The Rise of Skywalker

[00:00:01] Blank Check with Griffin and David, Blank Check with Griffin and David Don't know what to say or to expect All you need to know is that the name of the show is Blank Check This will be the final podcast in the story of Skywalker That's what he says

[00:00:28] Held Apper Pro Absolutely And can I say something else? Yeah Oh, they podcast now They podcast now? They podcast now That is just a form of jok- jokie writing in Hollywood that I never have much patience for The sort of like da-da da-da da-da The repetition

[00:00:49] What's funny is I love repetition Oh, repetition, funny Repetition, real funny They fly now? They fly? They have spaceships Well, they have a jetpack, you're impressed They have spaceships Yeah They've harnessed the power of space-flights Going back to the Palpatine

[00:01:08] Remember when the guy crashes into the cliff though and blows up like That was fucking big Really big? I didn't mind it but I was like, ooh It's pretty brutal Before we get to Palpatine, because I got lost with a- To say about Palpatine

[00:01:19] Can I just say quickly, a thing I do like Is the bikes that also worked as like The jetter seats that launched them I want that toy As a piece, as a good- as a toy, fun Fucking role, looks like a- I think it worked in the movie

[00:01:33] They didn't- they weren't really great at using them They were kinda like, let's launch the guys in the guy And then they just kinda- I mean those guys were easily dispatched That's all I'm saying I would think it was cooler if they didn't have jetpacks Jesus Christ

[00:01:46] I would find it cooler if they didn't have jetpacks And the bikes just launched them and then they just landed wherever they landed Like it was just a move to try to get closer Um As Ben- Yeah, no I like- Pursue me closer to the line Yeah, yeah

[00:01:58] Okay, can I just say something really important? Yeah Really important? Yeah The dead speak The dead speak You guys think that Palpatine has a podcast? Oh boy I mean he basically does He has a podcast That was the first thing I said When that popped up

[00:02:14] I gotta find the crawl I think- We always read the crawl Palpatine's on the gas network, isn't he? Yeah Joke for four people And what was the thing you wanted to say about Palpatine? Was that it? It was that Yeah I like it

[00:02:27] I'm just imagining him in a room being like Ben We got- No question Ready to go On the ones and zeros Introduce the podcast Oh, hi everybody My name is Griffin Claude Baersthor and Dofan Newman I'm David Lawrence, Sam's Kind of a weak showing

[00:02:44] This is a podcast called Blank Check with Griffin and David That's what it's called now But for our first year We were not a podcast about Femalographies, directors of Master of Success Early on in their career And given a series of blank checks

[00:02:56] To make their crazy passion products They want those checks clear And sometimes they bounce A baby We are a podcast about The Wars Yep The Star Wars Will there ever be Star Peace? Never Probably not Under Kathleen Kennedy's watch With her agenda

[00:03:13] She wants us to be fighting Star Wars Until the day we die That's fair I'm very tired We've already been recording for months For hours Yes we have And it's time To talk about Star Wars Episode 9 The Rise of Skywalker It's time to rise It's time to

[00:03:31] Wake up baby Rise and shine Is that a rooster right here? It's a space rooster Or should I say Cuck-a-doodle-do-coo He's back He was one who's back I would I'm your great-grandfather I don't know I guess Christopher Lee's dead Yeah That's an issue But she could be a...

[00:03:55] I mean the actor's also dead But yes Count Dooku did have his head jumped Do you know who's also dead? First build actor in this movie Carrie Fisher That's true Fully died before they started production of this film

[00:04:07] No, but not just before they started production of this film Before they released the last one Yep Before they picture-locked the... Well before they edited the last one Before they hired the director of this one The screenwriters Named this one First build Crazy

[00:04:21] Now that's a built-in contractual thing Yes It was set up from the outset That Harrison Ford be first build on the first movie Hamill be first build on the second movie Carrie Fisher be first build on the third film Correct Hamill's third build on Force Awakens

[00:04:36] Even though he is in it for four shots and zero lines I think he's second build, isn't he? I think it's Ford Fisher-Hamill Am I wrong about that? I think you're wrong about that Is it Ford Hamill Fisher? Pretty sure And then the second one is Hamill Fisher

[00:04:49] And then the third one is Fisher-Hamill Because Hamill is second build on this Hamill is second build on Force Awakens Pretty But doesn't speak a line He just goes like this Oh, in the Force Awakens I thought we were talking about this one

[00:05:04] I was like he has a whole unnecessary scene So he's second build on that film In Force Awakens And I remember as the credits came up It's a good faith And he was second build, you turned to me and you said Totally earned it I did, I did

[00:05:17] And I can't disagree You're gonna rank the Hamill performances in the sequel trilogy Last Jedi number one Force Awakens number two I need to chill out for a second I'm gonna take some time Take a break He didn't do anything else?

