Hotel Transylvania Trilogy

[00:00:01] Blank Check with Griffin and David, Blank Check with Griffin and David Don't know what to say or to expect All you need to know is that the name of the show is Blank Check So it's like a hotel for podcasts?

[00:00:41] Yes exactly, a hotel for podcasts. Wait to sum it up Blah blah blah blah blah blah What is that? Why is that funny? It's a funny speech in the first movie Yeah, no the blah blah blah thing I mean

[00:00:58] Oh yeah, you were all over Twitter saying why is this funny? Why is it funny? It shouldn't be that funny Hey look, that could be the headline for this entire episode If I just sat someone down and I was like, yeah he says blah blah blah

[00:01:11] He's like I don't say that, they'd be like, huh? That's like the joke That's like the big joke That's kind of the biggest running joke Hello everybody my name's Griffin Newman I am David Sims So Blank Check with Griffin and David, it's a podcast about filmography

[00:01:24] Directors who are given a series of Blank checks after experiencing massive success Or learn in the career to make whatever they want Sometimes those checks clear and sometimes they bounce blah blah blah And then sometimes we just do this Sometimes we do this

[00:01:36] There's really nothing to do with anything Sometimes I throw a tanty A little tant I throw a little tant A tiny tant And I say I want to talk about the hotel transphobia movies Which you've consistently talked about on this podcast It's been a big running thing

[00:01:56] Very early on You'll bring it up once in a while Back in the Star Wars days I was like, do you know this movie is fucking good? Yeah, because It was a big like stump speech of mine Because at the time everyone was like that movie looks dumb

[00:02:06] I think it was that the second one was coming out Like around when we were doing the Star Wars stuff I think it was even before that I think it was literally just off of No, the second one came out September 2015

[00:02:17] So you know, we were doing Star Wars And the first one was 2012? Yeah, that's right They make them every three years Yeah The first one premiered at the Toronto Film Festival Did you know that? Oh wow I think this one premiered at like Cannes, right? Yeah it did

[00:02:31] It won the Palm Door But this is, I mean, you and I were talking after we saw three together We saw, so we'll be talking about the hotel transphobia series Right, yeah, we saw summer vacation together

[00:02:44] And we were talking about how this trilogy is a weird arm wrestling match For a tour ship That's true, so I guess that's the through line for our show Right It's got two creative powers Yes Quite both alike in dignity In Fair Hollywood where we set our scene

[00:03:05] You've got Adam Sandler Did you know that this is the first theatrically released film Adam Sandler has done since Hotel Transylvania 2 Apart from like Myrowitz Which you can kind of count as But like it's basically a Netflix movie Dude just goes to Netflix

[00:03:21] I can double check this, I don't think he's done like movie No because Pixels was pre That was his last Pixels is 15 as well And then you have Hotel Transylvania 2 And then yeah, apart from Myrowitz Which got a sort of limited release He's only done Netflix movie

[00:03:38] Yeah that's crazy And Myrowitz is a Netflix movie And I think he's got another Netflix coming out next year This franchise remains pretty much the last vestige of Adam Sandler's theatrical career Right And yet you know what it does Huge business Make money Baffle box

[00:03:54] Exactly, it's not like it's not making tons of money No Second one outgrows the first This one is outgrossing the second Yep Yep Yep Which is weird because I feel like this has gone from being my weird little like dark horse franchise That no one even considered

[00:04:10] And most people want to try to sell them out Where like what is this? When did this come out? Who cares? Right and now people are like oh those fucking movies Right now it's just annoying Now you see the trailer for it and you're like

[00:04:21] I keep making this, I have to know it exists Without having seen them People are just like what is this some fucking bullshit It has to be bad It just sounds bad And then the trailer is just like I don't know like a bunch of hijinks

[00:04:33] And Adam Sandler is that vampire These movies do not work well in trailers No Because when you see the gags that are so much about It looks like family guy shit It looks like except like not even transgressive But also like Andy Tarkowski is all about timing Yep

[00:04:52] And so like when the gags are fast paced or when they're slow it's all about the rhythm around that gag And when you just cut them back together it's just like this looks like just a calamity Do you know what else is true about Hotel Translating 3? What?

[00:05:04] It's the first time they've released in the summer Yes Upgraded to summer blockbuster The other ones came out in September Which is like real doldrum time And it was a big deal that they were like such big September releases

[00:05:14] Because everyone thought that was kind of like a punt Yeah right and then it's like they do well there They take it to summer harder you know They're coming up against your marvels Your ant men Your, who else we got? Your equalizers Your mom's Yeah your mommas

[00:05:28] Oh by the way happy equalizer weekend everybody Your fallen kingdoms Your purges And holding its own Doing great Dracking the boys The drag pack Your uncle Drew Uncle Drew's Do you see Uncle Drew? I haven't yet You were talking about seeing it I think hurry up

[00:05:47] I don't think it's gonna linger I just finished production on the tech And now I'm eagerly catching up with the 27 movies I need to see Wait that's what you've been doing? Yeah that's why I haven't been here in months

[00:06:00] Oh that's why we've just been recording the ads alone The two of us I was kinda wondering what happened to Griffin You thought I was just late? Yeah Every time For six months Wasn't six it was like four It was four It was a gentleman's four

[00:06:16] And yeah really That's your rating? Broken by the way I'm suffering from severe back pain And I vomited a bunch of it We should have ended up with a full body cast I saw the movie with Griffin yesterday And then after the movie with John

[00:06:29] I was like just sort of thinking to myself I don't know if we'll go get some pizza or something Griffin's like I have to go And I was like oh you got it And he's like yeah no I've got to go home

[00:06:38] And apparently you just went home and puked I did So great I've been laid up most of the time I injured myself doing a dialogue scene Congrats So I'm doing great I mean I've injured myself sitting in a chair I can't really make fun of you

[00:06:52] That's what this was like But the problem is that I also do Physically demanding stuff on this show So it looks really lame For me to like To be fair it was dialogue It was the straw that broke the camel's back Or whatever

[00:07:03] It was the straw that broke the Griffin's back And yeah so I saw this movie With you yesterday I was in immense physical pain the entire time Went to AMC with the recliner scenes We were reclined I know still hurt And then I puked a bunch afterwards

[00:07:15] And we talked some shit about you know Axl and Wonder Park Or whatever these things are So we go see this movie together right We're seeing a fucking weekday matinee Hotel Transylvania 3 Saw a lot of the blankies on reddit

[00:07:28] Going oh god how am I going to go see this movie by myself We're going to look like a creeper's way Wait till you hear Ben's story He was telling me go on go on So we go to this theater and it's us

[00:07:37] And it's like four dads with kids right We saw fucking five dog trailers A lot of dogs Same at mind Dog days All these dog movies All of them coming out in August Yeah Dog days of August's dog month

[00:07:52] And then this is kind of a stealth dog movie Hotel Transylvania 3 is He's just pretty good The best You love that We'll talk about that Yeah Ben you saw I believe You can tell them Well I went to the 11pm show last night

[00:08:08] Which like it's crazy that they show this movie at 11pm I know It was weird and I was like What theater? Which theater? AMC 7 And 3rd Oh that's where we saw it Same fucking place You might have sat in the same seat

[00:08:20] Sitting in the same handicap seat to the bed Did it smell like us? We took the handicap seats It was empty It was empty theater But I was intrigued to see who was gonna be There's mostly couples Were you like a red carpet reporter

[00:08:35] Like who's gonna show up Yeah I was intrigued to see who was gonna be Oh boy It was mostly young couples like in their early 20s There was a couple near me that was kind of like Making out They were hand-doling each other Heavy petting

[00:08:49] I was like this is a family movie But I could see like say you're 21 The first one came out you were like 14 Yeah at this point it's kind of like You might have made out for the first time During a hotel trans-ovening movie

[00:09:01] Now that's like a sexual fetish That was like an activation point for you It wasn't going there God No but the first time you kissed somebody It's in the theater see an HT1 And then now you're like Look I can only get it up for dragging the boys

[00:09:12] I get it That's why I go to all the Terminator movies I wonder why you wouldn't stop talking about your Experiencing salvation I loved it But then there was A bunch of guys By themselves And I saw the ultimate creep He had a shirt One of those like

[00:09:32] I left my other computer at the Technology Store And then He had The worst Bald Hair I've ever seen on a human being In my life To try to compensate for No I'm imagining he just It's just growing Well I was saying that

[00:09:51] There isn't a lot left but it's just growing It just It looks like someone took a fucking Thin Shit on his head Thin shit So anyway We became friends Yeah Uh Here he is I'd like to introduce some to you guys

[00:10:10] What kind of sounds like your theater was Full of monsters Yeah Murray the mummy What is it Frank How do you know their names Wayne the werewolf Frank is Is Franken The Frankenstein monster Correct Griffin The invisible man Which is the name of the Claude Reigns Character

[00:10:31] Right, yeah, yeah Uh I'm forgetting someone Who else we got Well those are the main ones Those are the main ones I mean Mavis Lobby Lobby Right, Lobby's cool Johnny Johnny Stein Johnny Stein The back packer Denisevich His son Only in two and three Bigfoot Bigfoot

[00:10:52] I mean now we get into the supporting cast this movie Which is just stacked But you got like, yeah A Skellington Floating brain guy I was gonna say floating brain guys Floating brain There's like a suit of armor In at least one or two of them A couple

[00:11:06] Trunk and head doorknockers Trunk and heads The witches There's like a quasi mode John Lovitz is a quasi mode Big part main antagonist The first one could argue Vlad of course Dragstaff What's the troupe of Cabra Yeah, we were Like wait, who's this

[00:11:20] Who the fuck is this guy? And then he was like, oh Is there ghosts? And we were like, oh It's kind of hot Yeah, he was kind of hot What? Okay, so context We're kind of such a context Let's dig into this thing Sony Pictures Animation

[00:11:36] Has been this weird ramshackle thing Right? In the like post Pixar Post Dreamworks Every studio deciding like Oh fuck we need one of those Yeah Sony and their animation department Has always been this sort of like odd jalopy of a thing Because after the big Disney Renaissance

[00:11:55] Everyone tried to do their own Hand-drawn stuff Okay And like Fox doubling down with Don Bluth These different studios trying those things And they didn't fucking work I've said this before It's a crazy thing to think about The first, do you know what the first

[00:12:10] Non-Disney animated film make $100 million is? Pondering Anastasia The Rugrats movie Like before the Rugrats movie No non-Disney studio Had released an animated crackbuster Sure, yeah I mean the Bluth ones did okay Those were like doubles or triples I mean that was like a big deal was

[00:12:31] When Disney was bombing The Bluth movies started doing better So it was like Land Before Time Did better than Fox and the Hound Yeah But it was like still like Low stakes To a certain degree Right? Yeah, Land Before Time made about 50 Yeah You know that adjusted

[00:12:46] That's like 100 Yeah But no one had really cracked it to that Degree everyone had sort of given up And then when Pixar took off And then Dreamworks very successfully Started piggybacking off of Pixar They made that hard turn into CGI Cause Dreamworks was going to be a

[00:13:02] Hand-drawn studio It was gonna be Katzenberg trying to Replicate what we had done at Disney Then everyone said Oh we can just fucking do that Get some animals They raised one eyebrow Cast some funny characters That was good so far Well Dreamworks animation They have like ants

[00:13:16] What else they have Well and then Shrek was like The huge breakthrough And then they started They dance A very well-written movie And you see if you think about it The ant is called Z Yes And it's like ant Z Like it's about him And also it's like

[00:13:31] Here's the title is Ants with a Z And the movie you're gonna see is ants With a Z Right That's what I'm saying And they made the Prince of Egypt Right Which made a hundred million dollars That's 2D Right That did well

[00:13:44] But that's what they thought they were gonna do They had this company PDI Who they were having produced Like animated films for them And I think that was like Just a secondary kind of thing That was mostly just an ego battle Against Pixar

[00:13:56] And then those start really working And then the other hand-drawn Dreamworks movies Rotel Dorado Sinbad are bombing heart Spirit Dying of the Smyrn Okay, Smyrn's Dying of the Spirit Titan A.E. Bombs really hard So everyone's like closing up shot Stallion's Spirit of the Smyrn

[00:14:12] There's this thing that I find very interesting Spirit of the Smyrn Spirit of the Smyrn of the Smyrn Smyrn, Stallion of the Spirit I think I did that one already There's a thing I find very interesting Which is that With animation in the feature world

[00:14:27] It feels like the die is cast But by whatever the first thing is Okay So like Snow White and the Seven Dwarves First big American So we're gonna do a lot of fairy tale Revivals For decades that was the notion That's what you do Princesses, sure

[00:14:42] If another studio is gonna make an animated film That's what it's gonna be It's gotta be a musical It's gotta be a fairy tale Or at least some sort of folk tale Or something, right? There's a similar thing with like Nightmare for Christmas being the first major

[00:14:55] Dot-motion film Most Dot-motion movies are still about monsters Right Right Yeah, cause it's like herky-jerky and creepy Right And I think the same thing happened with Toy Story Where it was like this is what the comedic sensibility of A CGI movie is Which is what? Like

[00:15:11] Oh, the characters are a little more adult They're a little more knowing It's placing sort of like comedic personalities Into a weird world I feel like another thing though That's even more important is that they're star driven That's, I said comedic personalities You're taking the people's voices

[00:15:27] Not just literally When you're making Shark Tale Like the little fish should look like Will Smith And the big shark should look like DeNiro Yes And all that And Scorsese is like a clown fish or whatever it is Well, that's like the DreamWork Apex

[00:15:41] Where they break it down into some sort of Like really crass mathematical formula For what people want out of these movies Oh, it feels like one of those things And then other studios are trying to do that As well Alright, well, gotta get to your point That's enough

[00:15:55] So Sony Is throwing like a lot of darts at the board Apparently one of the things that came out In like the Sony hacks There's a lot of really interesting shit Rehotal Transylvania that came out in the Sony hacks Interesting

[00:16:05] If you knew where to look, which I did Where no one was looking Is that where you were looking? Yeah So, do you know, can you tell me Sony's First animated film? Open season How do you know that? I know this shit!

