch powers To get hella laid And he's like you gotta use your tricks
[01:09:01] You gotta use them they're the best thing in the world Keep using them Only to get laid But look at this whole thing is getting laid The weird thing about this movie is There are no consequences to messing with reality People's free will
[01:09:15] Like there's no he's like use magic It's the best and she's like no And it's like well do it You should it's the best Right, right And she's like she's like Well do it you should it's the best No Dana it's a really good point
[01:09:31] You make that like I feel like And the movie even calls it as a joke But I dream of Jeannie and but which were very much a pair At this point in time But the difference is I dream of Jeannie Is very much a male power fantasy
[01:09:45] It's a kept woman It's a woman in a bottle I mean it's similar to but which in that she was capable Of magic but she does right she's got The physical gesture but it was very much Like an astronaut finds a woman in a bottle
[01:09:57] And she lives there and she does whatever she wants For him whatever he wants right Like it's that power fantasy And but which as you said is like being like You can't you can't run shit Like it's the tension of The guy always ends up crack falling
[01:10:11] Because his wife uses magic and he's trying to Make her conform to like The nice kept woman domestic Wife standards of its day Yeah isn't it funny of a male power Like the male power imbalance It's like the crown where it's like
[01:10:25] It's weird that we're in the 50s And I'm your husband and I should have the power here But you literally have all the power here Now I don't know what it is The movie makes the joke about her being Like oh let's do a rewrite and make her
[01:10:37] The CEO of a multi conglomerate Like maybe that's the way you do A modern but which movie maybe it has to be Her existing in the world of business You know I don't I don't fucking Know or maybe you go It's it's it's hard fantasy
[01:10:51] It's elf the premise is that She's coming out of a different movie But to do the same sort of Like wafer thin rules of magic That the movie the TV series does Where the extent of magic is pretty much You can make your face appear on a label
[01:11:05] At a supermarket Like what the fuck are you doing here But after that co-op It almost immediately goes over to Farrell For 20 minutes Michael Cain is the jolly green Giant is kind of funny Kind of his little face That's a really buff body that is funny That's comedy
[01:11:25] We switched to Farrell Farrell is washed up for whatever reason His wife has left him for a male model Or something he's getting pitched on this Sick com he's nice for five seconds That's the weird thing Is he's a nice reasonable guy
[01:11:39] And we meet him and he seems fine And then it's like a huge problem Jason Schwartzman says Like you're being a pussy And he says that a thousand times You want to be the mayor of pussy town No, you want to be the mayor of balls town
[01:11:53] That should have been the quote you used to read I believe is it balls town or balls bill I came really close Dana really close to A pod town And castville or whatever Yes he's like the first meeting he has With Steven Colbert and Jim Turner
[01:12:09] Right who are the Showrunners or whatever He's really nice Jim Turner of course from Arles From the start And he's nice And then Schwartzman His little pipsqueak And also he is soft Intemperiment the way that he works as an asshole Is like the ListenUp Phillip way
[01:12:31] Which is like This is the guy who's just dismissive to everyone He doesn't work as a guy where you imagine That he could dominate in a negotiation He's not the mayor of ballville He's not the mayor of ballville He's congl, and that's a compliment to him
[01:12:45] He drags him away and he's like What are you a cuck He gives him this whole speech He's like you gotta be an alpha And then so Farrell makes a bunch of ridiculous demands Which I guess is funny And that just feels like we're gonna roll camera will
[01:12:59] Say some funny shit They brought on Mackay to try to Punch up his stuff I think Mackay was on set for a lot of this movie But that makes no sense Part of them getting the green light Right but he can't be Ron Burgundy For half the movie
[01:13:15] And an aura f-ron leading man for the other No absolutely not But that's like part of the Frankensteining of this Movie is like we're gonna Allocate certain scenes in which Mackay takes The wheel and helps pitch Farrell A bunch of riffs But anyway because of his demands
[01:13:31] It's established that Samantha has to be Played by an unknown then the movie kind of begins And I could not tell you I could not say the rest of the plot And not go mad It changes every 10 minutes What were you about to say
[01:13:45] I was gonna well now that we go to the audition scene I like that now the main conflict of the film Is they cannot in Los Angeles They cannot find a pretty 30 year old actress Who can deliver a line You can't find an unknown actress
[01:13:59] Who can say a line Here's a montage Everyone blows the line So here are a series of quick thoughts Okay One as both of you said Will Farrell introduced in this movie Very low status vulnerable He feels bad about his career He's worried he's a little bit sympathetic
[01:14:19] Right he goes to the meeting with the negotiations He's like this thing has to be a two hander I love the original but which I want to find someone to play Samantha and kill it Shoresman pulls him aside Is like you have to be an asshole
[01:14:31] And then he's an asshole for the next hour Right then everything he's doing Is just a status play It is just trying to throw his weight around And make everyone value him more There's something There Jackie Earl Haley a great man Once said to me
[01:14:49] The thing you realize that's terrifying When you get a little bit of success in this industry Is everyone starts daring you To become an asshole There is a system that falls into place Where it's almost like if you don't act
[01:15:01] Like an asshole everyone will take advantage of you And so a very It's the thing we talked about with George Miller rejecting his Trailer on Eastwick and so They're like oh you must be a total Wuss like we're gonna push you around
[01:15:15] I don't know if that belongs in a bewitched Movie but there's A thing there there is something to work With in a more realistic way of someone Feeling the need to still Exert power in order to sell The idea that they're not washed up and tanking a project
[01:15:29] In the process but here's Where you get to like this movie Making everything a longer walk than it needs to be This movie refusing To follow like Occam's razor With the way this character is set up At this moment It would make so much more sense
[01:15:45] It would be so much more believable If they keep on reading Big actors for the role And he feels threatened by the idea Of having someone who's at the same level of him As him then Then he sees This woman in a book shop He wants to fuck
[01:16:03] And he goes to the studio and he's like You have to hire her You know like you would buy this character Being the kind of guy who is like I'm telling you this unknown actress has it Because he is sexually attracted to her And kind of like
[01:16:17] Collapses the entire project rather than This weird immediate miscalculation Of oh we need To hire an unknown actress Before I've even signed on to the project Because I need to make sure that I'm the number one In every Capacity and them agreeing to that
[01:16:33] It's so much funnier like you said If that's the unspoken thing in his head We as the audience are smart enough To understand that he'll be threatened If he's on a scene with like a great actress And they cast out with a great actress
[01:16:45] And she's getting all the laughs I can understand why we would put The two and two together that he's like I don't like this That is the obvious way to go about this movie And when you're watching a montage Of 80 women Mangle the easiest line in the world
[01:17:01] Which as you said What the fuck? What do you mean no one Can play this part? What are you talking about? It's like the montage of like in high school musical Where like every kid in high school is bad But it's like this is Los Angeles
[01:17:13] You can find a blonde woman Who's a good actress You walk down the street Right if at that point they had faced that much failure They would not let him screen test A woman he met at a bookshop They would say I'm sorry
[01:17:29] Jack needs to be an established actor His power is not well defined We just don't really know So look What follows is He's a jerk for a while He sees her at a bookstore, she does the nose thing She doesn't understand what Reading is
[01:17:47] She only takes this job I think the important thing is what they try to establish with her Is that she doesn't want everything to come easy I don't want everything to come easy I want a struggle Being famous is great You snap your fingers, anything happens
[01:18:01] She doesn't want to be famous Doesn't want to be an actress The only reason she does it Is because she has a crush on him The only reason Even though he's the least charming man in the world She's not interested until he starts saying
[01:18:15] Will be husband and wife Which she takes on a literal level She's never met a human being The whole way she's playing it Is that she's never met a human before He's showing interest in her She's bewitched by it At the screen test
[01:18:31] She doesn't know how to read the script But then she starts explaining her actual Witch logic And they think she's ad-libbing On the spot they cast her It sort of like splash a little bit In that way That's got a sexy boy in yesterday
[01:18:47] They treat it like splash Splash in a weird way So then it's like huge press Conference they built a set That looks like Lala Palooza They're at some outdoor space Where they're bringing her on stage And announcing her for the first time Everyone's reporting on it
[01:19:05] Only to reveal 20 minutes later That this is the pilot That they haven't even gotten a series order That they're doing this sort of promotional Song and dance just for the pilot It's not even up front yet It's not even up front They haven't shot the pilot yet
[01:19:21] We have to move through because after this nonsense She gets sick of him because he's mean There's a whole rigmarole but then The end point of it is she's sick of him because she's mean He won't let her score She overhears Him talking with Jason Schwartzman
[01:19:35] About how they tricked her into Having no lines Because she's having fun up until that point She doesn't realize That she has nothing to do until they tell her That she has nothing to do in a movie That has given her almost nothing to do for the last
[01:19:49] 45 minutes Then it is revealed that Even though Bewitched is fictional Aunt Clara And later Uncle Arthur Minor characters from Bewitched Are real I guess they're the only ones who are real Right They do exist like Endora does not No, she's got a father She doesn't have a mother
[01:20:13] Her father's an entirely different character type Except the actor is playing Endora Also is a witch So you have one relative Witch who is exactly like the character from The show, the same name, the same relation Then you have Uncle Arthur who seems to have magical abilities
[01:20:27] But only appears to Will Ferrell And never interacts with the real witch Maybe they hint that He might just be in Will Ferrell's mind Maybe but then who's driving the car Like is he having a full like Blake Club makes a breakdown Who's Endora?
