Blank Check

[00:00:01] Blank Check with Griffin and David Blank Check with Griffin and David Don't know what to say or to expect All you need to know is that the name of the show is Blank Check Pressing waters, you know what you've got? P-O-D-C-A-S-T podcast! Yeah, that's good. Thank you.

[00:00:28] Hello everybody, my name's Griffin Newman. David Sims here. This podcast is called Blank Check with Griffin and David. We are hashtag the two friends. Correct. Two friends, we host this podcast. That's our competitive advantage. It's true, it's almost, we're kind of juiced one might say. Yes.

[00:00:43] Not to foreshadow. A tip of the cap! We've been juicin'! We've been juicin'! With friendship. Yes. Branding is king in this day and age. Sure. And look, who are we? We're content makers, right? We're content makers. We're brand kings. Yes. We're juiced to the gills with friendship juice.

[00:01:01] Social influencers, definitely. We're influencers, we're think-fluencers. Yes. And I don't know where I'm going with it. Brand influencers. Brand influencers. And we both have influenza. So this is a podcast about directors. Usually. Who experienced massive success early on and are given... Usually.

[00:01:27] ...are given a series of blank checks to make whatever they want. Sometimes those checks clear and sometimes those checks bounce, baby. Usually. Usually. But what if for today a special day our... One hundredth episode... Return of that sound effect. Remember when I used to do that a lot?

[00:01:50] Yeah, it didn't like it. We never did that for good reason. It's new. We only do it on a hundo. Nope. For a hundredth episode we're going to do something very special. Because ever since we dubbed this podcast blank check, there's one question I've gotten a lot.

[00:02:08] I don't know if you get it as much. Oh, I get it. Go, what's your podcast? It's called Blank Check. It's about movies. Oh, is it about that movie Blank Check? No, it's not. Well, you got this from like Jessica Williams or whatever, right?

[00:02:19] I got this when I was on Two Dope Queens and it was like, oh man, what a good platform. Right, right. You're like, I'm here to promote my podcast.

[00:02:26] And I was like, I got a podcast called Blank Check and they were like, oh my God, is it about that movie Blank Check? And I was like, no. And they were like, ugh. And in front of a live audience, I saw everyone's shoulder slump. Jesus. Yeah.

[00:02:37] Well, that's why people tune in to slump their shoulders. Yes. To our beautiful chats. Right. But so we said let's get meta. Ray, hey, it's the hundredth episode. What else are we going to do? Talk about our dicks. Come on. Yeah. Which was our second idea. It was.

[00:02:52] It was a close runner up. It was. Yeah. We were going to talk about our dicks as if we got a blank check to make our dicks whatever they wanted. We wanted them to be interesting. You could have any dick. Pasta Hut. Pasta Hut.

[00:03:05] What would have been real pasta Hut of us? Pasta the Hut. Yeah. So we said, let's get meta. Let's make an episode about the movie that we share a name with that is about someone being given a blank check. Yes. This is not a check movie.

[00:03:24] Let's make a movie in which someone gets an actual blank check rather than a metaphorical blank check. This is not a movie about the filmmakers having a blank check. I just want to clarify something.

[00:03:34] As much as we say that say James Cameron got a blank check for a Titanic, no he didn't. There was money. There was a number. There was a number. It wasn't actually blank. Right. Now maybe they'd started out a little blank.

[00:03:45] The studio was like how much do you think this would cost? And he was like 240 and then they're like flying 240. And maybe he said it's going to cost 150 and it ended up costing more. Sure. Nonetheless, never was there an exchange where a blank check was handed over.

[00:03:59] This is a great point because in this episode we're getting meta and we're getting literal. Exactly. No more fucking metaphors for you. They thought we couldn't give you 90 minutes of content about this fucking movie. Hey, we're content slingers baby. That's what we do.

[00:04:13] To get onto the discussion we have Tentrush, the third wheel of our bicycle. Yeah, we do. He's the producer of this podcast. Yes, he is. Also a benduser, a pro-doer. He's the poet laureate. He's the peeper. He's the tiebreaker. He's the fuckmaster. He's not Professor Crispy.

[00:04:35] He can wish a Mahalo family. Poet laureates, I say that already. He is White Hop Benny. He's Soakin' White Benny. He is the fart detective. He is the meat lover. He is dirt bike Benny. Wish him a Mahalo Fennel if you see him.

[00:04:52] This is kind of a dirt bike Benny movie. Hell's yeah. I got, that's why I'm introducing him early on because this character, this one feels like The Adventures of Young Ben. The Ben Hosley story. Spoiler, don't say his name yet.

[00:05:05] He's graduated to certain titles over the course of different miniseries such as Kylo Ben, producer Ben Kenobi. Why do you always say it wrong? Kenobi. Because that's his name. Because I'm a bae. Yeah, exactly. Thank you. Kenobi, that's all right. Obi-Wan Kenobi is named Obi-Wan Kenobi.

[00:05:19] But producer Ben Kenobi is named producer Ben Kenobi. That's how you pronounce it. Ben, I'm not saying say anything. He'll even use a dollar sign and a... That's a spoiler. Ben, will you bleep that out? Oh yes. Yeah, Ben, bleep that the fuck out.

[00:05:36] Jesus, that's how far ahead we are though. Well done though. Well done in theory being on it. You know what I mean? Being on the new name. But of course we're not actually going to need the new name for four months.

[00:05:47] Hey, you know what they say about me? That Griffin Newman, he sure can learn patterns. Yeah. So I learned that new pattern quickly but a little too quickly. Anyway. Anyway guys, I'm happy to be discussing this film.

[00:06:00] I also have people when I explain the show, ask me if we've ever talked about this movie. So finally we're doing it. We're finally doing it. So I just want to start off right at the top and just say funky cold Medina.

[00:06:13] I have a question for you guys relating to the tagline of this movie. Ten county points, Ben. Yes. Well done, Ben. When Preston Wandersee's an opportunity he takes it, right? That's the tagline of the movie. Sure. Sounds a little... Please.

[00:06:28] Sounds a little locker room talky if you know what I'm saying. Uh-huh. Yeah. Good call. Yeah. Yeah, let's turn that euphemism into a euphemism for what it's trying not to be a euphemism for. What I think we need to do, right? Because here's what I don't like.

[00:06:45] I don't like when people go like that's a little grab them by the pussy. No! Is that a little... Yeah, right. That can't be a little of that. Right. What we should say is that's a little locker room talk. Allies.

[00:06:56] And use locker room talk as a euphemism for sexual assault. Anytime I'm being... Anyway, it doesn't matter. Allied? Yeah. Allied. Allied though. Two and a half stars. Four. A gentleman's four. So when you guys see an opportunity, do you take it? That's my question. Uh, you're asking me?

[00:07:15] Yeah. No, obviously not. Right. You kid me I miss every shot. Same. When I see an opportunity I'm like, ah god, I hurt my foot. I can't come outside today. Yeah. I'm like the inverse of that fucking Wayne Gretzky like a fucking mantra. Mm-hmm. You know?

[00:07:31] Uh, what is... I don't actually know what's his mantra. You miss 100% of the shots? Oh sure, sure of course. Classic. I'm like I don't need to take a shot. My back's hurting. Blank check. The movie's called Blank Check. A Rupert Wainwright film. Uh, yes. Uh, no relation.

[00:07:45] No relation to the, to Loudon or, and or Rufus, and or who's the sister? Yeah. Uh, no relation. That was my first question. Of course because there's, there are a showbiz fam. Right. Uh, Martha Wainwright. Martha Wainwright.

[00:08:01] This is a director who eventually moved on to doing like horror films. He did the Fog remake in Stigmata. You got, you wanted me to run down some uh, some Rupert Wainwright joints for you? We started out as a music video director.

[00:08:14] Started out as a music video director in the hip hop genre. Yes. Worked with NWA. Tone Loc. Worked with MC Hammer. Tone Loc. Worked with Tone Loc. The great Tone Loc. Uh-huh. This is his debut film. Didn't he do the MC Hammer movie?

[00:08:29] That is a straight to video movie but yes, Hammer and Home. Yes, right. But you know what I'm saying. Uh, yeah, yeah. Blank check, then he makes a movie in 98 called The Sadness of Sex. Oof. Sounds like a perfect human story. Sounds like your kind of movie, yeah.

[00:08:42] We both were rushing to get to that joke. Jesus Christ. This looks like a God of disaster. And then Stigmata as you mentioned. Right, a little bit of career rebrand there. The Fog which was a remake with Tom Welling I think?

[00:08:54] Yes, famously a movie that took me a very long time to guess in the box office game. That's correct and then uh- Because that movie doesn't exist. He's done a little, a little bit of TV work but that's kinda it.

[00:09:04] I went to his IMDb page, looked at his biography. He's English? He's English so you must be proud. I'm so proud. Uh, he made a Dillinger TV movie. He won a Grammy for the Please Hammer Don't Hurt Him the Movie in 1991. That's what I was talking about.

[00:09:18] No, there's also Hammer and Home though. And he was nominated for a Grammy for that as well. Okay, the one I was thinking of was Please Hammer Don't Hurt Him. But these are- Please make both.

[00:09:26] And you know, he made a, you can't touch this video which is a famous video. Yes. A two legit quit video. Lots of you know, straight out of Compton video. Lot of classics of the early on. Lot of classics.

[00:09:36] And this does have, uh, this movie has a real early 90s MTV movie, uh, video, I'm sorry, MTV video vibe. Now I'm tired of this like 90s kid. You're a 90s kid if- Oh sure. 90s- Yeah, the Buzzfeedification of the 90s. Right.

[00:09:53] But this is the fucking 90s movie ever. No offense to Buzzfeed. Uh, yes. This movie's so fucking 90s. In every way down to its fucked up morality. Right, because I think a lot of people throw that like, oh my god this is so 90s on this stuff.

[00:10:07] Dude, that's so 90s. It's just like, oh because what the, we're in a sideways hat. But this movie's like- No it is. Top to bottom aesthetically, morally, culturally, a 90s American movie. And also just in its like conception. Just like the idea of this movie. Everything about it.

[00:10:22] Well it's also- Where it's like, they just stop bothering with anything but like, you know, where the kids like, they like to have stuff. Here's the other thing about this movie that's very 90s. This movie's written by a man named- Blake Snyder. So Blake Snyder- An American screenwriter.

[00:10:38] Was known in Hollywood for a previous time as the king of the spec script. He wrote Stop or My Mom will Shoot, which he sold for like a gazillion dollars right? He sold for like two million dollars and there was a bidding war. Like it was like-

[00:10:50] Five hundred thousand dollars actually. Okay, okay. Everyone was like- For then? Lots. A lot. Everyone was like fighting forward aggressively and the movie's a disaster. Not only is it a huge flop, but it's like a punchline for- Especially for Stallone who's had a lot of embarrassing films.

[00:11:03] That still ends up being the one that used a shorthand. It's one of his famed bad- And he sold Blank Check for a million dollars. Okay, that's where I was- Which is ironic considering the sum at the heart of the movie Blank Check is a million dollars.

[00:11:18] He sold 13 spec scripts including one that he was setting up with Spielberg at an ambulance. So it goes like a direct but it was going to be an ambulance movie. Nuclear family. Yes. None of the other ones got produced. Yeah, no.

[00:11:31] But he sold a lot of scripts which, hey, you know, that's a lot of people make their living in Hollywood just writing scripts that never go anywhere. But that to me is very quintessentially 90s because there was that 80s sort of arms race thing

[00:11:42] where it was like your Shane Blacks and your Joe Esther houses. Joe Esther houses. Who were coming up with these crazy spec scripts and it was like who can sell more. And suddenly the elevator pitch becomes this hallowed art where it's like if you can just

[00:11:56] get in the room for five minutes and be like, here's my idea. It's die hard in a staircase and it's going to start. I'm thinking fucking Sly Stallone, whatever. You know, right? Well, and I also think you think about- That's what my mom will shoot is, right? 100%.