[00:16:17] This is the only value I have in the world Values, that's putting it strong It's the only, it's all I got Can you name the stars of open season? Yes, I can, Martin Lawrence And Ashton Kutcher I believe Debra Messing's the female Correct, and the villain?

[00:16:34] I don't know who the villain is Gary Sinise Stake Wolf Zone And he played Steppen the Wolf Correct, yes, he plays like a hunter or something Isn't it about like hunting? I didn't see it It's open season I didn't see it

[00:16:48] And that was one that was just sort of like margelled Didn't do very well Yeah, then they had Surf's Up Right You know, Oscar nominated Got penguins, kinda cute, right? A lot of these things I like haven't seen And that sort of where like box office

[00:17:01] Like doubles or triples at best And then they had Cloudy with a Chance to Meatballs Which is kind of a breakthrough That's a good movie, does well Critically well received Launches Lord Miller into their future film career Then it's a little patchier

[00:17:15] Can you tell me the next one? Sony? Well in between you're missing a monster house Oh that's not on this Maybe because I guess it was produced by the Zemeckis Image Works rather than by Sony Pictures Animation Sure, was it just like released by Sony? Right

[00:17:31] It was released by Columbia So next thing after It's two years later Not Smurfs It's the Smurfs Right They count those Yeah, and then Those two They're hybrid obviously There's also um Goosebumps they file as a Sony animation They do, that's sort of weird Yeah There's Arthur Christmas

[00:17:51] Which is fine Is that CG or is that Clegg Is CG Ordman And then the pirates which is That's Clegg That's cute Then in 2012 America gets a gift It's a check-in To the hotel Transylvania I'm done Now this is why this context is important

[00:18:12] Because you asked me right before we recorded Is this based off some fucking book or something And it's quite the opposite This is one of those things that We often mock as just like this fucking industry Where some guy went in with like

[00:18:24] A 20 minute presentation on a franchise Okay, oh wow That's what Hotel Transylvania is I'm gonna get the guy's name for you He wrote and directed like two movies in the 80s And other than that Like this is now his breadwinner Is it Todd Durham Yes, correct

[00:18:40] Okay, yes I'm reading about this guy Studied comedy writing Right, Tales of the Third Dimension And Hyperspace in 1982 and 84 He comes in with the pitch Doesn't write the movie He gets a story credit The movie's written by Robert Smigel Who's like a Sandler mainstay And Peter Venom

[00:18:57] Who's a British comedy mainstay He's a funny guy I think he worked on Borat But he also worked on all the great Chris Morris Like Brass Eye Day to Day And all that stuff So yeah, funny This guy just comes in and goes

[00:19:12] Here's the pitch for a franchise Here's six movies Here's four TV shows Here's action figures Here's video games Here's apps And it's one of those things You hear where it's just like He sold them just an empty box It was like it's a hotel full of monsters

[00:19:25] Here's all the different things You could make out of it You didn't even really pitch storylines Yeah You know it was just like You could put these characters in anything Yeah And you could open a hotel And you could open a hotel Hey Four humans

[00:19:38] It does feel like it's a big miss That Sony doesn't have like a theme park Sort of connection You can't have like a hotel Transylvania At a theme park Like a hotel Right Or a motel Transylvania Here's a bunch of ghouls And zombies walking around

[00:19:56] Here's my first question Yes It's not really a hotel They all seem to just sort of live there Correct It's a residential hotel I guess Yeah It's kind of like just a housing community It's sort of like the Florida Project Like you know like

[00:20:12] Are they always on vacation? Like does the werewolf have like a job That he's busy? You know is he taking a break? No no that's what's odd It's also odd that in three They go on a vacation The entire hotel As Dracula points out

[00:20:26] They live in a hotel Employees and customers alike Oh my god David do you want them to Do their taxes Go over their income In the movie? Come on I genuinely be interested to know How much is going in And how much is going out

[00:20:41] Like how are they How does the mummy pay his rent? Yeah it's worth like He's a mummy It's like hostile transylvania Like the werewolf has like 5,000 children Like how is he supporting all of them And he's paying like you know 300 a night for a bedroom

[00:20:59] But this was the crux of the What's going on? The crux of the pitch was The idea of where the monsters go And they need to break Sure that was his pitch Right here's a hotel With all the monsters He actually stood up and he was like

[00:21:11] Where the monsters go and they need to break And everyone was like Huh? Slide He had the clicker in his hand He's wearing the turtle neck With the little glasses Oh my god Like cause to me And one more thing It's a weird pitch cause it's like

[00:21:26] I feel like the pitches should more just be like We all know Adam Sandler click You know we have just the Dracula voice click Alright He does Dracula Okay they live in a hotel or something Alright where's my 100 million dollars But this is the thing

[00:21:39] It takes almost 6 years for Adam Sandler To become part of this thing Okay that's weird That should have been He pitches it and they're just so desperate for shit Sony is like How do we do that Pixar thing This guy comes in and he goes You'll make sequels

[00:21:51] And they go sequels we want those Sure good Like that was the pitch was These movies will be successful And they were like great Buy the pitch from him And they go wait we need a script Uh huh Okay so Gendi Tartakovsky is the fifth director

[00:22:03] Announced for this movie It becomes this joke within like Sixth Sixth It becomes this joke within the Dumb animation blogs that I read for losers That it's like this fucking Sony movie That they bought in like 2003 They're never gonna make it Every two years they announced someone

[00:22:20] New as the director of Hotel Transylvania So here's who they had I'm not gonna say all their names But first they had like One of the guys who worked on Open Season Then they had the lady who worked on Open Season

[00:22:31] Then they had the guy who made Surf's Up Then they have a guy who literally Doesn't even have like a link For his name I've just never heard of And then finally yes Tartakovsky His feature debut But he's well known obviously For his work on Dexter's Lab

[00:22:47] Which is the first Cartoon Network Animated series Samurai Jack Which is him reinventing himself As sort of an action dude Off of that Lucas reaches out to him Gives him Clone Wars Clone Wars He also worked on the Powerpuff Girls Although he didn't create it

[00:22:59] He went to college with all those guys So he would direct on all That first Road and produced Bunch of Cartoon Network original series Cause all the same brands They were all kind of bosom buddies And they all worked on each other's shows And then he

[00:23:13] After Samurai Jack And Clone Wars Which are kind of these mainstream breakthroughs To him because they were more serious And they were so like action heavy Hollywood got kinda interested in him Outside the animation community And there was like Oh we're gonna make a Samurai Jack movie

[00:23:27] Never materialized New line set up That they were gonna do a Samurai Jack Animated film And also Ratner Was gonna direct a live action Samurai Jack adaptation They were gonna do both of them Then neither of them got off the ground Like six years later

[00:23:40] When JJ Abrams had gotten really big He was like I'm putting bad robots name behind Samurai Jack We're gonna make a Samurai Jack movie Never happened Jim Henson courted him He was gonna do a Dark Crystal sequel Active pre-production for years Never happened All these things he's like

[00:23:55] Kind of signing on to It's not going right? He does another show for Cartoon Network Called Symbiotic Titan That got kinda dumped by them I've never even seen it And was cancelled Yeah, cancelled really quickly And he was at a point of frustration after that

[00:24:11] And Sony comes up and poaches him And goes How would you want to make a movie? Here's the stable of things we have Here's this fucking hotel Transylvania thing We bought that we haven't been able to make work And he goes I like monsters

[00:24:23] He read the script they had I don't know if it was part of the original pitch Or it came through in one of the six other directors Five other directors But The notion of the Romeo and Juliet thing The human who lands Falls in love with Dracula's daughter

[00:24:34] That was there And he said when he read it That was like It was very much A almost twilight adjacent Serious romantic movie Yeah About the monsters And their two big moves were Let's get Gen D Tartosky He's one of the best animation directors alive

[00:24:48] No one's letting him make a movie Let's get him on something And move two was Sandler is still Sony's big guy at this point in time Of course Along with Will Smith 2010 Right Those were their two guys Were Will Smith and Adam Sandler Yep

[00:25:03] Those were Sony's big in-house movie stars And so they said We could hand this to Will Smith I'm sorry We could hand this Adam Sandler Sure He can bring all his cronies with him Sure That's our whole voice cast That'll give it a comedic sensibility

[00:25:15] Plus a pop star Plus a pop star It was originally announced as Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus And then they replaced her with Selena Gomez I think when Miley Cyrus got too extreme So that's who went to focus on her music Like her dead pets Yeah And

[00:25:28] So they were like That's the comedy Let's get Tartosky He's a brilliant visual filmmaker That's the movie We're just gonna Chocolate peanut butter Two great tastes Tastes great together That was the notion But I think this movie Was seen as kind of damaged goods

[00:25:40] And certainly within the animation community It was scoffing of like Look at this Hail Mary pass They're throwing Sandler on this thing They're gonna turn it into Like a shitty grown-ups with monsters And I feel bad for Tartosky That he's stuck on this thing

[00:25:53] I remember when the trailer came out I was like so depressed That he had directed this movie I was like this looks so dumb I find it so annoying this guy can't get a real movie made I missed a flight when I was in LA

[00:26:07] The next flight I could get on was 12 hours later I had all my luggage there I was like at LAX Which is sort of like far off Away from anything So I was like fuck What am I gonna do for 12 hours I found a local movie theater

[00:26:22] See a movie Getting it out See a movie So I said oh right There's this animated monster film That just came out from a director I really like I should go see that And I went and saw Frank and Whitney Alright, Tim Burton

[00:26:36] Okay it was deeply sort of Meh on Frank Pretty a man movie His animated movies are pretty bad And I was like fuck Frank and Whitney Got these good reviews That's such a bummer That's an Oscar nomination More Time to Kill

[00:26:48] I don't know I guess I'll sneak into Ho-Troop Transylvania But after Frank and Whitney My expectations are basement low Right? And I sit there watching this And I go I'm here Downtown Griffey Nooms In downtown LA I'm watching an American masterpiece Boy

[00:27:04] How's everyone sleeping on this fucking thing This movie is breaking ground For character animation and CGI Yeah Because he's bringing back the principal As a class of cartooning You've said this on this very podcast To a medium that has been pretty rigid so far

[00:27:23] And I love me my Pixar This was nominated for a Golden Globe And was snubbed by the Oscars It was I don't think it was going to ever get an Oscar nomination No, but see what else got nominated that year Okay I'll try and find out

[00:27:36] It is that kind of crappy year It was a bad year Because it's the year that Cars 2 Well, was Cars 2 nominated? No it wasn't but it was that The year of Cars 2 where Pixar was No no, Brave won that year Here are your nominees

[00:27:52] This is the year Paranormans should have won They're actually pretty good Yeah Brave's probably the worst Yeah Brave, Frank and Weenie Which is also not great No Paranorman which is great The Pirates which is a lot of fun I really like And Wreck-It Ralph Oh wow

[00:28:06] Which is a great time And I think everyone thought Ralph was going to win No That he was going to wreck it I thought he was going to wreck it I think people honestly didn't know what was going to win

[00:28:17] And I think a lot of voters are just like Brave's the Pixar won? Sure Like, check, whatever I genuinely believe most of them didn't see it Yeah, for sure They were like, she's like a girl The princess with an arrow The hair Great, we've got big red hair

[00:28:29] Sure It wins And then you have that really awkward speech Where the first director who was fired Is shoved off stage by the second director Real weird Yeah Who's like, I made this movie inspired by Her daughter Yeah So The point is I'm not going to

[00:28:49] Nurt out about this too much Ben is already putting his head in his hands The big thing is that CGI animation as opposed to hand drawn animation Is more an art of manipulation Okay Right, because when you're drawing You can draw anything you want for any frame

[00:29:05] And that encourages a real sort of boundary Stretching of how these characters can move Sure Certainly when you get to the most expressive animation You get to sort of like Bob Clampett and Tex Avery And Chuck Jones And these guys who really distort I know Tex Avery

[00:29:19] He's laughing at me And pose Yeah These things at Tartakovsky Stretch But this notion of creating tension Through Physicality Only Whether it's comedic tension or dramatic tension You know, that's Tartakovsky's whole thing Because Samurai Jack, Clone Wars That's all about tension through pose

[00:29:37] It's just in service of action And dramatic storytelling But it's also very minimalistic animation Those characters don't move a lot until they suddenly do But there are those long stretches where it's like Mace Windu just posing totally still He loves that stuff Right, before shit goes crazy

[00:29:51] Right, right But then this is the other side of him Which is using the same sort of principles For a purely comedic thing Which is throwing as much elasticity And movement as possible And that thing that I love I talked about with

[00:30:04] The funniest moment in the history of cinema When Violet squirts the water out of her nose Very funny This notion of Based on your mood Your entire physiology can change The shape of your skull Your body can totally distort This sort of very expressionistic Physicality, right?