[00:05:30] There's nothing else I can put a three Fine I guess the rise of Skywalker It's pretty good in Kingsman right? Yeah, he was in Kingsman Did he do any ads maybe like a Mars Bar ad or something? I'm sorry, I have an answer for you

[00:05:42] Who do you use like promo interviews Who would go above this? They would Oh totally Number one Last Jedi Number two Force Awakens Number three When he did Mo-Cat for the goblin Who puts the coins inside BV-8 in Last Jedi Oh that's right, he was good as that

[00:05:57] He's a really good as that I love that guy Love that goblin Where was he? I don't know Why did they go back to Canto Byte? No one had any problem with that sequence last time Yeah, he should have been Oh what if like a Canto Byte

[00:06:13] Like you know, Casino Cruiser had been there Blowing up Star Destroyers Look we're avoiding talking about this movie Because oh boy Is anything less appetizing Than talking about Star Wars cities Can I suggest we talk about the Who we're voting for in the Democratic primaries

[00:06:30] That seems like a more fun conversation Yeah let's weigh in Right let's put our cards on the table And talk about religion Yeah, let's talk about Epstein Release all of my tax documents Hey let's all talk about how we lost our virginity Let's talk about all of it

[00:06:42] Alright fine I'll do it Alright I'm ready No no no, that's Patreon content baby Would you just have a virginity episode? I had promised that You've talked about yes You have to do Gore Verbinski to hear Griffin's virginity story

[00:06:54] It has to be Gore because I lost my virginity After walking out of Atworld's End You'd have to do Tarantino for me This is all I'm gonna say This is all I'm gonna say And I mean this as no backhand of compliment

[00:07:05] It was a tough decision because I don't like walking out of movies I very much wanted to lose my virginity But I on principle do not like walking out on films And I was really torn I got it

[00:07:19] I was like do you think this can wait two hours? Griffin you gotta wait until we do Verbinski to give us the tail I'm not gonna tell the story Alright fine But I mean I paid full ticket price

[00:07:31] And only got the first like 30-40 minutes at the moment Yeah I'm so sorry Thank you Just mark that to cut it all out Sure Thank you for your consideration It was a very difficult time of my life Yeah what's up Angela Ferguda Angela Ferguda

[00:07:47] The great good of the grand good of the good of the good of the good of the good Hello And in the studio with us as sometimes Ben Hosley Yeah you might notice in some future episodes that Ben's not with us in the studio

[00:07:58] But he'll be mostly around I'm mostly gonna be here Yeah exactly so don't worry about it And sometimes it won't But that's okay Don't worry about it We had a little bit of a transitional phase And that's all we have to say on Mike

[00:08:09] That's all we're gonna say It's time plates removing Transitional to 2020 coming up A producer Rachel who has done an incredible job And served to the plate And helped us keep the ship afloat But because there are more episodes coming I don't want people to be

[00:08:26] Just don't be alarmed Afraid that Ben is being phased out Because that is the furthest thing from the truth No I'm not gonna disappear No like a certain Ben in this film That's true Spoiler alert By the way this episode will spoil plot points from episode 9

[00:08:43] Okay so let's get the first massive spoiler out of the way It's a sequel to Unbreakable Okay let's get Hold for a pause Thank you Let's get the second massive spoiler out of the way In the last Jedi it is revealed that Ray's parents are nobody

[00:09:00] Now we forgot to talk about this in our last Jedi episode You did notoriously in our very manic jittery last Jedi episode Forget to address the very, what I thought at the time was Powerful scene of you know her showdown with Ben

[00:09:14] My single favorite story decision in that entire film Somehow was not discussed at all He's like they were nobody They were filthy junk traders She's crying That whole sequence obviously is fantastic Do you agree the sort of Her voice breaks when she finally admits they were nobody

[00:09:31] She is phenomenal in that She's so good in that scene She's okay in this one And then I think she's very good As a noted Daisy and Ray stan I stan her Yeah there was something like just not Characters hardly written She's so hollow And I don't

[00:09:51] It's just it's that classic J.J. room's like I'll talk to you later I gotta go Like three times she does that Yeah You know it's like yeah I can't tell you I have to leave And the closest she got was when she talked to Finn

[00:10:03] And she was like nobody fucking understands me And I was like Finn is really trying You guys are like You guys are abonded He's the only one that's like really trying to understand her Besides Carrie Fisher which is like not a real conversation We'll get into that

[00:10:17] Unfortunately Carrie Fisher can only be like Ray what are you talking about Judge my name My name is judge It's like a great name Do you remember it's so funny and a rest of the element Yes My name is judge Judge my name is Remember that

[00:10:33] I was gonna say this performance feels like a Jerky boys sound board I mean what could they do They could I mean I wanna get this out She could have looked Yeah I wanna get this out of the way Okay Right off the top

[00:10:46] I think this movie is so deeply Intrinsically fucked By the fact that she tragically passed away I do think that's one of the big problems This movie had to face And this movie makes a lot of active Consciously bad decisions But as you're watching this film

[00:11:02] Even though they didn't handle Most anything well I kept on coming up against Oh naturally This feels like The last two movies have been building up to Her being the catalyst for all of the main catharsis In this third entry

[00:11:17] JJ has said he wanted this to be Carrie's movie The Leia movie He was like this was gonna be the Leia movie And that's why it was so devastating Captain Kennedy wanted it to be the Leia movie Yeah

[00:11:26] Carrie Fisher was ready for it to be the Leia movie What happens when you don't make her the first And it feels like everything was teed up For the crux of this entire trilogy To be Kylo Ren and Princess Leia Now General Leia Organa Coming face to face

[00:11:42] It just feels like narratively That's where the whole thing is driving And it is an unbearably sad thing It's very sad And you watch this movie and all of the scenes With her in it I think are really kind of Unsettling They're just off Yeah they're off