[00:12:12] Golden Girls. You love it, right? Right. Sly Stallone. Let me, like, you know- That's yes. Here's the catch. They're wet. Here's the catch. They're wet. Is exactly how Ben would do an elevator pitch.

[00:12:23] But I also think that's this transformation that really sort of like takes hold in the 90s. Like it starts in the 80s and by the 90s it becomes- No, by the 90s the script writer is suddenly someone who you're hearing about.

[00:12:34] It's like the ones you just mentioned where it's like, ooh, they're making millions. Well, I also think like, you know, if you look at movies or TV shows, I almost knocked over my mic. I'm so excited about the point I'm going to make. Yes.

[00:12:46] If you look at movies or TV shows that depict like show business and have scenes where people are pitching stuff. Yeah. Like before the 80s, if there's a pitch scene, it's someone going like, there's a girl and God, she wants to get out of this town.

[00:12:57] But there's a boy and he keeps her there. And they're like pitching this story from an emotional level. Right. And then by the time you get to the 90s, if they're parodies of show business, when there's a pitch they're like, it's die-hard but in a submarine. Right.

[00:13:08] Like it suddenly becomes like the pitch isn't an emotional story. The pitch is what's the hook? What's the elevator pitch? Sure. And it becomes if you got that, and then your script is quote unquote functional, you can make a million dollars. Right.

[00:13:22] And Esther House and Shane Black get into this like dick measuring contest where they were like who can write a script faster? Who can sell it for more and both of them sort of crashed as a result of this?

[00:13:30] Well yeah, especially because these movies fucking suck that they start up. Especially Esther House. Right. And Shane Black like goes into the role in a short while and re-evaluate and then comes back really strong. Right. Esther House never fucking recovers.

[00:13:43] Well, yeah, a burn Hollywood burn that kills them. Right. Yeah. But this is this period of time where you have people like Blake Snyder, who I think are like looking at what Shane Black and S. R. S. Ted. We've made our points. Karen, sorry, I interrupted you.

[00:13:59] And so it's very nice to be like. You come up with a hot concept. Yeah, we get it. Can you make it work? Now, Blake Snyder most famously after this movie. That's what I'm trying to get you to. That's what I'm getting to.

[00:14:09] OK. I was going there, babe. I was driving there. Yeah, but slowly. Make your point. Now he's now he's trolling me. Uh-huh. Let me just straighten my bow tie here. You wrote a book called Save the Cat. He did. Which is one of the most famous.

[00:14:33] Colin, the last book on screenwriting you'll ever need. Right. OK. So that's what it is, right? Still the number one selling book among screenwriting manuals on Amazon. I was going to say. So there's there's like, you know, Robert McKee's story. A classic. And save the cat.

[00:14:48] Save the cat. Save the clap. Save the clap is a book about STDs. Save the Cat is a book that Blake Snyder wrote that is sort of like the fucking accessible, like fucking, you know, this is like like the colloquial fucking screenwriting book. Robert McKee's all heady.

[00:15:07] This is just like, look, this is just how shit fucking works. Yeah. If the hero saves a cat, the audience likes them. It's basically like a bunch of hack bullshit. It's basically just like where he like watches movies and he's like, you know how an alien

[00:15:20] Ripley saves the cat and that's why you like her? That's the key to screenwriting. It's like, what the fuck are you talking about? He found a lot. That's all my alien is good. Yeah, it's good because that fucking alien. It's like a decent little detail in alien.

[00:15:33] Like I mean, it also leads, I think any time I've watched alien with somebody's never seen it half the time, I feel like when she goes for the cat, they're like, that's a fucking cat. Who cares about the cat?

[00:15:41] I agree. Every time I've seen alien in a theater, that's happened. Or they go like, are you fucking kidding? Yeah, but of course alien is stressful. At that point, you just wanted to get away from the goddamn alien. Like that's partly, it's not just that

[00:15:52] you don't care about the cat. Yeah, also her saving the cat happened so late in the movie that if he's like- Like right at the end of the movie. If he's theorizing that that's what gets the audience on board with Ripley as a character. He's a goddamn idiot.

[00:16:02] Right, but he's also dead. Let's point that out. But- Blake Snyder? Yeah, he died in 2009. He died. Yeah, but when he wrote the book, he was alive and he was an idiot. Yes, and now he was an idiot. Right. So he looked at all the most successful

[00:16:19] and beloved movies of all time and would like, what are the common denominators here? And tried to reverse engineer a screenwriting book from that. There are things you could fucking ascertain from that book in the sense that a broken clock is wrong twice a day.

[00:16:30] Wrong twice a day. Right, twice a day. Wrong the other- All the other times of the day. Right, yep. Not gonna do that math. So yeah, that's where it becomes legacy. And that's this weird asterisk to this movie is that, you know, like Robert McKee, everyone goes like,

[00:16:46] well, Robert McKee, Robert McKee. And they go like, yeah, but show me what fucking screenplays has he written? Sure, right. Why is this guy the fucking authority on screenwriting when his last credit is Story Consultant on Direct-to-Video Barbie movie? Which is Robert McKee's last credit. Sure.

[00:16:59] Story Consultant on Direct-to-Video Barbie movie. Why not? Gotta make that money. They go like, that book's, he's a blowhard. He's full of hot air. You should read a book by a guy who's actually sold, produced- Who are these strong men that you're talking about? Blake Snyder.

[00:17:12] You go, oh, what did he write? Blank check. Blank check and stop my mom will shoot, bro. But I feel like blank check is like, it's greatest lasting cultural legacy is that it's like written by the Save the Cat guy. Yeah, I don't think that's true.

[00:17:26] But I think that is one of its cultural legacies. I think it's honestly, I think it's greatest cultural legacy is literally just that it became synonymous with the term blank check. Like a term that before then was not synonymous

[00:17:39] with really anything past like a sort of general phrase of like, oh, you know, name your price. Especially if you were a 90s kid, only 90s kids will remember this. But it would be your introduction to the term, which also means it was your introduction

[00:17:51] to thinking about money in a different way. Right. Like something like Richie Rich was just abstract. It's like he just comes from money. He's really rich. But blank check is like, what if you got a lot of money? Now I think in a previous podcast

[00:18:02] or in a future podcast, I referenced the fact that he has McDonald's in his house. And that's in Richie Rich. I might have said that it was in blank check. I can't remember now. I think you confused it. I may have, but I remember, I mean,

[00:18:13] actually I may have thought it was in both, but it is in Richie Rich. It's not in blank check, that's all. Can I pitch you on the example of Trilogy I just came up with? Okay. I said this to Ben.

[00:18:23] I think there are three movies that are of a piece that all come out within three years. Well, Richie Rich is the same year, 94. Right. This film. This is 94 and what's the other one? And first kid. Which I've never seen. I want to look up the year.

[00:18:34] That's the movie with old Sinbad. And Sinbad. 96. Star of Shazam. Sure. That's the fake movie that we all remember. No, but I remember it, David. Look, David, if I remember something from my childhood and now you're telling me it's different than what I remembered,

[00:18:48] that certainly can't be the faulty memory of a fucking two-year-old. I don't fucking under, I don't want to get into that. We have to, we have to be, stay on target with blank check. Yeah, it's weird that no Mandela affects about things that happened three years ago.

[00:19:00] It's only stuff you wouldn't remember anymore because you were a fucking child and you didn't know how to read. Okay, all right. Go ahead. First kid Sinbad is the cool, like I mean that's like the relationship between the fucking chauffeur and Preston Waters

[00:19:16] in this stretch out to a whole movie. Sure. And it's not the money as much as the access though. It was like this trilogy of films about like what if you were a kid who had all the access in the world but you also didn't have friends. Right.

[00:19:27] But blank check is fascinating to me because... I'm just, the amount of people involved with this movie who are dead is alarming. Right? I was saying this to you last night. Because we were talking about it last night and I didn't know Snyder was dead. He's dead too.

[00:19:39] The guy who played the limo driver is dead. Rick DeKerman. They're all dying. Miguel Ferrer. Yeah. Miguel Ferrer. Right. And... The fucking Michael Lerner. Michael Lerner is still alive. I got scared for a second. I thought he was dead. I did too. Is it Reb Horn's dead?

[00:19:53] And yes, Reb Horn's dead. John Palito recently died. John Palito's in this movie? No but I'm saying you might have been confusing Michael Lerner and John Palito. Maybe that is what it is because I was thinking of just like early Cohen brother guys. I was gonna say...

[00:20:06] Because Lerner was actually in Hale Caesar and quite funny in a very brief role. Oh right, I forgot he was in that. And then Tone Locke didn't die but collapsed last year on stage or something. So like, you know, just like everybody fucking watched their backs.

[00:20:19] And also Seabare and Jamal tragically canceled after only one season. Tone Locke's cartoon show where he played a street wise teddy bear. I'm sure you all remember Seabare and Jamal. And Karen Duffy is paralyzed. Karen Duffy is paralyzed? I think she's okay now. She got neurosarchidosis. Okay.

[00:20:37] It's just a little alarming and if I was Brian Boncel I would just like watch my back. There's a curse. Have you looked at Brian Boncel? Please press some waters. Yes I have! Yes I have! He's like a punk singer now.

[00:20:47] No but also he got arrested for like domestic violence and shit. He's like a bad person. He's a bad dude. So like everyone, how's Jane Atkinson? She was in 24. You know what? She's doing okay. She's doing okay. She's married. This movie's kind of cursed

[00:21:03] a lot of people who worked on it. If Michael Lerner's family is listening right now please take out a life insurance policy. The biggest one you can afford. Lerner's 75? Like I suppose he's doing fine. Right, it would be less...

[00:21:17] No, I'm not going to talk about this as weird. It would just be less shocking if we lost Michael Lerner just because he's a little older. It's weird. Some of these people not that old. Yeah well especially Seabare and Jamal was just sort of getting at sea legs.

[00:21:28] I mean they were just cracking those characters. The story potential is huge for that show. Uh huh. The bear was straight wise, David. Uh huh. Seabare. Yeah. And Jamal. Please we don't have that much time. We got all the time in the world.

[00:21:46] We got a blank check baby. Okay so here's the thing that I find interesting about blank check. Yeah. This movie sucks. It's one of the worst movies I've ever seen in my entire life. David texted me last night and said

[00:22:01] this is actually the worst movie I've ever seen. You hated it. I was and here's the thing sometimes I'll be more mad at a movie if I feel like it's wasting my time. You know like if I have things to do

[00:22:12] and it's like shit I gotta watch this bullshit right now. I had nothing to do. Yeah. Like I was sort of you know I had it on and I was like you know doing some other stuff that you know just because it's a boring movie

[00:22:22] but like it wasn't really sucking up my time. I had a free evening. I hated it. My apartment's a mess right now and I really need to clean up. Like do like a massive clean up and reorganization but I was like oh fuck I gotta watch this movie.

[00:22:34] Like you texted me and I forgot that I hadn't watched it yet and I was irritated while watching the movie that it was taking me away from doing a thing I've been procrastinating from doing for weeks. Go ahead. Cleaning my room. Do you know what I'm saying?

[00:22:47] Like I was just like oh great you can watch that movie. That's an excuse to not clean your room. And then I started watching the movie and I was like I wish I was cleaning my room right now. Yeah it's maybe a movie you could tolerate

[00:22:57] if you were like packing. I'm trying to think of like some terrible activity. On the other hand you gotta focus on it cause the micro details are alarming in this movie. That's true and it is a film that is largely visual. Jesus. Oh boy. Turn your phone off.

[00:23:17] I get like 25 robocalls a day. You were with me that time that guy called and told me he was gonna beat up my mother. Do you remember that? Yep, that was weird. Cause I hung up on a robocall. Okay, please turn your phone off. So many montages.