[00:30:22] Because CGI animation is about manipulation It's they build a physical model And then they just Move that model It's like it's a real toy It's like stop motion Right, it's like you're moving a thing Most people don't push animation In that kind of way

[00:30:36] In the world of CGI Of like Okay, if Dracke is angry He's gonna get two feet taller Right, yes You're right, they don't cover people See, I'm glad he talks about this shit Because I never think about it But it's funny It's funny when Dracke suddenly is like

[00:30:49] All skinny for one moment Because he's like, you know I don't know Feeling like ashamed or what You know, right? Yeah, but why do you feel like Other franchises or other movies don't? I think A, that's a Pixar thing In terms of them setting the standard

[00:31:03] Because toy story at the time Was trying to be sold as Look, it looks real Like there's a reason why toy story Was about toys because they knew at that time The best thing that CGI could replicate was plastic Yeah, the humans in toy story

[00:31:17] As we've mentioned before Look terrible Look, like demons Like they're so scary They look a little better with every movie Yeah, but they also get more stylized With every movie They stop pretending that they're gonna make them look Even vaguely human Sure, but there was always

[00:31:31] You know, I'm explaining toy story 2 The Wayne Knight character where they're like You know, look how like his hair And his eyes And like we're making, you know It's all getting more and more detailed And all that, yeah They give up on all of that

[00:31:42] But you do watch the first toy story And even just in terms of like The quote-unquote lighting in the movie They really try to make it look like It's a live action movie They're trying to replicate that style Which then other Pixar movies Get more sort of expressionistic

[00:31:57] In their cinematic language But the models stay pretty rigid And like Pete Doctor talks about Like when he was making Inside Out He was like, I wanna go back To old school cartooning I mean, Inside Out is a far better movie Than Hotel Transylvania It is

[00:32:11] But in terms of animation If he's trying to do the same thing It fails wildly Yeah, that's not a movie that does that No, no And this is like Trying to think of any Pixar movie that does A, I think Ben, the reason why

[00:32:24] I think Coco came the closest with the way The Skeletons move Sure Where that gets a little cartooning They're pretty cool I think A, it was viewed as being out of fashion Oh, that sort of kid stuff That's not cool In this sort of like post-Shrek like

[00:32:37] You know, these movies have to be kind of edgy They have to be kind of snarky Or the Pixar thing of like They have to be really emotionally grounded And heartfelt And sort of like intellectually challenging That sort of physical comedy seems out of place You know?

[00:32:53] It seems at odds with what they're doing It's like putting, you know Too much like Jerry Lewis' slapstick In like a James Elbrook's movie or something I think that's what they think I think the other thing is It's super technically complicated

[00:33:06] Because you can do that kind of animation With hand drawing You just have to have the ability to Imagine and draw those poses To be able to make the models for these characters Which are sort of set in stone on the computer Contortant to these ways is Insane

[00:33:23] And that's the thing that people don't get about these movies Is they're like, oh, these movies are kind of cheap They're kind of like silly and plasticky looking They had to make so many technological breakthroughs On this movie to make it look this simplistic There's even shit like

[00:33:35] Clothing in CGI is a nightmare And it has its hair So a big thing that's been developed over years and years and years Are these like computer programs That just sort of like automate it If you automate the way that

[00:33:48] If you personally animate the movements of the characters The program will correspondingly Move the fabric the right way Where that gets fucked up is when Tartakovsky comes in as like I want Drac going like this and this and that And there are tests you can see online

[00:34:04] Where they try using the automated A.I. for the clothing And his like Tape ends up in the middle of his forehead Like poking out his ear Like shit like that Also things like Motion blur Which we're used to seeing if people move really fast

[00:34:20] Sure, if you're watching a movie Right and his big thing is this like Someone standing up straight and then the next frame Suddenly they're like Curled up in a ball on the floor If you don't have motion blur in between those things It looks like strobe lighting

[00:34:34] But also it's hard to do motion blur Because people aren't moving realistically So he'll do shit like Where if a character is moving really fast He'll literally have If you go frame by frame Two or three of that character So that the motion blur Is Registering as

[00:34:54] You can see their movement because they're scanning Across the space if that makes any sense Yeah, it's like they're in two places at once It's insane shit he's doing If he gets the script So we're called together, Smigal gives it a rewrite The Sandler boys come on it

[00:35:08] They're gonna take care of that stuff I think Sandler doesn't view this as really one of his movies He's like I'm loaning my friends And my name to this thing I got my buddy to rewrite it

[00:35:18] Some good jokes and I'm not gonna get hands on an animated movie This isn't a Happy Madison movie Right, it's money, it's like he's making a fun kids movie Right so they record all that stuff And Tarkovsky just goes buck fucking wild on the animation

[00:35:28] They create new programs called like Andy Blur to be able to like do all this shit Which now other animation studios use The movie is coming out in September Everyone thinks it's like a dump It looks kind of dumb Sandler's stars getting a little bronzed

[00:35:42] After years of being always Consistently A hundred million dollar guy, he's had a few flops in a row now Yeah let me actually find out Jack and Jill was the first Happy Madison movie to not make a hundred million dollars And that's 2011 And that's my boy

[00:36:00] Had come out this year And that's a big flop That only makes 36 But he did make it with Sandberg He was like, Sandberg's gonna be my guy I'm gonna make Sandberg, I'm gonna pass him down the torch And I think more than that, Sandberg's into it

[00:36:14] He's just like, I like Adam Sandler He's funny, like I wanna do like old Adam Sandler shit I remember that was his pitch for that to my boy It's like, yeah he's like dirty And then everyone saw him and was like I haven't seen it

[00:36:28] And I think the notion was much like Kevin James It was like, we're gonna go from you Co-starring in a couple Happy Madison movies To you getting your own Happy Madison movies And then that sort of didn't happen Sandberg just did the show instead

[00:36:40] But this was part of the like Sandberg wedging into The world of like, no I'm carrying with me Into this animated thing too And then they sort of handed off to Tartakovsky Who does all this crazy animation shit that I think

[00:36:50] No one gets and no one's paying attention to Sony animation is run by Hannah Mengele Who has no background in animation Was a Sony exec and they were like Animation's profitable, can you do this? Sony animation notoriously has no corporate culture There's like no sort of like

[00:37:04] Brand loyalty They tried to get Lord Miller to take over After Clyde with a chance at Meatball And like be the Lassitors The non-grope Lassitors And they were like, we don't want to run this animation department But it's why they keep on attaching them

[00:37:18] To all these things, why they're doing the Spider-Man Movie now and all this shit So it was just like this odd duck movie I think people weren't paying attention to They were mostly trying to sell on Sandler And then it comes out in September and does weirdly well

[00:37:30] And everyone's like, I don't know, it's some dumb kids movie Does 100, well we'll talk about Maybe we should do three box office games We will How you doing Ben? But the key here You're almost done right? The key here is that for me

[00:37:46] These movies on an animation perspective Are kind of Like Busby Berkeley musicals Okay Where like Busby Berkeley was like The fucking master of the musical sequence And those Gold Digger movies Are so much fun to watch and have a whole No water is filmed

[00:38:04] They're mostly just like, here's an incredible Artist in the mode Of the thing he does really well And the plots are kind of excuses to put things together You have great performers, they're funny jokes They're really entertaining but they're not even Striving for anything more

[00:38:18] And this feels like him using this premise And he loves monsters And the visual possibilities of monsters Let me do everything I wish I could do In an animated film Let me make CGI work the way I want CGI to work

[00:38:30] Isn't it so sad though that all these great animators Like Bird and Tartosky are like Well, I don't really like CGI But I guess I have to find a way To make it work for me Like you know, it's like

[00:38:42] And he keeps on talking about how he's like Trying to get Hand-drawn films made at Sony And not only can he not get that done But his own projects can't get done It just feels like them being like Yeah, definitely, definitely And then a year later they're like

[00:38:58] Do you want to do like hotel trance opening too? Like are you into that? We just really like money Like they make a lot of money And Tartosky is probably like I've got this great and they're like No, yeah, yeah But what if Dracula runs a hotel again

[00:39:14] They've announced and cancelled I think three different Tartosky movies Lauren Faust who is the creator Of My Little Pony The new series that everyone loves Got announced to do a movie, they cancelled that as well Like they keep on bringing in his sort of people

[00:39:28] People like with real Strong animation backbones And like real voices and visions And then chickening their movies But this first one I think is the interesting It was such a bummer when like He just announced to Direct3 Like it was just such an obvious bummer

[00:39:46] Even though the three turns out to be good Because he does one Everyone's like oh wow this is successful He signs on for two But the clear deal is He signs on for two, they're letting him set up two other projects One's an original thing called

[00:40:00] Can You Imagine I think Gets cancelled The other one was he really wanted to do Popeye He like fucking loves Popeye Like 2D Popeye And then you can see that's crazy I would prefer it was 2D But he like Was all about like I love physical movement

[00:40:18] Popeye's the perfect vehicle for that I'm gonna make a fucking Popeye movie Sony been squatting on those rights forever That was just like a brand they bought Cause they were like Popeye has name recognition He wrote a Popeye movie and this is one of the big things

[00:40:30] That came out in the Sony leak Is all these emails from A Pascal being like I don't fucking get it Like he doesn't get the script that he wrote Is this character cool? Do kids like him? And she's like emailing Lord and Miller

[00:40:42] Being like can you watch this thing And tell me if there's something I'm not getting And they're like he's a really fucking good animator What he's doing here is really interesting And she was like I don't know if kids want to see this I'm watching it, it's crazy

[00:40:54] It's insane right? I can see why Sony was freaked out by this Yeah This was his full CGI test He had a full script and they did a story reel screening With like the story boards and temp voices To see the whole movie pre-animated Yeah right

[00:41:10] And they were just like I don't fucking get this thing It's crazy Everyone should look it up, it looks insane But all this shit gets shit canned After two When he says I'm 100% not going back for three I've done my two movies

[00:41:26] I had a bad experience doing Hunter Transylvania 2 He actively says Sam Miller took that movie over And I just kind of wasn't into it Like he says this in an interview And he's like On one hand I don't get this fucking thing On the other hand

[00:41:40] Gendi is a trooper He really handled that Hotel Transylvania 2 situation Sam Miller was a nightmare on that Sam Miller would come into the room And give him animation notes Sam Miller shouldn't be noting him on animation It's one thing that he no longer had control over the script

[00:41:54] Sam Miller tried to get his hands on everything On two And he was like maybe we should do him the solid But I don't fucking get this pop-eye thing And they announced Hotel Transylvania 3 They were going to get a new director He goes on vacation with his family

[00:42:08] On a cruise ship And he's like fuck you know what I could do it on a cruise ship I dance cruise ship But I wonder now Will they let him make something totally Of his own because he got this sort of like

[00:42:22] I'm just wondering if they're just like This is doing really great You want to do Hotel Transylvania 4? I guarantee you they're going to back the truck up into his backyard Hotel Transylvania 3 summer vacation 2? But this feels like Going on another cruise? Like this franchise was like sloppy sixth

[00:42:38] It was like a cart before the horse What if we make six of these and no one could figure out how to make one He took over and said What if we take out all the pretenses of this being Like a serious thing

[00:42:48] And make it like mad magazine Like you just make it like so dense With gags and visual humor And like kinetic design and all of that But one does have like Pretty good emotional spine In a very simple straightforward Family movie kind of way

[00:43:04] I think the Mavis plotline works really well Mavis fucking rules Let's just be upfront about it Mavis is cool She's awesome, she's a nice person I'm just happy that she's doing well and she has a nice family Hotel Transylvania 1 Yeah after that we just chat all over

[00:43:18] Sony and like Pored Tartotops having to do this ship And it's like spoiler alert the movies are pretty good Yeah Seller alert You're looking to transfer files Wait a second Are you talking about making the creative Process easier for everyone?

[00:43:38] Yeah, oh that's what we transferred does my friend Look you don't want to get hacked like Sony You want those emails getting transferred cleanly We transferred Built their site to be the simplest way To share big files around the world For free! All the way to Transylvania

[00:43:52] Or a cruise ship Oh for me to triangle There's no sign in There's no offer codes There's no password to forget You just upload send and you get back to making what you make Wow so in that spirit There's a spirit In the studio who's telling us

[00:44:10] We're skipping the rest of this 60 second time Getting right back into the podcast WeTransfer.com You make We Transfer, yeah just go there Send your files around That ghost is spooky Yeah right So the first Ultra Transylvania is Dracula, single father We start the movie with

[00:44:32] Him tending to his daughter It's a very cute opening And he's going full tilt on the animated Wacuments But also it's just nice to open A movie with like three minutes of a guy being The good dad The whole movie isn't being easy He's a decent dad

[00:44:50] But they don't saddle you with the tragic backstory at the beginning With the wife's death Yes that's true it's not like finding Nemo where It leads with horror They just open on a fun note of watching Him chase her around they both have powers

[00:45:02] And she's on the ceiling and all of that And he just starts dreaming Of a sanctuary A place where they can be safe from the outside world That's the big notion of the first movie Yeah but like it's like a five star hotel It's expensive

[00:45:16] Honestly the only problem With the whole franchise is Do they have to pay? Is it a sanctuary? What currency are they using? Is it like the Euro now? Is Romania in the EU? I have to think about that Or Hungary or wherever the fuck it is

[00:45:36] Transloyne is sort of in between those two The moment where I went like Wait what the fuck is going on in this movie Is when he starts playing the hotel and there's like the one goblin Who's like his like Architect construction format

[00:45:48] You know the guy I'm talking about though He's like always standing sideways And shambling in his heads at a tilt And yeah the movie gets through all this very quickly Opens up the hotel and we go to years later And it's now Mavis' 118th birthday Right

[00:46:04] But she looks like 20 year old or whatever Cause I guess she's 18 Oh she's 18, of course She's a grownup It's like her Bar mitzvah Yeah, yeah, yeah Right They're throwing this big party for her And she's always wanted to go out into the outside world

[00:46:24] And the thing they keep on selling is Very simple but effective Inversion of monsters Are being hunted by humans all the time We can't go in the outside world They're gonna attack us Yeah I guess, except isn't it more Isn't the concept more like that's how it was

[00:46:40] Back in the 1890s They don't know anymore cause they've been so afraid They've all been, again Living in a hotel That is somehow paid for But I'll say this, the first one Does open with all the monsters like Arriving with their luggage And then do they never leave?