[00:12:01] I don't know if I find them unsettling I just they're off It feels like a far more technically Accomplished version of My name is Judge I was gonna say the fucking soprano scene Well the soprano scene is Right she doesn't say anything

[00:12:16] They're trying to retrofit a scene from lines Of dialogue they have saying her And her performance never works In conjunction with anyone else Because it was She's not there It's also from the Force Awakens Like even like the hug with her

[00:12:31] And last shot it was like a reesh As someone who has watched the Force Awakens Like a million times I could like see all the like Same physical beats and But they changed her hair And clothes digitally They did all this stuff

[00:12:44] I would love to know how they approached it Just from a pure technical side I'd love to hear about all the weird shit They had to do with whatever little pieces Of footage they had I mean I went back last night It doesn't work

[00:12:56] No I went back last night and I was watching Because I wanted to confirm the suspicion A lot of the pieces that they use in this movie Are on the deleted scenes for Force Awakens That's what I'm saying Right right And you can see the same dialogue excerpts

[00:13:08] And it's the same positions And it's the same movements And it's just sort of redressed Yes But it does feel like Yeah it feels like a very successful prank phone call Where it's like oh my god they almost made it sound

[00:13:22] Like that was in direct response to the last thing that was said Never underestimate a droid It's a bummer Never underestimate a droid When she says that I have wanted Po to be like What the fuck are you talking about We're trying to have a conversation with you

[00:13:37] Well BB-8 just rolled up his head It's like the Arnold Total Recall mask Like malfunctioning Right Two weeks Why are you stuck in that dialogue? Let's read the opening crawl The dead speak The dead speak I mean I laughed pretty hard when that came up That was wild

[00:13:53] An explanation play The galaxy has heard a mysterious broadcast A threat of revenge In the sinister voice of the late Emperor Palpatine I'm yelling the capital letters So I immediately turned to you and go Uh so all of that happened off screen

[00:14:10] The crawl wasn't even done and you were turning to me Cause dead speak they had me and I was like But here's something you didn't know Griffin If you had just played Fortnite The new Star Wars event on Fortnite You would have heard Emperor Palpatine's broadcast

[00:14:24] Cause it's in it I'm not kidding this is not a joke Griffin's looking at me with dead eyes At the end of the Fortnite game with Star Wars I don't fucking know how Fortnite works It's like spoken from the heavens too It's not like a cut to Palpatine

[00:14:43] No but it is Ian McDermott So they clearly recorded McDermott doing a broadcast So they were like Um I don't know Fortnite Maybe we could debut it on Fortnite It just feels like from the get go Such a poor narrative decision To debut on Fortnite?

[00:15:05] No I think that's a great narrative decision To not show the characters dramatically discovering this Dead speak That's one thing But dead speak No I totally agree with you it's very strange But the fact that the movie starts and everyone's like Yeah we all know Palpatine's back right

[00:15:23] Well they're all like bad news guys That Palpatine broadcast it's definitely him It's like the fucking room some of these scenes There has been no air of Palpatine No whisper of Palpatine in the two previous films You hear his voice once in that Ray dream

[00:15:39] You hear all the old voices You hear a lot of voices in there In which Ray dream In the Force Awakens sequence You hear his voice for a second You know when she has total life saver Yeah she touches the light saver Yeah you hear Ray Ray Gregor

[00:15:54] General Alright back to the crawl General Leia You got it General Leia Organa dispatches secret agents to gather intelligence While Ray the last hope of the Jedi Trains for battle against the diabolical first order Meanwhile Supreme Leader Kylo Ren rages In search of the Phantom Emperor

[00:16:15] Determined to destroy any threat to his power Four dots And I read that and I go That feels like what should be act one of this movie Rather than the stuff that we're all supposed to take for granted As we just hit the ground right

[00:16:30] That's all fair it's also three paragraphs that don't make any sense together No So you've got alright Palpatine's back and he sent out a podcast Right And you're like okay why would he do that but okay From the number Brooklyn

[00:16:42] Right two they're like Organa is sending out agents to gather intelligence Because the only footage we have is Leia briefing people in a war room So it all has to have that kind of energy While Ray trains for battle Trains for battle

[00:16:56] Like because the movie starts with them all being like why are you here And it's like rather than her giving the correct answer which is like Well all the footage would lay as on like a jungle planet

[00:17:05] So I just kind of got to be here for the first act She's just like well I'm training to hear the Jedi She's training so that like man babies can see how powerful she is Because she's actually working on that

[00:17:17] What if it actually the first shot is like her time card at like Jedi school And she's like God I've been here so long Click I passed Jedi school It is one of those things for me I have sort of made this challenge to myself

[00:17:33] Not a challenge but just I want to remind myself to use I statements as much as I can In this episode because I want to try to just personally Avoid the discourse of this is not what Star Wars is Right Not what they should be doing

[00:17:50] You can't make this movie I don't care No no but I'm just trying to like No I'm saying to the world Oh totally And also I just feel like it's become such a toxic run of like listen

[00:17:58] I have finally formulated the exact argument for why this empirically breaks this Very bad way to think about Or it's perfectly this Right Because no one owns Star Wars and Star Wars belongs to all of us The Walt Disney Company Oh I forgot

[00:18:11] I mean as someone who really really wanted to like this movie Read David's review, read other reviews Yeah And was like I'm going to like white my mind Shout out to Patrick Wilms I was literally like This is a movie About space wizards For children