[00:23:30] So many montages. And like wordless montages that you have to pay attention. You have to pay attention. Yes. But this movie is, it totally makes sense that this movie was written by someone who wrote a screenwriting guide. It makes, that makes sense.

[00:23:40] It makes sense that the movie came out in 94. Yes. It feels like an overreach by Disney cause it's a Disney movie and you're like you know the Disney brand meant something but like and in the 90s I would say actually

[00:23:52] it did again but there was a time when it did not. What I was saying to Mr. Hosidove before we recorded is that like you can't even fathom the idea of Disney making a movie like this today. Because they're so brand focused

[00:24:05] and anything they make that doesn't fit into one of their so called brand silos. Yeah, they're silos. Right? Is like an inspirational true story. Exactly, sure. Right, yes. Yes, like a million dollar arm plus a Disney movie right? Or something the weird. No it wasn't a million.

[00:24:20] It's the one about the cricket players. That's called a million dollar arm. That was Disney yeah, that's it. Right, yeah with John Hamm. Right, yeah. Queen of Cotway, you know. Queen of Cotway, sure. Something where it's like right this is not exactly

[00:24:29] a Disney animation film or more of a movie or whatever but at least it's like a Disney, it's something that would be on the cover of People Magazine. Like Finest Hours which was you know like a pop up based on True Story.

[00:24:40] I think a mistake on their part although I like that movie but yes. But inspirational true story. Yes, definitely. I'd say the only other outliers are like if you have something like BFG or Into the Woods which is like high profile director adapts well known source material.

[00:24:53] Oh no, it's an Oscar movie, sure. But something like this, like I mean they don't even make these types of films as vehicles for their Disney Channel stars anymore which they used to. Used to have your things like prom or college road trip.

[00:25:04] You could maybe see this is a TV movie these days. Maybe. A movie like this. Anyway, anyway. You're right that it does seem weird that Disney made it. It was a time where Disney didn't mean much especially on the live action and they were.

[00:25:16] Disney was yeah, sprinting around its money a little more. It was the middle of the animation renaissance but live action they had no idea what the fuck they were doing and also Disney would never release a film is this morally fucking.

[00:25:26] Okay, so this is why I hated the movie. Yeah. I mean it's a sick movie. You texted that it represents everything that's wrong with America today. That's probably part of the reason I hated it right now. I think so. Because certainly we are living in bad times

[00:25:40] and this is a movie that reinforces nothing good. Yeah. But let me give you a quick run down of this movie, okay? Okay. The kid's 12 years old. Is he 12? He's so much 12, he does look younger. He's a twerp. I was a, I mean. Let me look up his.

[00:25:55] At the time. Yeah. He was born in 81 so he is older at the time. He's just like a weird little kid. Yeah. He's supposed to be 12. Okay. He lives with his family. Doesn't even like, I'm sorry, just not even on a visual level.

[00:26:09] Doesn't the way the character is written read as like nine or 10? He reads as like a nine year old. Yeah. Like who doesn't, who hasn't even sort of like started thinking about sex yet but he's 12. Okay. He's got no friends. You pointed out he's associated.

[00:26:22] This to me is the most disturbing part of the movie. He does not have any friends. But. There's one other kid his age in the movie who was presented only as like kind of a problem. An antagonistic figure, right? He doesn't even have bullies though.

[00:26:35] He doesn't have anything. He doesn't interact with anyone his age. Just his brothers who are like dipshits. His brothers who are older entrepreneurs. I didn't really figure out what the fuck would deal with his brothers. But this is a key point because like a differentiating factor between this.

[00:26:50] We should say Brian Boncel, he was on family ties. He was like a vaguely well-known little actor at the time. You know, that's all. I was just on a little. He was real little in this movie. Yeah. They get some good comedy out of the suits

[00:27:01] fitting him poorly. They do, yeah. And he was also on Star Trek. He was Alexander. He was Worf's son. But you know, he's wearing like a Klingon forehead. So it's hard to tell. Humble breath. Richie Rich is about a kid who doesn't have any friends.

[00:27:18] But that's what it's about. He wants friends. Exactly. His only friend is a butler. Right. But also Richie Rich is based on like, that was an Archie cartoon, right? You know, like Richie Rich is a movie about how wealth isolates you from people. Exactly.

[00:27:32] Blank check is sort of trying to be that movie at right at the end. Like it's sort of like, well, and also the wealth isolated from people. At no point during the movie does that seem true. Well, this is the point I'm trying to make

[00:27:45] is that like the entire story of Richie Rich is wealth isolates him. It's about him trying to form a real relationship. Right, he's poor Rich. He has no friends. He wants friends. First kid is about the fact that this kid's isolated because he's in the White House.

[00:27:56] He's the president, so yeah. His best friend has to become a Secret Service agent. These are the meat of what the movie's about. This movie is about a kid who gets a blank check also for some reason he doesn't interact with any kids. Right.

[00:28:08] So let me continue running down the story. He's a sociopath. You've got a kid. He's 12. He lives with his perfectly nice seeming family in the suburbs somewhere. It was filmed in Austin. Will Goss told us. The Great Will Goss. Shout out to Will Goss, yes. And Austin, Texas.

[00:28:23] So his dad, James Rebhorn, is some sort of... Love James Rebhorn. Totally great James Rebhorn. No beef with Rebhorn. This movie has such good character actors. Kind of an odd role for Rebhorn though because Rebhorn usually plays scary guys with veins throbbing in their foreheads

[00:28:37] or like bureaucrats or kind of like B-list villains. You know what I mean? Oh see, I think this falls into the other Rebhorn Silo if you will. Which is? Which is a very composed, well spoken... True, sure. That's true. ...seemingly high status doofus

[00:28:53] who doesn't know what's going on. Very true. I've seen him do that in comedies before where it's like I'm speaking very intelligently but the joke is that he's oblivious. But I feel like this movie doesn't quite know what to do with his character.

[00:29:03] No and he's too good for this movie. He is too good for it. He's playing this role. Anyone in this movie who is good is too good for this movie. He's playing this role. He's trying hard to make this role better than it is in the script.

[00:29:14] He's trying to plus the character on the page and in the process makes the movie more confusing because imbuing the character with that much humanity makes the film track less. Okay so wait, wait. Yeah no you're right but I just want to finish the plot here.

[00:29:26] He doesn't like his life because his dad who's an entrepreneur and his mother who sits at the kitchen table and does nothing in this movie ever. She's a professional kitchen table sitter. And clearly does not fuck James Rebhorn because James Rebhorn is horny in this movie.

[00:29:41] He's real horny. Yeah and every time he like He keeps talking about how horny he is. Every time he talks about how horny he is she just gives him a look. Yeah she just rolls her eyes. Like it's all living. Yeah it really is.

[00:29:52] It's the worst sitcom shit you've ever seen. But she's not even like It's just like when you get married you never fuck again. Dun dun dun And now David's all I'm knocking the mic over. He did a full, David did like a little fist dance.

[00:30:05] But it's not like she's actively resenting him. Like it's not like she's like Shut the fuck up with this sex talk. Too bad. Gilded cage motherfucker. Jane Atkinson is the wife. I can't have sex because I'm too busy sitting at this table. I ain't moving from the table.

[00:30:23] Dun dun dun. Anyway so like You gotta fuck around this table if you want some. We should say the kid's name is Preston. Preston. Preston Waters. Waters I was gonna say winters. When he takes an opportunity he takes it. I know it's bad.

[00:30:36] So his brother, he can't get his own room cause his brothers need a room for their office? So I'd say that's the primary conflict of the movie. It's a legit beef I guess but I don't know, I mean it's a weird one. But that's the plot motivator.

[00:30:47] It is. He wants his own bedroom. He keeps on going to them and being like I need my own bedroom and they're like You can't get your room. They're like sorry cause your kid, your brothers who are teenagers have a business and he's like well that's

[00:30:58] that seems like a bad reason which is the one time I'm on board with him where I'm like wait. Yeah. If they have a business can't they just get an office somewhere else? And Redhorn's reply is one my house my rules which is a good reply. Sure.

[00:31:09] And two like when I was your age I had a business which like okay fucking let him have a room. He's 12 he's gotta start jerking off. Right, it's a very capitalist movie. Yeah, jeez it. Well yes. Yeah.

[00:31:20] But it's like you can't, you have no sway in this house because you aren't an entrepreneur. Where is your earning power buddy? You get a room when you have a business. Yeah. So anyway. It's a 12 year old played by a 13 year old

[00:31:29] who looks like an eight year old. The only reason to have this subplot I feel like is so the kids get an advanced Macintosh computer which can then be used home alone style or hijinks. Well, but see can we talk about the computer?

[00:31:43] We will when I'm done running down the plot. So I have thoughts on it. I do think this is where you see the Save the Cat in this movie. It's that like. Well you mean like because of course eventually like he needs to get his own room

[00:31:58] as the like emotional conclusion of the story. This movie is pretty fucking airtight in terms of setup. Sure. Yeah. Well and I that's sort of like like praising mine confine having like good turn of phrase. But it is like you kind of see that like OK.

[00:32:16] This guy did fucking break down the semiotics for how to make a functional uninteresting movie. I guess so. Like it's like I just feel like I've seen it better. What's the conflict? He doesn't have his own room. Why? Because his siblings run a business out of there.

[00:32:29] How can you get his own room? His dad says he needs to start his own business. So what does he do? He uses the computer that he has in his room because it's being taken over by his brother's office. You know? Yeah.

[00:32:38] And the fucking integration of the Michael Lerner thing like it is it's pretty tight and how much because I was rewatching it being like what fucking hoops are they going to have to go jump through to justify this. And I was like the first 30 minutes

[00:32:51] it all kind of no checks out. No I'm out of it. I'm not saying it's great. I'm doing the plot. Get away get out of here. All right now when I was a kid. Let me get out of here. When I was a kid.

[00:33:00] Step step step step step step step. Don't we have a time for that thing? Step step. See you later David. I'm getting out of here. Guys, I really hate that bit. Slam. That's a comedy bang bang bit. The Creek slam part. RIP here as well. Yes.

[00:33:19] Sorry, I walked back in to say that. Let me get it down. Slam. When I was a kid. I thought that it was weird that this movie made so many narrative justifications for the fact that he walks into a bank with a check for million

[00:33:34] dollars and gets a million dollars right in cash. When I was a kid, I thought the way it worked was like if you've got the check, they got to give you the money. Like, you know, I didn't get why there had to be the stuff with the mobster.

[00:33:47] Obviously now I understand. I saw this movie when I was eight in theaters. That's the only time I'd ever seen it before. Door open. Hey, sorry. You can stay Jesus Christ enough. Okay. So what I was thinking while I was outside.

[00:34:02] When I was a kid, I didn't understand why the movie had to offer so many narrative justification. This is not funny. Well, it's funny. Well, this is just a point I independently came up with. I was outside the studio. Why? What's Griffin doing now?

[00:34:18] I did rewatching it, not having seen it in years. I was like, I'm going to roll my eyes so fucking hard where you get to the scene where he shows up with the check and the banks like here you go. Wait, you didn't remember the. I didn't.

[00:34:31] I didn't remember any of that. Okay. I just remember a guy hit him. He went to the bank. They gave him the money. Oh, I remember the opposite, which was there had to be a lot of hoops for it to jump through when I was a kid.

[00:34:39] I was like, but if you have a check, like, isn't that all you need? They praise award. I want to give this movie credit for jumping through those hoops. No, just because it does better than the mind of an eight year old doesn't count as praise. No. Okay.

[00:34:52] So the idea is Miguel Ferrer, who I believe we open the movie with him digging up some money or right. We do. And this is something I want to highlight right here. This movie was lensed by the great, the great Bill Pope.

