Dark Shadows with Jamie Loftus

[00:00:01] Blank Check with Griffin and David, Blank Check with Griffin and David Don't know what to say or to expect All you need to know is that the name of the show is Blank Check Asmodeus Everyone's 17 favorite character 17 favorite hell demon Hello everybody, my name is Griffin Newman

[00:00:45] Lot of hell talking, you don't see hell No He's never made a hell movie, has he? No, I mean, I don't think so The underworld The undead dimensions Yes No, I guess not Symphony Hollow has a hell tree Yeah, he has a lot of like portals to hell

[00:01:05] Hell's over there Totally in the neighborhood It's right over your shoulder My name is Griffin Newman You already said that, I'm David Sims I was trying to queue you up so we could have a rhythm going There's a podcast called Blank Check with Griffin and David

[00:01:21] We're hashtag the two friends Thumbs up We like to talk about filmographies We're here to have massive success early in their careers We have a series of Blank Checks given to them Sometimes those checks clear Yeah And sometimes they bounce asmodeus Okay, Ben just shook his head

[00:01:41] Jamie, we say we're the two friends You can just talk, it's fine Every show has different rules We just like, I like the guest to talk I like talk No, no, you can talk The reason I say that we're the two friends is because

[00:01:57] That is our competitive advantage in the podcast world We're two friends Telling it like it is a little bit A lot of podcast people talk about movies You yourself post one, Bechtel Cast Jamie Loftus is our guest today Hi, podcast writer And we were trying to figure out

[00:02:15] What makes us stand out in this landscape We went, oh I know what it is, we're two friends Yeah, yeah Not a lot, it's usually two acquaintances Two people, two co-workers Posing as friends Three friends Three friends Oh god, those ones are the worst

[00:02:33] I don't want to listen to a podcast Recorded between lovers I just don't What if that, are there lover podcasts? 100% There are a lot of like They start with like, how are you doing lover Like that No, they talk about like, oh my god

[00:02:51] I'm like, I can't listen to You're, you're They're boring I'm not gonna drag anyone by name But there is an entire culture And they're very successful of like Two stand-ups who are married Host a podcast together about Oh, there's at least one of those that I like

[00:03:09] There's one of those that I really like And then the rest are About the milk at the house Do you want to say the one you like? The one I like is couples therapy They're great They are great, I have not heard that

[00:03:23] Well there used to be a minaj but they're done Yes That was a couple pod Oh yeah, but they're there They don't podcast anymore No, I used to produce a show called Minaj the Twa Producer Ben Yusuhosa show called Minaj With Murph Meyer and Diana Kulskie

[00:03:39] Ben Dews or producer Ben, the poet laureate And we would talk to guests about their sex lives That's positive, deeper I was on it once I guess I talked about myself I was single at the time So I was more interested You're down to reveal

[00:03:55] Yeah, let's talk about it Podcasting while single is a slippery slope Seeming the sheets And then the people listen to it And they're like, I heard you on thing And you're like, oh yeah I've been revealing too much about my life He's not before he's been single

[00:04:11] Ben single right now And then your crush finds it And then they're like, oh you're gross Or if you have a crush on me Oh you're gross If I can say two things though One thing You've been single on this podcast for You know, stretches

[00:04:29] You've had some single stretches I'm single most of the time I was trying to finesse that Yeah, thank you No, I was gonna say This probably will have come up in an earlier episode We're recording things out of order The way we became friends With being single

[00:04:47] Well yes, but also We both on Minaj and Toa Listed the same pop culture crush Yeah, you're right Same first pop culture crush Same first pop culture crush Lydia D and Bealgers And people said You had the same answer You should be friends with each other

[00:05:07] And then you're like, hey there's something do this Yeah, it's all two friends We're onto something Smells like oil Yeah, but you know You had been reluctant to do Tim Burton on this podcast And I had to wear you down over a series of years

[00:05:21] I had to rope it dope you But you realize he was one of the things that kind of brought us together And then the second thing I want to say is That producer Ben has graduated to a series of titles Or of course a different major such as

[00:05:31] Kyle Ben, producer Ben Konobey, Ben Aitraman, Ben Seidt Save Anything, dot that dot Ailee Vends with a dollar sign Warhaw's, Purdue or Bane He's all like puns on like past mini series Ben19, the fettle maker He's like giving me a big name for everyone What's Nancy then?

[00:05:47] Do you like it? Not really It's fine You could take a delete it It's just the listing off and I'm like okay You would be astounded to hear that people were Angry when I dropped it from the show We were like Look the name thing takes so long

[00:06:05] The guests are so confused by it And then we stopped doing it Griffin was sick of doing it And it turns out that's When you drop one thing and then it turns out That was the only thing people ever cared about Right, I was just worshiped

[00:06:19] We have a Beetlejuice segment That I do every time we do a show Which is Beetlejuice come wet scabs or dry scabs And I was sick of saying it Because it does make me feel sick to say But then when I stopped I was like

[00:06:37] We have so little to offer people I'm glad that they have They enjoy the names and the scabs Whatever Are you a Beetlejuice fan What is your relationship To Tim Burton in general Everyone's got a strong Tim Burton stance One way or the other

[00:06:55] I've been in and out on Tim Burton, I used to be strong Into TB I was actively trying to date My managers Back to front Not even because I really liked it But because It was just kind of crucial I wanted to date this

[00:07:15] Skateboarder who was the assistant manager at Hot Topic It was a specific guy There was a specific guy That was your type But also there was one sort of There was a kind of two There was a lot of skateboarder boys

[00:07:29] And I wanted to date all of them And they would all work at the Hot Topic And so I didn't realize till recently I thought I had seen Nightmare Before Christmas Not true, I have just been to a Hot Topic I thought that I had been

[00:07:41] You've seen it on sweatshirts Like you've seen sort of like a picture book If you like look through a Hot Topic You can see half the movie And after a while I was just like I will say that is one of those movies

[00:07:53] That you take a stopwatch to it It's actually like 67 minutes long For credits I probably have seen the entire movie through Immersion Dice Honestly, that movie is so short That you probably have seen it represented Across all the different items they sell there Well with that it's like

[00:08:09] Everyone's pushing the whole Jack Sally thing But they're in three scenes together And in two of them he's actively negging her He's like shut up and make my suit Like this is the This is the sweatshirt moment Unbelievable I'm a big fan of that movie

[00:08:25] I don't think it works best as a love story But it is weird how that movie has just become This thing that's like picked apart And people used to represent whatever In their dark soul they want Reflected back to them It's a good AIM away

[00:08:39] That used to be an AIM away message Like, look if I did Jack to my sadder Well there was that Blincona 2 song That was like, it would be like Jack and Sally Oh my god yeah Do you remember they used that?

[00:08:51] I feel like that was a moment that crystallized it That's so icky It's like Jack and Sally It's been like 25 years since the movie This was the universe Jack and Sally I feel sick 93, 93 yeah Right, I feel like Ten years in 2003 2003

[00:09:15] I think is when it went from being Like, the movie was like marginal When it came out And then it became like a sweatshirt Like a mainstream Right, just sort of a canonical generational thing Everyone had seen it when they were a kid

[00:09:29] And they were all grown up now And they were all like, yeah that's a tradition That movie And then that Blincona 2 song was around that time Which is when Hot Topic becomes like 99% Nightmare for Christmas merchandise This is when we are all teenagers

[00:09:43] I owned a Jack Skellington sweatshirt Convinced I had seen the movie I had just saw the movie the first time a couple days ago Really? I had seen the movie I think the fact that like The merchandise still felt like edgy Because the movie, like people didn't fucking

[00:09:59] Get it when it came out It's like Skeletons and Bones dude He's like a Skeleton Man I imagine a regular man but a Skeleton It's pretty cool My favorite thing is to call all Skeletons Skeletons But No, Disney marketing machine like amped it up

[00:10:17] And then the kids were like, I don't like that fucking Cookie cutter Disney stuff I like this other sweatshirt produced by Disney And we really Showed them By purchasing those sweatshirts They became like the alt Jack and Rose You know if you're like, I'm not basic

[00:10:35] I don't like that fucking Titanic shit I like the fucking twisting Can I get a Jack and Rose sweatshirt? That would be great I feel like Hot Topic now All the stuff that Hot Topic used to stand for The mainstream that the way they could go back around

[00:10:49] To being alt is to take the things that used To be the most mainstream And reclaim them as cult They should do that To just like go all in on my best friend's wedding Because their stores are now like Nightmare for Christmas Deadpool and Harley Quinn

[00:11:03] Which are like so universally popular I can't even Deadpool gives me a migraine I can't deal with it No, to be fair That's what I was going to say I'm going to think about the fact that he knows that he's in a movie It's true

[00:11:19] When he gives us a little look and we know He's in on the joke, I'm like oh my god This is too There was someone I was briefly dating Who saw Deadpool two so many times Congratulations More than two times And this is also recent history

[00:11:35] It was in the past couple months We're no longer together Congratulations Thank you so much He was like Jamie, say what you will But there's actually Some really good cutaway jokes Some really top notch fourth wall breaks Was he trying to appeal to you Jamie, you're a comedian

[00:11:59] You need to think about it Deadpool is his favorite comedian Which is something that he said There was something going for this guy Was he a road scholar Was he a lot topic manager Do you have like a Nobel prize or something

[00:12:15] No, he was a very specific type That I go for regardless of where your brain's at Right Physical type Was And we're good friends Still There were some hang ups Deadpool was his favorite comedian Deadpool was his favorite comedian Which hurt me personally I mean and also

[00:12:39] Sure if he knows Deadpool is not a real man Who exists I think he does But he doesn't speak of Deadpool as if he's a fictional character It is crazy that Deadpool was never on Harold Knight It's kind of crazy that he never made a house to me

[00:12:51] He sailed right through He sailed right through True, I mean raw talent He does teach a class though, right He does but it's more of like a storytelling class So it's one of those UCB classes Where the getting the credit doesn't help you

[00:13:07] No you gotta do it just because you love it You love it Deadpool's cool We all gonna see the PG-13 Deadpool re-cut that's coming out of Christmas Should we make a date By the time this episode comes out That already happened like three months ago