[00:46:58] Right I keep looking at Ben like he's gonna tell me Is this the season when they all come to visit? Right, it's like a hotel California kind of situation When you're here you never leave You're gonna hear your family So it's like an Olive Garden

[00:47:16] It's like an Olive Garden type of situation Somewhere between Olive Garden and Oliveville Would you say the characters are welcome? Is it like a USA Network situation? It is, it is and sort of like TBS cause it's very funny So Cause we learn of course

[00:47:32] His wife, voiced by Jackie Sandler Of course Adam Sandler's What to do She's an art, often played by Jackie Sandler Same as in A Crazy Night She was killed by human mob Yes But now it's like the 21st century And no one gives a shit about this anymore

[00:47:52] Isn't that the implication? But here's just like screenwriting 101 Faint praise but just effective And I feel like I so often see Movies botch this Right He doesn't want her to go into the outside world So he sets up a fake town It's populated by zombies

[00:48:10] Which is a sequence I love Cause another thing I love is that when she first Sees the townspeople they look like real townspeople Right And then it's once the shift of the town starts crumbling You see that they're masks But it's literally that they built two different models

[00:48:24] So at first you're seeing how she perceives them And then you're seeing the actual Reality of what they look like We're not gonna do the whole plot of every movie No but I'm saying this is what I like about this movie A thing I like about this movie

[00:48:36] Is that the fire Started by the town collapsing Is what brings Johnny to the hotel Right He makes his own bed Which I feel like movies botch this all the time Now with too much coincidence Especially in family movies where it's like You want this shit tight

[00:48:54] And it's like, Jack's got a lesson to learn So he's gotta let go Yeah these are tight movies so they're all 90 minute movies They kind of get their message across pretty quickly I don't know This is like Stoner backpacking Like Teen Torquid Yeah he's like what is he

[00:49:10] He's like a sort of a parody of like A crunchy 2000s Yeah Like post college travel the world He's a California dude But like he's like lame in a cute way Right it's like he likes like DJing and what else does he like

[00:49:26] I do think it's to the movies advantage That he's hard to stereotype because They do make him very specific Like they don't just settle into like six Obvious stereotypes I think his name is Laffrin Here's one problem I have It's not a problem, question

[00:49:42] He presents is very Jewish But then his parents are not Play very waspy And like you know obviously the joke Is just that they're like very straight lace But like you know he's got like the big red hair He's voiced by Samberg

[00:49:56] Like he has a little red head kid Who's like you know kind of anxious Yeah Denice I read them as Jewish But they're not though He's from Santa Cruz He's like a hacky sack guy He's like a hacky sack guy Right that's what he is He's like a

[00:50:16] Like into like the jam band Yeah he likes like Like bad electronic music scene 311 His favorite thing in the world is his backpack Loves his backpack He's got a very romantic attachment to his backpack He looks like sublime Yeah I guess that's an earlier generation

[00:50:36] The newer generation will be into like EDM Or whatever Which he kind of is Sure he likes DJing But he walks in and Mavis zings with him Which is the key concept of this franchise The notion of zinging Do you think that was in the original presentation?

[00:50:52] I don't know And you see when people fall in love in these movies And then they sing Wait David Oh no Oh no Ben's eyes just went pink Who's he looking at? Right at you David Ben just zinged Oh hey Benny But here's my question

[00:51:14] This is a real question Is zinging one way? Because in 3 He zings and it takes her a while to zing Correct I think they sort of present it as being Like a less creepy version Of the imprinting from the Twilight franchise Oh god That's creepy Super creepy

[00:51:36] Where they imprint on babies and go hey dibs So this opening with all the monsters You really love this His idea The sanctuary But I just like the chaos of this Thing It reminds me of, I already said Mad Magazine But the way Mad Magazine is like

[00:51:56] Here's the article or the comic strip you read on these two pages But then there are all the little Sergio Argonas Drawings in the margins But also those Mad Paranies where it would be Like the first double spread Where all of the characters are lined up

[00:52:08] And they all have one joke about themselves That they say like one after the other Like I miss and blah That's what this feels like And he's reducing everyone to like And Adam's brought all his friends I'm gonna run them down Apart from Selena Gomez

[00:52:24] Kevin James as Frank Like a very blue collar Frankenstein Who also just as quietly afraid of fire Yeah he kinda has the least bits He's just sort of doing Kevin James Kevin James is not trying hard to be clear There is no effort The only Frankenstein joke

[00:52:42] It's like Firebad And his arms fall off sometimes He's got a gambling problem And Fran Freakate does And she's like the Bride of Frankenstein She's the only Thankfully the only nagging wife stereotype In this film Which Sandler usually is rife with them

[00:53:00] In this movie they reduce it to one Yes then you got Steve Bishemi Who's always in Sandler movies My favorite character He's good, as Wayne I also like the way the wolf is animated He's the werewolf All the main characters in this movie Have totally different shapes

[00:53:16] You know like Dracula's like a teardrop Yeah Dracula's very serene Murray is like a circle Frank is like a He's a cube practically And Wayne is like an inverted triangle He's like an upside down triangle But he's just all like exhaustion The bit they latch on to

[00:53:34] Is the fact that they have Like an insane litter of wolf children They have a million children Which is a haggard father It's funny that they're like What should our werewolf bit be Where wolves famously turn into humans He never turns into a human

[00:53:50] Their bit is just like that he's like a dog And I guess dogs have lots of children But even that you're kind of like Not really My single biggest great with these movies Is they should have said that he's a wolf man Rather than a werewolf

[00:54:04] Because where wolf I keep on going When does he ever turn back He's not a werewolf He's a wolf person And like Ever growing brood of Children When he's the only one who's ever like Kind of individually developed They're funny though

[00:54:24] But I like that they literally are just like A storm Molly Shannon plays his wife Another thing, another criticism is The women Apart from The wives Or like nothing to do Then you got David Spade And his bit is that he's David Spade Again Not trying too hard

[00:54:48] What do you think there may be 100 grand Right? More, right? Just like a day's work I mean Sandler makes millions off of these movies Obviously, he's like producing a big shit I think Kevin James probably gets like a million or two

[00:55:00] Gomez probably gets like a million or two at this point David Spade is probably getting like a couple hundreds He's probably making decent money by the third one though So he's making a thousand dollars to just be like Hey you didn't see me Just for that one line

[00:55:12] Yeah, that line is More, it's probably like 25,000 dollars He doesn't have a lot of lines No he doesn't His joke is that he's invisible And sometimes he's like yeah you didn't notice how I look And it's like no you're invisible

[00:55:26] That bit's good where they make fun of Johnny He's red curly hair and he's like hey I have red curly hair That's kind of funny And then Murray the Mummy Excuse me and then Adam Sandler's greatest Of all friends And then Green is Murray the Mummy

[00:55:40] That's right, C.Lo Green was in this first movie And then Cut Did he do something really terrible? Can't tell if you're doing a bit or not Do you remember? He did like four terrible things and they were all kind of like part of

[00:55:52] Like a sort of a human centipede of badness They're all kind of linked Like pre-me too, like it was like one of the first times We kind of canceled a guy like that Yeah we were just like oh no It's almost like we kind of think he's crazy

[00:56:04] Yeah I think he's crazy I'm gonna say fuck you that guy C.Lo Green He's replaced by Keegan Michael Key Doing a C.Lo Green impression Right, yeah because And again like it's weird that that's the Mummy What's the Mummy's bit?

[00:56:23] He's got like kind of like an accent He's a party dude I also don't understand how C.Lo Green got Roped into it because everyone else Is still in the extended Sandler family He literally Sandler was just did his like most Dialed right, so it's like Kevin

[00:56:37] Sure David, okay Bacchamie John Lovitz plays Quasimodo Molly Shan and I think it's been a couple And then it's like oh C.Lo Green I call him a lot I guess Why C.Lo Green? Was it just like that he was hot that year Like that was just

[00:56:55] It was like oh we should cast like a famous musician too Even if you go into like the deeper supporting cast It's like Chris Parnell Yeah Parnell is in all of them And the fish and all the fish She's as funny as the fish

[00:57:07] But even like Taryn Kellerman, like Paul Britton Do some of the background voices in the first one Like it's like all people in his sphere Except for C.Lo Green Rob Brigel I think Is the skeleton man I think Skeleton yeah The first one

[00:57:23] The basic crux of it is that They've zinged Yeah so she falls in love with a backpacker Right and Drax doesn't want anyone knowing There's a human He doesn't want anyone to know There's a human at the hotel so he dresses him up

[00:57:37] Like a frankincine to try to get him out But then everyone starts falling for him That's kind of what's fun about the movie though Is that they're in on it together And it's because he Doesn't want Mavis to find out That the fire was all his fault

[00:57:51] So that's why he has to ally with Mavis Is essentially like love interest He's like pretty tightly plotted It's not complicated but it's just like Movies like humans and monsters aren't so different after all Which is obvious because they're all voiced by Fucking Adam Sandler people

[00:58:05] Right and the voice job is just them sounding Like people but I think the key to this First movie is the fact that Selena Gomez Is giving a real performance Yeah she's good it's not that what she's doing Is super complicated but there is

[00:58:17] A surprising amount of integrity And depth to what she's doing And she makes the longing this character feels For the outside world pretty palpable Yep she wants to see like a sunset and stuff I had no experience with Selena Gomez before this movie

[00:58:29] Outside of knowing that Selena Gomez was a thing I don't think I'd see her make it No no no no no no no See I don't even know that song And I saw this movie and I was just like She's really kind of killing this thing

[00:58:41] She's making this character kind of interesting She was the wizard of Waverly Place Yes But my lead star so I have no problem with this actress She was in Spring Breakers She's in that right? Oh she's really good in Spring Breakers I've seen Spring Breakers

[00:58:55] Yeah one of the finest American films Yep But so I'm just sitting here watching it loving this animation Getting kind of caught up in the Mavis story All I know is Walk Out of it and I go like

[00:59:05] That wasn't a hack job that wasn't a paycheck for Tarak Kovsky He was giving it his all It's a sweet movie what do you think Ben You watched them all When Griffin and I saw the movie yesterday we were like

[00:59:15] Has been watching them or does he just not want to do them No I did They're fun family movies And they have big monsters Obviously there's always a lesson to be told But it's not hitting you over the head with it No they're pretty tough but they don't

[00:59:29] Bend themselves over backwards trying to Shoot horn shit in And I think there is just a level of creativity And artistry to the animation itself That is lacking from other equivalent franchises Like that Well because I watched them where I jacked So then also immediately and you know

[00:59:45] Loved Dexter's Lab Powerpuff like a lot of the shows I didn't watch Clone Wars but still I like And he recognized it you're like oh it's not getting lost in this Right away And also the three of us are all like Early Sandler defenders

[00:59:59] Yes we all like early Sandler movies And him working with the director who's got Some like pacing and some like genuine Like visual craft Ups the sort of Sandler comedy as well Like I feel like this movie feels less Lackadaisical than like

[01:00:15] When you and I have been watching these Netflix Sandler movies and I have two minds of them Something like the week of and I'm like I kind of love that this movie is so low Concept that it's just characters Which is kind of what these are like too

[01:00:27] Right but there's more craft in these Which is a nice balance I was talking to somebody how like if you think about this As a high budget comedy essentially These are pure comedies You're right they're like 90 million Dollar comedies because other animated films

[01:00:41] Tend to fall into other genres as well And these are just straight up fucking Comedies which is his big thing I just want to be funny So all that physical comedy stuff Like it's executed so well And it's you know it's like

[01:00:55] There's a lot of money going into this too The thing Tarkovsky says is The most satisfying thing for him was seeing the first movie in theaters And watching audiences laugh At purely physical bits Like he felt like that It's sort of falling away from animated films

[01:01:09] And it's like they're laughing just at the way Drake is moving I think that but I also think that reinforces The type of these movies is like They're dumb Because it's like physical humor People not even seeing them but the trailers

[01:01:23] Just make it look like a lot of like And then he falls over Is it just like a cacophony And then the big gag Is that he says blah blah blah Which like What does that mean I don't know what that means Why is that funny

[01:01:41] Explain it to me But I'll say the other one that I find Really funny is The Frank very casual Fire Bad thing That Frank and Stine still terrified of Fire But he says it in this very like You know Fire Bad Kind of thing

[01:01:57] And they're both just like very mad magazine Like oh this is a postmodern take on a monster These are monsters dealing with their reputation The things that we all make fun of them for In the school yard when we're like six Genuinely I look at these movies

[01:02:11] And I go like this would have been A better approach for Universal Than doing the Dark Universe Yeah them trying to make an animated Family film with all their monsters And their designs Would have made more sense Like there's more value to the monsters now

[01:02:27] Because of these movies that Universal Has because kids actually know them again In a way that Universal is totally With because they're like I don't know It's about the humans fighting the monsters Yeah well I mean look But these movies are like largely riffing On the Universal movies

[01:02:43] The Dark Universe The original Universal movies Sure Dark Universe Origins So this movie comes out and it's a big hit And they're like oh sequel And Sandler is like wait that's a real thing Now that's a real movie And his last two movies are bombed

[01:03:04] And he goes like I'm gonna get it on Right I'm all over this but first Box ups We're doing three Box office game September 28th 2012 This movie opened a $42 million Big surprise people thought like 20 tops Yeah it was a new September record At the time Correct

[01:03:24] Yeah people were really uh It beat Sweet Home Alabama's like Then like 10 plus years Reign as the September best movie ever Right and then the record Was beaten by Hotel Translatingia 2 And then beat by it And then the second best ever behind what Longest yard

[01:03:42] Longest yard which like These numbers made no sense Everyone thought this was just like I don't fucking know You know So number two at the box office this weekend Is directed by a director who We have discussed one of his movies on this podcast Not in this episode

[01:03:58] But we've covered one of his We have done one episode on one of his movies Movies about time The movies about time We've covered one of his not a mini series But covered one of his movies A special episode for his new movie Last year

[01:04:17] I would classify this as being sick Looper You classify as being sick Like good Ben's throwin the horns You like Looper? Looper's pretty good Makes you think Made 66 Double it's budget, pretty good movie Star Wars Doesn't make a movie for six years Was he gonna make a movie?