[00:35:07] I was going to say Dick Poop for a second. Dick Poop is another great cinematographer, but Bill Pope. This is Bill Pope, who, uh, frequent collaborator of Edgar Wright, Sam Raimi and the Wachowski and the Wachowski, three, three amazing filmmakers has, has lensed incredible films.

[00:35:23] I'm going to keep on saying lensing because I want to, I want to sound great. Lenser, great lenser, Chris Prames. Um, this movie is, uh, has the mise en scene of a 90s neo-navigation. Sure it does. That's true.

[00:35:37] Like I rewatched it expecting it to look like a sitcom. It's not great looking, but it's better looking than it needs to be. I was very impressed. Yeah. And, and like once again, maybe low bar, like I was expecting it to look like some interesting shots,

[00:35:49] especially that shot where he like drops the, um, VR helmet onto Michael Lerner's head and like tortures him with visual feedback. Well, it's also going on there. It's got this sort of like sunset color palette. Yeah. Yeah. Like it's kind of all of you know, the air snaps.

[00:36:06] It's like, yeah, snap, crackle pop. It feels really vapor wave. Ben, you just want to say vapor wave a lot. Here, Ben, just lay some vapor wave under the rest of my plot description. Okay. Oh hell yeah. All right.

[00:36:19] I just think I'm gonna do less of the rest of my look at that opening scene and it looks like it's from a real prison. It looks like blood simple. It's like it's like rain, dark, you know, thunder flashing.

[00:36:31] Robbins pops out of the poop pipe and Shawshank redemption except with Miguel Farron. You're like, wait, so make up Miguel Farron. He's a mobster gangster. I don't know bank robber. I don't know what the fuck he is. He just he escaped from prison. A criminal. He's a criminal.

[00:36:46] Sure. He escaped from prison. He digs up $1 million. He goes back to a bank. What? What are you laughing at? One million dollars. And for the listener at home, I'm putting my pinky up to the side of my mouth.

[00:37:00] I think Griffin thinks we need to vample out on this podcast. That's why he's doing so many beds. Oh, Griffin, that's a reference to the Spy who Shagged me. Yeah, good one. Remember the Spy who Shagged me? Yeah. Well, that's one of them. I guess it didn't.

[00:37:14] One of what? There's more than one Spy who Shagged me movie. That's like shit bit on shit bit. I'm a good mood today. That's good. I'm glad you're in a good mood. I'm in a weirdly bad mood. Yeah, because you watch Blanket. Yeah.

[00:37:28] Now, OK, he takes the million bucks to a bank. He leans on Michael Lerner who let's let's admit in the 90s was our sweatiest performer. Michael Lerner does not fuck around with sweating. And Michael Lerner, I guess testified against him.

[00:37:44] And so he's like, listen up, bucko, you're going to clean this money for me. You're going to launder it tomorrow. I'm sending in a guy called Juice with a check. He's going to pick up the million dollars. Now, why Miguel Ferrer can't just pick up the million dollars

[00:37:55] considering he brought them in? Yeah. Doesn't make any fucking sense at all. Yeah. But whatever, Michael Lerner is like, OK, then then Miguel Ferrer backs over this kid's bike with his hot gag. Well, after something very important happened. What? If he gets a blank check for his birthday,

[00:38:13] yeah, his grandmother's senile and forgot to pull him out, set up that the kid would know like the power of a blank check, I guess. So he goes, how much did your grandma give you last year? Thousand dollars. Uh-huh. We're like 10. What about inflation? 11.

[00:38:27] I'm going to go to the bank. Who's there? Karen Duffy, right? Firebrand MTV VJ. And he goes, I like to open account and she's right from the get go, weirdly flirty with him. She is hitting on him. OK, we're going to get to that.

[00:38:43] That's that happens before it's important to set this up. That's not plot centric and I just that deserves its own podcast, its own FBI investigation. We're going to get to the weirdness of that. This is plot centric. God damn it.

[00:38:56] Because she says this is not money to start an account comeback. Yeah. And he now has the same time that Miguel Ferrer is at the bank. So they're both at the bank at the same time for that reason. Yeah, but I'm getting mad at you because it doesn't

[00:39:09] make any fucking sense what he does. Anyway, this is the problem. He gets the blank check from Miguel Ferrer because, you know, they're both walking the bank. They run over runs over and this kid who I like, the little redheaded shithead. He's real shithead that kid.

[00:39:23] I think it's a good shithead. He's negotiating. And like, I saw it. I'm a witness. You smell like vodka and Miguel Ferrer is a fuck with me kid. But you'll fair is going 100 percent in this movie. Like he's not concerned with toning it down because

[00:39:35] he's in the children's film. He's giving like the exact same performance. That's true given a Paul Verhoeven movie. That is very true. Yes. And this movie looks like to live and die in LA. Well, this does. And also, yeah, that's the thing.

[00:39:47] This is a movie with a lot of threat, but we'll get to that. Yeah. So now the cops are coming. He's on him. He doesn't get time to fill out the check. He just gives him the check.

[00:39:56] Yeah, we all we all get that there's a blank check, right? Then here's where here's where the movie goes. He, you know, he's got this blank check. He's like, oh, right? He knows enough to know how to forge a blank check on his computer to know.

[00:40:12] This is really tough in terms of formatting. I just it doesn't even explain that because holy shit. But like that printer is used to having a full like like fucking eight by eleven, right? Like a four again. I'm with you. I be very hard to format.

[00:40:27] So only today I would struggle with this. Yes. He instead of putting $200 his first idea, which is how much means for the account is delete, delete, delete. Like why not a thousand dollars because that's what the little smarmy kid is. Yes. Wait, delete, delete, delete.

[00:40:43] Then he decides to put in a million dollars. Yeah, why would he do that? He's 12. He's not four. He's an idiot. Right. Like he would be smart enough to I think know this guy probably doesn't have a million dollars to give to me.

[00:40:55] Well, you've already answered your own question, which is he's an idiot. He is an idiot. So he goes to the bank and hey, guess what? The guy does have a million dollars to give to him. He goes in. He's led into the back office. Michael Lerner says,

[00:41:06] Do they think he's a fucking prankster for the old ladies like we drag you by the ear? I'm trying to get through this. Jesus, you're doing every beat. I want to scratch it out this movie. Michael Lerner says juice,

[00:41:16] you know, because that is supposedly the name of the guy picking up this money is juice. And he says, No, thanks. I'm not thirsty. Funny. Michael Lerner laughs. 100 comedy points. Michael Lerner decides, I know what this is. This is just Miguel Ferrer being smart. Saying I'm gonna kid.

[00:41:32] No one would ever suspect a kid. Brilliant. I wouldn't even think of this. No one would ever suspect a kid with a backpack full of 100 fucking million bills. What the hell? Of course they suspect the kid. I assume you want large bills? No, no, regular sizes. Regular size.

[00:41:47] Funny, funny. And Michael Lerner's like, How many comedy points do you want? And he's like, I don't know. One million. So this kid proved a bizarre set of circumstances gets one million dollars in cash. In a backpack. In a backpack. A backpack overflowing with bills.

[00:42:04] Here's the rest of the movie. He spends a million dollars in five days. The end. Can I give this movie another Fan Praise Award? Okay. This isn't actually an award for the movie, but I, not having seen it since I was a child, like half remembered,

[00:42:21] was like, yeah they give him a million dollars, which is not even enough to afford all the shit he does. Uh-huh. I had forgotten the movie only happens over the course of five days. Like I remembered it being like,

[00:42:31] and then for seven months he spends a million dollars. Like this movie does actually acknowledge, like that would run out pretty quickly. Um, well that's one thing I hate about this movie. Because I think the main message of this movie is, Huh!

[00:42:46] A million dollars can't get you anything these days. Okay. Thank you Disney for making a whole movie about how you could quickly spend a million dollars because shit's more expensive. Like they keep making jokes to Ferrer where it's like, Ferrer's like,

[00:43:00] How the fuck did you spend a million dollars? And they're just like, you can't mean like, you can get nothing with a million dollars these days. Yeah, I mean look, you could spend 16 million dollars and four months and only produce a movie called Blank Trek.

[00:43:11] Is that how much it costs? I'm guessing, right? I was gonna say 20 but I feel like I'm overshooting. You got no real names in this. Michael Lerner probably had the highest quote at the time. Possibly. He wasn't Oscar nominee, well a few years back, but yeah, Barton Fink's 91.

[00:43:24] Yeah. Um, love Barton Fink. Uh... Oh I forgot, Tom Locke was pay or play in those days, so he probably... Tom Locke comes in, he's juice. He's the real juice. Yeah. Now we're gonna talk about him because Tom Locke's the one guy

[00:43:39] who I think is really on the level in this movie. He's great. Tom Locke is singing a sweet song. Handed a role that is maybe like one inch off of the absolute racism displayed in Disney's Song of the South. Agreed. Where they're like, yeah sure whatever,

[00:43:55] it's only been 50 years but who should play like a shady gangster who threatens children with no humanizing elements. I don't know, get a rapper, right? Like, get Tom Locke. But there are two other weird elements to him, okay? Sure. So like in terms of...

[00:44:10] And obviously the director had worked with Tom Locke so maybe that's why Tom Locke's in this movie. It's just like... Tom Locke also was hot at that point, he'd done Ace Ventura. Ace Ventura... Ace Ventura comes out at the same time,

[00:44:20] like literally the same time as this movie. So this was the year Hollywood was trying to make Tom Locke happen. Which Tom Locke plays a fucking cop who is totally above the line and like good at his job. Yeah. And he's also very funny.

[00:44:32] In this movie Tom Locke is handed like the shadiest, shittiest character I've ever seen. He fucking spins it into gold. He's so funny in this movie. I don't know why he didn't have more of an acting career. Why didn't he?

[00:44:43] If you look at those two films you go like he played very different roles in terms of status. He's got kind of like a Benicio del Toro in like, you know early in like the 90s vibe. Like weird like mumbly.

[00:44:53] It feels like he's improving a lot of lunches. There's that scene where he's like, I had a dog once called Nat King Cole. Or is that what the dog was called? I don't remember. And he's like, ah, he was a great dog.

[00:45:02] And you're just like, what the fuck's that line doing in there? That's a weird line. Like it's in the middle of a chase scene. Yeah. And it's just like Tom Locke obviously just ad-libbing some great stuff. Like he is threatening. You know what I mean?

[00:45:15] Like you are afraid of him because there's that first scene where he bumps into Parker. Yeah. Is that his name? Preston. Preston. And he's kind of like, hey, what are you doing? Like bumping into me and like, you know, I mean, you could get hurt doing that. Yeah.

[00:45:28] And you're like, oh, this guy's weird, right? But he's also really charming and kind of like low key funny and just, I don't know. Well, look at two counter points here, right? Like two opposite ends of the spectrum with this character. One is that when he's introduced,

[00:45:41] it's him going to the bank to pick up the check if he agreed upon time, right? Uh-huh. Okay. Screenwriting. Oh, save the cat. How does it function? Tom Locke doesn't get there in time to stop Preston from getting the money because he can't stop leering at women, right?

[00:45:56] You're like, oh, fuck. Is that the function of this character? Yeah. That he's not there at the agreed upon time because he can't stop making passes and looking at butts and all that. You're like, it's a good point. It's a good point. Right? Yeah.

[00:46:08] So now you're like, OK, it's a rapper playing like the heavy, the enforcer. Sure, a goon. Who's not afraid to like threaten a child. Right. Although to be fair, neither is Miguel Ferrer. Sure. Dangles a child off of a skyscraper. Well, we'll get to that.

[00:46:24] What a weird movie. But also... I think this movie was rated G. Yes. It might have been BG. But then also he can't stop leering at women, right? Why am I getting more phone calls today than any time in history? Who's fucking calling me? Everybody. Everybody.