[00:13:23] On the record it changed the world Deadpool is president now That was it, that was the crucial thing He needed to break the dam Deadpool is daddy So was there a point for you Because I find there are Most people, especially of our generation

[00:13:41] Like Tim Burton growing up And then there are the people like myself Who like it's like the X He can't get over I still keep on giving him another shot And the people like David where it's like I can't deal with it anymore Oh I'm fully done

[00:13:55] But I did, I loved Edward Scissorhands That was my Tim Burton That's your primo ultima number one My question is because I find it's different for people What was your like point of no return What was the one where you just went like fuck this

[00:14:07] Let me run you down some Some birts So you know you got your early birts You got your pee wee, your beetle juice Your Edward, your Batman Miracle there Then we're in the so 90's birts We got Mars attacks Sleepy Hollow Planet of the apes Big fish

[00:14:29] Didn't love big fish But stayed with him Charlie and the chocolate factory And now we're getting into the dark shadow zone The sort of Johnny Depp's star vehicle zone I was the right age At Charlie and the chocolate factory So I was still there Still there

[00:14:47] We got Corpse Bride, Sweeney Todd Still there 2010 though Alice in Wonderland And so that His biggest hit ever I haven't seen it No it's very bad movie And it's a thing that kind of dooms him that it was that Successful

[00:15:05] It cost that much and it's star Johnny Depp So I guess he was sort of like I guess I need to do really expensive Things that star Johnny Depp Like is that the move for me Right He falls up with dark shadows

[00:15:17] And I guess he hasn't worked with Depp since dark shadows No, that's the last one For now Oh god is there like something on the horizon I don't know Like a kind of a schism We also know that Tim Burton Seems very willing to forgive

[00:15:33] Bad people for doing bad things Wait who else are we talking about Well I'm talking about how he basically Is like I love white people Like how he's kind of like a low key White supremacist So I don't really trust his moral compass

[00:15:47] I think he would cast Johnny Depp again and again Right This movie is like A couple of things coalescing at once One is that like Johnny Depp has fully become The guy who like has Burton's checkbook And is like do you mind

[00:16:05] If I go write a check under your name And we just make it And this was like the first time That Depp comes to Burton is like This is a specific thing I want to do Yes this was Depp's passion project 100% Which is funny, Depp was obsessed with

[00:16:21] The show when he was a little kid Fun show That was like I guess One of his iconic Like sort of hoped for roles This is his Series of like four horrible Flops in a row that kill his career before He starts also being a horrible person

[00:16:39] On top of that And the cornerstone of this period is Johnny Depp now has the capital to play All the characters he wanted to play when he was a kid So it's like he idolizes Hunter S. Thompson, he does another Hunter S. Thompson, he does the Rum Diary

[00:16:53] I saw that movie by accident Did you just order a Rum and they were like yeah through here It was at a movie theater That it was the Movie theater's fault They literally showed you the wrong movie And they were like you can stay or you can

[00:17:09] They literally put the wrong thing on the projector I forget that was what 2011? I don't know I was not trying to see the Rum Diary And then in the middle It was like a few minutes and I was like I don't know where I was

[00:17:23] But then I saw the whole movie by accident It was really bad Really bad Barnabas Collins and Tonto were his two favorite characters As a child, wanted to play them And then he caps it off of Mordecai Who is his modern Favorite character

[00:17:41] He's like I love these books, I gotta make Mordecai And Mordecai That doesn't even make any money So that's like the final nail You can't pick projects anymore John Because after that is when he starts being like If you want to murder me on an Orient Express

[00:17:57] I'll do it, like whatever I need the cash My wine guy is gonna break my legs He starts becoming a monster Who devours cash And eats souls And lives in the Dark Shadows Man's Shade Was that like a rolling stone piece? Rolling stone fucking

[00:18:17] Where it's basically like him being like Look, you might not be here From me much longer Watching yourself on TV Oh god, I love that piece There's a part of that piece That's one of the best pieces of like Sort of like entertainment profile writing

[00:18:33] I've ever seen where it says like Johnny announces You know in the room where it's like his lawyer His bodyguardness chef, like the only people Hangs out with are the people who work for him He never leaves his castle, right?

[00:18:43] And he says like hey if we're gonna have dinner We need to have some wine first And then there's paragraph break One sentence which is just 12 hours later We had still not started dinner It's like Horrifying He is like a parody

[00:18:59] I know we're talking a lot of depth on this miniseries We're gonna have to This is the final depth so I guess Salute depth, fuck off Like he is like When I was a kid, you know it was like Oh yeah Johnny Depp, he's like cool

[00:19:13] He's like on a boat He's like Like Tomson and fucking whatever Smokin' weed He was like seen as He's not Hollywood And now he's like a parody of a Hollywood star I was gonna say I think I might have made this joke during his Twisted and Evil

[00:19:33] I think I might have made this joke in a sleepy hollow episode But he feels like the person That you remember as being so dreamy When you were like 17 and you look at the yearbook And you're like this person's a fucking joke Yeah

[00:19:45] You see him at the reunion and he's like How are you doing? Oh god Sloshing as a bottle of wine I know you had a crush on me 1989 But this is like the moment where we don't realize That he is a war criminal

[00:20:01] And when he goes to like his two favorite directors And he's like Gorubinski, we're doing Lone Ranger Tim Burton, we're doing Dark Shadows And he like makes those two movies happen And this was very much a thing Where like Tim Burton was like

[00:20:15] Yeah I used to watch the show like a little bit Johnny was a big fan, he really wanted to do it He like got me hired And it feels like the impetus for this project being made Was that Johnny Depp wanted to play Barnabas Collins

[00:20:25] And that was where the ideas stopped And like Tim Burton's the director for Goths At this point Right, like this movie feels like Like hat on a hat Like him overdoing it It's one of the movies that our friend Alex Ross Perry says Feels like is directed by

[00:20:43] A shitty film school Like protégé of Tim Burton's rather than Tim Burton Right Where he would like see the trailer and he'd be like What like B-grade Tim Burton knockoff Directed this movie and then you're like Oh fuck it was Yeah

[00:20:59] But you were your big fan of the show I really liked the show, yeah My mom would show us episodes when we were little So we're all like total neophytes in this Realm which is why I was very excited

[00:21:09] We threw out the flyer to you of like any of these you want to talk about And you said like you know like Pee Wee You might say you liked another one, you were like I would love to poop on Dark Shadows

[00:21:17] I would love to poop on that movie Well my mom And my aunts Were very excited to see It because I When you heard about this movie you were like awesome Like they're doing Dark Shadows, that's great It's weird cause it's like I've seen so many episodes

[00:21:33] Of Dark Shadows but it was just sort of like the background Track to My house a lot of the time And so like we grew up With Barnabas and with the show My mom had like a whole stack of VHS where she would tape the old ones

[00:21:47] I think they were like Riera and Syfy or something Yeah We hadn't been watching them for a while And then when the movie came out My mom like All Mom's Must Was like violently horny For Johnny Depp too And this was like We were gonna see it

[00:22:05] Like I came home from college To see it with her And she would have been mad if I saw it without her So It's funny how he became like a mom crush In the 2000s I mean yeah parts of the Caribbean Starting with right like

[00:22:21] And Shukla was sort of the like preview Of Depp That's a great Molina joint He stops being a hip crush And he would have played Molina joint Is it Molina dick in that one? He's like the guy who's like there shouldn't be chocolate I hate it Too sweet

[00:22:39] He's anti-chocola But then you know he learns a little something about himself Molina is your top honk You're mad from Molina Yeah I'm crazy from Molina Why don't I just see Molina and he'll pop up in the weirdest fucking things Yeah and I'll say

[00:22:53] We're gonna say I'm sorry He's just a gifted man He's like a pro-chocola He could play anti-chocola He could play like the chocola mayor's twin Who's like but I love chocolate He could play the chocolate itself He's a gifted man And we love him Sweetest chocolate

[00:23:13] The thing I was gonna say about him that I like about him What you were saying to David about him just showing up in things Is I feel like he's one of those guys who's like Storyed career Very well known Very respected He seems like a fun project

[00:23:27] He's in like four movies a year because he's just sort of like Let's do it Not as a surprise cameo and not as like uncredited But he's just like I'll be 17 on the call sheet It's front runner He has a big part in that

[00:23:39] Not really no one has a big part in that But he plays Ben Bradley And he's odd casting Because Ben Bradley is like a Boston Brahmin How's he do He's fine, he's in the office He's like look there used to be that the newspaper did this

[00:23:53] Alfred Molina playing someone from Boston Is My wet dream that's very exciting I'm sorry there's not enough of him then I would say but still I mean as long as he's there You get the feeling you're like Alfred Molina Is on top He rolls up his sleeves

[00:24:11] He seems like just a consummate pro Do you have like a top Molina for you He's got so much range I wonder if there's like one Or if there are a couple that for you Or your Holy Trinity maybe Well I mean Chocolat is a classic Molina

[00:24:25] Wow so it's near the top Loved him in Feud He was terrific in Feud He played Robert Alder He did yes and very well My dad and a lot of Smoke and hot Molina kissing scenes Which are sometimes You know if you're in far between

[00:24:43] Yeah you don't get a lot of Molina kissing He's good in Frida He was in Frida He's a heartthrob in Frida That's not one of my time I mean Doc Ock was the one that sent me a flame As a child He's shirtless for most of that movie

[00:24:59] His pants like go to his nipples Like he's a high pants And he's got a long trench coat on But he is not wearing a shirt He's leading with pecs Doc Ock was like a big moment for me I had a poster in my room

[00:25:13] And I think my parents were like Oh Jamie likes comics But it wasn't bad The arms and he's sort of like standing He was the one where he's looking over his shoulder And he's got his little Oh it's great He was such a weird choice For that role

[00:25:31] And he destroyed it It's amazing All those scenes where he's talking to him You know his arms My best friend saw him play Tevia I wish I saw him play Tevia I remember that I tried really hard to run into him

[00:25:47] Once I just let him walk right by me I got too scared Wow have you seen the Fiddler on the Roof Doc Ock video That was like an easter egg On the Spider-Man 2 DVD Because I think he was rolling straight From Spider-Man 2 production Into Fiddler on the Roof