[01:20:43] Aunt Clara played by Carol Shelley She's not Endora's sister No And she is like Oh come on, just I'll cast a hex And he'll be in love with you Yes And then the next phase of the movie plays out
[01:20:59] In which Will Ferrell is head over heels in love With Nicole Kidman And is only nice to her And this is Will, you can't go big enough Anything you want to throw on the screen It's like war And they try to convince us as a woman
[01:21:13] That she is charmed by this Instead of being immediately Put off He's immediately demented Oh this is weird and bad and I will undo this In a second They have them go on a date and she almost kisses him And she's like, oh this is what I want
[01:21:29] As a woman, I almost forgot So in a midfilm twist Almost on the level of Gambit This movie Proceeds for 15 to 20 minutes as Oh the high concept Premise now is that she's tricked him into being In love with her And he's too nice of a guy
[01:21:47] And he's too adoring And that plays out for multiple scenes Through to their flirtation and seduction And multiple dates And date and maybe first kiss Almost their first kiss Almost first kiss and then she pauses the movie Appears as a second version
[01:22:03] Of herself looking at it and goes Wrong and the movie rewinds 20 full Minutes and just goes None of that shit you saw Happened at all, we're just going to now Proceed with some different things happening Which weird then is the character
[01:22:19] Of Aunt Clara in addition just to being Wildly confusing in the plot of this Movie is entirely Unnecessary and I think doesn't appear Again so it's like just cut That whole thing out. It's too long of a move But that whole sequence is too long
[01:22:35] They're like we're going to do We can't do the actual show We have to do a home edit thing But we have to have Aunt Clara Like what are the eight conversations having It almost feels like there was a legal obligation
[01:22:47] Like it's like you have to get the Cravices in there they can be their real neighbors Aunt Clara is a coincidence That she seems to be the same as the character It's one of those things where it's like If we include Aunt Clara
[01:22:59] We get 10% of her be fully loaded It's just a deal we made Weird fucking thing because they're just like We need to check every single Classic character box in one Former another with no consistent Internal rules of how they appear In this universe. Here's the thing
[01:23:15] That I think is the most Offensive of all the things in this movie From a storytelling perspective They have the hex plot He's very nice she's not into it she rewinds Right because there's a running joke I just want to mention as well
[01:23:29] Confessing the people that she's a witch And no one believes her including Kristen Chenoweth who's a delivery woman Who's also a life coach Who turns everything into a song Be it a laugh or a line of dialogue She's so badly wish she was in a musical
[01:23:43] I thought that was written for Kristen Chenoweth I learned Yes, it makes sense I think she originally auditioned for something Else I don't know I don't know But then also Burns who is like the writer's assistant Or the producer's assistant But then becomes her closest friend
[01:24:03] Who teams up with her to help her Destroy the show She just casually now that Ant has appeared out of nowhere Covered in soot and the area Surrounding her chimney is suddenly dirty And she's been telling them She's a witch forever and they keep on taking
[01:24:19] A nod at face value Incentivizes them to join into a hex With her they wear classic pointy witch hats They imply that They imply that Anklara Hexed them to get them on board With the hex To do a hexing there was a pre-hexing Alright, so after the hex
[01:24:37] Is taken back And Will Ferrell is no longer Obligated by magic to be nice And Anklara has nothing to do anymore Anklara only existed for the movie To have a 20 minute detour We go back to the scene where Will Ferrell Is given the ratings where like
[01:24:53] Will Ferrell is tested really well And he's tested really poorly And the first time he reacts to that with like positive energy This time he's mad That's the joke, you expect he's gonna flip out But he loves it, he's so happy He wants her to score
[01:25:07] This time we see him flip out He gets mad, there's a big fight And he fires her and she pulls a You can't fire me, I quit But she also dresses him down in front of the whole And then he comes after her
[01:25:19] And he's like no one's ever done that before You can't give me a fourth character update Where it's like And that makes him behave normally Like It's clearly just the thing of like Well now we need to start getting to the end
[01:25:33] So I guess he's gonna have to be a human being again But then you pause the movie and you go Wait there are 50 minutes left But the weird thing also Is they had sort of established that he was A nice guy beforehand Right, for one minute
[01:25:47] And it was Schwarzman He would have worked if he was a sad sack The whole time who's so insecure That it sort of makes him an asshole But he's just an insecure sad sack The thing that Hollywood daring you to become an asshole That's almost something
[01:26:01] Every time he pulls away from asshole's behavior He goes to Schwarzman and he's like Are you sure this feels unnatural And that movie also would necessitate a twist That Jason Schwarzman's character is Satan himself Who has long been waged in a war with the witches
[01:26:15] Like that's almost the only way This movie makes sense Which they sort of imply at the end A tiny bit A tiny bit they make a joke about it But you're like oh But then it's like another montage After we've seen this montage of them falling in love
[01:26:31] That is Farrell saying I'm gonna stay overnight on the set with you And I'm gonna teach you everything I know about being a comedic actor Even though she was being great before She was getting great ratings She could deliver a funny line
[01:26:45] She had no problem being a comedic actor She was naturally pretty good at it But he teaches her physical comedy He's totally selfless And collaborative and hardworking We need to be a team This is a show about a marriage And then they kiss It's bullshit It's completely insane
[01:27:05] Then it's like Nora's like Time to bring in the ex-wife Let's do 10 minutes of this Oh no She almost kills the ex-wife with a light Rewinds it There's another rewind And then manipulates her brain Into making her move to Reykjavik Right The also crazy thing you're saying is
[01:27:27] You pause at this point and you're like There's 50 minutes of this movie left What finally after all of these Arcs and turns has established They like each other now They have their first kiss She hasn't told him that she's a witch yet We need to get to that
[01:27:43] But that is the opening credit That's like the opening narration Of the original be witch The premise of the witch Is Guy finds out post Relationship That she's a witch And the movie takes an hour to fucking Get there More, an hour 10 I think something like that
[01:28:05] And then she tells him she's a witch He has the I'm a Clippers fan line And she's the trailer of the movie It makes it seem like this is the first 30 minutes She does magic powers And he lets out a big will feral scream
[01:28:17] Probably the biggest laugh of the movie Just because he's good at those But just to pause again I'm sorry but the Katie Fenerin scene Is the first time we find out It's only been a pilot Because he says why are you coming around again
[01:28:31] Did you hear that the show's probably gonna get picked up You're too hung up on the pilot thing It's not even the pilot thing Yeah that's what's crazy It's not even that It's beyond that It feels like at this point the movie has Spanned six months of time
[01:28:47] And you're telling me either they've been shooting A pilot for six months Or this movie has taken place over like 15 days Which is insane I'm gonna ask you a hypothetical question Do you think this movie would work Hypothetically if it starts With here's a young actress who's been
[01:29:05] Somehow magically got cast in this In this sitcom Washed up actor who they sort of have chemistry with And the first moment of this movie Is they have chemistry They get cast, they get a big laugh Their actors in this movie and then she tells him
[01:29:19] She's actually a witch Would this movie work? It would work better Absolutely it would work better I will also say I rewatched the trailer Because I was trying to remember which Were the big will feral joke lines Front loaded in the trailer The trailers for the movie