[01:04:43] I think he had a couple things He was working on I don't know if you ever publicly announced Number three Is from a director Who's what we've covered one of his movies What? Once again Once again, yes A special one-off episode This movie is okay

[01:05:03] The next the movie we discussed And I've been pitching doing His like more recent movie I really want us to cover it Cause I'm obsessed I'm a diehard You're a diehard for his most recent movie Are you being sincere?

[01:05:20] What's- what are your favorite movies the last five years? Assassin's Creed Don't listen to him Oh god, come on, come on Give me a hint Okay, it's a cop movie L.A. Cop movie It grosses $41 million It has kind of a great performance in it

[01:05:42] It's not a bad movie, it's very him Oh, oh, oh, oh, it's End of Watch It's End of Watch With Jake Gyllenhaal Yes Michael Pena I believe Anna Kendrick And what movie of David Ayres Have we discussed with the podcast? Suicide Squad and Ben wants to discuss Bright

[01:06:00] And Brightest Number four, wow these are some movies Yeah It's a different time Number four Is the rare This movie stars a really famous director And it's the rare movie he's in Trouble with the Curve The Clint Eastwood baseball Pitching Scout movie Yes, he's blind He's going blind

[01:06:28] He has his daughter go with him And how to scout as well And like Justin Timberlake Like this is a film that came out in theaters And I think it was his main first A.D. directed it But I've heard that he kind of took over Interesting, okay

[01:06:44] Trouble with the Curve I believe it's the last movie he acted it But now he's about to start a new Now he's doing like a drug mule mick America great again Do you know that Clint Eastwood's doing a 90 year old drug mule movie

[01:06:56] That he's directing and starring in That gives me mixed feelings I got coke in my butt I kind of like that actually Yeah, I like Donald Trump I don't know if he likes Trump He's kind of like Trump's kind of a bad guy

[01:07:10] But maybe we need a bad guy Right, like that's kind of his take right now I don't know I throw a bomb and then he turned into a chair America is run by sorcerers Number five Is a film that was like

[01:07:28] One of those sat on the shelf for a long time And then it's star got super famous So it kind of got dumped and made some money Oh, oh, oh fuck It has a really stupid name I know it's the Jennifer Lawrence horror movie

[01:07:40] It's called The House at the End of the Streets Which made 31 million dollars Which is crazy And that was literally just off they were like Jennifer Lawrence is famous now We got this movie it's about like a house at the end Of some street or something

[01:07:54] And they're like sure September release it Yeah, crazy So often when we play this I am like who are these people That go to see these movies Yeah, it's true that people were just like well Gotta see something might as well see what's at the

[01:08:06] House at the end of the street Guess what it's like not good I think Like it's a bad bad house I think It's a dead end Yeah don't go Here's the craziest thing about this Number six Opening this weekend pitch perfect It opens to five million dollars

[01:08:24] Now it's like a semi-limited release Like seven hundred Not even 330 theaters like oh weird But like what's that about no idea They were like yeah let's platform this like it's 1982 like whatever it worked Eventually So that's Hotel Transylvania 1 You like this movie

[01:08:42] Love it big fan I watch it a lot You watch it you watch the first one a lot I watched the first one a lot I hadn't seen Two again blah blah blah Which I enjoyed but I think is a total gentleman six

[01:08:52] Right I mean I think I'm basically kind of A gentleman six on all of them But like that's to me that's a positive I like that one I just think the Actual sweet the actual I think it's got a sweeter script I think

[01:09:04] It's got a tighter story and I think the craft Is at its highest in the first one Okay but alright but now listen Now you're saying okay Hotel Transylvania 2 Which came out in September 2015 Same weekend practically You know there's a scene

[01:09:18] Where they say like we should check the blue tooth And then there's just a blue tooth With eyes That just comes up Onto the screen Two does this joke about five times and every time it's great There's one I just I laugh

[01:09:32] And then I'm like like like my Spirit exits my body and looks at me Laughing and is like really like It was just like a blue tooth like that's the whole joke I also rewatched that joke four times in a row Really funny The way the tooth moves

[01:09:44] Is really funny The color of Blue The shade is really funny But there's that there's the joke where they interrupt Jack when he's painting and it looks Like he's doing a cubist portrait and then you see The guy's painting and he's a cubist monster

[01:09:56] Yeah that's funny that was funny There's one where the guy is using the app To like modify his face and like smudge It and then you look up and see his face And his face looks like a smudge Like there's like shit they do a lot

[01:10:08] Of that and it also has more of The literal family guy cut away things Where it does a lot of that Since Murray opened the hot dog stand And then it's like They're bandaged or whatever you know They do a couple of those

[01:10:22] They do like maybe Wayne shouldn't Be the tennis instructor Yeah they do show like that I'm realizing how much Sandler's Dracula Is kind of trying for the comic insult dog Sure sure but I mean it is his old Dracula voice right from The blue tooth It's the best

[01:10:40] So dumb What's funny about it is it's not like that's Canonically a type of monster Is a sentient blog I know what it explains like what is this Ah Bluetooth There are gags in these movies though That I think are just so purely

[01:10:56] Satisfying and just to like fucking Like tee it up Knock it out of the park kind of way Just like quick efficient So here's another thing listeners Griffin proposes We do this episode like 8 months ago And I'm really worried that you guys are gonna hate him

[01:11:12] He's texting us the two of us being like I hope you like these movies because I don't know They're kind of a lot and you're gonna have to watch them all Once like Griffin's nervous about us Seeing these movies What were you so worried about

[01:11:24] They are 90 minute children's films Like they're pretty easy to watch Right but I also just thought you'd be like What is this goofball McKillicuddy But I would you I guess you just sold me Enough on like the animation And I just liked Tartotowski anyway And I like monsters

[01:11:40] That's the other thing Monsters fucking rule I love monsters so much They're ingrained in us We all know the tropes we know these characters And I love them visually I love like the different scales Of things in this movie

[01:11:56] The fact that you can have like the lobby of the hotel And like here are tiny little creatures And then here's just a floating by Right So I kind of like the second one I'm just saying is you would really You'd really like rock bottom my expectations

[01:12:10] But the second one's just like Borschbelt jokes Just silliness And then when like Mel Brooks shows up at the end I almost felt like this is thematically Appropriate that he's here Cause like that is all they were doing It's just a bunch of like young frankenstein

[01:12:24] You know what I mean What do you think about the lesson in two though Do you like it He's saying the lesson is bad Like I barely remember there was a lesson But it's not like It's really just about to To sum up the plot of two

[01:12:40] It's them five years later They have a kid He's a little five year old The first ten minutes of this movie spans seven years Yeah that's right Because it opens with their wedding Then it cuts to one year later Which is Mavis announcing that she's pregnant

[01:12:56] Then it cuts to nine months later when She is in delivery And then it jumps five years And then it's a little And the whole movie is Dracula being He loves the kid but he's like I wish he was a vampire

[01:13:10] I hope he's a vampire and he has to Become a vampire before he turns five Or else he's not a vampire Mavis is like maybe we should move To the suburbs or whatever So what's the lesson of the movie I guess because I'm seeing

[01:13:24] I saw this for the first time A few days ago And so obviously it came out before The climate But it just felt very I wanted to be the way it used to be Kind of like vibe And then learning to come over It wasn't into it

[01:13:42] Well there's a traditionalist Shriek in this movie Which is like he's kind of a traditionalist And when Vlad is introduced it's like No this is the real traditionalist guy This is the guy who's kind of a real old school Right and Sandler has always Whisper conservative

[01:13:58] Is he super republican He doesn't talk about it but that's always the sort of notion I always thought he was kind of one of those guys He's like I just like being rich I don't give a shit He seems more apathetic about anything going on in the world

[01:14:10] Very apathetic to be clear But I think This is also a movie that like Every 15 minutes It completely Lashes onto a new narrative can see Right the first bit is all what you're talking about And then it's like some hotel stuff And then they go to the camp

[01:14:28] There's like a bunch of camp stuff Right the stuff with Johnny and Mavis in California Is like literally a concentrated 15 minute stretch It's a little chunk of the movie Making fun of the suburbs And then Vlad and his bat monsters Who are sensibly the antagonists of the movie

[01:14:42] Are not introduced until the last 15 minutes And also Vlad's like so clearly not a villain anyway Because it's Mel Brooks and he's being funny And then he has these like gargoyles So then the villain is like Bella Who's this Bella Legosi bat monster

[01:14:54] And that sequence with them fighting the bats At the end feels like everything he wanted to do on Popeye Sure sure That feels very like oh I'm gonna do like Crazy wind up punch, jaws contorting And like the wake of the punch sort of stuff

[01:15:06] I just remember seeing that they had cancelled Popeye And I was like this is where he put all that energy Right Clearly he just went I want the end sequence To be a big fist fight because that's not the kind of action sequence They have in these movies

[01:15:18] I just can't remember anything about this movie already But I just remembered that I just sort of laughed a bunch It's totally fun to watch The script has zero narrative propulsion It was written by Smigel and Sandler And Sandler So Sandler actually got a writing credit

[01:15:32] Who rarely takes writing credits on his movies Blah blah blah Tar it comes out Did he say that in the movie? He does, well he says he doesn't say it Three is the one where he actually says it He actually says it off handedly right at the start

[01:15:46] And everyone's like hey you actually said it And then I feel like that joke is over with 15th time I love that dumb song they play every 15 minutes In all of these movies What else? I'm trying to think The kid's so cute

[01:16:00] The thing with him in Winnie is really nice Yeah the little wolf girl, they're like friends But it definitely is It's more of a verbal gag mode Scream cheese, Rob, you're at the point of this No isn't it too?

[01:16:12] No because they give it to Johnny when he's still pretending to be a Frankenstein He has to pretend that he likes it Oh you're right but then it's also into Jesus is pretty cool It's a cream cheese that's cream Johnny is kind of a fuck boy

[01:16:24] Oh wow, anti-Johnny We're into Johnny I'm just saying if it's a kids movie It's definitely Like a Men should behave that way especially a dad Should be more responsible He's like basically another kid I feel like that's a bad lesson for dad

[01:16:42] The comedic conceit they come up with You're the traditionalist Suit, come home I'm surprised that Dracula wasn't where it's sweatpants You're like fucking Mr. Banks in Mary Poppins Where you're like singing a song about Everything has to happen a certain way

[01:16:58] I'll say I have heard that complain about these movies That like the Dracula character Is constantly trying to make other people Especially his daughter behave the way he wants them to Yeah I guess so but then he always learns He always learns not to do that I guess

[01:17:10] They do kind of like Now that Johnny no longer has Like the narrative function of like he's the outside Or now they've accept him for two and three They make the joke essentially Oh he and the kid are the same

[01:17:22] Right, he and the kid are kind of allies in this In the second one because which I like This is one thing I like about the movie Is that um Because Mavis wants to move to the suburbs It's the classic like dilemma of the new parent

[01:17:34] Like oh maybe we should I just had a moment where I stepped down my body for a second And just felt such joy of the fact That I've gotten us At a point where we can get into Discussing the plot in any hotel Transylvania too

[01:17:48] Alright so Mavis is um You know she wants to move to the suburbs because that's New to her and Johnny Is kind of like I've done that Johnny he's a wayward soul He's a backpacker right? He doesn't like the suburbs

[01:18:00] I think it's more he just doesn't want to work Because he's found a place that somehow Just exists without money And he also has like a job too That's like a total sham job Yeah you're the executive vice president Of DJ But I also love the way

[01:18:16] He's got it made in the shade Transylvanian shade I also love Yesterday after we saw three But that like They're kind of just like a happy married couple Right well they're right And like you know there's jokes In two and three about date night

[01:18:34] You know cause they want to fuck Once in a while And they got Denny Savage But they like fully love each other They never get into like ball and chain like annoying And when they do Johnny's usually kind of a voice Of reason it's sort of like

[01:18:48] Look man like this is how it is Like he has the kind of like California outlook Of sort of like everyone should just do what they want to do Man like you know I like that he's a complicated character Ben Ben doesn't like to