[00:26:05] They were like back to back So he was like working on his Tevia While he was shooting He would like practice it a lot There's like B-roll footage With the arms going like Where he's in it's When he breaks into the coffee shop Oh that's a great scene

[00:26:23] So he's walking on the tentacles He's like elevated above the ground And he starts doing if I was a rich man With the tentacles And the puppeteers are like helping him do it With the tentacles It's glorious He just seems like such a fun class That's just alphabaly

[00:26:41] I haven't That's Jamie That is like Primo Molina That you need to check out It's a little indie movie from like 5 years ago Alfred Molina, John Lithgow Married in love fighting for their rights Stop Just a nice cute little couple Who want the same rights as everyone else

[00:27:01] Oh my god Molina is a music teacher Of course Lithgow's a novelist or something Oh he's a gamer God The fact that they're getting married Before there was sort of plausible deniability He's just your roommate It's a great sad movie And Molina is the best part of it

[00:27:23] It's like a sad happy movie It's like a bittersweet movie It's like a bittersweet shuckle The range He recently I found his finsta What? This is real? Not what I expected you to say He has a finsta And he saw a frozen on Broadway recently Shit

[00:27:43] He travels quietly We're avoiding talking about dark shadows for good reason He should be and now I'm just mad He's not in dark shadows I always have theories that he Was offered it and rejected it He was like absolutely not It was like oh no

[00:27:59] What was the thing I was going to say about Molina before we move on from Molina Oh no it was about the frozen musical I just wanted to say this one thing The main storyline for the frozen musical is You've never seen frozen like this No

[00:28:11] I've seen those ads yeah Yeah we've only seen frozen the one Frozen's like three years old It's not like saying you've never seen Hamlet like this Or it's like oh I've seen 20 Hamlets So it's new that's a real selling point Right it's the second way to see it

[00:28:25] Right you've never seen frozen like this You mean not 110 minutes in CGI anime You mean not shown to make a child be quieter Right So anyway you had never seen dark shadows like this Before you had seen this movie No and I mean there's no turning back

[00:28:39] Once you see this dark shadows Now the TV show was a soap opera Like it aired five days a week Yeah yeah most of the episodes of dark shadows Are bad And there are like 2,000 episodes There's an insane episode count There's a million episodes

[00:28:55] All of them are like They're all very short Most of the stories I couldn't direct you to a specific episode of dark shadows But I've seen hundreds of them So your investment is more in sort of The thing as a whole than it is

[00:29:07] Like you were so invested in these plot lines These characters these arcs No I mean there's really Like most soap operas there were no Storylines That were worth getting into They were making up as they went a lot It was five episodes a week

[00:29:23] It was great I loved I loved Barnabas And I was like I loved Barnabas And yeah And even like when this movie was announced Johnny Depp felt like It felt forced To be like he's Barnabas I don't really think he's gonna do a good job

[00:29:43] And then sure enough He did not do a good job But it was one of those things where like I think people went like oh they can't get dark shadows made Unless you have a star as big as Johnny Depp

[00:29:53] And it was like no it's like the only reason this movie is being made Is because Johnny Depp wants to play Barnabas Like I don't think this would have gotten made otherwise I don't know why others Was itching to make a dark shadows movie

[00:30:03] And it's not like dark shadows was like That was something that a lot of people were like When's the movie gonna happen It's like the general hospital The movie that's not gonna Although I would It's differentiating factor at the time Was that it was a genre Soap opera

[00:30:21] And so for people it was like a cross-section Between like monster movie kids and sci-fi Kids and soap opera fans But moms could watch it too That was sort of the breaking point Because wasn't it sort of like Initially it was just kind of a slightly spooky

[00:30:35] Regular soap opera And then they started adding in more Like the fantasy stuff worked for them Barnabas comes in later And he was like a breakout character Right and then Barnabas If I'm remembering correctly Quickly becomes the central And then it's just here

[00:30:53] Like family matters was supposed to be at a family And then the next door neighbor took over And then it ended up being The Barnabas show And rightfully so But it sort of started out as just sort of like This is like a gothic family soap opera

[00:31:07] With the collands And then it becomes like werewolves and Vampires and Skellingtons And there's a lot of Skellingtons Soap opera jump scares Nothing like them Give me just a taste I haven't seen the show in years But it's like someone opens a door and a skeleton

[00:31:25] On a wire falls out It's just like a jump scare right after A love scene in a way that's very Jarring where you're like Barnabas and whoever the Fuck of the week is They're having this intimate conversation And then it cuts to commercial

[00:31:41] And you come back and sometimes The jump scares isn't even addressed They just have to be like well we gotta Punctuate the scene somehow Skellingtons Skellingtons Jump scares are a thing that's About precision Filmmaking craft Even when they're cheap and exploit it's all about Timing and composition

[00:32:03] Not on dark shadows baby Because soap operas it's like we have to shoot Eight pages of dialogue in a oneer That's a five shot And we're doing two takes That's the thing soap opera actors always talk about Is you got no time to work on it

[00:32:17] There's like barely any time to memorize anything much less I love soap operas so much Do you still watch that one? Do you have any in the rotation? I don't know my mom was We would watch the old soap operas but she would also Watch General Hospital

[00:32:33] Port Charles or as she said it Port Charles And what was the other days of our lives So it was three every single night Cause I had a friend who was a huge Like passions fan back when We did not fuck with passions

[00:32:47] It was kind of the dark shadows of the two thousands Where it started out normal And then like they did some shit Right, right, right We didn't fuck with passions or all my children I think it's a kind of a dead art form now

[00:32:59] Like there are only four left And they mostly migrated to like Hulu And online platforms now right cause the network said Like canceled them and there was like a big campaign To be like we're saving it We're waiting till the last fan dies The only four left

[00:33:13] Are young and the restless Old and the beautiful General hospital days are alive One of those is on Hulu now, am I wrong Whatever So you go see this with your mom and your grandmother Not my grandmother Two of my aunts

[00:33:29] Your mom and your aunts and does everyone Walk out is it the mood Anger is it sort of disillusionment Is it disappointment or is there like Actual like vicious sort of like They got it wrong She was upset when we left My mom was

[00:33:45] Just as horny as when she arrived Didn't really seem to notice anything It was bad She was just like walking out with a thumb up Like literally handicapped By how horny she is for Johnny Depp She cannot discern what a bad Johnny Depp movie is

[00:34:01] All her takes on Johnny Depp are bad Said just Johnny Depp innocent She can't see him objectively Like is she Like did she see like Pirates 5 Or whatever She'll still be there for the Depp movies I don't know, I mean she sees them all

[00:34:19] She may not see them all in theaters anymore But we all did My aunts were disappointed I was upset and my mom Was the same as when she was Dark Shadows A plus Did you see the makeup on him He looked, oh she did say his face

[00:34:35] Looked very sharp in this one He lost a lot of weight for the film The contours of his face in this one And there's also, yes There's a lot of contouring on him too This is a movie where he's doing Like full expressionistic

[00:34:49] Makeup on all these actors and then it feels Like digitally augmenting it beyond that Like this is one of those movies where it feels Like Tim Burton is kind of frustrated That they're not all stop motion puppets And he makes everyone as heightened As possible

[00:35:03] Well he has one of the characters be a porcelain person Oh my god that was so nice No well that, no I mean even Green's like weird Shadows at the end Yeah and I also remember This movie, the screenplay The movie just is a porcelain person

[00:35:17] But the screenplay was written by someone I was in college when this movie came out And it was written by an Emerson alum And I remember telling my mom Like this is, maybe I could do this someday and then it was The worst movie

[00:35:31] The Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter Yeah at Mr. Pride, Pride, Pride, Pride, Pride, Pride, Pride Justin Zombies and He's the, oh god I mean This was the moment where Hollywood was Really hot on him Cause there had been this big bidding war For Abraham Lincoln Which Tim Burton produced

[00:35:49] No one saw it, no one liked it But like people were going crazy When they were trying to option it And then like, I think it was one of those things where they were like Just look at that title, that's all you need

[00:35:59] Like they were so enamored of the concept There was also, it was one of those movies where Deadline Was posting stories for months about Like the race to cast Abraham Lincoln Is down to only 10 actors now Right, right It was like Scarlett O'Hara

[00:36:13] It was, they treated it like Scarlett O'Hara Abraham Lincoln And it was the same time that Zach Snyder was trying to cast Man of Steel and there was a big thing Where they were reaching from the same pool And they were like, what's his name

[00:36:25] Matthew Goode has pulled himself out of contention Right Abraham Lincoln because he thinks he can get Superman Like they were all jockeying between those two movies Warner Brothers sets up a big overall deal With him And Jeffrey Katzenberg's son Called Katzen Smith Oh

[00:36:43] And Entertainment Weekly did this like two page spread About like how Katzen Smith is Shaking up Hollywood with bold new ideas Oh I'm sorry, are they disrupting? They were like, these guys are disruptors They're Hollywood but they're a little different And their list of things they were doing

[00:36:57] That were outside the box were like They want to reboot Gremlins Like it was just them rebooting properties And they were like, but these guys are a little twisted And so this was John August had tried to write this movie Someone else had tried to write this movie

[00:37:11] I mean from what I know John August has a credit They bought them the rights from the Like estate of Dan Curtis created the show They threw it to John August He wrote a script They threw that out, he got the story credit

[00:37:25] And then John August came in and wrote his script That was what they did By the end of this movie you're just like There are so In like the last, the back half But also the last third of the movie There's so much stuff that happens

[00:37:39] You're just like how are we Why? I was like jeez how long is this movie And I checked it and I'm like oh it's almost over Wait a second is there gonna Is anything gonna happen? So my understanding at the time

[00:37:53] Like they had sort of been greenlit without a script Because they were like I'm doing it That's money in the bank, especially This is the one right after Alice in Wonderland Which made like a billion dollars

[00:38:05] So they were just like whatever the fuck these guys want to do Sure And so I think they had the green light The John August script doesn't work I think they had a couple of the writers who didn't get credit Try to come up with a script

[00:38:17] I mean what's truly crazy is they released this in May Yes It's a summer movie Summer slot It's a PG-13 movie about A horny guy who fucks his way through town Like an is a vampire Right and it's also like It's got that thing like the Orville