[01:29:37] Were all structured that way It was here's the perspective of will feral He needs the show to be a hit They find this unknown actress and then only After she's cast Does anyone find out That she's a witch? The trailer had structured
[01:29:51] That you wouldn't find out it makes you seem Like the movie wouldn't tell you that Until after Which would work better because that's how The sitcom is structured where they meet And then they fall in love She doesn't do any witchy things To make them fall in love
[01:30:07] It would be almost funny if they imply Wow this beautiful unknown actress That's so hard to make it in Hollywood Did she have a little extra help? But then they have this massive party That I guess is the rap party for the pilot No it's something even worse
[01:30:21] He just throws a party Is it because he fires someone? The team thing went well? It's not a rap party On set something happened And he goes let's have a party at my place It's to celebrate his divorce Yes, his wife signs the divorce papers
[01:30:37] And he's like let's have a party It looks like a party that took months to plan And here is where she's like I need to tell you I'm a witch Doing anything she can Any trick she can to show him He keeps on taking them as
[01:30:51] You're an amateur magician Is Kate Walsh at this party? Yes We also have the B plot At this point which is Michael Caine who's mostly been existing In the film to tell her to stop using magic Now is in love with Shirley McClain
[01:31:07] The actress who the comedic premise That seems to be set up is She thinks That her and Nicole Kidman are similar In terms of being weird That it's weird actor Diva Tix Which Nicole Kidman interprets as Oh you're a witch is one of
[01:31:25] Michael Caine is attracted to her Wants to use his magic to fall in love with her And now an hour and ten minutes And we're finding out no Shirley McClain is also a witch And now is using magic To stop Michael Caine from fucking other women
[01:31:39] Then we get to the scene David that you talked about Where Will Ferrell screams He scream, he scream Loud and it big scream And trailer put in trailer And he's like Put in trailer And he says he's a clipper fan
[01:31:57] And she flies away and he waves a stick at her Waves a branch at her Waves that branch And so she's gone And I guess that's when they're like Let's Recast Her And then he disappears to Mexico but we don't see that
[01:32:17] He's brought back in by the police Which is wild because The premise of the original sitcom is Let's see two people Deal with the fact that Two people in love just found out that one of them Is a witch and this movie Decides to just hand wave
[01:32:33] They're like we're not gonna have fun with that at all Right, the witchiness tests The pre-existing strength of the relationship And this movie the second he finds out She's a witch it's like let's separate them Let's make sure they're not On screen again together until The very end
[01:32:49] I'm dealing with it just have him be brought back By the police because he like went on an existential Bender But then she's not in the movie We're all feral He imagines himself being interviewed by Conan and then he is visited By Steve Carell
[01:33:05] Well because Steve Carell appears As Uncle Arthur He is playing a magical manifestation Of the actual character Not an actor playing Uncle Arthur Uncle Arthur who was his favorite character With He is imagining that Uncle Arthur is there And then curses him
[01:33:23] But I think also Isabelle's uncle in this narrative I can't Fucking figure it out Because at first it's okay The scene is Carell who's right on that threshold About to pop gets the and in this movie It's and Steve Carell in the credits He gets the and
[01:33:41] Of course yes he'd been an anchorman the year before So like Of putting Feral in fucking wedding Crashers right And 40 year old Virgin is later this year Right But yes it's like okay so Aunt Clara is her aunt So is Uncle Arthur her uncle
[01:33:59] That's what I can't fucking Based off of her family Because she said she never watched it Because it was like It was like blasphemy to her because she was a real witch But maybe it was because her parents didn't want Her to know that they sold her
[01:34:13] Life rights When she was an infant So to bring back Jim Carey It's a treatment show She never married Darren Because it's not real I'm gonna throw something There's not a real Darren We look really upset This is for how many like serious sci-fi
[01:34:33] Movies we've covered on the show This is the most perplexing Internal logic of a film we have ever had To discuss Even Colbert and David Allen Greer Are both in this movie and are It's like a law was passed that they're not allowed To be funny
[01:34:49] You can only deliver Expositional dialogue That's it This movie has three different daily Host correspondence One of them is Carell In a big two-scene Cameo performance One of them is Colbert Who's in so much of the movie And one of them is Moe Raca
[01:35:11] Who just feels like any day player On a TV as an entertainment tonight Correspondent I swear David Allen Greer Hosted a nightly show at some point too He did Chocolate News Yeah, there you go, right, exactly This movie sort of decides Makes the commitment that if it looks
[01:35:31] Like a Hollywood movie Like it's glossy enough and they put enough Funny people in it By the war of attrition It'll just be funny through sheer force of will And it's not There's that thing that Roger Ebert always says Where it's like I run the internal test of
[01:35:49] Is this movie more or less Enjoyable than watching The cast have dinner together Oh, that's This might be the greatest Ratio of no Right, where it's like I would watch a thousand hours of this cast Not making this movie One hour of this movie
[01:36:09] Colbert, even Schwartzman probably has great stories Katie Finneran Michael Battaluccio he can regale us With tales of the practice But you're just like Kane and McClane Doing like old Hollywood stories Amy Cideris? Richard Kynes? Richard Kynes? You can bring in Conan It's the ultimate example of just like
[01:36:29] Epic man is in this All of it, the stories ever would have the bits Yes, it's so But does Uncle Arthur think right Okay, he's backstage of Conan He gets the reckoning from Uncle Arthur The character he's talked about loving Explaining to him you have to go
[01:36:45] You have to run to her I don't know what to do, runs out to Conan Uncle Arthur has cursed him, he's naked Okay, this is that moment Except no, he wakes up It was a dream, it was his subconscious Speaking to him, but he knows
[01:36:59] What he has to do, he has to run to her Except no, he turns over in bed Uncle Arthur is still real in this reality Or he's having a full-blown Mental breakdown that is haunting Both his waking and sleeping Hours with the same
[01:37:13] Figure, so then he gets in his car And drives to the Hollywood lot Where Uncle Arthur tells him the rules That she's about to leave and go home To where she's from and the rule of which Is that if you leave
[01:37:25] You can't come back for a hundred years He can't figure out where she is Until he realizes oh she's home Because the real home for her Is their fucking sitcom set Where they've only filmed one pilot That apparently took six months And where he was mean to her
[01:37:41] Most of the time Mostly a traumatic experience for her But there is a good gag in the pilot Can we just shout out When he has the big lobster claw That's funny, I do laugh at that And you also are just like Why am I not watching
[01:37:57] That fucking movie Why am I not watching the movie In which Will Ferrell is sort of cuddly But kind of a nept Suburban dude Dealing with weird magic And play with the tensions About gender roles in the 90s That's an interesting Using bewitched gender roles
[01:38:17] Metatextually to the 90s Is an interesting movie that I would watch There is a version of this movie That probably still doesn't exist That probably is still viewed as Will Ferrell and Nicole Kidman's careers But it's a gentleman's six It's an ultimate cable movie It's an ultimate whatever
[01:38:35] It's comfort food, it's just a TV show Stretch out for 90 minutes It's middle of the pack effron Rather than the worst thing she ever did But you are right, the joke of him With the lobster claw is funnier Than any actual joke in this movie It's not good
[01:38:51] That's the thing, it's like 30 Rock Correctly knew that the show they were making And probably not very funny Bewitched, anytime you see a glimpse of the show You're like, I don't know, maybe this is worth watching I'd rather watch this