[00:46:39] What if it turns out when we end this episode that I missed like seven phone calls trying to hire me to be in a Star Wars movie? Uh, yeah, that'd be great. I've never gotten this many phone calls in a limited period of time.

[00:46:51] Is it the same person? No, it's different people and they're all people in the industry. So I might be missing something big right now. Should we pause and you could take a call? No, absolutely not. Ben, if there's one thing this podcast is about

[00:47:08] and has been about since the very beginning through all our iterations is about me sabotaging my own career and I'm not going to fucking ruin our brand this late in the game. It's our 100th episode. Oh, this is what I want to say about the tone low character.

[00:47:19] Yeah, he set up in that way, right? With the fucking leering they hit him like hitting on women three times in his first minute on screen and you're like, oh, fuck. And then his character becomes this one guy who's so charmed by what this kid is doing

[00:47:33] as they have to go and search for this kid. That's what's good about it. There's two things that good about it. That's one of the two things that are good is good about us before. I mean, apart from the stuff we already said. Right.

[00:47:42] Yeah, he immediately is like, this kid is really good at fucking you over, which is funny to me. Right. Yeah. Two, he keeps being asked to do annoying things like chase that kid through there, you know, through the fountain or like run after this kid

[00:47:56] like through the woods. They have to go to kids' places, kids' activities, things like that. And he used to be like, I don't want to do that. And they're like, fine, like I'll pay you more money. And as he's chasing me, he's like,

[00:48:03] God, this isn't worth any money. Like, oh, I can't do tone low because he's... Like I said, he's Del Toro-esque in his like mumbly kind of genius. It's easy. Just do a sea bear impression. And then you got tone low.

[00:48:15] But I also like that he likes all the stuff the kid's buying, like he thinks it's like cool, you know? And he does a really good job somehow, magically, miraculously, like pulling the nose diving plane up and keeping it at like a reasonable altitude

[00:48:31] from being like an offensive simpleton character. Yeah. Or just like... I don't know. Yeah. He's good. He's good. He's funny. He should have had a better career. I have no idea. Maybe tone low was tough to work with.

[00:48:42] I have no call on why tone low didn't like last. Maybe he was immensely difficult. Okay, so now the movie is... He's in Ace Ventura Junior Pet Dysagn... No, he's not. His song is. Oh, weird. Funky Colt Medina? Ace is in the House,

[00:49:00] which he recorded for the first blind check. So I guess he's just going to use it again. Yeah, Ace Ventura Junior is not a good song. I have not seen it actually. Is that his name? Ricky Blitt? I don't know. He was the baby in Baby's Kids.

[00:49:13] Or Baby's World. Oh, he was the baby in Baby's World. Yeah. Baby's Kids? I think it was called Baby's Kids. I can't remember. Yeah. So he has the million dollars... Remember when that baby pulled the plug on Las Vegas? Ben?

[00:49:25] Remember when they go to Las Vegas and there are all the lights? And then the lights go out and they're like, what happened and the baby's staying there? I don't know what you're talking about. Like spinning around. I legit don't know what it is. An electrical cord.

[00:49:32] Do you remember that? I do. That's a good movie. You know what's good about that, bit? What? All the power went out. Yeah, that's what's funny about it. And you know what else is good about that, bit? What? He's a baby. I know. So it's like, aw.

[00:49:45] How the... What big things come in small packages sometimes. You know? I don't like that. I know. Well, I'm sorry. Okay. I have no idea what you were talking about. So he uses... Mr. McIntosh. He invents the character. This is a precedent. Well, he... Of Mr. McIntosh.

[00:50:03] Goes home and immediately decides to buy property. To buy a castle. So he goes onto a website that's called, like real estate for the 90s. It literally says on the screen, real estate for the 90s. Hey man. And you can do... Only 90 skits. Yeah.

[00:50:16] You can do digital bidding and he happens to. Happens to. Yeah, it's a little bit of nonsense. Be bidding on the same house that Miguel Ferreira is. Why does Miguel Ferreira want this house? Why doesn't he just want to go to like Sweden or something?

[00:50:27] Like why the fuck does he want to stay in like town? Yeah, so what fucking castle is on the market for like $100,000? That's okay. That's the thing. That's the thing. This is a castle. It's literally a castle. It is huge. Ferreira has like some deal worked out

[00:50:40] where he's going to get it for $100,000 or something. They're really close to closing the deal with him. That's nuts. Yes. I don't care if it's 94. I don't care what real estate was in Texas in 1994. That's crazy. You can't get a one bedroom... Bedroom? One bedroom.

[00:50:53] You can't get a one bedroom, bedroom, apartment in New York City for less than like... That's $300,000. $300,000. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I know inflation. I know New York's crazy. But there's no way you can buy that castle for $100,000. It's a castle. It's a literal castle.

[00:51:07] So he outbids and gets... He's not talking about Nathan Fillion. Gets the castle for $300,000. David, I'm not talking about Nathan Fillion. Are you talking about his daughter played by Daniel Panabaker? Yes. Great. Or one of the Panabakers. She's also a castle. Maybe Kay Panabaker. One of them Panabakers.

[00:51:26] Of the Minnesota Panabakers. Correct. Buys a castle. So that's a chunk of his million bucks. I guess he buys it straight cash. Yeah, he spends $300,000. So he's spent pretty much a third of his... A lot of the money. Yeah. Then he hires a limo driver.

[00:51:41] Also, no one has ever closed a property deal that fast. No one has ever bought something and had people move in. Especially some of that expense. That's true. It happens in a day. A day. He buys it like 5 p.m.

[00:51:54] And then the next morning the dad wakes up. James River wakes up to fucking... His shit's being moved out. Right. And the kids bought a lot of stuff. He's hired a limo driver named Henry, played by what's his name? Rick Dukumman. Dukumman.

[00:52:04] I don't know how to pronounce it. But he's a great character. Groundhog Day in The Burbs. And he says to his dad... He was a great character. Okay. He felt prey to the Blink Checker. D.B.Dus, I believe is what claimed his life. D.B.Dus?

[00:52:17] D.B.Dus, yes. He tells his dad, oh, I got a job with Mr. McIntosh, this new big hot rod in town. And his dad is like, instead of being like, but you're a minor, that makes no sense. Or who is Mr. McIntosh?

[00:52:31] Or what are you talking about? When did this transpire? Can I meet him? Where did you get this three-piece suit? Why are you wearing purple sunglasses and a headpiece? What the fuck is going on? He's got one of those event coordinator microphones on. He's like, okay, folks.

[00:52:43] And his dad, instead of all that, is like, oh, yeah, sure. And so the kid kind of moves out, but without totally telling his parents these moves out. Did you say that he can't with the name McIntosh because of the computer? Yeah, it's clever. Is it?

[00:52:58] A little bit. Well, Ben, do you want to talk about this McIntosh? Um, yeah. I had the same exact Apple computer because I was an Apple kid. Is it a... It's a McIntosh, right? Only Apple kids will remember this. What brand of McIntosh? What edition?

[00:53:13] Uh, I don't remember specific. I'm going to look it up. I mean, it's early 90s or McIntosh. It's really early 90s Mac. Yeah, it was just so nice to see even all the gear, the speakers, the stylus. Is it a McIntosh 2? Yeah. Came out in 90s?

[00:53:32] I guess that was a 2. Then no, mine was maybe a little more advanced. I had a PowerPC, but anyway. Sure, sure. Love, Apple, you had zero games. It is a PowerPC. You had zero games you could play on it. Basically, it was just like fucking... What about SimTower?

[00:53:46] I had SimTower and I had Steven Spielberg's fucking director share. Exactly. That's it. We've talked about SimTower. That was a great Mac game. Oh man, SimTower was one of the best. Here's what I would prefer. If this movie was just he gets a new McIntosh

[00:53:59] and he just plays SimTower for 90 minutes. I mean, you're just watching over his shoulder. Yeah, that'd be great. I would love that movie. You're like, build a gym there. No, and now there. And he just puts his money in the bank and earns interest. Yeah.

[00:54:10] Instead, he buys a friend who's Rick Decomman, who's his limo driver. And even then, initially not really his friend, but eventually he realizes he at least wants that guy around. I think he's also good in this movie. He's okay. It's a weird character.

[00:54:25] It's a weird character I think has written the characters very annoying. He's okay. He's okay. But I think he's got a genuine heart. That's my praise for him. Could be worse. I think there's a genuine warrant for him. So he gets the limo driver.

[00:54:36] Yeah, there's a little warmth. Oh, and he's got a crush on Karen Duffy. He can't get over this bank teller. Played by Shane. Now, to his credit. She's beautiful. Karen Duffy real cute. And she was popping. She had the heat at that moment.

[00:54:49] Yeah, and she second-built over Miguel. Yeah. This was when was this in relation to Dumb and Dumber? Because that was her other big. Dumb and Dumber is 96. No, what am I talking about? It's 94 as well. So same year. This was her year where they were like,

[00:55:00] she was like, God, Dumb and Dumber is 94. She was the Colleen Haskell of her time. Harry just like pumped out three movies in one year. Yeah. You're looking at the wall. Yes, that was the big deal was that like he got paid, I think, $500,000 for Ace Ventura,

[00:55:14] which came out in January. Yeah. Right before Dumb and Dumber started filming. And by the time Dumb and Dumber started filming, knowing they had the mask in the can, I think he got like $8 million for Dumb and Dumber.

[00:55:24] Ace Ventura, the Mask and Dumb and Dumber all in one year. All three inspired animated series too. And then in 95, Batman Forever and Ace Ventura II. That's how fast they made Ace Ventura II. Yeah. Then 96, the cable guy, which is like $20 million a picture

[00:55:39] and his perceived like, you know, kind of valley. Right? Like that's how fast that happened with Jim Carrey. Yeah. Anyway, this is not a Jim Carrey episode. No. But he from the first time he goes in the bank

[00:55:53] and can't open the account and she's really flirting with him. He thinks he's cute because he's trying to deposit an $11 check into a new bank account. Right. And she's like, well, you need $200. She's cute. She's flirting with him. A lot.

[00:56:05] He drives by in a limo while she's running. That's what I wanted to get to. So that's the second time he sees her. Correct. Is... She's listening. I believe she's listening to a Walkman, possibly. Yes. Yeah. Right.

[00:56:15] And he's in the back of this limo eating the ice cream. He's gone on this big garbage cave. Eating ice cream out of like, I guess it's like an ice cream store container. It's like a vat. Sure.

[00:56:29] Why would you ever want a container of that much ice cream? You're one person. Yeah. Just get several small containers. I mean, you're actually just being wasteful at that point. There is no way that you can eat it before it melts. And it's like covered with everything.

[00:56:43] It looks like vomit because it's like 17 flavors together with whipped cream, with cherries, with syrup. And I guess this is what I'm getting at, which is like, of course the movie is saying to us kids like, this is what you want. You want the most of everything.

[00:56:57] You want items that you'll never use. You just want like stuff, stuff, right? Is this what you want, you fuckers? You want this? And it is now, it is so gross and crazy to watch it. I don't mean to sound like some nervous Nelly.

[00:57:10] It's just like, you're like, this is so fucking empty and lame. And like he has like gadgets that you don't even remember. VR system. Like that VR thing. One of those TVs that's just like 12 TVs in a grid. Hey, hey, hey. That's fucking cool. That is pretty cool.

[00:57:27] He's got a batting cage. He's got a batting cage. He's got a Velcro wall. Sure, he's got the Velcro wall is the one I remember thinking was the coolest. He's got boxing gloves that go up to his armpits. Water slide. He's got a water slide.

[00:57:39] He does have a water slide. A water slide. Yeah. Love you Ben. Love you Ben. Philly Ben. Philly G-Stake Ben. It's just how I say it. I know. I always feel like Ben's from Philly even though he is. But you know, he's got a little Philly in him.