[00:38:35] Where it's like is this a comedy or not Right Or do you just really like this show It feels kind of like a fan film Like it feels like those guys who like Got together and self funded like more episodes Of Star Trek Like bought the original sets

[00:38:51] I'm forgetting what that's called Star Wars Star Trek Not voyages It feels a little like that except with $150 million Those are cute because it's like they do one episode every Like two years because it takes so fucking long And then they'll get the old actors to come back

[00:39:09] And they're like George Dacca to show up But the story I remember hearing at the time was that Graham Smith was like I know how to fix this movie and came in Crazy pigeon was like We go for the rafters and they kind of let him Like

[00:39:23] Steer the ship because it didn't seem like Tim Burton had any sense Of what the story he wanted to tell was He has often said in interviews I wouldn't know a good script if it hit me He knows what he likes He doesn't write

[00:39:37] Scripts himself and he admittedly Grew up on like trash cinema Like he really liked like pulpy genre Like you know Like he's like a movie programmer So I think they were like this Graham Smith kid Is coming in He's real hot

[00:39:53] And they just handed him all the story But this is The story is a disaster The story is the worst thing about this It's not Back to back scenes Helen of bomb cars betrayed me I will kill her Making the dad go away Go away dad

[00:40:13] There's like five scenes in a row They have nothing to do with each other They have no bearing on the plot Where Johnny Depp's character behaves in an entirely different way Scene by scene It's so confusing The other one he's like look

[00:40:27] You're not pulling your waves at dad That's the total thing Like I was very This movie is so fucking stupid It's really It starts kind of fun Yeah, yeah I was fine with it I like the idea of like He comes back I am a sucker for like

[00:40:47] Oh lady doctor I'm from a long time ago I don't know that shit Any culture clash comedy Any fish out of water Especially when they're that high I do like Even though it's so hacky in this movie I still am like sure

[00:41:03] You're like fine it's like elf with vampire Michelle Pfeiffer is just sort of there Like sweeping around Oh she is funny it And then this one We were still so desperate for Michelle She went like Yeah it's a little bit Operator There's no point in putting this

[00:41:23] I know why they chose the 70s But they should have just chosen Yeah maybe they should have just I guess that the 70s is just like homage to the show Right but making it a period piece On top of a period piece was a stupid idea

[00:41:35] It is weird that he's like In the 70s rather than the Yeah it doesn't make sense Especially because it's like It's like a reverse Austin Powers Kind of thing Right But the other part of it is that He's so confused by all their Modern ways

[00:41:55] That he perceives as modern Are antiquated to us It's confusing Yeah because he's kind of a dirty dog He's a dirty dog Cause it's like the 70s He's a freak He's definitely a freak I didn't like the throw away Chloe Grace Marat's

[00:42:15] This was like the most Seth Graham Smith Like fucking edgelord line of all time Where she's like Yeah I'm a werewolf Let's try not to make a big deal about it I'm gonna throw myself out of this mega bus I forgot about that one

[00:42:29] See that, okay so this is my defense That will not fire a big quart of this Chloe Grace Marat's like ever met a teenager In her fucking life Chloe Grace Marat is an android planted by the government I'm so I've had it with her

[00:42:41] Right where they were like we need one of these young adult stars Like where do we get one of those Dr. Hobby Bilter No Dr. Hobby Bilter and they only said seven of the ten keywords Before She was taken away for the flesh carnival What's it called?

[00:42:57] Flesh Fair I want Chloe Grace Marat to be caught stealing something That goes away for a couple years I want her to be winnowed The thing My defense I will not be able to throw much spear behind I do kind of like How much

[00:43:13] This movie just goes insane in the last 15 minutes I do I do like that it's just like Kitchen sink Like Access like just fucking like why not Why not just make it fucking everybody It's not like this movie has any integrity Like why not have everyone be

[00:43:31] Let me sum up the movie though It's like ten minute prologue where you're like What the fuck is this gonna have to do with anything Very straight Very gothic torturous like sleepy hollow Ask like All narration This great tragic love story

[00:43:47] Kind of reminded me of the beginning of I Frankenstein A movie I really love Never seen I Frankenstein written by another Edgard The most the biggest Edgards The edgiest lord Which edgelord wrote that movie What's the Melandus No There's so many fucking Frankensteins

[00:44:05] I Frankenstein is written by a different Edgelord Different as a third Edgelord I Frankenstein is The Lord I Frankenstein is the Aaron Eckert one Yes it is And it's his and he like wrote directed It was his lifelong dream

[00:44:21] And he clearly says it up to be a franchise And everyone was like Frankenstein Fox It's also one of those things where That's like hot Frankenstein Linda's wrote the one with The origin story of the doctor Correct I think the monster is barely in that one

[00:44:39] I Frankenstein my favorite thing about it Is they still like want him to have the stitches Because that's part of Frankenstein But they want to be like really fucking hot And I Frankenstein he plays Adam Frankenstein And it's just like The crazy thing about I Frankenstein

[00:44:55] Is that it's not really about Adam Frankenstein at all It's about the war between demons And gargoyles Right he's sort of like the underworld Was it shot in like bulk area 100% It was shot in somewhere In Eastern Europe And it's shot at like 4%

[00:45:15] On rotten tomatoes like I don't take Rotten tomatoes that seriously But Jesus He's like Adam Frankenstein Wake up in the modern day And he goes to a rave and he's like What is this? And then he's like Then he finds his gargoyle friends He's like oh thank god

[00:45:33] Did J. Courtney place the leader of the Gargoyle army? Oh it says to have what he dies The spoiler of the game The world premiere was in Buenos Aires You were asking where it was shot It was shot inside a tax loop hole

[00:45:49] It was like a tax loop hole Right a new dimension opens The thing I was going to say about Obviously the logic of Frankenstein is He's got the stitches because he was stitched together From different bodies But they don't want him to be in any way Sexually unappealing

[00:46:05] So in the movie he looks like he was stitched together By from seven different Aaron Eckarts Because he's still totally symmetrical That'd be good though If it was like yeah this is Aaron Brockovich Eckhart and you know No reservations that Thank you for smoking

[00:46:21] The boys are all there He's very hot in that movie He's like he's a cutie Imagine being like Aaron Eckhart Having your run in the 2000s You go a little cold then like Thank you for smoking sort of revives you

[00:46:35] Then you play like fucking two phase in the dark You're like jeez I'm back baby Where do I cash in my chips? I Frankenstein I would argue I Frankenstein His little indie Frankenstein That he was wanting to make for a long time It was a passion project

[00:46:51] Yeah his passion project Frankenstein I mean Sully's got to get him some more Come on get him some snicker bars Have you seen Sully? I haven't seen Sully I know I feel like You're in for Sully? I'm in for Sully

[00:47:07] My whole family saw Sully and I didn't see Sully I mean you sort of one must They're all from Sully land We call it Sullyville Really it's called Sullyville now? Yeah they re-nated Sullyville Because of the high population Of Sully's and appreciation for Sully So

[00:47:25] There was a one point in high school Where my best friend and my bully were named Sully Truly? Two different boys Sully's in Mensa I know you're in Mensa You remember Mensa? This has been a thing I'm less on Twitter I'm way less on Twitter

[00:47:45] Again that's happened a couple times What was it this time? This time well once I Infuriated Mensa every time that happens After that is just they'll report anything I say and then sometimes it'll work But the tweet I got kicked off for Is I threatened The Zamboni twins

[00:48:03] Which are cartoons that I make Yes I saw this You threatened two fictional creations And they flagged it as Rats of violence And they're like she's got to get off You should have just said some anti-Semitic things And then you never would have gotten banned

[00:48:19] Nope they'll verify you Just post swastikas They're gonna change the blue check mark into a swastika That's how you're gonna know People are verified on Twitter Do you know that Seth Graham Smith is writing A Beetlejuice sequel? That's what I was saying

[00:48:40] I knew it all these Warner Brothers things The one good movie he gets a credit on Is Lego Batman But they sort of let him take over Because no one knew what the fucking movie was Johnny Depp just wanted to do his thing

[00:48:52] And this movie was weirdly very expensive Follow up to the biggest movie These two guys had made And then one of those films were It was coming out in May And there still wasn't a trailer in February It was one of those movies where it's like

[00:49:06] They're clearly hiding something No trailers, no one's talked about it And then like a trailer went up in March Everyone was like it's a comedy Because the trailer was Solely fish out of water gags The trailer is like him fighting the TV It's the 70s stuff

[00:49:22] The trailer is him looking at the lava lamp Like it was just that And then this thing I spent a weird amount of time on the Orville Wikipedia page the other day I've never seen an episode of the Orville The fucking Seth MacFarlane Star Trek show

[00:49:36] But it obviously is Star Trek But the show's become successful enough That it's like Got a big family, it's got good ratings It's got all of this I had a long term crush on Seth MacFarlane Interesting, that's embarrassing Is he the Deadpool fan?