[01:39:03] It's use of magic seems more interesting to me Than the real world uses of magic Behind the scenes The crazy thing to me with all the Wiffs and wild things that this Movie does is they try to make it So that she's like
[01:39:17] I shouldn't use magic for no reason Even though she does things that Violate all rules of space And time where if they want There to be consequences of magic Which this movie seems to sort of want They could do that but they don't
[01:39:31] Magic has no consequences in this universe No, absolutely She learns no lessons from using magic And there's also no kind of like Cliche tick and clock thing Of like if you fall in love with a human You have to give up your magic powers
[01:39:45] Are you sure you never want to have magic again The arc that Isabel, the Nicole Kidman Oscar winner Nicole Kidman's character goes on Is she moves out Decides that she doesn't want to use magic Has a crush on a boy Who's an asshole falls in love with
[01:40:01] That boy and continually uses magic The biggest sort of satirical Angle Nora Ephron is bringing to it Is if they re re If they rebooted Bowich today It probably wouldn't even be about the witch They would find a way To make her as consequential
[01:40:19] As possible to the show But she is at the same time Doing that to the character Who is having that done to them In the show within the movie Like it is crazy how little Interiority, how little agency This character has, how little screen
[01:40:35] Time she has relative to Farrell And what you think they're almost trying to do Is say alright in the 1950s The woman had less power Than the man in society On a Hollywood set the unknown Less power than the established Movie star and I guess that could
[01:40:51] Cause some tension but they Don't interrogate that Beyond just putting it on the canvas And saying like there we did it There's a Meryl Streep quote which I've invoked Before on this podcast but where she said That you look at like The 40s and the 50s and women
[01:41:07] Were very strong and tough And equal co-leads with agency Who would give it As hard as they took it In like all those screwball comedies And men did not feel threatened By it as audience members They would watch something like His Girl Friday
[01:41:23] And they would not say this is an agenda being pulled Or N'Natsuka which is a movie we talked about In which the woman is so Strong and so powerful that That's her whole thing That was not viewed as a threat But what Meryl Streep said is
[01:41:37] Men feel more threatened by that today Because it is closer to Reflecting an actual reality In which those power dynamics were on screen It was like well Catherine Hepburn can be like a ball buster Because in real life she can't Actually tell me what to do
[01:41:53] You know and now men feel more Threatened by it and as you're saying Yes that is slightly more of an angle For this movie to have That like the idea of Well you couldn't keep her at home anymore You couldn't tell her that she can't have a job
[01:42:07] Makes this character more of a threat If she has magical ability There are 8000 Different things this movie could have done That would have felt like Nora Frant had an actual angle For why she wanted to make this Rather than lucky numbers had bombed really hard
[01:42:23] It was a guaranteed green light And a lot of Especially I feel like comedic Filmmakers if they've Been working for long enough I don't know I'd kind of like to make a movie About how show business works Because they're filled with such contempt
[01:42:39] That they think they're going to be the one Who makes the take that mainstream audiences Give a shit about And almost always people go inside baseball I don't fucking care The witched At the end they fall in love Then they move into the house From Bewitched
[01:42:59] And then the neighbors from Bewitched Are actually there Amy Cideris and Richard Kind And I'm immediately like Forky was literally like Credits are about to roll my friend That's all we're getting In this from the beginning That made me Seeing Amy Cideris and Richard Kind
[01:43:19] As the neighbors who I remembered from the original Bewitched was so charming And nostalgic and fun for me That even if I would be like I want that movie please At the end of this movie I was like This is where the movie should have began
[01:43:33] So it literally should have been The opening after the credits The neighbors moving in next door Their newlyweds You know what this movie should have been Two actors who They just get married She's an up and coming starlet He's sort of in the decline of his career
[01:43:51] They get married I'm a witch Opening credits Here's the movie and the power dynamic Could be that her career is becoming more successful Than his and he's threatened That is an issue that women working Are more powerful and then getting a lull
[01:44:07] And then they are not okay with that relationship Dynamic anymore But as you said the central metaphor of the series Tracks well onto that of just like She has more power than he does Literally she's magical And he feels threatened by that
[01:44:21] Give us Amy Cideris and Richard Kind As wacky neighbors that sounds like a delight And make the show that they work on Not bewitched I don't think Kidman is good in any version Of this and again No offense to Nicole Kidman She's not necessarily the right casting
[01:44:39] You know what? I think she's just badly cast Who um God I'm trying to think of like who Amy Adams Is she too serious No no I think enchanted Is two years after that Okay I was thinking more like Elizabeth Banks
[01:44:55] Like Elizabeth Banks but she might be too broad Banks would be great too I think Adams like Is right before she gets big enough to be playing this role But would have worked in it This is the same as the year before Tal Danganite I think Kidman is
[01:45:09] Of course Kidman is too innately dark Like that's where her mind lives She's not funny She and Will Ferrell live in two different Universes I think before recording We were talking about how they're the exact Same age but to me It's like when people are like
[01:45:27] Oh it's like people who are like oh did you know Dan Frank and Martin Luther King Jr Were born the same year I think of those two people Never intersecting That's how I feel about Will Ferrell and Nicole It's the same thing where you're just like
[01:45:41] But she was already like married To Tom Cruise and hosting SNL Eight years before he got on the cast They're clearly from different generations And it's like no she got successful Very young and he didn't get Really big until later But also their comedic styles
[01:45:57] And their sexer personas just don't intersect In any way What a fucking bizarre God damn movie I think this is one of Truly the weirdest films we have ever Covered and one of the blank checkiest Movies we have ever Because it looks expensive
[01:46:13] It's also just it feels like We're talking about it coming out of We just need to make some bewitched Movie but this one feels like They're literally writing the script in real time Like in the Nochka episode Of your podcast that I recorded
[01:46:27] Dana I was talking about how much I love In like the best comedies of The 40s like the Lubitsch And the Sturgis movies They're not concerned with Sort of like act one has to be entirely This act two has to be entirely This we're stalling for time
[01:46:43] We're putting off the conflict being resolved That every 10 minutes they'll introduce A new conflict but the way that happens is Organic it is following the Logical interior lives Of characters and what they would do next This feels like a movie where every 10 minutes
[01:46:57] They go fuck this is running out of steam What's a new thing? What's a thing we can do to fill time? Yeah Let's play the box office game I didn't expect to get so angry About this movie I thought I was gonna like Not talk a lot
[01:47:15] It's Nora's We haven't seen Lucky Numbers yet At the time of this recording Or for this miniseries pretty much I'm a big Adam Rosnick fan I'm assuming I will find A lot more to like in Lucky Numbers Than I do in this
[01:47:31] But her flops are not fiascos in this way And you can always see I get what she was trying to do And she couldn't pull it off This I just cannot even figure out How she explained this to friends While she was working on it
[01:47:45] Like I was running that test of Imagine being at a dinner party with Nora Efron And going Nora, what are you working on right now And her going, but which? And they go, oh great I can see that in my head and she goes well but not exactly
[01:47:55] And she tries to explain this To you over drinks I'm fine up until Onclara, that's when it breaks me That's when the movie breaks Onclara definitely is when the movie completely shatters And then I think the double Reverse reveal of McClain Being a witch is a further