[00:57:54] He's a Jersey boy. I know he's a Jersey boy. Yeah, I mean Philly and Jersey kissing cousins. OK, so. So he gets a lot of stuff. But yeah, he's talking to Shay. When he's on the ride home after the initial shopping spree. Yeah.

[00:58:07] And what's the fucking Schrofer's character's name? Oh, the Schrofer is called Jesus Henry. Henry. And Henry's like, so explain to me why he gives you all this money. Right. Because he still thinks Mr. Macintosh exists. Right. And that this kid is like Mr. Macintosh's personal assistant.

[00:58:23] And he's like, Mr. Macintosh, you know, he's very successful. He never really had a childhood. So he gives me money to act out the childhood that he never got to have. Uh-huh. Henry's just like, yeah, it makes sense. Sure. Anyway, who's signing my paychecks? Oh, it's just cash.

[00:58:36] Nothing weird about this. And then he sees Caranduffi and he's like, wait, slow down, slow down. Kid pops out of the moon roof. Right. I would call a sunroof personally, but sure. That's the night. It's true. True. You got me. And the moonlight is a moonroof.

[00:58:55] And he starts like talking to her, being like, hey, remember me? Remember when we said I didn't have enough money? Look at me now. I got a garbage can full ice cream. I'm in a limo.

[00:59:02] And Henry, rather than being like, wait, what the fuck is going on here is like, oh man, kid, she's a looker. Yeah, you want to fuck that lady who's twice your age? He starts rooting him on. Not only that, then they make a date. Yes.

[00:59:17] Which I guess is nominally supposed to be like discussing Mr. Macintosh's business interests. We forgot to mention that she is an undercover FBI agent. Of course. Then it's, yeah, we quickly realized she's an undercover FBI agent who is on

[00:59:28] Michael Lerner's case waiting for her to show back up. Of course. Yes. And so she knows that they were looking, they were looking for him to buy the castle. Because there's a scene where they're in the van and they're like, wait, someone outbid them on the castle.

[00:59:44] So now they're like, who's this Mr. Macintosh? And then she's like, who do you work for? Where do you get all this money? He goes, I'm working for a new guy, Mr. Macintosh. She goes, oh, I've been hearing a lot about this Mr. Macintosh.

[00:59:52] So she says, well, I want to meet him. He's like, okay, well, let's talk about it. And she says it's a date. And he's like, he sort of sits back down. Well, you know, he's like a date. Yeah. Never been on a date. Right.

[01:00:03] How do I go on a date? The limo driver. And limo driver's like, look, if you want to fuck a lady, basically, take her to a salad bar is his first suggestion, which by the way, what? The limo driver's like, look, here's what you do.

[01:00:16] You put her feet behind your head. Okay. It's a 40 degree angle. I think the movie's joke is of course that like the limo drivers doesn't know what he's talking about either because he's obviously like a dumb, like nobody who doesn't have any luck with the ladies.

[01:00:32] Yeah, but he's also treating this like it's right. That it's totally normal that they would go on a date. Hypernormalization. That's what it is. It's hypernormalization. I was giving you a sort of like a presto. Just give me one of these.

[01:00:49] I feel like a smart way to make this movie would be that she's clearly just a professional, right? Sure. She's just trying to do her job. This kid's a lead to Macintosh. So she's just working the kid. She gets a crush on her and just yeah. Right.

[01:01:04] She's suspicious. She's trying to figure it out. She does. She immediately goes, why would this guy hire a kid to buy toys? Right. And that it never is set up as a romantic thing. He thinks he keeps on misinterpreting it as a romantic thing. Sure.

[01:01:18] But instead, they have her play every single scene like she's considering fucking him. Every single scene is for being like, I don't know. I could fuck him. The end of the movie they they kiss. Which she can. Sucks. Yeah. Well, this movie sucks.

[01:01:32] I physically shuttered because it's like she's not kissing him right on the lips is just above, but it's still so gross. It's on the mouth, I would say. If not directly on the lips, it's on the mouth.

[01:01:42] I feel like there is a negotiation there like what if we don't do it right on the mouth? It's just weird. Brian Bonzel's parents, whoever they were, we're just like yeah, sure they were like signing release forms. But there's like ruin his life when I care.

[01:01:53] There's the moment where they look at each other for a while and slowly lean in and you're just like, don't what the fuck unless she's about to like it's a shit movie. wipe a smudge of chocolate off his face. Don't do that. Shit movie. Yeah.

[01:02:03] And then there's just a lot of, I mean, I guess he buys more stuff, but there's just a lot of Miguel Freire trying to find this kid, which is weird because it's like, he bought the castle. Go to the castle. What are you an idiot? Sure.

[01:02:15] I mean, I think he knows Mr. Macintosh quote unquote bought, but like put two and two together, you dumb motherfucker. Just go to the castle. Right. But this reaches Apex when they find the little shitty redhead kid. Yeah, and tangle him off the roof asking for Preston's address.

[01:02:29] Now a lot of this because it's like Bill Pope did his job well in this movie and it looks not like a Disney family comedy, right? Big poop. Yeah. There's this weird sort of reverse Beverly Hills cop effect in this movie.

[01:02:41] Really Beverly Hills cop like looks and functions as like a traditional 80s cop movie. Sure. It is shot like any other cop movie, but you have Eddie Murphy in the middle of which is why Beverly Hills cop is funny.

[01:02:52] Yeah, only one person is playing a comedy in that right. And then Bronson pinched it as well for that one scene, but that's a whole weird backstory that we'll get to when we do our Martin Bressman series 17 years from now.

[01:03:02] This movie is like the reverse of that where it's like, here's a wacky Disney family comedy and Miguel Ferrer is coming in as if he's like straight off the set of like fucking like like Red Rock West or something, right?

[01:03:15] You know, which is really funny to watch as an adult. But I don't know if you have this thing where like you'll like think of half remembered movies from your childhood and be like, I remember that being really upsetting or really scary or really emotional. Yeah.

[01:03:29] And then you watch it today like this is dumb. This is stupid. This has no effect. I just was saying when that kid's getting dangled, you are like, what? Right. Like I remember Miguel Ferrer being scary in this movie. I always fuck his name up. You scary.

[01:03:41] It's for rare. And then you watch it. You watch it today and you're like, no, still scary. I wasn't just a child. Miguel Ferrer also he's in so many movies. He's we just lost him. Obviously he was in Twin Peaks and like he's he's a brilliant guy.

[01:03:55] Bro Robocops, you know, but I also just like apart from all his good shit. He was also just in a lot of shit and often as a scary guy who yells at you. And so in my childhood, he's just sort of burned in my memory for that reason.

[01:04:08] But maybe it's just because he dangled the kid off the roof and by Jack. Yeah, please. The president and Iron Man 3. And it's like he's introduced. No vice president, vice president. Oh, you're right. Yeah. He's the vice president. Just conspiring to destroy the president.

[01:04:22] But he is only introduced like an hour and a half into the movie where it's like he's at a birthday party and they go, sir, I'll call for you. And he goes, take the shot or like whatever he says.

[01:04:30] It's like, yeah, Miguel Farrell is like who you bring in if that's what you want to do pretty much his last big, his last big movie. Yeah. And then he was on NCIS one of the NCA. Yes, well, he was on Crossing Jordan for many years.

[01:04:40] He was on one of the NCA. He was at the time. SLA. Yes. OK. So then the movie kid spends money goes on this weird date with Karen Duffy where they go to a fancy restaurant. I don't care. He's got sunglasses. He gets like crayfish or something.

[01:04:54] Yeah, he hates it. And then he's like, how do you feel about burgers? And there's a moment where she goes like, I love hamburger. But like in a in a gauzy close up. He's saving the date. Right. Right. And she's like, oh, we might still fuck him.

[01:05:05] And she goes like, so what's so special about this place? And he's like, I can't tell you yet. And she's like, well, and he's like, OK, fine, let me show you. And then he places her in the middle of this thing.

[01:05:13] And he's like five, four, three, two, one water fountains. And that's like the slow motion montage of the two of them dancing in the water. This is all in the movie. Then the fucking the bad guys come. Oh, they get fooled by the water.

[01:05:28] They trip so they're able to make an escape. But then there's this weird section where it's like they're in the back of a limo, like soaking wet and everything in this scene is coded as like they're about to fuck.

[01:05:40] And let's not forget that then his older brothers again, rather than being like, hey, what's up with this thing where you have a job? Who is Mr. Macintosh? Where are you all the time? Yeah. Like why is this woman interested in you?

[01:05:53] They're just like, oh, yeah, that girl's just after your money. Right there. Like she's a gold digger. I mean, and they are also like and after Mr. Macintosh's money. But they're not like, wait, you're going on dates with a 28 year old? When he goes on it.

[01:06:09] Yeah, it's so weird. Maybe one thing if there was like a 14 year old girl who and they were like, she's a gold digger. Sure. But this whole movie sets it up. I mean, I remember watching this and being like that was the like the element

[01:06:22] like that that seems so fantastical was like, oh man, you're a little kid, but you get to go on dates with an adult woman. Like that seemed cool to me when I was like seven. Well, in like big, it's good. Yeah.

[01:06:33] But that's anyway, look, let's get to the final set piece in which Debbie Allen of fame plays like a party planner. He has to throw a party. An obnoxious party planner. He has to throw a party because everyone's like, what's up with Mr.

[01:06:46] Macintosh? Now here's what annoys me. I'm like, you got the money. Why don't you hire someone to play Mr. Macintosh? Like that sounds like a good third act thing that could get out of hand. Guess what? It also cost a lot less.

[01:06:56] Like I know fucking like SAG after minimum, you know, you pay some guys scale to go on the news and be like, I'm Mr. Macintosh. Right. Instead he spends a hundred thousand dollars on a party that Mr. Macintosh isn't going to be it. He's not solving anything.

[01:07:09] Yeah, he doesn't. Well, he's an idiot. Yeah, he's dumb. And then in this party we are given an quote unquote emotional payoff scene like that is obviously like you say like some save the cat bullshit with the dad where he's

[01:07:20] sitting like with his chair like to the back of his father. Big chair so you can't see him. And so his father comes in addresses him as if he is Mr. Macintosh and it's like Mr.

[01:07:30] Macintosh by the way, I love all the business you're doing for our town in the last few days. Blah, blah, blah, blah, but I'm just going to keep on saying other things I think without waiting for you to respond. Yeah, the fact that you're not responding at all.

[01:07:40] Right. There'll be no conversation between us, I assume, but I was just going to ask you he's addressing him like he's a mobster. Like if my son could just come home early tonight. The son's already gone down. It's his birthday.

[01:07:53] Yeah, but anyway, like if you could just come home because I really do like him and I feel like I'm a shitty dad and I wish the speech goes on so much longer than that because because the other point he brings in as he goes

[01:08:04] like, you know, I just get worried sometime. I appreciate everything you're doing for the family, but I get worried that sometimes he's missing out and having a childhood. You know, I just I'm hard on pressing because I see myself in him,

[01:08:14] you know, but it's because I was the same way. I guess I miss my childhood too. I was so busy work. That's my. Oh, good talk. Nice speaking to you. Great meeting you. Not going to ask to see your face.

[01:08:24] Not even going to wait to hear and then he leaves and the kids like, dad, I miss you too or whatever, but he's already gone because this movie is not interested in having this kid face any consequences, which is

[01:08:36] the most egregious thing about it after all the egregiousness at the end of the movie, the FBI person, they're like, who's Mr. Macintosh and Miguel Ferrer is like, well, I am because he thinks he's like, well, then I'll get the house at least.

[01:08:49] Michael Lerner's thing once the money is it's clear. It's like, fuck the kids and spending it. He's like, he's created a great alias for Mr. Macintosh. Now you have a new identity. You can adopt this. This guy could run for mayor. They love him in this town. Right.