[00:18:26] Did you get Babu Frick to wipe your mind for you? I wish I want to hang out with Babu Frick all the time I know But I wanted to I was like just go in Like people are tearing it apart You disagree with some of those people

[00:18:38] And then like obviously we can get into like the fandom has been like so toxic The week leading up to it It was so depressing It's been a depressing time I was like I'm going to block Star Wars and stuff on my phone And I still got spoiled

[00:18:50] And No I really did I went in I love the Force Awakens I love The Last Jedi I really really really wanted to like this It's okay if you like this movie But I just it was so I was Whelmed was my Quite whelmed Reaction I wasn't overwhelmed

[00:19:07] I wasn't underwhelmed I was just like that I Yeah it kind of happens at you What was the last thing I said to you The lights went down in our theater I don't know My garbage bale pizza is arriving A garbage compactor pizza

[00:19:23] It was called a trash compactor pizza And I had four big swamp energies to drink What's in this big swamp energy? I don't know but it got me there You had some big swamp energy by the end of the day Huge swamp energy It was like Apple soda

[00:19:36] And like Everclear And some green stuff It was great It was so fucking good I was a trashy swamp boy No but I said to you I said you know what In a weird way I am perversely Yeah you said right Your expectations were so low Thrilled

[00:19:52] That my expectations are so low now Because I was like I'm now putting nothing on this movie And I'm hoping I can just find as much to latch onto And what I kept on thinking was This movie feels like trying to have a conversation at a nightclub

[00:20:06] I do not go to nightclubs often It is usually after I've been having a night The rest of the group is like We should do this Usually after you've got some big swamp energy Right and I'm like I want to go to sleep Everyone's talking me into this

[00:20:19] And then I go there and I realize Like all I want to do is continue talking to people And this environment is not conducive to that happening And this movie feels like it's yelling at me All the time we're even when it does speak

[00:20:32] Even when this movie is saying something That I do want to hear It is saying it in a way that is so aggro Like by just sort of out of necessity The pressure it is under That I cannot enjoy absorbing that information

[00:20:48] It feels like some kid who has manic Or has ADD or took too much Adderall Is explaining to me what happened in a Star Wars movie Here was the other big thought that came to me And someone who has ADD Yeah, that's fine 15 years So we both know

[00:21:04] So we're not And then this guy goes over here And the thing goes like 15 minutes into the movie I thought to myself This feels like what Like Cliff Notes for itself Oh, interesting That's also when you leaned over to me And said I'm already exhausted Yes

[00:21:24] Here's big swamp energy Pineapple vodka Green tea Ginger Matcha Lime and soda The matcha threw me up I was gonna get it Sounds kind of fun It was Sounds kind of fun I think proof is in the pudding How much fun was I lesson?

[00:21:39] I don't know if you're alright Yeah, I think it was okay Alright, I finished the crawl Okay, so You finished the crawl There's the adage Did that speak? There's the adage that He's gonna keep yelling You write a movie three times, right? Sure

[00:21:55] You write it at the scripting stage You write it when you're filming You write it when you're editing And whether those are three people Doing three different jobs Or one person carrying over multiple jobs Or whatever it is Yeah You know, at each different stage

[00:22:08] The film presents its own narrative demands To you And you find the mesh of all three Yeah, I get you JJ is notoriously someone who I think often figures things out In retrospect Even his best films I think he's been pretty open about

[00:22:29] The fact that there are a lot of reshoots That he's a guy who watches and edits And goes like, oh I thought this was gonna be this And this and this and that And I go through multiple drafts He's a bit of a postman

[00:22:40] He's a bit of a postman But he's also Oh, he doesn't post, right? Yeah, yeah Here's the other thing about him He already made a Star Wars movie Under a restrictive time limit After throwing out a script And rewriting it on the fly

[00:22:55] And then having to reshoot it And shoot weird things And breaking Harrison Ford's leg Practically in half And it turned out great So why wouldn't he go into this thing And be like, we'll figure it out But look, I think no one really knows And it doesn't matter

[00:23:08] Because ultimately I think everyone in this room Contends that that movie works We all like that movie Oh, I like that movie A tremendous amount, right? I don't like it I think it has more problems You know, you can poke at it better than But I like it

[00:23:21] I have a great time with it I've seen it so many times It holds up as much as TLJ It doesn't But I've watched it so many times Yeah And I really enjoy watching it I love watching it Do you know who's in it?

[00:23:31] Do you know who's in it? Oh, Huntsman Harrison Ford This actor who really, really is popping him out And he's playing this character That's sort of beloved Anyway The thing that's great about him Is that he's cool He's a cool fucking guy

[00:23:45] But in this one he's also your cool dad So your point about, right Well, Finisher, I have a point about Well, yeah, and I feel like even And he said this like Look, it was a terrible thing to happen None of us wanted to happen

[00:23:54] But Harrison breaking his leg Ended up being like a real benefit to us And that we had time to like shut down Look at the footage we had Reassess it See what shape the movie was taking Even then after they'd finished production He edited it

[00:24:09] He looked at it Then they went back into a substantial amount of reshoots There are threads of things That clearly have been removed from Force Awakens Tiny little vestiges of abandoned things Things like Constable Zuvio and whatever That ultimately do not appear to be too glaring