[01:48:13] That's where you're like, no excuse me I need another movie for this If you're even going to begin this Whatever But it's right around the same time As Rumor has it Where surely McClain is dropping into movies As like meta characters Anyway This movie came out June 24th, 2005
[01:48:33] I definitely saw it at the AMC Fenway By myself And also because I saw so many Movies that year by myself And I just would see anything I think I saw the trailer for this movie I think it's why I keep referencing it Number one, Griffin
[01:48:49] Is a movie I saw multiple times at the AMC Fenway It's One of the big hits of the summer, what is it? Wait, where is the AMC Fenway The AMC Fenway You're working at the Boston Globe at this point Boston Phoenix So it's in Fenway Park
[01:49:07] You're seeing movies projected Next to Wally the Green Monster It's on the Green Monster That is where The Phoenix used to be headquartered Right next to Fenway I used to have a Green Monster shirt because I hated sports And when I would go to sporting events
[01:49:23] With my dad and my brother And he offered to buy merch I would buy whatever merch had a cartoon character on it Because I was like, I don't care about players So they had a shirt that was like the Green Monster Like Anthem of Morpheus with a face
[01:49:35] And I would get such shit As a kid in New York wearing that shirt Like people would like fucking throw shit at me And I'd be like, I like that he's got googly eyes This means nothing to me Graf, were you a Yankees family or a Mets family?
[01:49:47] No My dad Father and grandfather Were big Mets fans And I wore a Yankee hat a lot Because it was a hat that I owned Because you wanted to look like Zoe Deutsch and set it up Just admit it We've brought a set it up so many times
[01:50:07] I just love to bring up that she goes I just love to bring up that she goes It's so good But I was more Yankees For no reason I guess I liked that logo and the colors more I didn't care about anyone's games
[01:50:21] The men in my family all like the Mets But you did shut down production on Gone Girl for two weeks because You refused to wear a Yankee hat Listen, if I wear a Yankee hat, my skin melts That's just how it works
[01:50:33] My version of that was Fever Pitch They fired me off a Fever Pitch I could talk about that The amount of times I have seen Fever Pitch Sorry, let's get back to the fox My brother's favorite movie I thought your brother's favorite movie was Ali
[01:50:47] I'd say that's top five for him Okay There was a bit one year where Three different members of my family Bought my brother Fever Pitch on DVD Because we were like, I don't know what else to get him He watches that movie incessantly Okay
[01:51:03] So he already had access to it He was watching it on cable every time it was on Sorry, I'm so sorry Number one at the box office And he never opened any of the DVDs that remain Griffin, it's been number one for two weeks
[01:51:15] I'm just gonna talk over it I'm sick of the bit Number one Number one What, that I've been sick of a bit? Yeah It's come on, it's two weeks It has a very good drop for a blockbuster It's a big hit but it's gonna spawn much bigger hits
[01:51:33] It's a big hit but it's gonna spawn much bigger hits It's 2005 It's July or June This is late June This is late June It's been out for two weeks Is it a fuck I'm trying to think of franchises It's not fuck It's a fuck the movie
[01:51:53] Which I believe is a film from 2005 Yes Oh yes, the Yes Documentary about the word fuck Is that a Kirby Dick movie? Uh, Steve Anderson I'm seeing Wait a second It's not a Kirby Dick movie The director's name is Yoshi Pinas I'm sorry I'm sorry
[01:52:19] That I liked, that was fine And I won you back I'm trying to think What are franchises that start in 2005 It's not fantastic This isn't the beginning of a franchise It is the relaunch of a franchise It's the relaunch of a franchise That gets bigger from here Mmm
[01:52:39] Yes And was the previous Incarnation of this franchise A movie as well or was it in a different medium I mean there's so many versions of this Franchise but the last movie Of this franchise is Eight Years Prior and it's a movie to Andrew Lillac That's right Batman
[01:53:01] This is one of those ones where people are yelling Uh, yes Isn't that weird? How different a time that was Where people were like They're rebooting Batman I don't know People might have forgotten about Batman Right And when they tease the Joker at the end
[01:53:21] People are like I don't know Nicholson played the Joker 16 years ago I think it's too fresh But also that movie opens to 50 It ends up around 200 And people were like yeah it was kind of like a sleeper Like it underperformed opening weekend relative To the previous Batman movies
[01:53:41] And then had good word of mouth and it stuck around But it was very expensive And they weren't even sure if they were going to make a sequel That they were like I don't know They were running the calculus on Like if the second movie does
[01:53:53] Better we'll make a profit This one we kind of evened out So insane, yes the Batman began It is insane And bewitched I suppose in a perfect world Would have knocked it off its top But it was a bit of an underperformer
[01:54:07] But it did open to 20 million dollars This is a crazy thing You look at any sort of big comedy Starring a big star from this period By and large opens to 20 Like it's just like automatic Like Land of the Lost also opens to like
[01:54:21] 20, these movies that you think of as like huge Flops and don't It's another movie that was the trailer Was just all feral screaming Matt Lauer right Matt Lauer Take that Mac Lauer or whatever In your face Matt Lauer But this movie is just like
[01:54:37] Yeah I don't know you make an easy 20 million opening weekend The question is how you multiply Number three At the box office Is a big hit of the year We've talked about it many times In various box office games It was sort of like a Jesus
[01:54:57] It's an action movie, two big stars Mr. Mrs. Matt I don't need to do anymore do I One of the big O5s Not a good movie I think it's fine It has its moments They have chemistry at least They have chemistry I just think it is so
[01:55:17] It's like dialed out of that movie I haven't seen it in many years But in his defense Very handsome Very handsome, although I've never been The biggest fan of Very close, you know the crew cut The shaved head Not my favorite pit, I like his hair long
[01:55:35] I thought I agree he's Hotter with long hair, at that point In time I thought he looked so hot Mr. Mrs. Smith that I was like Oh that's the key if I shave And I shaved my head and I was like No, I'm not Brad Pitt
[01:55:49] I have my face, my head is not as well Shaped as his It's better David what's number four At the box office It's a movie that I mentioned earlier As a joke and I believe I mentioned it Because I had looked at this box office It's a reboot
[01:56:07] Or whatever I guess it's a reboot Of an old franchise A big star of the time Who is pretty much cresting This is kind of the end for her One of your favorite actors is in it What are my favorite actors Oh it's Herbie Follow
[01:56:29] starring Lindsay Lohan and Michael Keaton Which is the last Lindsay Lohan film aimed at young people Michael Keaton is in that movie He plays her dad The Wilderness The Wilderness 100% She does not make another movie Aimed at even teenagers after that No, her next film after that
[01:56:51] Is Just My Luck where the pitch was She's going to play a grown up I guess that one is still No, it's Chris Pine Oh, I fell in love With Chris Pine in that movie He's very cute That was still a movie aimed at her young audience
[01:57:07] But the difference is That's the first movie in which Her parent is not a co-lead of the film You know Where it's like Here's a woman with her own apartment And career and she's falling in love in the city And then that one underperforms
[01:57:23] And then at that point The tailspin of all of the press Had just sort of lapsed Like her next movie after that is I Know Who Killed Me There's also near forgetting Georgia Rule My friend You gotta think about Georgia Rule
[01:57:37] But there was that point where her entire career was Freaky Friday Parent trap Confessions of a teenage drama queen Mean girls Her B fully loaded all of them were hits She had only ever been Which I think she's very good in But that wasn't a hit
[01:57:57] No, it wasn't, but I'm saying up until that point It's like she's only ever been the lead Of a movie I think she's good in Prayer Home Camping I like that movie a lot That movie is fantastic, she is fine I remember seeing Just My Luck