[00:49:52] Yes, he saw Deadpool 2 so many times And then I had to break up with him You know like Deadpool because of how many good cutaways he had Wait a second Anyways, the Orville The thing I was fascinated by You don't be the tact to this

[00:50:08] No, no, no, because the Orville I'm very fascinated by the Orville as a phenomenon Because everyone was like Seth MacFarlane is still on this kick Of trying to make himself an on-camera leading man So they're going to do some dumb parody version of Star Trek

[00:50:20] At the same time that real Star Trek is coming back No, the Orville is sincere That's what I was going to say With jokes, they tell jokes The thing I was looking because when people were reviewing the show When it premiered they were like

[00:50:32] They were weird because they oscillate between being totally straight And episodes that are more broadly comedic But it's not just even a scene by scene thing It's like every other episode is like this And I was like, well the show's gotten popular People seem to like it now

[00:50:44] Some people They must have settled on a tone And the Wikipedia seems to imply that literally Every other episode they oscillate between Like this one's a goon This one is super earnest It'll be funny, right? And Seth was like

[00:50:58] Can some of them be funny and some of them be like Star Trek episodes Really what they've settled on Some of them are dead serious socio-political Statements about the world we live in today And this movie feels kind of like that On a scene by scene basis

[00:51:10] Except without any socio-political commentary But it's half total face value Like we're trying to make gothic romance And half weirdly broad Fish out of water comedy Well, it also just feels them trying to summarize A soap opera that ran for Like 5,000 episodes I saw it with my friend

[00:51:28] Passing Future Gas Sam Rogal And he said That feels like a movie Adapted from a TV show with 2,000 episodes Because it feels like they tried to put all 2,000 episodes Applying to one, two, or... Okay listen, okay so 17th century Or whatever, 18th century moose England moose the main

[00:51:46] Whole family falls in love with maid Rejects the maid, falls in love with the other lady Maid kills him, turns him into a vampire Like they have to get that done fast And it's like this took 6 years Right, yeah Then he's dead and we cut to the 70s

[00:52:00] The whole beginning is Funny and very like I don't know, very like Oh yeah this is a Tim Burton-y thing The whole way they describe the Collins family Is like, and we were so awesome And we moved to Maine and no one was there

[00:52:14] So we just started a cannery And we're kind of an amazing Nice rich family and everyone likes us I was like, because if you put There wasn't no one there There were people there Also they continually brag about We built this town, it's like

[00:52:30] No wonder people don't like you You're like the evil rich people in the scary mansion In a fucking castle The town is named after you And then they're like open the cannery again And then how is that I don't know The whole thing where they introduce

[00:52:46] These fucking like Michelle Pfeiffer's Colonialist family And then they're like, here are our heroes Right, that's their, I guess Who usually doesn't really have a hero He hates the sort of families Who run the towns usually Until he had enough money to become

[00:53:02] The family to run the town I mean, I said this before I'll say it again I think the thing That's kind of depressing That sort of doomed Tim Burton Is I get the sense that he got happy And he doesn't really have anything

[00:53:18] Like any chip on his shoulder anymore So he's just like On one hand, I appreciate that He still doesn't act like he is the underdog You know? Right, but on the other hand Now when he loses his underdog identity It's like what perspective does he have

[00:53:34] On the world now And then we have to rewind and be like Did he ever have any perspective Was his perspective the very Ooh, Griffin's gonna But the whole boy from Burbank Who thinks the suburbs so lame Love me so much I'm bored

[00:53:52] We have talked about, even on other miniseries How that was at the time felt very radical Everything around me is nice and I fucking hate it Exactly, yeah And it spoke to a level of Gen X discomfort with The world And it's also why his movies became

[00:54:08] So broadly popular Is because any kid can relate to that Especially when it's put in such aesthetically cartoony terms Especially when his movies are so funny Every kid understands any sort of underdog Outside or narrative because all kids feel weird And then he made this

[00:54:22] The movie that all kids love Movie for kids And this is the weirdest thing about the movie Nobody, your mom I guess My mom I just set my mom aflame His movies for like Johnny Depp fans And Dark Shadows fans Like whatever that Venn diagram is

[00:54:40] But Johnny Depp fans were falling off Like flies at this moment And I think it's an exception because I feel like most Dark Shadows fans were Hey look Your mom is an exceptional woman Thank you I want to go on the regular, your mom seems great

[00:54:54] I don't want to disband When this episode comes out All the stuff that will come out about my mom We won't be able to stand by her By the time this comes out My mom will have really jumped the shark She'll be cancelled

[00:55:08] We're gonna have to cancel your mom It's gonna be my whole narrative Because I have to cancel my own mom Your 20-bit price That feels like it would be a plotline On like if someone was doing A show like the OC today

[00:55:22] It would be like I don't know what to do I just realized my mom is problematic My mom's cancelled I have to drag her on twitter No, the thing I was gonna say is I was surprised to hear that your mom was like

[00:55:34] Yeah totally on board with it Cause I feel like most big fans of this show Found it like totally like Okay they hate it My aunties were frustrated and disappointed It's disrespectful they got everything wrong They were frustrated about cause they loved Victoria and Victoria is so

[00:55:50] Like where is she And she disappears She's all over like the first 20 minutes And then they're done with her Cause like right we cut to the president She's like I'm going to Colin's house Or whatever And you're like oh I guess this is like the protagonist

[00:56:06] And then later I'm like if Seth Grasmitt Does he just make them imprisoned as a child Like is that his solution Because the only context we have For that like insane flashback Is Which comes in like an hour and 20 minutes In like she drops that late

[00:56:22] After we've given up on Victoria being a character With impact in this story It's like she's in her bed and she's a kid And she's like talking to ghosts much like David was that his name Was it the kid who's the little kid Yeah David

[00:56:36] My name but it's also Colin McGrath Oh okay sorry but Colin's where So she also can speak to ghosts And so they put her in an ambulance And then she's in an insane asylum Until two days before she meets Barnabas The vampire But she's not twisted

[00:56:52] No she's kind of unlike the other girls She's not your girlfriend Oh also that scene with her Michelle Fiverr That Michelle Fiverr is like three questions Do you think women should have equal rights If no you're hired Of course not Do you like the president And she's

[00:57:12] Victoria is apolitical later because Maybe she doesn't know who the president is She's been locked up for her all life The president at the time is Nixon Richard M Yes which has never really brought Bacca I think it's just like dumb gag

[00:57:26] It feels like a slam dunk joke anytime you make a movie In the Nixon era where people can like show him on TV And it's like innately funny I don't know how that is I don't think Burton has a take though That's the problem He's just like

[00:57:40] I guess this is what the show is like And it's gonna be wacky But the first bit is her She shows up She gets hired She meets everybody She's the protagonist or it seems to be the audience Or get care She meets Michelle She meets Johnnie Lee Miller

[00:58:00] She's telling about him Carter Yeah Johnnie Lee Miller doing Backstrokes in the river of hand Kind of a fun performance But he's going fucking galactic Four scenes He's doing a lot of face He's getting canceled Then she sees Her own ancestor as a ghost Seems pretty

[00:58:22] Non-plus by it just like And the ghost is like he's coming Dept comes in and then it's like right He's about the movie for Dept to do his Ship for an hour What's the name of the One of the new players Victoria She is like 25 years younger

[00:58:38] Than Johnnie Dept It is I'm pretty sure She might not have been legal drinking age When this movie was shot She's a very young woman She's 31 now She's like my age They kiss and then they French They need to see He's 24 years older than her

[00:59:00] No no no I'm sorry he's 14 years older than her No he's not No he's 24 years old I'm bad at it I'm mad at it Johnny Dept Seeing the climactic scene of this movie Being Johnny Tep hitting a woman in the face Repeatedly

[00:59:18] Boy oh boy does that not age well Boy oh boy does that not age well Like even four years after that Yeah especially the fact that he also keeps on buying wine during that fight Like he's just asking him to charge more wine to his credit card

[00:59:32] I mean Johnny Tep has a Unrepentant alcohol He just doesn't play No it doesn't especially as a Letcherous Abusive alcoholist I know that Barnabas is supposed to be like an anti-hero right Like he's not like I mean and again this shows Inconsistent enough that some times he is

[00:59:54] And it was a soap opera anyway So you kind of just gotta throw every plot at the wall I get that but like In general though Right he comes in We love that Right it is cool though Because he's got superpowers Yeah but he's vampire drinks blood

[01:00:12] But good businessman But mostly just because he can hypnotize people Sure I'm trying to like get at Barnabas here He's in love with Victoria Slash whoever looks like Bella Heathcote In that like you know decade Right he's in love with that thing And that with that Skellington

[01:00:30] But also he's kind of horny For Eva Green and then maybe Just anyone else who walks through the house Right because how the bottom Carter Sort of initiates that That's sort of more That's when Ben had to stop the movie for a second I think Ben

[01:00:46] That B.J. moment Just how I had to Take a break I forget where I chose to take a two hour Nap in the middle of rewatching this movie But they're Yeah what that I don't know Not that I need justification but It's just so out of nowhere

[01:01:06] He's not related to I'm pretty sure And then also though he's just sort of like kind of a nice dad Who's giving like family advice It's all over the map and I don't know what to grab onto with him No I don't get him Ben texted me

[01:01:20] And said I had to take a nap in the middle of this movie Because it was stressing me out That's so funny yeah And I had not started my rewatch yet I had not seen this phone six years since when it was released in theaters

[01:01:30] And I said what made you tap out And he said yes And I responded within a millisecond The blowjob I remembered the blowjob I forgot the blowjob Because I will say the one thing that I find Is in a positive way

[01:01:44] But just in terms of talking about this movie In the otterus The timburton deep dive we're doing right now This movie is bizarre Because it's the one timburton movie that's hyper sexual Right And his movies are usually fetishy But they aren't physical

[01:02:00] Like people are very chased in them And he always seemed like one of those Like weird child like directors who like Doesn't want to deal with sex at all But Barnabas has to be like he's sexy And he's like Austin Powers Like he's constantly talking about sex

[01:02:14] There's so much implied sex There are a lot of really body jokes The blowjob thing is very fucking weird And she's thrown in the bottom of a river He does throw his then wife To the bottom of a river Yeah and then why but you know

[01:02:28] Sue or I think they never married But this is the last bottom Carter In the first Eva Green movie Right this is sort of the handoff Oh is he with Eva Green They were seeing a nude a lot of hair She's been in obviously I didn't enjoy her

[01:02:44] In this movie very much But I also didn't really enjoy anyone In this movie so I started on that I love Eva Green I think she obviously She's sort of an insanely like stunning person So it makes sense Casting her as a witch is the

[01:03:00] Laziest casting decision anyone can make It's been done like three times Correct And what I couldn't handle is her accent Where she's like half American And then half just Eva Green Regular The other thing that's weird with her Is watching her in this movie with blonde hair

[01:03:18] You're like that's not right She looks weird as a blonde Do you know that she is a blonde And just dies her hair black all the time Because of her classic witch type Her got casting But she's one of those people where it's like

[01:03:32] Oh yeah she looks like a Tim Burton drawing She's gotten to energy, she would make sense in Tim Burton movies She's done two of them now The third one which is about to be released And they don't really work Like the performance doesn't really work

[01:03:44] I don't think she's bad She's better in Peregrine Right but she also has very little to do in that movie This movie at least she's kind of fun She's got some things I like those, I do The cracking thing is kind of I like that visual

[01:04:00] And also Barnabas telling you You have no heart I'm like you have fucked everyone at this house Right, yes Truly They both suck, they're both Let them both fuck off to hell There's also this weird note It feels like a studio note where they're like