[01:09:03] So now when the FBI comes, he's like, well, I'm Mr. Macintosh and like, great, you're under arrest for massive fraud. Like you weirdo. Because there's even a point in the movie where it's like Debbie Allen's threatening to sue because he can't pay the bills because he's spent grossly.

[01:09:17] $3 left in his bank account. And so everything just gets solved. It's like, well, Miguel Ferrer is going to get stuck with the bill. He gets stuck with the bill. So I guess he's sort of like, and it was his money.

[01:09:27] So I guess the movie's just kind of like, well, you know, he didn't deserve it anyway. So who cares that it all got spent on nothing? Yeah. And then he'll just go to jail, which is where he belongs. Right.

[01:09:37] No one's ever going to ask this kid anything about this weird week. Karen Duffy kisses him. Yes, as we mentioned. So he gets one of two things he wanted most. And then we'll know when he gets his room and then he gets the

[01:09:48] second he goes back home and they're like, we love you really. And he's like, I love you guys too. And you're just like me now. I'm like, he does like what? Well, there's no the payoff is like the most unerrant thing in the world. I want candy.

[01:10:05] There's a song at the end, though. I couldn't I couldn't place it. I can't remember that either. What do you think of the song? Great. There is that weird thing where like there's a montage of him buying shit and doing shit set to I want candy.

[01:10:17] There is 14 montages by the way. It's a specific moment when I want to talk about there's a montage of him buying shit doing shit to I want candy, right? And it just like cuts out at a certain point and then goes to

[01:10:27] a scene with like Lerner and Locke and Miguel. Right. Talking. And then when it cuts back to him, they just like cut back in media res to the last montage picking up I want candy again. I want candy. The leading way emails. So the movie's called Blank Check.

[01:10:48] It's creepy. We named our podcast after it. Yep, definitely. If people ask us in the future, oh, is your podcast about blank check? We can now say it was for one episode. Yep. We did cover blank check. We did that. We got to play the box office game.

[01:11:01] Happy Hondo everybody. Let's play a box office game. It's our hundredth episode. I know crazy. Okay. Do a merchandise spotlight. Okay. If you go to any bank, you can open up a checking account. Often you need a minimum amount of money. Right. But yes. Yes.

[01:11:15] And sometimes you're going to need proof of identification. Right. You're going to have to pass the car and doffy test. But once you do that, you get I swear to God, I've done this. David, I think you've done this. I have. I don't want to speak for you.

[01:11:27] You get a checkbook full of blank checks. Correct. This is the most widely available merchandise we've ever covered from. So you can get a check. Blank check, a book of blank checks. Number one at the box office. Blank check. February 11th, 1994. Oh, right before my birthday.

[01:11:45] Was not blank check. Blank check opens number three with five point four million dollars. It eventually grosses 30 million dollars. This is another type of movie they don't make that much anymore, which is a movie that is just for kids. Yes. No four quadrant appeal. It is.

[01:12:01] But I wish I should say I remember when I was in the I was a little kid myself. I was eight years old or I was seven actually. I saw a trailer for blank check in front of some other movie. I'm sure.

[01:12:11] And obviously they would show movies for trailers for kids movies in front of kids movies. And I was just like, you know, my reaction was that of a lot of kids of the year, which is like, I am seeing that. That is the movie for me.

[01:12:23] Yeah, I've always wanted a blank check for a million dollars. Pretty much. Yeah. Went to go see it. Sold out. The 84th Street Lowe's. It was sold out opening weekend. Well, so instead my dad, it was like me and my dad and like, you know, Joey was born.

[01:12:42] He was born, but he was small. He was five, which is how old you were. I saw. Joey. My dad was like, well, why don't we see. Quote the movie that was number one at the box office that weekend, which was in its second week of release. Interesting.

[01:12:59] So it was also a family film? No, it's a comedy. We've discussed it on this very episode. We discussed it on this very episode. Yes. Richie Rich. Nope. Does it feature one of the actors from blank check? Yes. It does. Ace Ventura.

[01:13:16] Ace Ventura, pet detective, which in its second week has grossed 25 million dollars. So. Wow. Yeah. Huge hit. Yeah. Made about 75. Um, and that's in 94. And I remember I had seen the trailer for Ace Ventura. Yeah. And I was not sure how I was going to feel about it

[01:13:34] because I had a shark in it. Sure. Because the shark bit was like a bit in the, you know, trailer and I was like, hmm, the sharks are scary. I don't know if I can deal with this movie, but like it was

[01:13:44] one of, you know, it was the old days is just we were in the lobby. It was like, all right, well, we're seeing something. So this is what we're seeing. And like it was like a transformatively funny experience for me. I like lost my goddamn mind.

[01:13:55] Similar for me. My, my big like comedy transformative thing was my father taking me to, um, uh, international man of mystery that prequel to spy who shagged me. Uh-huh. When that came out. 97. Yes. And my father had to drag me kicking and screaming to go see that movie.

[01:14:12] I didn't want to see it because it sounded scary because of the fact that he was frozen. That's what you found. Terrifying. Someone gets their head bitten off in that movie by a shark. I didn't know that.

[01:14:21] And by the time we got to that point, I was so fully on board with the movie. I found the concept of crowd-genic freezing terrifying. It is a little bit of arming. Oh, very. Yeah. It took me like 20, first 20 minutes of the movie I was white knuckling.

[01:14:34] I was like, when's he going to wake up again? What if it goes wrong? But anyway, and then I did eventually see blank check later like maybe next week. That's number three at the box. That's number one's Ventura. What's number two?

[01:14:43] Number two is not a movie I'm that familiar with. It is a Roger Donaldson picture starring two actors who then got married. It's an action thriller rated R for sure. Demi Moore and Bruce Willis. No. The Getaway. The Getaway with Alec Baldwin and Kim Baysnicker.

[01:15:00] The other 90s couple of Marquis Adels. I couldn't even think of what the Demi Moore and Bruce Willis movie was if they even did a movie together. I just knew it had to be one of those couples. I don't think they did actually. I don't think they did.

[01:15:11] Of course it's The Getaway. Of course it's The Getaway. The Getaway, which is a small hit, I guess. I'm honest. Not really anything. Yeah. Number four is a sequel to a kids movie. It's by the way, Getaway, blank check and this movie are all new

[01:15:28] to the box office. This one is a holder. No, no, this is a new one. This is a new release. It's a sequel. The releases this week were The Getaway, blank check and this. So it's a sequel that's not doing well. Not doing well.

[01:15:40] I don't know why they opened the sequel to a kids movie at the same time as blank check, same weekend. But presumably the first one was big enough that they thought. First one was a big hit. And this one steep drop off?

[01:15:51] And let me, so this one's coming out in 1994. The first one came out in 1991. Okay. A hundred and two Dalmatians. No, but good guess. Live action animated. Live action? Does it star a child? Is the child the main character?

[01:16:08] Yes, but by now I think she's more coming into teenager territory. My girl too. My girl too. Starring Anna Klumsky. Which I have not seen. I've seen my girl, but not my girl too. Well, just feels like that story kind of finished itself, right? Yeah.

[01:16:26] Feels like they closed the loop and my girl. Yeah. Once Macaulay dies from that bee sting. Yeah. Spoiler alert for my girl. Jesus Christ. Who's the cutie in my girl too though? Because there's a cutie. Yeah, someone, Eric Von Dettner or something. Austin O'Brien. Okay.

[01:16:40] Anyway, my girl too, not a huge hit. Some kid with an ability in her head. And then after that Klumsky takes a break for a decade plus. Klumsky takes a break sounds like a good name for a children's book.

[01:16:50] That does sound like a good name for a children's book. About nap time. I just want to shout out Anna Klumsky who now is fucking fantastic. It's a great actor. I mean, she's just come back and is great. She was one of my favorites at the time.

[01:17:03] Yeah, like when we were kids in the 90s and only 90s kids will remember this. But when we were kids in the 90s and it was sort of like the heyday of the child actor. That was like the golden age of the child actor.

[01:17:14] She was one of the ones I was always most excited to see on screen. Absolutely. I'd be excited if I was seeing a Klumsky picture. Number five at the box office is the winner for best picture of the Oscars the previous year.

[01:17:26] I mean, it hasn't won yet, but it's going to win best picture in a month. Right. So it was a 1993 release. Yes. It is in its ninth week of release. It just jumped up a little bit, added some theaters, made a little more money than last weekend.

[01:17:40] It went from six to five in the charts. It's a serious picture. Braveheart? Nope. What did it end up at? 95, 96 somewhere around. It's not unforgiven. That's early. That's 91. Or maybe 92. 92, 92. 94. Jeez, Louise, does it win other Oscars? Yeah, went to ask. What are you talking about? Sweet.

[01:18:08] It's not silence of lambs. No, it's 91. Right. Fuck, fuck. I'm remembering everything else around. It's a lot. It's best director. Not Forrest Gump. That comes out the following year. Forrest Gump is 94. Right. This year. It's funny that you're not remembering what this is.

[01:18:26] I'm remembering every other best picture winner from the first half of the 90s. Yeah. I mean. Have we discussed it a lot? No, we've discussed the filmmaker. It's Shin-Lu's List. Correct. Oh, come on guys. Yeah, that's embarrassing. Big Shin-Lu's List. It is embarrassing. It's weird.

[01:18:39] Yeah, it's really embarrassing. So that's hanging around. Some other movies you got Mrs. Douthire and its 12 week release has made almost 200 million dollars. Yeah, I think it ended up as the fifth highest grossing film of all time. Big one, right?

[01:18:52] You got a little movie called Philly Delphia, which is going to win Best Actor at the Oscars in a couple of weeks. Except they gave it to the wrong actor. They did. You've got My Father the Hero with Kathryn Heigl and Gerard Depardieu.

[01:19:09] That's a movie that should make a sequel too. My father... Still the hero? Yes. You got Grumpy Old Men, which they did make a sequel to. Called Grumpy or Old Men. Hyper Grumpy. Which is, isn't that just a movie about old men that want to fuck?

[01:19:22] Yeah, they want to fuck Saphila Renner, who is that number two? That's number two. I think the first one they want to fuck Ann Margaret. I think Saphila Ren's not introduced. Yes, it's Ann Margaret. I think they heighten with Saphila Ren the second one.

[01:19:34] And Burgess Meredith is like... Ann Margaret is pretty hot to begin with. Yeah. Burgess Meredith is like their booger in that movie, right? Isn't Burgess Meredith like the horn dog? You got to fuck women! Well, yeah, Famous Stick Man, Burgess Meredith. Famous Stick Man.

[01:19:48] I'm glad you know that. I think that's one of the funniest things in the world. Do you know that my mom used to be close friends with Burgess Meredith? That's crazy. Yeah, isn't that weird? And growing up, there was a painting,

[01:20:00] like a beautiful landscape painting we had in our living room. And I remember when my dad rented Rocky for us for the first time. My mom was like, you see that guy who's playing Mick? And I was like, yeah. And she was like, that guy made that painting.

[01:20:13] And I was like, you bought a painting from that guy playing Mick? And she was like, no, we were really good friends at the time he gave me that. He made that painting for me.

[01:20:20] And then I did the math and it was like, wait, so my mom was friends with like... Legendary Stick Man. Five-year-old Burgess Meredith, my mom was like 21. I'm not saying anything. I'm not either. Grumpy-year-old man has Anne Margaret and adds Sophia Lorenzo.

[01:20:36] My guess is that Anne Margaret ends up with one of the Grumpy-year-old men. One of them, the other one needs a love interest. Still yelling, so fighting. And my mom apparently wasn't available. Still yelling, still fighting, still ready for love. That's the tagline for Grumpy-year-old.