[01:58:13] And the only thing I really remember About it as a teenager Is falling in love with the British Band McFly And falling in love with Chris Pine Pine in that And Princess Diaries 2 He's in Princess Diaries 2 The hottest pine we had to think about Yeah
[01:58:33] That's where it's weird that it took him that long To become a star Well not in my mind Sure I was a big princess Diaries 2 That's what I'm saying After Princess Diaries 2 I was like Get this guy every fucking part What's happening here He's so charming
[01:58:53] I have to show you the poster for Just My Luck Because it looks like she's a Barbie doll They couldn't get her for the photo shoot clearly It looks like the life-size poster Wow This is crazy It doesn't even look like her No it looks like Mila Cunas
[01:59:09] Chris Pine looks crazy He looks like Ryan Reynolds He's so handsome though He has that auteure I think it looks like Mila Cunas and J. Barochel That's what this poster looks like He can kiss me and give me bad luck anytime Which is the premise of that movie
[01:59:25] Number 5 at the box office Is another long delayed sequel The fourth In a franchise But the last movie came out decades ago Last movie came out decades ago That's right It's the fourth in a franchise The last one came out decades ago 80s or even further back
[01:59:45] I believe the 80s let's double check though Why don't we double check Let's give it a little double check Yes 20 years prior And does this one do well or did they perhaps wait too long No this one does well and it was sort of heralded at the time
[02:00:05] is like great you made another one of these that's great and you made it on this big scale and that's great and then they made more and they were ignored and they made more and they were ignored This movie's existence is sort of a weird little
[02:00:21] pop culture moment Is it a horror franchise Yes Fuck 2005 This one does well It's not amityville horror is it Nope I think people were actually thrilled that this movie existed People were thrilled They were thrilled So it has to have been is it like someone returning
[02:00:50] to the franchise is it like that Yeah I mean it's only his franchise although there are many other like remakes and spin-offs of it I suppose or whatever but he wrote and directed all six movies He wrote and directed all To the extent that it's like X's
[02:01:08] title you know like it is pretty much build with his name in it The fuck This is fun where fans are just This was on the bracket This franchise was on the bracket Is this John Carpenter No it's not a Carpenter it's not a Craven Zombie
[02:01:28] Oh oh oh There we go It's Land of the Dead Yes George A. Romero's Land of the Dead In movie that is Perfectly fine It's fine Yeah it's pretty good right it's okay I feel like people are just like good for ya He got a blank check because
[02:01:50] you had been influenced by him Right we're like come on Right And so many things that ripped him off were becoming big hits Yeah like Shaun of the Dead or whatever and I feel like it's the apotheosis of that like Phangoria type you know fandom
[02:02:08] There's a lot more of that out there at that point the internet and the you know Aina Cool News of the world There's this sort of reverence for these old John or guys that I don't know He was such a big deal
[02:02:20] He'd been canonized more than he had in a while The Dawn of the Dead remake came out the year before and that was such a big hit He was supposed to direct the Resident Evil the first movie Yeah like he kept on getting fired off
[02:02:34] of bigger films and then all these filmmakers who had been influenced by him got big and then like the online like Nerdsphere was like when are they gonna let Romero actually make one of these movies then they saw it they got really hot on it and the other
[02:02:48] things had done well that they were like we're so confident about this we're gonna pull up the release date This was gonna be a Halloween movie and now we're releasing it in June and it was a horrible decision Yeah that was a bad decision
[02:03:00] They definitely should not have done that That was an insane thing to do Because it made 20 million dollars which is way more than any other dead movie but still like you know It would have made twice as much in October Some other movies in the top 10, Madagascar
[02:03:14] Your favorite Revenge of the Sith Your favorite The Yolonga Seard which of course is your favorite My favorite The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl on 3D which might be your favorite I mean legitimately a pretty good movie and then Ron Howard's Cinderella Man which is just like
[02:03:32] the most like a movie right the most like 5 out of 10 things We watched that in my APU history class to learn about the Great Depression Great! Look that is definitely that movie's greatest asset for society is an educational tool Some other movies
[02:03:52] Oh my god opening at number 12 this weekend on 352 theaters is Dave La Chappelle's Rise The documentary about Crumping Is there anything more 2005 than that? I saw that in theaters It was pretty good Do you remember just like seeing that first teaser for Cinderella Man
[02:04:16] that was mostly just the voiceover narration of him in the press conference over like slow motion imagery from the movie and I forget they used the score from some other big prestige movie Oh you know what it is It's the one track from the end credits
[02:04:32] of Castaway which is so good The one Alan Sylvesterie credits track from Castaway which rules there's no score in the movie proper but that trailer is just like his voiceover the sort of Great Depression like handsome August imagery and then like from Academy Award winner
[02:04:52] Ron Howard and Academy Award winning writer Akiva Goldsman Academy Award winner Russell Crowe Academy Award winner Renee Zellweger and then Gia Maddi is the one guy who hadn't gotten Oscar annoyance and really quick Akiva Goldsman story Please I'm so sorry I was a freelance
[02:05:14] writer in New York at the time and I think I was writing movie reviews for Marie Claire and I was working on a piece about the Stephen King Renaissance that was happening and I think Akiva was producing like the man in the Gunslinger movie Dark Tower but earlier
[02:05:36] I had seen Transformers The Last Night to write a review about that and that was the only Transformers movie I had ever seen so I went and called Makes a ton of sense if you're watching it I had never been more flabbergasted by a movie
[02:05:56] it was truly a nightmare Akiva Goldsman did the story of that movie I like clocked the story credit because he ran the writer's room we're going to treat the next 10 Transformers movies like it's a season of television he's the showrunner in terms of generating
[02:06:12] ideas and they put 10 people in a room with him who are all over-qualified so this movie was awful and baffling and maybe the worst movie I've ever seen in the theater and I was interviewing Akiva Goldsman about something else and just really quickly at the end
[02:06:26] and I was like can I just have one quick question about Transformers The Last Night did it turn out the way you wanted it to? I know with these big projects they go through was it your original vision? and he goes I don't know how it turned out
[02:06:40] I never saw it well, well, fair enough and I thought great it's a bad movie it's the Michael Cain question where they ask him why he did Jaws the Revenge and he said I haven't seen it by all accounts it's a horrible film but I have
[02:06:56] seen The Weekend House I bought with them and I think it's one of the most horrible accounts it's wonderful I love it and that of course is Bewitched's own Michael Cain and then we're done unless anyone has to take on The Perfect Man starring Hilary Duffin Heather Lockweir
[02:07:16] it's a bug nuts premise for a movie it's a movie in which a daughter catfishes her own mother to make her feel less depressed they try to make the guy from Superstore I think the romantic lead Ben Feldman is a romantic lead and I remember
[02:07:30] he's Duff's love interest and thinking nope my dad once called because he's so Jewish looking but my dad once called me on the phone and told me that I needed to see the movie Obvious Child with Jenny Slate because her love interest is conventionally
[02:07:54] Gentile handsome and he thought it would be good for my self-esteem to see a Jew hooking up with Jake Lacey who I believe she refers to as like a Christmas tree yes she's got some good firms on Jake Lacey she holds them like laundry in that movie