[01:04:18] Look we don't want Barnabas to look like a predator So can we make it that all the women want to fuck him Because for how much sex he has in this movie There's a lot of women like aggressively Being like fuck me now He looks horrible

[01:04:30] And where like Daph is just no longer Very charismatic He looks like a fucking weirdo It's interesting to me that this is a character He really wanted to play because that didn't read to me In the performance at all It reads like he's just doing his shit

[01:04:44] He's just like oh hello I assume he's cashing a check I would tie the cape around my house And run around the living room pretending To be Barnabas This movie is entirely him pushing this rock up a hill That's so weird, well then we try harder

[01:04:58] That's so weird I don't know The evil green character The way the character is written Because Angelique is another character from the show And she's like one of the villains She's a schemer It's not like Again it's like over years But in this movie

[01:05:18] She's like poor and wasn't allowed to Look at him when she was a child And then he kind of like I forgot about that also a weird moment Like why was that there? And then he kind of like gives her the fuck boy Manifesto when they're older

[01:05:32] And he's like I cannot tell you I love you, I'll be your lie or whatever And then she's like okay I'm going to punish you For the rest of your Cursue is a vampire I'm going to force everyone you love to commit suicide

[01:05:44] And also the ending of this movie So dumb Can we talk about the cliff? This cliff People love this cliff They're addicted to the cliff They're addicted to the cliff I just feel like I've never seen a movie deal with Cliffs in new ways

[01:06:02] Like this main, I guess it's a Cliffy place When in other stories Have you ever heard of a cliff turning people into something? It's true Falling off the cliff turns you into a vampire A haunted cliff isn't really like a popular trope

[01:06:16] What else do I get in the movies? Is the cliff haunted? I don't know It certainly has some bad juju That she's whipping up Is like you become a vampire You never see her do a spell The only spell she casts is capitalism You want to talk about?

[01:06:32] Swish The tagline for this movie In the apathetic marketing campaign That started six weeks before it was released in 3000 theaters The tagline was Every family has its demons And I feel like all the taglines in the trailers Were things like Stranges Relatives They were trying to

[01:06:52] They're just trying to be like this is the Atoms family And then the character posters are so lazy Where they're just like Each one's one color and then desaturated Golly McGrath's famed character poster I joke about this all the time I'm up for Golly McGrath

[01:07:06] I joke about this all the time it's a running joke Golly Nation was freaking over that poster Can you imagine? What's he up to these days? 2012 was big for him 2012 seems like that's his year He was in like It's like I always say give me the Golly

[01:07:22] I love Golly You were demonized by Sully's but saved by Golly's Right? You said your bully was named Sully But Golly was your best friend He's a trillion Here's Johnny Lee Miller's character That's gotta be worth five bucks All these posters feel like

[01:07:42] An intern made them in five seconds On Photoshop and the angles they're trying to hit Did you talk to Jackie about this one? You know what I did talk about with him? He worked with Jack Earl Haley Great actor, great man He's just dialed in

[01:07:56] He's perfect for that role He's funny I think the thing That Jack Earl Haley is great at Is identifying what the tone of the movie is Because he's capable of being very small He's capable of being very big And working in different genres But even movies I hate

[01:08:14] Robocop remake He's the one guy who's like the exact right pitch And he's doing a pretty Not cartoonish thing in that movie Right He did weirdly talk about that movie a lot Because he couldn't stop raving about how good his wig was In that movie

[01:08:30] He was talking about And he's sure he wears a lot of wigs Yeah, it's probably big coming from him He's like an ideally bald man Where you can place any sort of mannequin hairstyle On him He was, I will not name names But he was dragging actors

[01:08:46] Who wear two-pays Like not character wigs But come in with their own two-pay And they're like this is my own hair And it's like the movie looks shitty now Let the hair make up the department The hair will give you a great wig Right

[01:09:02] I liked Johnny Depp's bangs in this movie I like his little sunglasses Yes, I did Like the kind of oversized Kind of a hackery Kind of liked that If he was a hacker in this movie Maybe then we've got something Get Barnabas a computer for crying out loud

[01:09:20] A bones computer A bones computer A gain of bones A haunted computer from the clip That would make this movie 100 times better So would you forest him burden to make a movie For like 5 million dollars again And get him back to basics

[01:09:36] And be like this is called the haunted computer And then he'll go off, do it I just imagine like me walking in a Hollywood Like I'm like the big script polish guy And they're like come on David what are we doing

[01:09:46] Dark shadows and I'm like easy haunted computer And they're like oh my god And then it gets a virus On the haunted computer And then the computer becomes real Oh shit, re-real A desktop that grows legs That's what I've been doing

[01:10:02] Like a sentient desktop, what do you want to say No Jamie, we are recording this episode We have months in advance of when it comes out So A this is on the record And B you can now just go pitch this to Tim Burton

[01:10:12] I have the script written by the time this is done You can have this written in production My take away walking out of this movie Even though I liked it more than the rest of you And I can't really defend it at all But I just you know

[01:10:24] Whatever, I fall for his shit I get drunk and I end up hooking up with Tim Burton again And I regret it But The The two things about it I was gonna say One, I walk out of this and I go okay

[01:10:40] But seriously someone like sit him down Give him a limited budget, make him like focus up And tell a real story And then I would argue he does that No one goes to see the movie Big eyes Oh interesting, I did not hate big eyes

[01:10:54] I saw big eyes Whether or not you like it It was him doing exactly what he needed to do in his career Which is like focus up, tell a human story I hear that And I did kind of hate the fact that

[01:11:06] No one fucking went to see it And that everyone kind of shrugged it off There's a reason no one went to see it No one cares The eyes were big They're really big Don't be disrespectful, they're really big I'll admit this, I didn't even see the movie

[01:11:22] And I love big shit You'll see it next week But the other thing I was gonna say The you know I'll do it next week But Clint Eastwood should have played the art dealer And he's just like, oh the eye's so big

[01:11:36] That's what I wanted, just him wondering You know, eyes are really big One of those eyes Why are they so big Get off my face That was teetering the fact, Nicholson That movie, we'll talk about it next week But that movie, it should just be

[01:11:52] Like someone should just be like The fuck is with you in the eyes Like why are they so big And then he gets too bogged down and like The movie's trying to tell you how the eyes are big But then you're like Just someone ask the question directly

[01:12:06] I get that they were popular Which is what the movie becomes about But I wish someone would just get it out of her like You just like them big Because of the pain The eyes are big because of the pain Because of all that pain

[01:12:20] I just feel like All the better to reflect the patriarchy We'll talk about this Next week I've never seen Frank and Weenie We'll figure it out Yeah, exactly We'll hide that in some tear It'll be a thousand dollar black label episode Right

[01:12:40] Just because this may series is too fucking long He's an unwieldy career But no This movie Had a very big budget And underperformed at the box office This movie cost 150 million dollars Like 80 domestic Yeah, we'll get to that But it's still like when you go

[01:13:00] Okay, this was a failure The critics didn't like it It lost money It still made like nine times what big eyes make Sure If you're Tim Burton you kind of slunk away from that And go like I don't know I guess I should keep making These big things

[01:13:16] Or are you just big ears? Yeah big ears, he makes big ears And they retitle I just feel like if he's got enough money He has enough money to live 500 lives now So why doesn't he just make He's going full barn of this But then just

[01:13:32] Make the movies you want to make You don't gotta live 500 more years The diagnosis is like Maybe he just doesn't know what he wants to make Right, I don't know Here's what bugs boy from Burbank There are a bunch of things That when he was

[01:13:48] Like in his 90s golden boy period Was developing That they were like too far out there We're not gonna make this That I think he could make today He could warm him up And I'm always waiting for him to pull one of those

[01:14:02] Passion projects out of the vault And it doesn't fucking happen He signs on to another $200 million It's Tim Burton's twisted take on blank And one of them is like There's a What the fuck is it called There's a manga comic Which he wants to adapt as a musical

[01:14:20] With sparks doing all the songs And that's exactly what I want to see That sounds great That sounds really good Such an oddball project, he's clearly passionate about it Him doing a musical again sounds great Him doing something with spark sounds great Like I wish he pulled out

[01:14:36] Like Sweeney Todd which I like Is very much I do like Sweeney Todd Sweeney Barnabas I'm gonna make you a boy My Sweeney episode is gonna be wild You want him to like pull out Like shit that he cares about Not like big brand shit

[01:14:56] But like people he wants to work with Writers he likes, I don't know Sure Cause he kinda can make anything now He can, yeah If he feels strongly about something Timmy, just do it You got the money Frustrating because in such a franchise branded Universe

[01:15:14] He's one of the guys where like his name is The brand So like Tim Burton's take on whatever With that's the marketing campaign It doesn't matter if it's based off a book that everyone knows Tim Burton's Haunted Computer Tim Burton's The Haunted Computer The Haunted Computer

[01:15:32] The Visionary Mind Of Tim Burton Is there anything left to say about Fucking work shadows? Fan praise but we gotta say it This movie does Pass the Bechdel cast The Bechdel cast It passes by the Bechdel cast What's a lot of female characters

[01:15:54] It does pass the Bechdel test many times I mean not many It passes But it passes with weird phrases like Do you believe women deserve equal rights No, sure So that's not a great pass No, no, it's a soft pass It's a very soft pass

[01:16:12] It kills all the hippies I like that scene Yeah, that's funny I was like oh this is a comedy And then the next scene it's like no it's not But it's just depth just should be Dialed in and it's just like regrettably I must kill you now

[01:16:28] And you're just like that's all you got for this Like where's the fun I've never felt less Feeling between like Johnny Deb and Bella Heathcote there's just There's nothing there They may have never actually met They may have been like she's legally too young

[01:16:46] To be around here so we're gonna Just make a kissy face in front of a green screen Which has to wear child hours Is she the one who eats In the Undemon who eats the other model That's pretty cool and then barfs up an eyeball

[01:16:58] Yeah I think she's very good in that movie Me too, I like her in Professor Marston The green throw up That was quite good That comes out of nowhere That's in your you see you like the Final crazy 15 minutes when it's just Barf and vomit She's a werewolf