[00:24:24] I think he found his movie ultimately And you're saying that he had similar conditions In Force Awakens, but this felt like it was Twice as intense with half the time Well, and also, and this is a Criticism many have made of JJ Abrams

[00:24:36] I am not giving you a fresh take here He's great at setting shit up And he's really bad at ending it He's had that criticism his whole life He could never figure out what to do with Alias Felicity's fourth season has time traveling it

[00:24:48] Because he doesn't know how to fucking just And that is the only time he has ever Stayed on something from beginning to end Yeah, Lost, he's not responsible for the ending of that So don't take him with that one And then like Star Wars I mean Star Trek

[00:25:04] When I'm watching this, I'm like I forgot how much JJ Works when you're vibing with his energy And doesn't if you're not Because Star Trek is a movie I adore I've seen it so many times But a lot of Trek fans hate it because it's very manic

[00:25:18] Very fast Very like fast talky, jokie And a lot of Trek fans are like That's not what Star Trek is It's too insane, I love it But you kind of do have to be on its level And then with Into Darkness obviously

[00:25:32] The tone is off and he just doesn't have A grasp on it But there's also something so tied to the mystery box thing And I don't want to attack him with the same thing That everyone uses, but it is such a telling thing

[00:25:42] That he like volunteered that monologue To the people, that he's like here's my Ted talk Yeah, but he's even he's sick Of talking about the mystery box I don't want to peg it on too much This is him trying to end everything

[00:25:54] I do think the thing that excites him the most And the thing that he is best at Is selling a sense of potential Mythmaking, baby But the potential of Oh my god, where could this go Is like JJ Averson's incredible juice Polar bears on the island Yes And

[00:26:14] Much will be made And will continue to be made over The sort of disrespect this movie shows To the last Jedi, you know if you want To view it as such But I also think this movie is not particularly Good as a sequel to the Force Awakens

[00:26:28] Which it is striving to be It feels like a movie that's trying to be Like we're going to deal with all the ship from the Force Awakens It simultaneously feels weirdly Disrespectful to a lot of the things That Force Awakens sets up

[00:26:40] That's interesting, I want to hear your take on that But first I want to say the thing that I just said to you in the diner Which is like if this movie Wanted to be rude to the last Jedi Disrespect it, because you can be rude

[00:26:50] As a film, you can be like Fuck that movie, I don't like it But you got to do that well You can't do it badly, you can't have someone be like What about the hold-o thing And they're like, that's crazy, you can never do that

[00:27:02] Like I'm just like, what's this diet Like why are we talking like this Yeah, I mean there's obviously A lot of talk about everyone's now Pitting these two guys against each other Which is unfair But I don't know if it was

[00:27:16] I think the instinct is to be like He's trying to erase the last Jedi And I honestly felt like He was trying to copy a lot of A few things from the last Jedi That didn't work as well

[00:27:28] And like the first one to me is when Kylo and Rey Are trying to get that ship for I'm not sure why Kylo's trying to get the ship Besides just being in a fight with Rey But like the effective version of that

[00:27:38] Is when the Star Destroyer is about to split And there's a lightsaber between them And it represents like everything That they represent And it splits and it's this huge fucking version You know, Johnson is so good at that stuff The symbolic sort of

[00:27:52] He's trying to do, they're doing the same pose He's trying to recreate the same moment And it's not nearly as powerful And then they're like, oh, Rey just fucking killed Chewie And then you're like, no shit Which is again another thing that happens

[00:28:04] He was on a different transport But it does not happen to Leia It's a fake out death of one of your faves And it's like why this was totally Really that whole moment is just so Rey can see it falling And then later we see Palpatine

[00:28:18] Doing the same thing to all of those ships But like that to me Is a few other moments where I was like It feels like JJ's trying to do a few things Yeah, I know I got you But here's my question

[00:28:30] Last shot I did right and it's not as good I ask her from this Who fixed the lightsaber? I don't want to get as nitpicky Honestly with that I don't think the lightsaber even get to You know, canada in the first place I'm not picking it

[00:28:46] Who fixed the fucking lightsaber? This isn't a nitpick I'm sorry You can't do it You can't break something in one movie and they'll be like it's fixed Was it like It's broken in half and it explodes And it's very obviously

[00:29:00] She's holding the two pieces at the end of the last Jedi She is She's got the books She's got a lot of tricks It would be nice if the first scene was Sure, in their heyday They had some repair boys That would be fun

[00:29:16] Going to like the bowels of the Jedi temple And it's like they're still Jedi's But they're like, you know, blue collar Jedi's Can I just throw out like a little bit Of a context here That I find kind of fascinating to think about now

[00:29:28] That we're on like the other side of this When Kathy Kennedy takes over Star Wars It seemed very clear that the idea Was because of the timetable we're on Because of this alternating schedule With like the episodes and like the spin-off Movies or whatever

[00:29:44] No one is going to be the dominant Ethereal voice Of these films Which they had always had Dorothea He was always in charge Bring in new filmmakers It was always seeming to be like And when JJ came on to do Force Awakens

[00:30:00] There was no notion of him doing two or three So it's the fact that it was Feasibly impossible, you know Feasibly impossible Possibly unfeasible I can't speak anymore One argument you could make And I've pointed this out to people is like Probably the thing to do is