[02:08:10] I do just want to very quickly say for those of you who don't know the premise of The Perfect Man is Hilary Duff feels bad for her lonely Heather Lockweir mother so she catfishes her in online conversations she cyberbullies her own mother right and then when her mother
[02:08:28] is frustrated and wants to meet the man in person she hires Chris Nohth to act out the script she writes for him sereno style insane you may fall in love I assume of course they do eventually so she's flirting with her mom yes that's what you're telling
[02:08:46] yes great she's sexting with her mom she's sending dick pics to her mom one other thing is falling in love with a man who speaks with the full intelligence of a 15 year old creative writing work one other thing I have to shout out
[02:09:02] is that also March of the Penguins opened this week on four screens I didn't just notice that and we talked so much about it we'd end up outgrossing Bewitch many times over what was the final total on Bewitch the final total on Bewitched is a cool 63 million dollars
[02:09:18] 131 worldwide I don't know no one, it was probably okay right people probably could live with that yeah no one took a bath they're all really rich people and I'm sure Nancy Meyers this home is lovely and she didn't have to put a second mortgage on it what if
[02:09:36] what if a movie bank did something oh my god I will say obviously I'm clearly thinking about the Nancy Meyers kitchen we've been recording for the two hours and it fucking fries your brain but her kitchen in this is very Meyers it's a great Meyers kitchen
[02:09:54] this is the Nora that feels most like a Nancy but in the wrong way yeah because it's set in Hollywood yes and there's a lot of nice interiors this thing lacks Nora you know what I mean that's one of the big problems with this thing
[02:10:10] I don't really see a lot of Nora Efron in this it's not trying to be biting about Hollywood but it just doesn't have a lot of insight into anything but Nora Efron that's what makes it a fiasco rather than a failure
[02:10:22] that's what makes this the lone fiasco of her career is it? it's the shoe is that a reference to Elizabeth Town again a movie I love David after losing your mind over this movie what's worse Elizabeth Town is worse Elizabeth Town is disgusting
[02:10:38] that is your number one least favorite movie this is gonna be my bonus episode of The shoe Elizabeth Town and you'll come over whenever COVID is over it can just be David and on the couch watching Elizabeth Town it will end with me going on a suicide suicide
[02:10:58] the real tragedy of this movie in my mind is that Nora is so good sometimes at genuine human chemistry and connection and like feeling like two people have a spark she's good at putting a spark on film and this is like the anti-spark this is like the spray
[02:11:18] that makes you not have static electricity on your skirt it gets rid of all romantic chemistry there is a quote on the you've got male blu-ray I own that says Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan should win the Nobel Prize for chemistry in those terms
[02:11:36] that's a funnier joke than anything but in those terms this movie is like building the atomic bomb it's like applying chemistry in only the wrong ways it's like hiring physicists to create a weapon of mass destruction yeah that's what's so baffling about it
[02:11:56] well Dana I hope you don't resent us making you talk about this movie no I'm so sorry I got so angry about it I didn't expect to be so so animated it's hard to stay chill but which challenge watch it for two hours and stay chill
[02:12:12] impossible you can't do it you do a will ferrell scream yourself out of frustration humas schurpa humas he does yell schurpa at one point schurpa Dana thank you so much for being on the show thank you so much for having me I'm a big bling check fan
[02:12:34] I'm sorry it took us this long to get ahead on the show to get you on the show I think people don't realize how far ahead we now plan compulsively out of fear this has been I was actually going to come record this episode
[02:12:48] in person that I had a trip to New York that was cancelled because of coronavirus that thing that still is happening I was like I know this is sort of silly it was so early on they gave us a memo at work we're not really supposed to travel
[02:13:02] we're not really for the inconvenience you were the first COVID cancellation of our podcast it was before the lockdown had happened but when you were like it doesn't seem like a great time to get on a plane it was in that last week
[02:13:18] where you were still writing the subway but still starting to feel like is this fucked up should I be doing our thing was look we hate doing podcasts we're not going to be in New York anytime in the next two months what are we going to do
[02:13:34] record the episode over a computer I won't stand for one episode done that way it's been weird it's been weird but Dana thank you for being on the show thank you for letting me do it virtually thank you all for listening please remember to rate or re-subscribe
[02:13:50] thanks to Andrew for Guto co-person in the show Rachel Jacobs for editing help Lea Montgomery for our theme song Nerd Shit pittgeron.com backslash Blank Check for Blank Check Special Features where we do franchise commentaries doing the Mission Impossible movies and David is probably enjoying being alive temporarily
[02:14:12] for two hours at a time I've never seen any of those Dana it's been the best quarantine watch I highly recommend Do I start at the beginning? Do I start at the first one? Of course, Luxuriate We actually watched backwards and then like started
[02:14:28] went back to one it doesn't matter they're mostly all like staying I think you can either start at one or start at four Those are the two entry points Yeah The first three movies are kind of stand-alone
[02:14:44] and then four is when it starts to become a unified franchise Good to be Nothing has pumped me up hearing that theme song kick it The three is kind of episode zero of the franchise I'll just start at the beginning Just start at the beginning
[02:14:58] This is way too confillated We're all stuck at home and the world is going to end why not watch all of them And as always here is a 15 minute and 27 second own conversation between Alex Ross Perry and Jason Schwartzman talking exclusively about the movie but which
[02:15:23] So I'm doing this now What was the How did the involvement start like where did that come from if you remember It came from you know, our usual very traditional channels which was that I heard they were making an agent manager type I thought maybe it would be
[02:16:10] I could try to do something excited because I wanted to work with Will Ferrell who I love and so I really was trying maybe I could work with Will Ferrell and I don't even know if I knew Because she wrote the script so it would have
[02:16:35] come with her name but no, but I didn't even rehearse this is just hearing about it basically I was very excited going into the audition which was in Sony I believe and I went in and she was very nice but I did some I sat down I
[02:17:26] you know but I said something like oh that's Gemma I knew one of them because it was near my birthday and she goes oh you don't really believe in that shit do you that was like the first thing she really said to me
[02:17:38] was you don't really believe in that shit do you which I thought was a great way to start the conversation yeah, great icebreaker for you maybe so happy I said no not really so you were in there to read or to meet um, read I think
[02:17:56] I don't recall exactly I won't try to go yeah well good thank you I ended up reading and I just thought it was just such a typically like to to like my personality typically like would if I bump into like like something like that
[02:18:24] like you don't believe in that shit do you like right up front it's kind of like a roadblock and I go on never mind I'll just go back but I really for some reason with her she just had a look in her eye and kind of
[02:18:36] just a smile and I just I was like I really I I understand why this woman is who she is I mean why she's so you know well regarded and made somebody wonderful you just see it her eye and anyway then we and she was a combination
[02:18:56] of like quiet and strong and when she laughed it meant a great deal to me um and uh like the kind of person that like once you know you crack them up then you feel I just I just want to
[02:19:12] you know I was such a fan of her her work and had you seen Lucky Numbers? Lucky Numbers which was the last movie at that time no I hadn't seen it the earlier her burn you're mentioning oh yeah I just I you know I love