[01:17:16] They're vomiting, they're on the ceilings What do you got Jamie Well I liked the barf But then he just beats her up For like 10 minutes And we don't want to see Johnny Deb beating a lady up We don't want to see Johnny Deb beating up a blonde one

[01:17:34] No never again And then she shatters Which I thought was like the most Tim Burtony Opposite to him And then he's like I can't accept She shatters And so what He was wrong, she had a heart the whole time So he's wrong

[01:17:54] Come on griffs, come on weigh in Did she have a heart or not She offered it to him And then they go twilight at the end And then Victoria which in the show Victoria does eventually become a vampire But what a weird way to end the movie

[01:18:08] Of like no she has to kill herself She has to Setting up a sequel And then people would ask Tim Burton Are you going to do a sequel and he's like Darker shadow But I guess he was just like Soapoppers have cliffhangers So it should have a cliffhanger

[01:18:26] There is a cliff There's a universe in which you go like It's not dark shadows You don't have the property dark shadows So instead you just do like a he's a vampire And he comes back to the 70s In 2010 or whenever when they were trying to green light

[01:18:40] This movie right? If you said Oh my god here's the pitch Johnny Depp and Tim Burton do a movie We're playing off the twilight thing Everyone thinks vampires are sexy now It's a movie where like A like 1700s vampire Wakes up in modern day

[01:18:56] And he doesn't know what anything is anymore That would work as a broad comedy Like a pre what we do in the shadows Like fish out of water That's what it would be What we do in the shadows is right

[01:19:08] The movie that cracked that did a good job And makes this movie even shittier Because then the comedy stuff doesn't really work Even less than it did when it was released Right, yes Well the problem is as Jamie's kind of said

[01:19:20] He comes back and he's like a rich guy So like there's not a lot of tension And they don't have a clown clip He comes back and opens a secret thing And it's like a bunch of riches Yeah he immediately makes them wealthy They accept him Yeah

[01:19:36] There's that scene where he's revealed to be a vampire To everyone else and they're like But then that's it And then Chloe Grace Marat is a werewolf Yes, don't make a big deal out of it Very empowering I mean you're right

[01:19:50] Hey could you tell that she was cool Because she listens to music all the time Did you guys pick up on that Yeah, I know she's like super super cool And she has like strong takes about the music Of the time that we left that movie

[01:20:02] Because I couldn't tell at first But I was like this is the 70s Right, okay That's why Chloe Grace Marat's there To remind you what year it is I am realizing as we talk over this The only dramatic conflict of the movie is

[01:20:16] Will Johnny Depp punch this blonde woman It truly is because everything else they resolve She's like I'm gonna ruin your life Because everything else that introduces a conflict In the same scene The dad's a problem we're shipping him off The business is failing, he brainwashes people

[01:20:30] The psychiatrist is stealing his blood He kills her The only long term conflict in this movie Is when's he gonna punch that woman Which is bad And then he does a lot He does and she's dead Okay so Johnny Depp kills a lady That's awesome

[01:20:48] He actually kills a lot of people He does, he kills a lot of people Chloe Grace Marat's a world no big deal Chloe Grace Marat's a world no big deal They have sex too, Eva Green Where they're fighting and smashing the room Right, in the piano and stuff

[01:21:02] Which is just weird to see in the Tim Burton movie It's kind of equivalent to the sex scene at the end Of Munich where it feels weird to Show him, like to see him shooting sex scenes Like that feels like that doesn't fit Into his universe

[01:21:14] I feel like that's maybe why the sex scene Is so uncanny valley and bad Where Tim Burton's like I don't You're all clawing at each other I don't know Eleanor Bonacarter and I just Stared each other really hard They were like one of those couples

[01:21:30] Where the whole time they were together They lived in separate houses They had two different small gothic cottages That were connected by an underground tunnel How is it not exhausting being a person Like that, I don't know It just sounds exhausting having to commit to the bit

[01:21:44] Quite that hard I'm gonna tell a story now I didn't know if there was an appropriate episode To tell but I'll just tell it here Tim Burton kid Die Hard, he was my guy I'm like 10 years old We have to do an independent research project at school

[01:22:00] I'm like Timmy B baby, I'm doing my Tim Burton thing I'm all in on him I'm reading Burton on Burton books In like a limited internet access era I'm going all in on everything I can find all of it He's hitting J-Store

[01:22:14] My dad comes home one day and goes Like I have some big news for you And I was like what is it He was like new tenant moving into our building Like apartment 7J Tim Burton And I was like what he was like

[01:22:28] Got the scoop from the front desk He's moving in And it was him and Lisa Marie When are we talking about his old This is a good time to be Tim Burton's mother This is 99, 2000 It's pre-Plan of the Apes

[01:22:42] So in my mind he has not made a bad film Ever This guy is 10 for 10 Correct So this is before they're going to film plan of the apes He moves into the building and I'm just like That's really exciting Shaking with excitement

[01:22:58] Now you talk about it must be exhausting To be that much yourself At the age of 10 when Tim Burton's reputation Is still really good His quality consistency of output Is really strong and high and everything My thing was just like He's awesome and Halloween is going to be

[01:23:14] Lit in this building Like as a 10 year old I was like He moves in and like spiders are carrying The fucking bags or whatever Cause he moves in in like a November or December Right? So I'm like Gotta wait almost a full year to get that Halloween going

[01:23:28] You never see him in the building Right? And it was just like He's busy with the apes And we're doing it in our building I live in an apartment building But you're like going up and down this I just would run loose in my building

[01:23:44] My building was full of old people who didn't like children And we got to his Cause he had like a fake name On the board in the building But we knew which apartment was his Mr. Bones? Spooky Spookerson And I was like

[01:24:00] We're gonna ring the bell and like Lisa Marie's gonna come out and Rick Baker make up Right You said there's gonna be like a Skellington And then there's like a fucking spider in the background Like he'll have dressed up We'll get a look into his apartment

[01:24:14] And he literally just had the bowl With the fun size And just a sign that said take one And it wasn't even his handwriting Like I was like maybe the sign will have like a drawing on it Or whatever

[01:24:26] Did he even answer the door or was it just like No it was one of those the bowls there Please take one That's a bummer so you never saw Timmy B I met him in the elevator once And it was like an out of body

[01:24:38] And were you like I'm a big man of Timber I could barely speak and my dad did the talking For me and was like this is my son He like you know he did a presentation Oh man that's cool this far out And I just was like

[01:24:50] Like I went to school like told everybody Simply the best I was just like on like such a high But I met him for like five seconds He was nice to me Four floors of conversation before we got to his You know his moment to walk out

[01:25:04] Well my My friend in high school Was His mom was Was Samantha Morton's agent but was also Helen And Bonham Carter's agent So they knew them I don't know they were nice They were fine He lived in their house Again you would not hear that like Tim Burton

[01:25:26] Was like cooking at a cauldron or whatever No I think he's fairly like Yeah I don't know he's 60 It's weird that he's 60 He's tired Let him sleep Let Tim sleep Don't wake him up for dark shadows Yeah let him sleep For a thousand years His cute old house

[01:25:48] Okay let's do box office game on this movie I did look it up they literally didn't release a trailer until Mid-March and the film came out Mid-May For a $150 million movie that's like a clear sign That you're giving up I'm gonna

[01:26:02] Give griff's gonna try and guess the movies that were Top 5 of the box office this week This movie came out He's good at this It's really alarming So May 11th 2012 Oh I know the one that So number 1 Was starting the summer was Avengers

[01:26:20] Yeah and so in its second week In its second week Avengers made $103 million Right first movie they ever cracked to Hondo So that was still just You know that was it Dark shadows opens against us like Who cares? Like I'm still An apologetic Burton fan

[01:26:38] I go see dark shadows opening night But that weekend I remember Specifically being more excited to see Avengers The second time After not liking the previous Marvel movies I think Avengers is great Oh I love Avengers too I like Marvel movies It seems like people like

[01:26:54] I've never seen it I think that one's very well written No I mean we love the Avengers We'll talk about it Number 3 Is Sort of like a Ensemble comedy based on an advice Book What you did What to expect in your expectation No

[01:27:18] Who do you think it's by Jamie I know the word guy You're close Think like a man That's not what I thought Which one were you thinking of I was thinking of a movie that I think Actually came out in 2010 He's just not that into you

[01:27:36] Another of the anthology Nonfiction turned into Bad movie That was the start of them and then there was the rush Think like a man is kind of like an updated take On that where it's like Relationships we're all in him But that's that run where it's like

[01:27:52] An advice book Steve Harvey's An ensemble The plot of these two movies The first one Cause I'm like he's just not that into you Or what to expect when you're expecting It's like they take the sort of lessons from The book and they dramatize them into a funny

[01:28:10] Little slice of life settings Like Chase Crawford or whatever This one is about everyone reading the book Oh weird All the women in the relationship Reading the Steve Harvey books They roast their men And see Harvey's in it as himself Yes but only through

[01:28:28] Talk show appearances I think they never meet him Sure okay But it's weird because they treat Think like a man in the movie like it's the Bible And it's the thing that like unlocks them It's kind of like book club Except more about the book than the film

[01:28:42] Book Club But the other weird thing is his advice book is Like hey listen to me I'm Steve Harvey Several times My advice is for a marriage to work The woman has to do everything the man wants to do And also figure out what the man wants

[01:28:56] And think like him and preemptively do those things Before he asks Think like him don't behave like him Think like him and then Fuck Steve Harvey Those movies are kind of fun I like it when Keenan does Steve Harvey though On SNL he's really funny The second one

[01:29:14] Is like just the boys go to Vegas It has nothing to do with like the advice Sort of shit it's the boys Two of the people are getting married And all the boys and the girls To

[01:29:26] The boys and the girls go to Vegas and it's like a bachelor party A bachelorette party And the only way that Steve Harvey is brought into the movie Is they get really hung up playing the Steve Harvey slot machine In Vegas Isn't Turtle Turtles in it?