[00:30:18] Have them every three years rather than every two Space mount Which is how they did it with the other Trilogy Lucas famously As much as he kind of bullshitted and claimed that The prequels were always meant to be there The thing that is really proven is

[00:30:34] He wrote a colossal script that was largely incoherent And realized this is too much I'm going to focus on the first act of this Story I want to tell and that is Star Wars And so he essentially had Like the scrappy sort of smushed together versions

[00:30:46] Of Empire and Jedi In his back pocket He had them bones They were smushed but he had them bones But it's so telling That like JJ comes on understanding I'm brought in for this one movie My job is to Kickstart this franchise

[00:31:04] And perhaps I'm having larger conversations about What is the intention you're set about But everyone seemed to be on the same page that Like his job is to Build a baton to pass to someone else When the story first broke That Ryan Johnson was going to do Episode 8

[00:31:20] It was he's writing 8 and 9 And then that was destuted But by all accounts and by reliable sources He was originally hired To write 8 and 9 And then when he realized that there was no way He was going to be able to direct 9 as well

[00:31:34] He did not want to pass off a script to someone else And he Either you know Everyone's taking their shirts off Saw a lot of Ben Chest And by a lot I mean like 95% of Ben's chest But by all accounts He then switched to

[00:31:52] Okay you know what if I'm only ever going to make One Star Wars moving And I'm going to leave it with a lot of lingering potential I want to say everything I want to say in this one film The other thing that I have Reliably heard is that

[00:32:06] When he was working on 8 He knew what was happening in 7 He knew the characters But they were like do whatever you want There was just no restriction placed on him What so ever It's not like Marvel where they were like Make sure everything ends up here

[00:32:22] They were just like yeah I don't know What if Like where the Was he told about Palpatine And then like rejected it do we think Or do we think they're like He could have done anything and he was like I'm going to go with nothing at all

[00:32:38] I have many reasons to believe that Palpatine Was never part of their plan They have claimed they talked about it Back in the Force Awakens And I'm sure they talked about it It's been a theory since the Force Awakens Palpatine is out there I guarantee you

[00:32:54] In blue sky story meetings There is not a single possible thing Yes when they were pitching spies into skies No I think when JJ comes on And they're already like Working against the clock I guarantee you Every single thing in the universe was pitched Maybe palpies out there

[00:33:10] Palping it up I don't think in any way that that was the intention of what they were setting up in Force Awakens I think if Snoke had not died in Last Jedi Snoke would be the ultimate bad guy Of this film Well Snoke was made in the left

[00:33:24] Well now I want to say a lot of stuff right now So I'm going to go right ahead So Indeed this film begins After the That We're in Palpatine's Secret Underground Subterranean Hidden away Planet Sith Podcast No Opening of the film Kylo chopping up some

[00:33:54] I have already come to terms with the fact that Palpatine is back And I'm just trying to figure out Which doorbell during now Exactly but so when we And we see here's what Palpatine's got Sith statues Big tall ones He's on an arm that Forky

[00:34:12] How are we referring to my partner these days Forky? Yeah what do you mean I'm just going to go back to the I don't know if I'm going to be with us Correctly identified as looking a lot like The animus from Assassin's Creed Hell yeah

[00:34:26] You know the whole movie dangling on that Thing and she was like that's like that thing From the Assassin's Creed Great pulled by Forky You were excited at the time I loved it I loved Forky of course And also yes a tube with Coming to Netflix 2020 Two Snokes

[00:34:50] And he's saying In Kylo's head like I have been the voice Every voice you've heard in your head was me I created Snoke Which sounds almost exactly Like as I said to you The Blofeld speech at the end Off the road of all your pain

[00:35:06] Actually those bad guys you fought In previous movies were false flags And I'm like I've seen Skyfall I was working for Blofeld it doesn't make Any say it doesn't matter That's your third line of dialogue is telling me Suddenly that all those other villains were like

[00:35:20] Actors so here's what crisis Actors here's my thing If he created Snoke Okay yeah Which alright And he's got multiple snow clones Yeah alright Then why isn't the whole Place filled with Snokes Walking around and doing menial tasks That's all I want

[00:35:42] You know cause there are like robed figures who are like Make them all Snokes And then he has a whole fleet like 10,000 star destroyers That have been built by who I don't know show me some Snoke engineers Who's piloting the ships So many Snokes

[00:35:58] They showed some like little kind of like Monkey-like looking creatures They should all be Snokes I do love the chimpanzee well He was cool But you do make a good point which is Why isn't this film Despicable me for Except with the Emperor as Groove

[00:36:16] And a bunch of Snokes as the minions Why don't we have Snoke saying Banana Banana You know like if you're going to go in and I created Snoke then go in on it If you're going to go in on goofy Emperor shit go in on it

[00:36:32] But doesn't that also feel weirdly Disrespectful to Snoke That JJ Abrams himself created It does And it feels like he's doing that just to Despite the fact that last Jedi was like Well, Snoke's not that important to be like No actually I'm the one who decided that

[00:36:48] Snoke's not that important not you and I decided He was unimportant before you did so actually He was actually double less important than you ever thought What I didn't get was he could have easily Been a puppet that he was controlling Like metaphorically and he's like

[00:37:00] Literally made him It's a little much but of course As this is the problem and I sympathize With this problem from a religious perspective Johnson it was kind of like I don't really want to deal with all these Dangling threads no one's telling me