[01:19:00] Cause yesterday we were like Ben probably loves Johnny Yeah we were like talking yeah so much Um but that's I'm not accepting everyone the way they are It's got fun jokes and it's fun to watch Uh yeah I had an okay time Watching Hotel Transylvania 2 No subtitle

[01:19:16] Yeah this is a weird subtitle for the movie Yeah uh box office game Box office game September 25th 2015 So we got Hotel Transylvania 2 Opened 48 million 48 Like practically the same Yeah number two also Opening this weekend is a film you auditioned for Boy Comedy sort of like a

[01:19:40] Light you know uh sort of Uh The intern? Yeah yeah We'll talk about it very soon I auditioned for that movie so many times Is that the only one? Is there any other Myers movies you auditioned for? I auditioned for it's complicated as well Like three times

[01:19:58] That sounds like complicated process It was very complicated I auditioned for three different casting directors Because they kept on firing casting directors Because they weren't finding people And then the new casting director would be like We just thought you were an obvious choice for this

[01:20:12] Like sort of the last person Not a fan of old downtown grippy noobs It was a part that they shot and then cut out of the movie But they delayed the film Production because they couldn't cast this part

[01:20:22] The joke was that she tries to get on dating apps And get back into the dating scene And then she gets there and the date is like a 19 year old Oh that's a good joke And it was like a big

[01:20:32] It was like a big six page scene in the movie In like the first act And they couldn't fucking find the kid And they kept on going back to it And then they just cut it out of the movie Darrell Sabara got the part He's spy kids

[01:20:46] And then world's greatest dad fame Yeah, but they cut it So that opened to 17 So you know got thumped But that is more of your classic September movie Right It's broad You know appealing to older audience I'm still surprised that movie didn't do better It didn't do well

[01:21:06] I don't know what it was about it actually I'm not sure why I like that movie a lot I like it okay but it does star You know has stupid noodle brain man Who I fucking hate so much I hate those parts of it

[01:21:20] That movie has two workaholics too many in it Yes it does Alright so number three Casper spirit at the beginning It is in my opinion the best Of the three In this film You may not have seen this film Yeah he's never even heard of it

[01:21:39] There's three of them Which is kinda crazy The first one did really well This one did okay It's no question of a fourth Like it's done Is it star driven? No not at all It's an established property Is it a horror thing? No it's a teen thing

[01:22:01] It's a teen thing It's a teen thing there are three of them That came and went That makes me think I probably saw it Maybe I don't know it's good one I like this one this one is like a decent movie Not a book series

[01:22:15] It is a book series It's kinda reminded me of the middle Resident Evil movies which are also really good So is it maze runner The Scorch Trials Welcome to the Scorch I haven't seen them I recommend them The third one is a bit of a bummer though

[01:22:33] First one solid, second one's pretty good West ball People say you're a good director Number four is another one where you're like It's really the bend Both times it's these movies where you're like Oh yeah people went to see this They said one for this

[01:22:49] They saw the trailer They're like wow he looks terrible I gotta see this Wow this doesn't star anyone famous It stars a bunch of people who are kinda famous Great but the guy looks terrible on it No okay so this movie It had opened last week limited

[01:23:05] In like big format and now it's expanding Wide it's a kind of a disaster Movie Everest Everest yeah From the director of 101 Reykjavik Althasar, Comicasaur I misread I saw the wrong one Oh yeah the next one is the one where he looks terrible Not about

[01:23:23] I haven't seen it He came up on our reddit recently Not to do a mini series of people People were like what's the deal with that guy Cause he sort of felt like he was groomed To be a big budget Studio journey man and then he sort of

[01:23:37] Capped out somewhere small Walberg likes him He got offered I think Fast & Furious 7 And turned it down like he was on those short He's stylish He's got a good grip That's right which was okay He does these okay movies He did two guns where

[01:23:55] I have one gun when he gets up too Two guns, more like two stars You know fucking Denzel Washington's in that movie I know the first time it's that movie rule Oh really? Yeah it's really funny And they're really good together Weirdly plotty

[01:24:09] Well that happens to a lot of Denzel movies That movie just has way too much fucking plot Anyway and then number five Yes the premise here is like what if this famous actor Looked terrible So bad And it's kind of this

[01:24:23] It's kind of this famous actor's last film Role that got him any praise Now he is one of the most universally Despised people in Hollywood Wow so He got me too Yeah I mean kind of Yeah kind of Not quite I guess but you know

[01:24:41] He had a case Of a public eye that you know of You know abusive behavior Recent feature in Rolling Stone 2 That's given it away So it's a depth stir It's the depth stir A guy we're never going to talk about on this podcast Thankfully

[01:24:59] It's not like we're thinking about a mini series It's not like we're thinking about a fucking director who's worked with him 8 billion times It's not like we're going to have to Dodge through that mine field For months on end A guy who's very depressing To think about

[01:25:15] Infuriating to talk about A depth stir It's the last time Oh oh oh oh This is such a bad performance Oh boy you think this is a bad performance And people were like he might get me on You think he's going to get the Oscar this time

[01:25:31] Black mass I make your cake recipe The whole trailer is going to be about a fucking cake or some bread I can't remember what the recipe is God give me this fucking recipe mother fucker Where does this rank as Worst like Boston Crime Movie It's a bottom

[01:25:49] It's terrible I watched it on a plane it sucks I think black mass is one of the worst films in the last 10 years I will stand behind it It's a cinematic Wikipedia entry It's just a series of things that happen Right that's the thing

[01:26:03] And then all it's really got going for it Is this kind of freakish like skeleton job They did to Dap And you know then you google whitey bulger And you're like he didn't look that bad Look at person He didn't look like a scorpion

[01:26:17] It's the same thing as like Fox catcher Where you look at the real guy And you're like he didn't look like fat nosferatu And it was clear that these actors Were just like I want to transform into A monster What is the recipe for I can't remember

[01:26:33] It's the steak What's his name? David Harbour makes And he's like I'm just a family recipe Right he's like You gave it up that easy Why you a fucking rat And he's like ha ha ha ha Like a dog Make him act great again Okay I'm out

[01:26:53] He chokes like four women in that movie It's a gross movie and it's just not good I mean it's a piece of shit Anyway maybe he'll want to be on the podcast Sorry Scott Alright so that's Hotel Transylvania 2 And then And then And then Blah blah blah

[01:27:13] Do we have an offer for you that we want to tie as closely To this series of children's films As we possibly can Are you experiencing erectile dysfunction? Sexual performance issues are more common Than you might think Ask Murray the mommy about it

[01:27:27] 25% of new ED cases are guys under 40 40% of men by age 40 struggle from Not being able to get or maintain an erection Imagine how bad it is for a guy centuries old Like Drac Sure he's well over 500 years old I believe

[01:27:41] Even the world's greatest actor Kevin James can't fake one Well thanks to science ED can be optional Cause Hems is going to connect you with real doctors Medical grade solutions To treat erectile dysfunction Yeah these are well known generic equivalents

[01:27:55] And name brand prescriptions to help you combat ED No snake oil pills Gas station counter supplements Blue teeth Blue teeth might work No I mean one ED pill starting with a V Just came off of patent in December 11th That's a game changer

[01:28:11] Start with a V you know which one we're talking about Vlad played by Nelverx There's no waiting room There's no awkward doctor visits No lines save hours You just go to 4Hems.com It's easy you chat to a doctor who asks you A few quick questions

[01:28:27] And they'll ship the product directly to your door Yeah so you just go to 4Hems.com Oh you mean F-O-R-H-I-M-S No you leave it blank No it's slash blank and then you can try Hems For a month for $5 And when they'll get you started while supplies last

[01:28:45] You see the website for full details But this would cost you hundreds if you went to the doctor Or a pharmacy You need to save that money so you can afford To stay at the hotel transylvania for free forever So that's 4Hems.com Blank

[01:28:59] So 3 is where the hotel Part of it starts to get real sweating Excuse me In between we have to talk about it You've been waiting Hotel Transylvania the series Oh yes So last year when I was doing press And we were flying around a lot

[01:29:17] And I was running out of stuff to watch on airplanes I tried watching some of it It is not my cup of tea I think it's totally fine If I was 10 I probably would be all over it and in on this franchise It's It's like

[01:29:33] Monster High, I don't know if you're familiar with Monster High I'm aware of it Which was a big doll brand that was like Oh they're monster girls and they go to high school together It's very much In line with that It's like Hotel Transylvania the teen years

[01:29:49] None of the adults are really in it It's Mavis centric Dracula is like On business His sister comes and takes over Who's like a school mom Is like a scary kind of like Antlidia This sounds awful There's a chicken Wendy Blob So it's like Blobby's daughter and Hank

[01:30:15] Einstein who's Hank's son And there's a And we gotta talk about this We're moving off a Whatever We haven't talked about Blobby Okay He's Blob, right? Like from the Blob Correct What does he do? He's got eyes He wobbles around

[01:30:37] There's that joke in two where he kind of Where they're on the big chase and he flies out With the cliff and he's like He'll be okay, it's Blobby Which is like weirdly funny again There were a lot of things that's moving That Doesn't sound funny

[01:30:53] It's kind of cute Blobby is like background in the first one Clearly he liked animating him Or saying he thought it was funny Or whatever it was So they write him into two a bunch where he invites himself Into The sort of boys outing With the drag pack

[01:31:11] And they put him in the little sidecar And he's just constantly getting hit Because he's like invincible He's like a fucking Terminator robot Who can like, you know, disassemble Into particulate matter And reassemble and shit Alright so in the third movie

[01:31:27] This is what I want to lead with We'll talk about it, yeah, it's not set in a hotel anymore It's set on a cruise ship He vomits I just want to lead with this He turns yellow and then purple I think And then he vomits

[01:31:43] And then he creates new life He creates a baby Through vomiting That's all And then also later Do you like that part? Yeah, okay great I thought it was kind of like symbolism for Oh Ben We're not in the four hymns at anymore Come on

[01:32:07] Later if he also takes some blob out of his tummy Yes he does And then he takes some pair of sunglasses for the little baby blob Correct But then also later He makes a puppy out of his blob Yes he does, and that has sentience

[01:32:21] Sometimes he can create other life With new eyeballs that came from seemingly the ether Eyeballs suggest sentience If it has eyeballs it's its own thing Other times it's just inanimate objects But there's a sequence where it's like He's like invulnerable Where like What's your van Helsing

[01:32:39] The love interest Erica van Helsing To kill Dracula There's this long sequence where she keeps Missing Dracula and hitting Bobby And he just bounces back You were losing your mind a little at Bobby Yeah Bobby's crazy Just like the rules of Bobby Are only denser and stranger

[01:32:59] As it all goes on That dude crazy He's a little weird Like maybe so much to think about Like also again Honestly how's he paying his rent Yeah He makes money out of blob Oh shit that's pretty impressive That's actually a really good answer

[01:33:19] Alright so here's the premise of Hotel Transylvania 3 Which as we should make clear Was written by Tartakowsky Yes and Michael McCullers Who was an SNL guy who I think They brought on two of the awesome powers And then Tartakovsky got a co-writing credit

[01:33:33] Really this is kind of his Movie Yes they kept Sandler at bay They did and Sony no longer has a relationship That's the other thing He left for Netflix anyway so what does Sony fucking care They don't need to appease him anymore

[01:33:47] We'll pay you to show up and do your thing And you know what Sandler is fine in the movie But he definitely is more toned down Like there's less of his silliness And if the second one is more like that Sort of like verbal gag

[01:33:59] This one is really about movement This is all fucking just crazy movement So this is the Hotel Transylvania 3 summer vacation HG3SV You know He's stressed out He wants to go on a date maybe He's very lonely Hasn't zinged in hundreds of years His daughter Mavis Misinterprets this

[01:34:21] Misinterprets this as like he needs a break Yeah So she books him on a surprise cruise Also books Tickets for everyone That's the question Here's my question I get putting him on the cruise But did she In the hotel say to everyone

[01:34:41] Who's paying to be at the hotel I assume hey Do you want to buy new tickets For a new hotel experience On a boat while You're on your endless vacation Because Mavis, Johnny, Dennis And Drac going on a cruise ship Makes total sense Extending the invite to

[01:35:01] But he doesn't because it's a surprise to him Even Mavis extending the invite to Let me get his 5 closest friends Murray, Frank, Griffin Let me bring them in The floating brain guy The skeleton cull elf Everyone's fucking the big foot guy He can't even fit on the boat

[01:35:19] You just see his leg Monsters found out about the cruise Because there was targeted advertising To other monsters And then you see An ad for monsters Are you a monster? Come on this cruise Where's their brand loyalty They don't like the hotel They all decide to

[01:35:41] And they're also leaving a vacation To go on a different vacation We packed our bags from our home To go stay at a hotel and now we're going to repack our bags Who has ever done this Who has ever left one vacation To go on another vacation spontaneously

[01:35:55] It's crazy Murray the mummy The answer is Murray the mummy No it makes no fucking sense This is like an update On the George Carlin bit A place for my stuff It's also a weird Thread in this movie At the end of the first one

[01:36:15] When they go into the town to try to get Johnny Johnny's going to fly And he realizes that he's crushed Mavis By sending her love away Because he could never be with a monster Right? So he goes and chases after Johnny And when they go into town

[01:36:31] They realize there's a monster face And these people now love monsters They're not scared of them anymore They're excited, they're huge fans Frank gives a big speech about how they need their help And they all help Dracula get to the plane Turns into a bag, gives this thing

[01:36:45] The second one just takes place in a world Where now it's like monsters and humans Are really cool with each other Like the walls are falling down But we never see humans Apart from Johnny's parents Right, come in And then the 15 minute California section

[01:37:01] Where Johnny's parents bring over Other mixed couples Yeah and the joke is right Like oh we're progressing And like What was I going to say The premise of Hotel Transylvania Is still that it's a hotel for monsters Right!