[01:29:38] Turtles in both of them he is dating Gabriel Union because that makes sense Are you cool with turtle? Are you down with turtle? Yeah Okay number four is A big huge gigantic movie of the summer Are you joking? No it's like Franchise Starter

[01:29:54] It's been around for like eight weeks at this point Of the summer so it's from the spring It's from the spring It was a big spring picture Don't season split seasonal hairs with me Split seasonal hairs with me Okay so Franchise Franchise Starter In March $8 million

[01:30:14] Giant smash hit The Hunger Games With Jennifer Lawrence A massive movie and a star is born And that's when she becomes A superstar And then she wins an Oscar Cool And then she turned 23 Right and then number five It's crazy how fast

[01:30:36] And how big everything happened for her I just was like thinking about her career The other day and just realizing how much of a mental breakdown I would have Being her like having that Just the rocket ship speed and everyone being like

[01:30:48] She's fun we want to get drinks with her And then being like no fuck her She seems fine too She seems kind of okay with her Yeah number five is A Nicholas Sparksy kind of thing I'm not actually even sure if it's Nicholas Sparks

[01:31:02] Is it the Miley Cyrus one No it's not No Is it the one It stars another teen idol Like now Is it the Zac Efron one Zac Efron It's Zac Efron and Taylor Schilling And it's called It's not called the best of me right That's James Marsden

[01:31:26] No it's not called that Is it called the something Yeah it's the blank blank And is it describing the person Yeah because the names are always so like Is it describing the person or is it describing the relationship Person I think I haven't seen it

[01:31:44] Is it like the blank man No it's the blank blank Not man The quiet one Nope close one is right Fuck it's not quiet It's not brave I'm sure he's nice Oh my god it's the blank one What kind of tone are they putting out

[01:32:04] What kind of vibe is this guy have Pulled out my headphones He was in war Is it the brave one No that's Jody Foster The only one The last one Nope The strong one Ben gave you a clue He was in war He survived The living one

[01:32:30] What am I We're getting so close We're hovering around this The Lucky one Lucky one He was lucky because he got to be in a Nicholas Sparks story Exactly He's got abs Look at those abs You don't see abs in that I mean we are right pecs

[01:32:54] Maybe he probably has abs Go Zac Efron I'm a big fan He's got range I think he's a really good actor and a really good movie star And I was really excited when like neighbors It was like okay They finally cracked him

[01:33:10] Now he's taken seriously and everything he's made Post neighbors has been a disaster Like Mike and Dave And Baywatch Oh yeah Baywatch I like that he does it I don't know I always wanted him to be doing like comedies

[01:33:26] I wanted him to bring back his high school musical haircut He's so fucking good in high school musical 3 In all of them His number in high school musical 2 On the golf course I just like 3 because it's cinematic They got some real production value Exactly

[01:33:44] I like the one who plays the piano In high school musical The weird Oh the girl Who's got like glasses or whatever Disarulin or whatever She's awkward But she gets kissed at some point Of course Corbin Blue Corbin Blue is a I heard In Beatlejuice musical right now

[01:34:08] Is he really? Is that unless I have some Very bad at that Alex Brightman is playing Beatlejuice I know Alex Brightman He originated the role of Dewey Finn in the school of rock musical He's playing The juice Fun

[01:34:28] What was the thing I was going to say about high school musical I'm looking at Corbin Blue on the internet Broadway Corbin Blue Beatlejuice This is something someone told me yesterday Lookin it up Oh no, okay He's in the DC version of Beatlejuice He's gonna be in DC

[01:34:44] Is he playing Beatlejuice in DC? Who's he playing in DC? Cause the DC one is going on right now And then they're gonna transfer to Broadway By the time this episode comes out It will be about to open on Broadway I don't fucking know Blue is affiliated with

[01:35:00] Beatlejuice Hard to know Exactly what More like he's doing He's gonna be in Kiss Me Kade on Broadway next year I love Corbin Blue too The whole cast of High School Musical I think we should all go see Kiss Me Kade on Broadway Fine In like May of 2019

[01:35:20] What's Ashley Tisdale up to? Is she a brunette again? I feel like she Went back to Disney Channel Has she been pregnant that many times? No, I think she's a brunette Oh I thought you said is she pregnant again No, she's a natural brunette Interesting

[01:35:38] I'm pregnancy shaming Ashley Tisdale I don't like that in Wikipedia Under public image it says Tisdale is considered a sex symbol And there's a link to sex symbol Oh Is Ashley Tisdale the picture? A famous person or fictional character Widely regarded to be sexually attractive

[01:35:56] Here's the picture, it's Marilyn Monroe Oh wow I've heard of her She's commonly associated with sex Right, Ashley Tisdale was in Some sort of animated film called Charming Look We're stealing material here because this is the context We're gonna need when we do our Kenny Ortega mini series

[01:36:14] Let's save it Ortega Newsies Hocus Pocus H.S. I'm telling you Newsies is an insane movie Yeah, Ortega's weird He directed the Michael Jackson Poshamist concert Yeah he was sort of in with Jackson I think he did like a lot of Michael Jackson stuff

[01:36:36] That documentary is all him talking to Michael Jackson A great selection of pants He's a very well dressed man He's got the pants on that man He also directed a lot of Gilmore Girls episodes Like a lot So I know him from that

[01:36:50] On the record right now, Kenny Ortega is our next mini series He's only got four or five movies Are we at the high school musical? Oh I guess if you count the high school musicals Right Yeah because he still directs a lot of Disney Channel stuff

[01:37:02] He also directed the Cheetah Girls 2 Wow, the one in Spain Directed an episode of Crazy Girl Friend Directed episode of Bunheads Oh, see Bunheads He's been with Amy Sherman Palladino He hasn't had a theatrical release movie since Michael Jackson's This Is It

[01:37:18] And I guess you could say that was it Yeah Jamie thank you so much for being here Thank you for having me I love to talk about The Boy From Burbank The Boy From Burbank So sad Thank you for coming out this week

[01:37:34] You're in New York for like 24 hours We wanted to make this happen so badly We made it happen Yeah, we did Did you remember to hit record Ben? Yeah I love that we both had to take a nap during this movie Yeah it just It was rough

[01:37:52] I needed a feature length nap in the middle of the movie Same I finally finished this morning I had to delay it actually Like I had to go to bed A little dark shadows breakfast I put it on my iPad and I watched it

[01:38:06] On the subway to my girl with the drag Girl in the spider web screening Dating this episode The girl in the spider web screening Did you like it? It's not good Ben 18 hacking scenes If you want hacking She's hacking up the wazoo But hacking from her phone

[01:38:28] Like a phone hacking I'm just very surprised that Choosing not to bring back the person Who got an Oscar nomination for playing the character Was a bad creative choice Do you think that they eventually Just were like forget it, we don't want to do it

[01:38:42] Or did they genuinely like sort of get cut out of it She has said that she wanted to do it And was upset that she didn't get offered That's weird No, because she had the contract And when Fincher's not doing it They're doing the fourth book

[01:38:56] And she was like in an interview She was like I haven't talked to anyone but I'd like to do it Then they announced Claire Foy and she was like I don't know they never reached out to me It's based on the fourth book

[01:39:06] And the movie essentially is kind of like You remember what happened in the second and third books Right? I'm like I actually never read them And the movie's like sure you do She's got a dad and a sister and shit I didn't know

[01:39:18] And they were like oh well we figured you knew all that So this makes no sense It's just like everyone was pretty on board with that performance Then to throw that out Foy is at least fine She's a good actor She's not good but she's fine

[01:39:32] So we went from Daniel Craig to a random Swedish guy That's the other thing They just cast a random Swedish guy And he's like such a wet blanket It's the Swedish chef isn't it? Yeah it's Swedish chef, yeah exactly And Vicky Creeps is in it

[01:39:46] But it's before Phantom Thread Like came out so they're just sort of like She's in like two scenes And you're like give me more creeps That's always the weirdest phenomenon when like Lapid and Nyungo is like one of the flight attendants In non-stop which was shot before 12 years

[01:40:00] So by the time the movie comes out she's won in Oscar And her only line is like And would you like sparkling her still Like she's on camera a lot But mostly is like a featured extra Anyway that's been our boiling hot girl In the spider web talk

[01:40:14] Now being released five months After the film has been released I'm sorry No Burn in Hot episode people are waiting for those takes baby I mean it was the dark shadows episode so whatever Like we could be as weird as we want Yeah look, family is strange

[01:40:28] Right every relative Strange is relative Jamie I want you to listen Bechtel cast Anything else you wanna plug for the Month of March 2019 In March? Oh god I mean I'm gonna be Popping off in March just to wait Now just listen to the Bechtel cast

[01:40:44] Google to figure out what your twitter account is at that time Yeah hopefully it'll be resolved I was just rejected today so Really? Oh yeah I'm appealing and appealing What a good company I love that I like so much Like my interaction with people who like this show

[01:40:58] Is tied to that stupid fucking website You know what I mean? You're also the one person who still kind of enjoys it I like twitter because it but I only Use it to talk to my friend Every time I stress out about twitter David just goes like

[01:41:10] Come on! I ignore all the other stuff He blocks everything else out Right I'm like an extreme muter Like it's mute crazy And sometimes to the extent that like people will be like I can't believe it and I'm like they can't believe what

[01:41:24] I have to like tap through three things to find He like literally mutes anyone who isn't a friend of his Yeah If you did all the corporations I turned off all notifications from people Who don't follow me which really did change my life That's the big one

[01:41:38] Because the Atlantic will tweet me out and people will be like And I was just like no goodbye forever I never want to see this David likes it because he's a very funny texture He's a really good person to text with King of the Slack

[01:41:50] That's a big compliment He gets to just have like friend conversations Publicly on twitter and then gets likes for it Right You just get to be loved for being yourself He's literally having conversations with people publicly And people are like good writer, good writer Funny funny funny

[01:42:06] You're probably nailed it I'm an incredibly social person In general So I think like twitter is just another way for me to like chat To my friends if I'm bored David like screams at people if they don't tell him What's going on in their life

[01:42:20] He goes like what else What's going on And they're like I don't know And I'm like oh nothing I still don't know his last name He hasn't told me anything That's a secret Well thank you so much for being here

[01:42:36] Thanks so much to all of you for listening Please remember to rate, review, subscribe Go to BlanketsIread.com For some real nerdy shit Go to T-Public for some real nerdy merchandise Thanks to Antford Guto for his social media Laymon coming for a theme song

[01:42:52] Joe Bowen and Pat Reynolds for our artwork And as always Be like Jack and Sally Ah crap