[00:37:14] To deal with them so I'm not going to get into I'm not going to get into Finn's backstory I'm not going to get into like I want to tell a story about the future Last Jedi writer's very much about like let the past die

[00:37:24] We're going to grow beyond that old stuff I think passing dead I think so much passing Dumb with us I think so much of the value of Star Wars and this is what I don't understand About how sort of the discourse Around these movies has changed

[00:37:40] So much of the value of Star Wars Was that everything Felt so fully realized that you felt like I can look down any corridor I could pull out any character And there's an entire history there that you can tell Has been conceived on some way

[00:37:54] That's part of the Lucas thing That weird attention to detail that sometimes Gets ridiculous but still But that there was the mystery That everything wasn't explained to us That you felt like I don't know who the fuck Boba Fett is but there's something going on

[00:38:08] There and there was like a coolness In the confidence of He's not a dangling plot thread Like Boba Fett isn't a mystery that these Movies need to solve For me when people were like What's this like fucking Snoke thing Why does Last Jedi just throw a Snoke at

[00:38:24] I'm like Snoke is what he appears to be Snoke is these movies They're just about how cyclical culture is How these things keep on repeating themselves And the argument that these movies make Is like there's always going to be some Weird sickly guy at a throne

[00:38:38] Who's like commanding people I have things to say about this I have one more Snoke thing I want to say But I want to say something really important Go ahead One more thing I wanted to say Before this movie came out I was really killing myself for

[00:38:53] Snoke because I'm like are they going to figure that out Are we never going to know what happened with Snoke Before this Before this movie comes out And just give me a very skeptical look I don't give two shits about Snoke I am nerdy enough that I eventually

[00:39:07] I just start to be like come on come on Are they going to explain it in like a novel or a comic book Or something So I dive into the wookipedia Right And I find what until now Had been the accepted canon Excuse for all of it

[00:39:23] Do you Go ahead It's like that Emperor Palpatine Before he died in Return of the Jedi Had sort of like Dreamed up a secondary plan of If I die the empire goes with me But I'm seeding a new empire Out in the unknown regions

[00:39:41] Which is supposedly where all this has taken place Exegol They don't mention that but yes And that's where Huks' dad Like is part of that whole plan whatever Right Exactly And so when the emperor dies There are these sort of like

[00:39:59] There's this remnant out in the unknown regions And I can deal with that Exactly It's just like that And I'm like that makes sense There would be this sort of rogue element And then Snoke in this Telling is just like a dark forest creature

[00:40:15] All the way out there Who finds these people and kind of like Is like great And like these are This is a group that needs another creepy withered bald dude Exactly They gravitate towards him for that very reason And I was like that makes sense

[00:40:31] That's a perfect excuse for like what the first order is What Snoke is And you don't need Snoke to have been anyone's puppet He can have just been sort of like a side villain He doesn't need to be anything other than what he appears to be

[00:40:41] Now can I ask something And then this movie is like no they didn't speak it was Palpatine Can I just ask something really important Should I have done Fikki pudding instead I can't remember why I thought Partridge in a fig tree was funny That's why Cause that's

[00:40:57] Why did I end up on that That's gonna be one of those things where listeners the whole time are gonna be like It's fucking a pair Griffin I'll say this I knew you were gonna say a partridge in a fig tree I did too I decided like

[00:41:09] I don't know why but I know that's what he's gonna do I decided on this like 10 days ago Now I can't remember Why I thought It's such a long walk it doesn't really make sense Fikki pudding is the thing Are we done on Snoke

[00:41:26] Yeah that's not all I have to say He's in a little tubey tube He's in a tubey tube and the important Thing in the Rise of Skywalker is not Snoke it's that the emperor has been behind it all But wait hold on isn't the Sith though

[00:41:38] Like isn't it some ancient Thing like wasn't that Wouldn't that be their ancient like Well the idea is the Sith was Palpatine There's only ever two Sith So he was chilling over there In Karasunt whole planet To Sydney and he dies

[00:41:54] It's supposed to be the end of the Sith Vader was the other one he dies too Dunzo Go ahead So we're in Palpatine's Lair Another point I want to make No visually I feel like none of these Like setting really stick with me at all

[00:42:12] The only thing that they've got going Is the sort of flashing light Yeah yeah yeah but I'm gonna give people Seizure Right like a lot of design Attention to these layers being Really cool I mean return of the Jedi Obviously I think the Emperor's Tower

[00:42:28] Is very cool in return of the Jedi Yeah this is just kind of like this Lame amorphous sort of endless Endless haul void thing It does have an animus There's kind of like stadium seating For all the hooded people So the kickoff premise

[00:42:44] But Oaksa my quick add this is the Who do you think warms up Well we've already saw I mean that guy any room Palpatine's on the gas network That's probably like big J maybe Yeah right Oh boy It's crazy I mean you can't be

[00:43:04] I've worked in Sith rooms before I know what I'm doing You can't be an evil emperor anymore There's silencing evil emperor I mean Palpatine is a guy who likes to push boundaries Sometimes he misses Right such as when he pushed Kylo Ren down a hole

[00:43:16] Didn't seem to work I appreciate that He's like you go down a hole just like I went down a hole And I'm like dude you survived that Try something else I'll rip him in half or something No I guess that doesn't work either