[01:37:21] Like it's not like it's not a hotel for monsters anymore And it's not like they don't just all hang out with their monster friends Well I think they mentioned They've expanded it and are trying to attract more humans Yes! Because that's what Johnny is sort of doing

[01:37:33] He's not working very hard He's not good at his job! He's blazing it! He's just like this fucking millennial Just like barely working hard And everything just comes his way Leave millennials alone Ben Right Can we talk about the most important part of the movie What is it?

[01:37:53] I like that a lot The most important part of the movie Is Gremlin Airlines Oh thank you! This is so good! It should have been the whole movie I was so happy about it The best thing about it is there's no intro It's just like we get it

[01:38:11] You know what I mean? It's like what if an airplane was terrible What it would do is want to destroy you That's the mad magazine thing It's like we're going off like the common collective pop culture Knowledge base and we're just riffing on it

[01:38:23] It's really funny because here's how they're introduced There's an establishing shot of a plane I think it's called regular airlines And it looked it's just in the air And then we pan left right And it's Gremlin Airlines And it's like a fucking like Zeppelin that's falling apart

[01:38:37] Or whatever right? It's like the flight of the phoenix And there are a bunch of gremlins From gremlins, bayhawks They're tearing apart the plane as they're flying What else do they do? Stewartus does everything you're not like Unbuckle your seatbelt Like she's slamming people's feet with the cart

[01:38:55] I also love that it's like all this really So funny Agro, ass holy behavior and also constantly coming around With a drink cart Which I like they're listing as the same level of irritation Like getting physically attacked Is as bad as having someone come by

[01:39:09] And offer soda for the 15 times It is the perfect example of what Tartotowski's doing Which is like why don't we just load it with funny funny jokes Weird visual jokes Just like every frame will just be chaos It'll be like all this fun stuff happening

[01:39:21] The landing is so funny The landing they just die bombing to the water It's funny, it's all funny And she still got the drink cart going Yeah it's fucking, it's good shit And then they land in the Bermuda Triangle Which is where the ship starts

[01:39:35] And you realize it's Erica van Helsing Great-granddaughter of Abraham van Helsing The lineage of these monster hunters Right, because there's this prologue where you see the van Helsing's like Over and over again trying to kill Dracula With this wily coyote bit of him constantly

[01:39:47] Being this close to killing Dracula And getting injured himself And she now has created this Cruise ship for monsters Sure Try to get them all on there so that her great-grandfather Who is still alive is now a steampunk cyborg man Um Yes, that's also funny

[01:40:05] Right, that he's a weird robot It takes forever for the steam thing to move Three is insane Three is a lot Three has weird ideas Cause the way they want to kill them For example, like they go on a second vacation They do dismiss that almost immediately

[01:40:21] You know, they're like, I'm now acknowledged the joke And they're done with it But they do, like the notion is The macguffin of the movie Is that the only way to kill a monster Is to unleash whatever killed everyone in Atlantis

[01:40:33] Because apparently Atlantis was a city of monsters I guess so So it's the Kraken is the only monster that can kill other monsters Right, Van Helsing's idea I guess is right Like, I can't do it I guess Ceno Well, that's funny

[01:40:47] But who goes there if no one is aware of Atlantis? None of it makes sense Cause it's like, that's the thing I kept wondering It's like, I know that this particular cruise Was like a magnet for the monsters But the way it's run

[01:40:59] Feels like it happens all the time And Erica alludes to growing up on the boat Yeah So, like, has it always existed? What's going on here? Do the fish know about it? There's these fish with legs Which is another insane gag You only ever see them in profile

[01:41:17] Right, it's a classic animation thing Where they're not three dimensional They're all voiced by Chris Cornell They're all the same and they're like butlers And stewards and all this stuff The best bit with them is that they have the kids club Which Wayne and his wife cannot comprehend

[01:41:31] The idea that people will take their kids off of their hands Right And give them free time And then these fish are just constantly Being attacked by these wolf pups That's funny That's a funny sequence When they're like explaining the concept Of daycare

[01:41:49] Which like, it's a five star hotel Why isn't the original hotel on daycare? Here's another thing Sorry David can you write a Yelp review I'm just noticing some flaws Cause we were texting the other day About these movies and you were saying What a good businessman he is

[01:42:07] He is a good businessman In terms of that he made it financially Except when you're like wait a second Wait a second, what is the business model Who's paying and doesn't he just own the castle anyway It's impressive that he's a hotelier While being a single father

[01:42:21] But also the business maybe isn't that sound But it is kind of like Every room has to be tailored To the specific needs of the monsters Like there's a puffer fish Does he have to pay the zombies Or is it Three lax zombies It does

[01:42:39] Cause the fish are sort of the replacement For the zombies Weird that three also opens with a wedding It does, opens with the puffer fish way That's weird But yeah, the plot is that Erica Is supposed to kill Dracula But Abraham wants it to happen with the Kraken

[01:42:55] Erica also 100% looks like a pop-eye character She does, she looks like famous studios She's got the pointy chin The eyes, what you were saying, the weirdly flat eyes But then we also met a new friend In this movie My boy Hi Bob Bob aka Tinkles

[01:43:13] So this is great It's two jokes that I like Throughout the movie Okay so for one obviously bends all over Tinkles Cause the joke of Tinkles is That the kid got a dog Denisovish But the dog is It was a short day on the DVD for two

[01:43:31] But the dog is like 40 times the size of him The dog is like the size of a house And it's like a pug It's sort of like some kind of like a little Silly dog but it's giant And they get on the boat and no pets allowed

[01:43:43] So they put a trench coat and a hat on him And then they go this is Bob And suddenly the dog can speak But can only say hi Bob Right which is weird There's no internal logic in this movie They don't explain how he says that

[01:43:57] They don't explain anything Yeah that's true they don't like Well whatever But yeah I love the dog, the big dog joke I love always The put him in a trench coat and everyone thinks He's a person joke That's like one of the top ten greatest jokes

[01:44:13] It's always good And then they have the perfect payoff in this Which is when his hat falls off It's funny that The roo is a work to rate that as fall That has a tiny So the hat's like a symbol

[01:44:27] Guys this is a good movie I might bump it up a star That's funny, this is funny Come on Like the third one is just airplane Like the third one is just like there's no real Narrative like integrity to this thing It's just funny shit Jingle's weird visual

[01:44:43] Also has a ton of slobber Yeah he there's multiple times That he like coats a room Yes Slobber What are the two things Wet God damn it Jesus fucking Christ Asshole I know everything's different Everything's different now So there's the The plot here also you got Mavis

[01:45:13] Having to deal with the fact that her dad might have zinged with someone new And she's it's kind of Only zing once I thought She's the one who's worried about him He gets really goofy once he falls in love with Erica

[01:45:23] They have him turn into like Charlie Brown's squiggle mouth Which is another visual I always love His head droops all the way into the center of his chest That's funny And he just goes Another thing just inexplicable Inexplicable not really returned to Kind of dumb Incredibly effective

[01:45:41] And eventually Erica realizes that Dracula isn't so bad He keeps trying to save her life when she's getting the tentacle thing The tentacle statue Which is a sweet sequence and then also turns into a dance routine Where she keeps on stepping on these traps

[01:45:51] Oh we should mention that All of these movies end with dance sequences Like another thing about drag is he loves dancing He likes like break dancing Well because in the first one they're playing the party And Frank And Murray and all them their band is going to play

[01:46:05] Which sucks And then Johnny sort of like takes over And then even the final party sequence After Johnny's done his musical number He hands the mic to Drac and Drac wraps For like two or three minutes And then dances like a motherfucker

[01:46:19] The rapping I could do without but the dancing I like Yeah and then the second one They play I'm in love with a monster three more times What's the dance sequence at the end of Oh they just fucking had a dance party

[01:46:29] What are you talking about there's no explanation But the third one like it goes like insane Because they This kraken who originally was like a lounge singer Like Kruner played by Joe Jonas played by Joe Jonas Which is weird Okay so they show up in Atlanta

[01:46:45] Atlanta is like a honky tonk casino town Which I think is funny I'm laughing Yeah I'm larvin I'm larvin Kraken right Oh he's so scary it turns out right He's got a microphone Atlanta That's the bit But then Van Helsing opens up the thing

[01:47:01] The sheet music very important Right plays the sheet music Activates the kraken Makes the kraken evil Johnny's flipping out because he's like I love good EDM This is I like that It's more than that just they have to stop The kraken. Johnny is actively mad

[01:47:17] That music is being used To do something bad He's warping the thing that he loves And John's already had his whole philosophical speech Which he took from like some kung fu equivalent show Show About finding tranquility within oneself

[01:47:31] But now he gets really fucking worked up about this thing He's got his backpack And he's got his DJ equipment You just had all of that on you And they're trying to find the song To calm down the kraken And they play don't worry be happy

[01:47:45] They play what's the other one they play Ah fuck what's the first one Oh good vibrations then don't worry be happy I like that the songs get worse Because the idea is it has to be such a filthy Earworm that you just cannot get rid of

[01:47:57] And then a thing that I never believed I would consent to Existing in a movie that I like That I wouldn't Any way approve a film That uses the Makarena As it's do sex Mack enough So he plays the Makarena But right it is woven densely

[01:48:15] Into the plot because listen I'm gonna talk For a second one there's that idea That has to be such an inescapable Earworm right that like it Dominates this this fucking satanic Kraken music It just has to be pure joy Two it compels You to dance

[01:48:33] And it compels the sheet music The very sheet Dances to the Makarena And tears itself in twain I love that so much He's so insane The sheet music is so into the Makarena that it dances itself Into shreds Yeah I have another thing to say about the Makarena

[01:48:55] Please one I found I looked it up today Turns out it's about a lady called Makarena Do you know that? That's what the lyrics are about Hey Makarena You're just talking about how nice she is Like they have like a crush on her Two all right

[01:49:09] Makarena big hit 20 years ago right The dance whatever I don't care about the dance The like sort of you know jungle Beach beat you know Which is kind of what made it a hit It's fine it's catchy People don't give enough credit to the two old guys

[01:49:25] Who sing the song They're great They're just these two old guys Los Del Rio Just a couple old guys You know I think they've like been doing this shit for a thousand years Two nice men cat calling an innocent woman They choreographed dance

[01:49:45] They're like I think they're Spanish You know and they you know they just They must be dead by now No they're still fucking going They're kicking us Munga Yeah That song is It was a cold read That song is fully 20 years old

[01:50:05] Yes and it was originally just the Them singing part and then someone comes in Remixes it with the beat And the dance gets added And that's when it like boom But it's such a weird thing to put into this movie because I feel very weird because

[01:50:17] Kids don't know what it is Or do they? I don't know maybe they do No I feel like there are other songs like That that kids now know as like Meaned like you know never going to Give you up and things like that Shake it off

[01:50:31] I don't think kids have a knowledge I don't think people have done postmodern Like Mucca Rain references I think it's still out there in the ether a little bit But yeah Here's what the choices I think to them Parents will get it because it's the Margarita

[01:50:45] Kids will like it because It's a dumb song that's easy to like People liked it 20 years ago I got pity the first time around I guess it's like that I like to move it Move it shit Madagascar which I hate

[01:50:57] And so for some reason I watch it in this I'm just like okay, Jendi gets a pass But if you think they just called Like whatever like crazy frog And he was like I need like two million and they were like

[01:51:07] No, you know they just sort of kept calling That's not how he said it They called like the vangaboy They called Lou Vega And then finally Like Los Del Rio were like oh of course 100 grand like you know I'm from Spain

[01:51:21] Like I don't like and like they were like Great great perfect It's Tarnaski It's the Margarita, they start making them do the Margarita It's a crazy movie You and I both turned each other's second It ended and went they're not gonna make him make a four Are they?

[01:51:37] It's gonna make so much money and I feel like Gendi you gotta walk away I don't know like what now but The guy makes three huge hits if Sony won't let him Make his real movie now They're never going to Move on, go work for a different company

[01:51:51] I don't know Do you know that in his fallow period where he was trying to get a future made And couldn't that he also did like storyboards For live action movies Like he designed a bunch of the action sequences For Iron Man 2

[01:52:03] But like big directors were bringing him in To like pre-vis shit You wanted to talk about Mother's Baugh I thought we should mention he did all three films Good scores I like his Ragnarok score a lot Do you want to hear the coolest fucking thing in the world

[01:52:17] I was catching up with old Gate Lockings He did a Maron Who are your Who are your Bob's Who are your cone hats But he energy domes But he said when he started doing Commercial jingles Because his into scoring was Peewee's Playhouse

[01:52:39] Because he was friends with Paul Rubins He didn't think he was gonna be a composer He loved this And then started doing commercial jingles And Maron was like so why do you want to do commercial jingles And he was like well I just found out about subliminal messaging

[01:52:51] And I thought this is a good vehicle to do that And he was like what do you mean He was like why would get hired to do these commercial jingles And I did like Hawaiian punch And you know the end of the theme

[01:53:01] Went like do do do do do And I put into the mix Me saying sugar is bad for you And he was like really And did you get in trouble And he was like no I did that for 15 years For 15 years Every commercial jingle Mark Mothersbaugh did

[01:53:17] He would put subliminal messages And went against the product That's so cool Sugar is bad for you That's awesome And then he said they finally got onto it And we're like the end of the road buddy Straight up one of the cooler People

[01:53:35] Oh Mark Mothersbaugh f*** that is alive right now He's a nice guy He's a nice guy I made it through a whole episode Of the children's cartoons Can I do a merchandise? No we're doing the third box office game

[01:53:49] We're going to get the two things ready at the same time Third box office game 49 Oh so it was a little lower But then I think it's been making more Midweek it's been making What the f*** is this It looks like soap I can't tell what it is

[01:54:07] It's a little Pennsylvania monster mayhem Trunks Oh is it like there's a little toys inside them Yeah there's a key And a little trunk And you get a monster and stickers inside Do we each get like two? You got like eight of them How many did you get?