[01:20:48] From the director of Daredevil. Mark Stephen Johnson or I'm sorry, he wrote the two Grumpy movies and then directed Daredevil and Simon Burr. I believe you're right. And Ghost Rider, it's a weird career. Yeah, he's an awful person. Yeah, he's a chateau.

[01:21:02] You got In the Name of the Father, you got the piano, the pelican brief. A lot of like the hits in 93. Oscar Holdovers. Yeah, cool. Great episode. Great episode. Probably best episode we've ever done. I hope you guys are happy to be listening to us for 100 times now.

[01:21:20] 100? Oh boy. David, whoever thought we'd make it this far. Nobody. Seriously, I'm so surprised. You know what? I'm going to do this. I'm going to get emotional here for a second. Okay? Yeah. I tweeted Wato though. You did. You started running Star Wars bits at me on Twitter.

[01:21:36] Sure. You said we should start a podcast. And I was missing you. I would be clear because we were no longer doing trivia and, you know, as a Griffin-sized soul in my life. And that was the linchpin of our friendship. We had a structure. Right.

[01:21:46] Well, yeah, because you're tough to pin down sometimes. I'm tough to pin down sometimes. You're busy and I'm just a mess. You're busy too. Sometimes. At that time I was not. Okay, fair. Well, right, because you had to, you could do a podcast. Right. Yeah, for free. Yeah.

[01:22:03] At that time I was really busy still being fired from a sitcom. Yeah, you were coming, you're going to the tail end of being fired from a sitcom at that point, I think. Well, trivia was notably... No, you were in vinyl. Right? Or you were going to be...

[01:22:17] Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but yeah, you were kind of, you didn't have a lot to do. Yeah, but I don't know if you remember this. I didn't have a lot to do in vinyl. Oh, no, I guess not. Yeah. Maybe had less collective lines than episodes I was in.

[01:22:32] If you want to do that, Matt. You're in the DVD box set though. Like four times. Did I tell you I bought the DVD box set and on the inside, like the Blu-ray case, it's like a translucent case? So on the inside there's inside artwork.

[01:22:44] And I'm in the inside artwork twice as well. Great. I'm like featured four times on the box for vinyl. Yeah. Hello. You were getting soft. But I never made a lot of team. What I was going to say is we had this message chain.

[01:23:02] We were like, what would our podcast be? Star Wars, this and that. Where would we do it? And I said, let me reach out to Ben Hosley. You remember Ben? Excuse me, that's not true. You're getting it wrong.

[01:23:12] You said, this is a good idea, but I don't want to do it myself. Like we would need to find someone who would like, you know, help us produce and host. I said, I'll reach out to the UCB.

[01:23:25] You did mention Ben Hosley's name because of course you had done the TCGS podcast, which you had guest hosted a number of times. Ben had moved over to the UCB and so you mentioned him. And I've been talking about a little bit. No, you know what?

[01:23:41] You didn't mention him. It was Murph Meyer who told me about him, who like reminded me. He had like texted me saying like, hey, UCB is interested in podcasts if you like, if you want it. I mentioned him, but I think I mentioned him in this capacity.

[01:23:54] I got to find me. I'm going to make. Okay. I think the capacity I mentioned him in was he's at UCB now. There's no way he'll go for us. Like I was like at his old job that he might have been able to sell.

[01:24:04] Now he's working for the man. They won't want this dumb idea of us talking about Star Wars. Hey, Ben. Hey guys. I remember this all very fondly. And I sent Ben a very long email pitch and I said, I know this sounds

[01:24:17] like a dumb idea, but I really think we could make this. No, you're way off. You sent it to me and Todd, the former artistic director. I definitely wrote that pitch. Let me see. I'm trying to find it. I definitely wrote that.

[01:24:28] You may well because I write so few emails that I remember when I actually take the time to write one. I'm so good at not writing emails. The ones I do right stick out my mind. I guarantee you I wrote that. I mean, I'm just finding it.

[01:24:40] Well, all right, I'll jump in and say, because you guys don't even know this. So Todd came to me and he was like, did you see this email from Griffin? Yeah. Yeah. Like, yeah, yeah.

[01:24:49] They I don't I don't know if this is a sustainable idea because the pitch was they just wanted to do a phantom podcast. Our pitch was every episode focused on one character. Here's the weird thing. We're both right.

[01:25:01] You wrote a pitch, but I emailed it for some reason. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Here I can. I'll read the email aloud. Hey, Ben and Todd, my pal, Murph, Mayor Meyer. I always forget how you say my mark, Meyer gave me your emails

[01:25:14] because me and my friend Griffin Newman are looking to start up with somewhat unusual podcasts. And I thought you guys might be interested over at UCB. And then and then I definitely wrote this. This is a reeks of Griffin.

[01:25:24] I wrote this part and I'm like, I work at the Atlantic and Griffin's a comedian or UCB regular, you know, you know, let me throw you our pitch. And then suddenly the font gets smaller. So I've obviously like copy pasted something. Yeah. OK.

[01:25:35] And this is the Griffin stuff. I'm not going to read it all, but it's all. Read a little bit of it. We want to do a podcast entirely and exclusively about Star Wars episode one, The Phantom Menace. We start talking about this film recently and started

[01:25:47] realizing how weird that fucking thing is, especially when you start examining on a macro level. You know, yack, yack, yack, a lot about, you know, the pitch that everybody knows. Right. Our first we're not going to do bullshit like an R2D2 episode.

[01:25:59] We want to hang our hats on having an episode focused on a specific character as a starting point. Because that was our old idea was every episode would be about one character. Episode seven, Grugger. We'll only talk about Grugger for an entire episode.

[01:26:10] Our ideal first episode subject is capital letters. Waddo, the anti-Semitic slave owner alien. A cursory glance at his Wikipedia entry shows that there's more than enough to dig into there. Ben, how did you say yes to this pitch? This is the dumbest shit I've ever read.

[01:26:25] So we go and meet up with Ben at a bar and Ben's like, look, I don't know if this is sustainable, but I just I'm going to take a flyer on you guys. I'm going to trust knowing the two of you that you

[01:26:35] can make something out of this. But you came out with a lot of really fucking smart ideas from the beginning. You said, make it a mystery. Don't do it. The episode focus thing. Yeah, you very wisely quashed the one episode per character thing.

[01:26:47] And you also wisely were like, this should be 10 episodes rather than just you forever trying to scrape more out of Phantom Pod. And then you were like, you should come up with a name that isn't specific to Star Wars, because if this goes well,

[01:27:01] you should be able to do more podcasts about other stuff. And we were like, no, don't worry, we're going to do Phantom Mass forever. So yeah, yeah. No, I remember all this. Yeah, right, right. We were just like, no, no, no. Phantom Menace. That you don't understand though.

[01:27:14] And I'm like, I do guys. This well is never going dry, Betty. Oh my God. Well, thankfully you listen to me. Everything that worked well in the beginning was thanks to Ben. Everything that didn't work was because we didn't listen to Ben.

[01:27:24] I remember we recorded the first episode and it went like OK. It's the one where we just talk about the beginning of Phantom Menace. I think there's one good joke in the last 10 minutes. Right. And we kind of walked out of there being like, all right,

[01:27:34] but like we certainly were not discouraged. Like we were like, OK, you know, and then the second episode about the Royalty and Naboo. I remember Ben being like, that was good guys. Like, you know, that was good.

[01:27:44] Yeah, that was when he was like, you guys are you guys have it here. Like you have whatever you need or whatever you got something. We were the opposite of Mac Mac Apple. Apple to famous sophomore slump. No, Apple to was not a sophomore.

[01:27:58] So that was a huge hit. Whatever their second product was was a slump. OK, is the Macintosh is actually kind of a bomb when it first came out. Whatever. I'm the my stylist writer thing. Yes, the Newton. I don't know something fucking we started cruising and, you know,

[01:28:14] I mean, a lot of thanks to Ben. Ben's the best. I mean, without Ben just thinking like good idea or whatever. Yeah, whatever. What did you think, Ben? You were finishing your story. Yeah, well, I mean, the conversation I had with Todd,

[01:28:30] as I said, like I've worked with Griffin before. I know David as well. Sure, because I've been on the pod. I know his reputation. He's on the podcast. And I'm like, this is a weird idea.

[01:28:40] But I think on a macro level, these guys just want to do a movie podcast. And I think that they would be the kind of people that would actually make the commitment to come in and do the records and give a shit.

[01:28:52] So I just really sold it on your reputations. And he was like, yeah, fuck it, let's do it. See, and Ben, this is why you're you're smart, because on a macro level, we did not want to just do a movie podcast.

[01:29:02] We were very adamant about only one to talk about. No, I don't. Tom. We were stubbornly committed to only talk. I think quickly we were like, wouldn't it be good if we then we did attack the clones? The movie's weird too.

[01:29:13] Like, you know, we did figure out eventually. We figured it out. And then the podcast morphed into what it is today. And that's the other the other persins that we need to thank are our blankies. Those blankies. Yeah. I mean, you folks have stuck with us, you know,

[01:29:28] whether you're joining in now or they're there from the beginning and they're beginning a blank check or, you know, the rebranding or whatever it is means a lot to you folks. Listen and you care.

[01:29:36] And, you know, I feel like both of us are bad at responding to stuff. But we we read everything that people. Yes, we do. Write to us. And it means a lot. We have moments where we're just like, really? Like it is crazy.

[01:29:47] Some crack these bits, especially when we're recording these so far in advance, right, when like two months later, we'll get a thousand tweets about some joke we don't even remember making. I love it when that happened. It's great.

[01:29:58] So, so thank you to the entire community for sticking with us for 100 episodes and 100 more to come. 500 more. 500 at least. Yeah, I'm looking at it right now. Yeah. Anything good? Lots of good. OK, so I think this is the end of the episode, right? Yeah. Yeah. Cool.

[01:30:18] Thank you all for listening. Please remember to rate what's next week, Ben. Oh, shit. I will coming midstream in Spielberg. Right. Hold on here. I got it. Last week was catch me if you can. OK. And then next week is the terminal. Oh, another great episode. Good up.

[01:30:37] Bad movie, good up. OK, so now we can promise this. We can. After previously promising he'd be on the show and I can't. Next week, the terminal was Jerome Milligan. Great. And he was a great guest. He was a great guest. It was a great episode.

[01:30:46] But it was worth the wait. Good guest, bad term, middle. Sure. Stay away from me, I'm sick. Tracosia. Thank you all for listening. Please remember to subscribe. 100 times. 100 times, 100 times over. And as always, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Love you too, Benny.

[01:31:11] Next week is going to be AI. Oh, wow. Oh, good app. And we can let's announce this. David Reese. David Reese. Holy shit, that's a good app. How sharp in a pencil going deep with David Reese? Get your war on. Fucking legend. Election Prophets years, profit makers.

[01:31:28] Election Profit Maker is one of the best goddamn podcasts that you would never want to listen to again because you never want to re-listen to 2016's election. But a thrilling episode, a thrilling guest. One of my favorites of the mini series. Love, love, David. Great episode.

[01:31:41] An academic one. We go hard on that. Oh yeah, it's a thinky episode. It's a thinky episode. I actually, I wasn't able to make that one. Oh, that is true. I sent someone in my place. Yeah, no spoilers. I smell a bit.

[01:31:58] You guys should listen to the Election Profit Maker just mixed tape, though. If you ever want to listen to some fucking fire tunes. Yes. David Reese. OK, so tune in for that next week. Ben, what was last week? Oh, fuck. I already fucked it up too.

[01:32:14] Last week was the same prep, right? Yeah, I got the annual check rewards confused with this one. He's an idiot. Yeah, so. So we already did that. I can cut that in. So you can cut that out. Fuck, I'm sorry guys. So wait, what's next?

[01:32:28] This has been a UCB comedy production. Check out our other shows on the UCB Comedy Podcast Network.