[02:19:31] and you know I just her story of her you know her whole story um but I hadn't seen Lucky Numbers and I still haven't seen Lucky Numbers I think you're probably fine and I will haven't seen Lucky Numbers by the time this comes
[02:19:47] I will watch it at some point if you want me to um you know I wouldn't having watched it last night I don't know if I would say that you have to um we started talking about you know and the truth is like I was very
[02:20:09] nervous to go in like I didn't really like have I was I didn't really have a night such a concrete idea like what I like why could I be good to work in this with this part why do I deserve to get um
[02:20:23] but then I started to talk to her about um she brought up like the idea that a lot of that these types of people that I would be playing in a way not to generalize but have a kind of like like not
[02:20:37] jock quality but it kind of like you know um there's just that kind of like you know kill kill or be killed in out um just as kind of like this nature that she kind of pointed me in the direction
[02:20:57] I thought that was really interesting just kind of like being like um like a like in the in group kind of you know um and uh then I told her a story um about that a friend of mine told me that I actually think that I used it
[02:21:15] uh I've used this bit I actually later it's something in something else but um which was that this person said they were having a meeting and in the meeting the guy this person was interrupted I think is this good is this the delivery
[02:21:33] of the yeah I think about the story all the time alright this is one of my top so sorry go on because it's the best right so basically just and this person said uh well he keeps talking he keeps talking he rips the package open
[02:22:09] you know with that kind of like tear here thing like one quick thing and then um held it upside down and uh power bar fell out into his hands I think about this all the time especially I was going to text you because the other day
[02:22:23] a pat like an envelope from Amazon came that had on his name on it and when she came home and opened it there was a bag of jelly ranchers in it and it made me think of this exact story which I think of all the time
[02:22:35] so you so you told her that yeah like it wasn't through a company it wasn't through he's like it was like a purse bar bar right um yeah she's right that's one of the best one of the best stories and then she said great and she was
[02:23:10] laughing and she was into it yeah uh so then was there anything that like I was sorry go ahead no I mean you you go ahead well then I just loved her so once we were once we were working I just thought she was super
[02:23:26] just I am just wonderful like just I thought she was great I thought that she was um you know such like a great uh she ran she ran the set made you feel encouraged but also made you feel like you should try
[02:23:48] more um you know what I mean she was not she it was like she really was she had that beautiful ability to kind of push you forward without making you feel like you were failing before that um and also she
[02:24:04] you know I worked on that movie uh with Jim Turner and Stephen Colbert in that movie they're like the two other guys that I basically me Jim turn Stephen Colbert had all of our scenes together with Will um and it was just such a uh
[02:24:18] they were so funny and just really watching those guys talking about things and the election was happening then and hearing no no talking about the election um it I really felt like I was privileged to be there sort of like I really am not smart enough
[02:24:40] to be these people um so I just fell into a role of being quiet and um just trying to listen but I do remember one day I was sitting I walked over to the to get food at like the craft service table and there was this really
[02:24:58] nice uh spread of something forget maybe she's just like and I was over there and then um Nora was over there she came over and she was just cutting little pieces of cheese and talking to me and um asking me questions about my life and um
[02:25:18] and just eating little pieces of cheese and then walked away and it was just uh but it was like a 15 minutes of just her sampling cheese from a cheese board um and just taste little bites with that little type of cheese knife and then um
[02:25:34] anyway then I had a really then later I saw her um at a party years years later but and it was this is I hope this isn't bad but I won't get into details but basically like she said something that was so fun to me which is that
[02:25:50] I had um while I when I knew her when I was working with Nora I um had a girlfriend and um then by the time I see Nora by chance at this dinner party at her house um the girl and I are no longer together
[02:26:08] and um I was sad about it and anyway the first thing she said was oh how was so and so and I said oh you know we actually um we broke up but she was oh that's a shame she was the best
[02:26:24] what a great you know and then she started telling everyone around like uh how great she was this girl could do this and this and this and so I was just like yeah I thought it was great yeah um and just um
[02:26:42] so that was so you didn't keep up you know you maybe see her around yeah but my whole thing and just so sweet but like coming out of nowhere to say hi to me and just like um I felt that but what I felt was she has uh
[02:26:58] what I what I think like I meant like when I said like a kind of smile and this thing like you is uh that she's a super perceptor do you know what I mean like I just feel like she's picking it up on so many things
[02:27:12] and obviously you know when you read her books I mean but she's that's you know she has that eye yeah coming from the writing no we love we I mean we love those books we love them yeah obviously yeah so it was just you know for you like
[02:27:26] you know someone that you get to hang out with and work with for a little bit cross paths and just say like wow you know that's kind of like an older yeah like an old school kind of intellect that I got to sort of as a young person
[02:27:38] yes brush up again yeah I was pretty uh I'm here with these people and this is really a big deal for me and um it's funny because it all stems really just from oh will Ferrell's gonna do I would love to work with Will Ferrell
[02:28:03] and that was amazing and I learned so much from him obviously as you can see yeah that's why you that's why you made 12 sports movies that's why I've done it and that's why you've seen so it's just speaks for itself his input but but um really getting to
[02:28:23] spend time with her and watch her direct I mean I watched her a lot because sometimes I'd be like in a scene or you know just to eat it's a dinner scene a dinner party scene uh I'm in the back but it took five days to shoot it
[02:28:40] or something you know what I mean because it's a big huge scene and I had a lot of time um where I wasn't on camera and I just she was so cool I just sat there and watched her and uh I watched her
[02:28:54] work and her just the way she was was really great and um and uh that she'd probably be saying like oh that's bullshit right now she might maybe hear me saying this yeah did so the one when you saw the finished movie was it sort of what you
[02:29:08] would always picture it as it would come together I haven't seen it in over 10 years we saw it 1s years ago I haven't seen it in over 10 years either but um I remember I just remember learning a lot from being there um I remember
[02:29:24] like Will Ferrell he would jog he would run to the set every day instead of getting a ride okay amazing like he'd run like 12 miles in the morning to get to the set huh now that you mentioned it that explains why you've always done that
[02:29:42] right that's where I got it I got it from him and he got it from Oliver Reed and then I got it and so and now I hope to pass it on to the next you know the next one of us
[02:29:58] um well is there anything else that you want to put on the record here while her sister her sister is amazing too um and their connection and working relationship is really fascinating yeah um and um I'm sad that she's not alive because I think that she's uh
[02:30:20] rare to be like to be I think such a keen eye and so smart and so and also able to make movies and things you know I think like it was nice great nice having you around well uh thank you I'm gonna press stop on the recording now
[02:30:44] but then I'm not gonna hang up just yet I'm gonna say a few more things but I'm gonna stop recording right now