[01:54:23] I bought a six pack from Amazon Are they going to be all different? They should all be different Hopefully they're Like f***ing 30 different characters Now I got to pre-warn you Here's the bad news Some of them are characters from the cartoon show Oh f*** that Wendy Blobby

[01:54:43] So now Blobby has a daughter who can talk She can talk? Yeah it sucks she's like a nerd You got the little key on the side You have scissors I don't have any Oh there aren't yeah There's a corkscrew Is this for Snooki? You gotta put the key

[01:55:01] In the thing I got Mavis Wavy Hey Mavis Look at that Who doesn't like Mavis? Everyone likes Mavis She's the best character right? Yeah she is Those are my best monster friends Yeah Wayne's pretty cool Okay alright who'd I get here Oh the mummy I got the mummy

[01:55:27] No it's the boy It's his son from the TV show He's a madro he sucks I was expecting there to be more things in the chest There's just one thing Yeah I think some chests maybe have more One monster one trunk key And collectors

[01:55:43] Yeah I thought there was like a sticker or something I don't know what to tell you I mean it's okay I can handle it I can handle the disappointment for sure How are you guys out there doing You like this? Everyone loves it

[01:55:57] I thought we were gonna play the box office game while this was on Number 4 Number 2 is a Marvel movie Oh fuck It just opened this just fucking happened I know Ant-Man and the Wasp I got the shitty ant character There she is

[01:56:13] My take on Ant-Man and the Wasp Really good Yeah it's actually great I think it's good I think it's almost underrated I didn't like that You're dumb idiot Wait what's this that I got It's about like logistical stuff The mobile little tiny house No pipes

[01:56:33] Where do the poop go Well for one, okay so other people have asked me this question Here's a question I have for these people How often do you think they're pooping It's a lab They don't have to spend all their time in it

[01:56:45] You've already had this conversation with people Yes I have you I'm friends with Jordan Hoffman Number 2 It's called composting Number 3 In the past when he was drinking technologies He probably just shrinks all the poops And puts them in a garbage can Oh that's a really good point

[01:57:03] And the other thing is people like how it's powered And people didn't point out like There are giant batteries on the wall That you see in a couple shots Like cause he can fucking enlarge them Cause he's got cool shrink technology

[01:57:15] No I'm not saying I wouldn't have enjoyed a sequence In which you see him shrinking the poop Sure And then throwing it away in a doggie bag Whatever Right and maybe it would be grossing a little more If he had included that in the film

[01:57:29] I got Bat Mavis Oh that's a good get Oh yeah cause we didn't talk about they can turn into Bats The vampires I have no idea what's going on here One of those is the shrunken head Oh that too it is

[01:57:45] But then the other thing is some of these come with pieces of It's like Johnny's blue It's Hank who's Frankenstein's son on the cartoon show And people have kids and then the movies They're just negligent parents Who never see their children I don't like the cartoon show

[01:57:59] Who'd you get? You got the Bat I want Mavis, I'm mad I didn't get Mavis I got Mavis, wait you opened both of yours I got the mummy kid And then Ben did you open both of your No you're opening your second one now

[01:58:11] Maybe he's gonna get Tinkles What if he got Tinkles Tinkles would be good Yeah I don't know Aunt Lydia is a dumb aunt Characters mean ladies Wait what is this? Oh that looks like the blob nerd child I think you got Wendy Bloch

[01:58:31] Dude we got six of these and like four of them are from the cartoon I'm looking at this little guy that it came with And they tell you the odds of getting characters And the odds are stacked to getting Characters from the cartoon show Which is dumb

[01:58:43] Like if you want like Captain Erika It's like a 1 in 42 chance you get Captain Erika Same with Drac You only get one chance you get Drac This is like some pyramid scheme garbage Yeah fuck this This is the worst merchandise How much did these cost?

[01:58:59] It didn't cost much I got six of these for twenty dollars Okay but like you know You could have just gotten anything else It's American money I could have spent it on food Why didn't you like Aunt Mim?

[01:59:09] I don't know I might have been in the wrong mood to see it God I loved it I saw it again Like it was really Yeah it's probably my favorite like Marvel in a while Like it's so fucking funny I'm just feeling frustration with the Marvel thing

[01:59:21] I like Peyton Reed I'm feeling frustration with the Marvel thing But it doesn't have any Marvel thing It's just like a great comedy where things get big and small You know this is the thing though I didn't laugh at like a single joke in the entire movie

[01:59:31] You didn't laugh at the Michael Payne stuff? No and I thought I would I was right there Maybe some of the Bobby Yaga stuff That was good I think the best part of this is actually just the little trunks The trunks are pretty solid

[01:59:43] The trunks look like kind of Muppet monsters Anyway Skyscraper is number three I gave it away Skyscraper Yeah What do you think? You should make less movies I've been on the record I've said this He makes too many movies He's overloaded right now

[02:00:05] Do you see Skyscraper? I did it Alright number four Incredibles 2 We already saw that Number five is another sequel Not quite as well as its predecessor It's really chill It's a very chill sequel I don't know what he's talking about Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom Just like good time

[02:00:25] Have fun Did you see Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom? I've seen so little recently No I haven't seen it yet I've been debating whether or not I will ever see it It's not very good But I recommend seeing it anyway Because it's kind of weird

[02:00:41] The second half of it is It's not great The script is bad But the kind of weird haunted house idea Is not the worst idea in the world I'm kind of into that There's moments where I was kind of into it Because it's so silly

[02:00:57] That's also more what I would want them to be doing with dresses The problem is the first half is garbage Turn your fucking phone off I'm sorry, Romley's texting me She just wants to start a podcast Have fun I'm just called Two Friends We already courted the market

[02:01:13] First purge, you see that? I don't know That was the text I haven't responded yet First purge I haven't seen I've seen almost nothing No Sicario Day of the Soldado Oh you're missing out Uncle Drew you didn't see it No, that's top of my list

[02:01:33] I hate sports but I love old age make up And I love getting the team back together movies Which is what it is I'll say I watch that It's solid, it's not quite as good as I was hoping I wish it was secretly a master piece

[02:01:45] I mean it is like A lot of the performances In the movie are from NBA players And I'm not even there I heard a rumor about that The movie definitely makes Little Rel Howery And Nick Kroll do a lot of the work

[02:01:59] Just because in yours they will be able to do it Just fine But There has to be emotional scenes Between Kyrie Irving and Shaq And Shaq has to pull his weight there Because Kyrie Irving is a newer actor But it's still kind of good

[02:02:15] I just wanted it to be goofier And I feel like these branded movies That are based on it This can't be that goofy It should be kind of a dirty movie And it's not really allowed to be Is there any Pepsi shit in the movie?

[02:02:29] No, at least nothing that I've really detected But it's not bad And I will say I saw it At a screening And it's the only time at a screening When the security guard There's always a security guard at the screen Making sure we don't like

[02:02:45] Was so into the movie that he sat down next to me And told me how much fun he was having And watched the whole movie with you That's a movie this summer Ocean's 8 you were cut out of this one Won't you be my neighbor? I have seen that

[02:02:59] It's okay I also think That should have gotten The Judd Apatow 7 hour treatment Sure, I mean he's fascinating He is fascinating and his career was so long And there are somely things that he Touched culturally That it feels like the movie has to be packed

[02:03:17] Because it has to get through things quickly I also think they just literally didn't talk to enough people I was watching and I was like There really only like 10 people they interviewed For a guy who like his legacy lasted decades

[02:03:27] But then you know see there's this other movie That's a nice story that's so true Like you wouldn't believe it It's like the truest story ever Can you believe it? Tags made money! 51! Yeah, there have been a lot of quiet like 51's this summer

[02:03:43] You know what movie is like quietly a piece of shit Tag Not that good You know what's the box house performance that no one's talking about? Book club is tiptoeing to like 70 Yeah book clubs made 67 68 sorry I'm checking Yeah yeah that's pretty good And zero worldwide

[02:04:01] I guess it'll roll out later I'm gonna start the Oscar campaign now For Steenburgen? No Candace LeBron James Bergen She's good She's getting buckets that whole movie Three point shots from mid-court She's doing great Yeah we've got uh Deadpool 2 Kind of softly disappointed still did really well

[02:04:23] Well look it feels disappointing When you think about the fact that there are Deadpool movies That make 300 million dollars Yeah hereditary did great Hereditary was like actually kind of an amazing hit That's I think my 2 of the year My number 2 Not me, it's good I like it

[02:04:41] Big fan What's your number 1 of the year? You were never really here Yeah I love it My number 3 is Hotel Transylvania 3 That I recommend Yeah you love that Is that your 1 right now? What's your number 1 again? I saw it for first or fourth

[02:05:03] I like first or fourth a lot I recommend Leave Your Choice because I feel like it won't last In theaters quite as long It's really really good and it's very understated So it's kind of worth being in a theater with it Sure Something else is oh 3 identical strangers

[02:05:17] Yeah I mean that's another one Where it's like it's a holy shit story I don't think that's a very good movie But if someone asked me like should I see it I'd be like yeah you know it's a pretty fun movie to watch Yeah It is genuinely nuts

[02:05:31] It also isn't resolved Which is not the fault of filmmakers But at this point where it's like oh there's all this information We're gonna get at some point in the next 20 years That's true And then 8th grade Oh I need to see it I know you'll see it

[02:05:47] Ben what's your favorite of the year? I also liked Annihilation? Did you dig that? It feels like a Ben movie Trying to think of what I saw that I really liked Looking at my movie past history I thought Transylvania 3 Casper's spirit would be there

[02:06:03] I thought hereditary was really cool Yeah I loved it But you wanted it to end with Satan going Like that That was your big note But I don't know It's weird that Satan hasn't been in any of the hotel Transylvania movies Maybe the Sony wants to tiptoe over

[02:06:19] Where's that fucker at? Oh yeah You wanna get him on board? Maybe it's quotes too high There was like a fishy guy in the first one who does that weird little dancey thing Talking about as a gift I've been sending you guys hotel Transylvania gifts a lot recently

[02:06:33] Yeah it's been great I'm a fun person to be friends with Yeah you are, it's really fun that we did this episode It probably was like 2 hours and 15 minutes long Or something completely ridiculous like that Was it way too long then? How long we going? Long enough

[02:06:49] 2 hours and change Okay done End of episode done out of here Thank you all for listening Next week business is normal, ugly Next week is the ice storm With special guest Emily Yashida Mother of Blankies Now 6 time guest We'll never know

[02:07:09] I think we say it at the beginning of the episode Tune in for that And we transfer Yes and stay tuned For a dramatic reading of some burger reports Please remember to rate, review, subscribe Go to BlankiesIread.com For some real nerdy shit

[02:07:27] Thanks to Ant for good for our social media Joe Bowen And Pat Reynolds For our work claim on going for a theme song And as always Blah blah blah Do do do do do do do Thank you for calling the burger report hotline 802-8 Burger

[02:07:49] Please leave a message with your FAMO Type of burger and location And we will try to put it on the podcast if we can That's 802-8 Burger Ahem Welcome to Burger Report Theater This is the bit We read burger reports submitted Via the written word Dramatically

[02:08:11] Okay, here's one This is a text we received I am writing in with a burger report Yeah, I saw now Disgraced Kurt Schilling Eating a burger, get this It was a wrap instead of a bun at Luxe Burger In Providence, Rhode Island

[02:08:29] Just wanted to fill in some details there Now Disgrace Kurt Schilling He was like a pitcher And then he's like now he's like a racist I guess, I don't know He's like a bad guy on Twitter That seems to be a weirdly popular career trajectory these days

[02:08:43] Yeah, he went from like You know kind of semi-famous athlete To a racist I shouldn't slander him because I forget What bad thing he did but he's like One of those people on the internet who's tweeting all day And everyone hates him, I don't know anything about that

[02:08:57] That's a career move Good thing the next burger report is about someone who has never done anything bad Go ahead June 19th, 6 o' 7 p.m. That's when the text was submitted I can't read the date line because it was just when we got the message

[02:09:09] I'm sorry, let me start over You threw off my rhythm June 19th, 6 o' 7 p.m. In 2015, I walked into a shake shack Not too far from the U.N. With a couple of my friends We ordered and then noticed there were intimidating big men Presumably security guards

[02:09:25] Guarding every exit of the restaurant A group of men I'm sorry, paragraph break A group of men were escorted inside By another group of men Seated at the table It was Vladimir Putin That's actually crazy The day before he had a meeting with Obama at the U.N.

[02:09:43] So I know for sure he was in town He was eating a hamburger With absolutely Nothing On it Just a bun and the meat If you need any Greater evidence that he is a threat to our democracy There it is, there's the smoking gun

[02:10:03] Just a bun and the meat Vladimir Putin is a f**king monster