[00:43:28] Well my question is so alright So this movie kicks off Like you know video guy you got a little triangle Finds it real quick He sends Kylo off To kill Rey And at this point Palpatine knows that Rey is his granddaughter Spoiler alert Emperor Palpatine

[00:43:48] Is the grandfather of Rey No I'm just saying now No I'm just like yeah let's get that on And yes he is like but he's not telling Kylo that He's just saying go kill the scavenger girl But Kylo knows Because Kylo reveals it to her

[00:44:02] Yes how does he know I don't know because he says He basically was like remember when I said You were nobody I actually meant Or your parents were nobody I wasn't lying I was going to tell you After that Palpatine's your grandpa But I got cut off

[00:44:18] I withheld some additional information but I wasn't lying He's not saying that he knew back in The last movie there is a scene where Palpatine's Like there's more to the girl Than you think and Ben's like Kylo's like what and then we cut That's when he's telling her

[00:44:32] That's when he's telling Kylo And that's when Kylo, the point is Go kill Rey but then He does he's like Rey I'm not going to kill you but I'm going to tell everyone else I'm taking my boys to hunting and then They go I just I can't track

[00:44:46] Palpatine's No I can't track his motives because he's like Go kill Rey and then she shows up and he's like No actually I want you to kill me Which when has that ever been the thing And then it becomes oh actually I have both of you guys here

[00:45:00] So I'm going to use you as a battery Classic force diet Griffin looks But then Rey kills him and then there's no She doesn't kill him he kills himself She reflects his lightning Back at him I believe that is the symbolism Did we talk about Palpatine's death

[00:45:16] Now because like yeah he He died she okay boomer He was like be a sith and she was like Okay boomer and then roasted His face off With his own lightning powers And for the record I did give you some comedy Points for that last night

[00:45:32] We should also point out the candy dish That he Palpatine had Just next to his Ben was apparently doing a bunch of Worthers jokes I was too sweet It was great it was so fun You never visit your grandpa anymore Rey

[00:45:46] No it is and Palpatine's plan is one of those Classic Palpatine plans to be fair where He's like whatever happens And this is kind of his superpower When you walk into the room and like I've got you he's like I have foreseen This

[00:46:00] Just to happen and he's so confident I'm gonna kill you or have you killed me I guess this is your grand master plan buddy So I feel like if Ben comes in If they both come in or if just Rey comes in

[00:46:10] He's like yep that's what I thought And I knew it would be you What do you guys think Palpatine's Doing the whole time he's waiting for everybody Well there's this thing Like a dangling puppet Just like you think they're gonna He's like a starcraft character

[00:46:26] Who has been trapped in some part of the map And he can't leave so he's just like I guess I'll build another ship And then just like Build another one Are there any people on those star destroyers Snokes that's what I wanted to see

[00:46:40] A bunch of snokes just walking around Come on Yeah and they'd be wearing all the like imperial Guard wear stuff but they'd be like Spilling out cause it's like too small It's never fully explained who's Running those ships they do say like

[00:46:54] We're gonna have to get more kids But I'm like you're gonna eat a lot of kids You're gonna eat to grow them up real fast This is the problem look I hate being Nipicky I hate pokey logicals and these things But this movie is giving you so much

[00:47:08] Information you do kind of Start to just think on it Can I tell you what's going through my head right now? It looks like you're having a crisis You commented on the fact that I suddenly look very sad Staring off into the distance

[00:47:20] And I truly am having this like Minor existential crisis right now Wait you are Griffin Newman? What? This has never happened in any of our other Episode about Star Wars Specifically where Griffin said he couldn't sleep For days What's up what's trouble in you my friend

[00:47:40] And my brand is strong I'm thinking right time is flattening Right now okay and I sit here At this table I look at four of my favorite People in the world this family We've chosen The little, what's the little guy? Oh Bob of Frick

[00:47:56] I was counting myself by accent which is also very much untrue I'm looking at three people I love and also I'm in this room Okay this is the family I've chosen this thing that we've made That I'm very proud of okay

[00:48:08] This thing that came out of our friendship And I'm having a separate relationship Us meeting you through Ben Like all this thing right Yeah That all stems out of initially This genuine love we had For sitting down And talking about all this weird 100%

[00:48:28] Digging into the prequel lore and just having fun Riffing on it and being silly Talking about gorg mongers Ben we guarantee you we could do this for six years We're like Captain America fighting George Lucas I could do this all day

[00:48:40] And I'm just sitting here as we're having this conversation And I just had this thought of I find No joy in this And it's not to some degree A beautiful touching moment And the fans are like wow it's really nice

[00:48:54] But truly it is this thing where I don't Know if it is That The particular ways in which this movie Is frustrating Or if it's just been sort of Star Wars Overload Overload Or if it is sort of The way that the discourse around Star Wars Is built

[00:49:16] And the way that society But I feel like the discourse around film In general has become so much more The I want to come up with a definitive explainer And why this thing is bad Yeah which is Uninteresting Debate me coward

[00:49:34] I can prove the point this is why Inarguably this thing is not Which is not interesting it's fine for people To feel differently about different things And we have somewhat made our backs On the show I think as time has gone on

[00:49:48] The show has evolved we tried to find It's become something else What I try to be and what I agree I'm sure you agree with me the opposite of Is the cinemasense type thing where it's like See don't you see

[00:50:00] Here are the problems and here is why it's bad With every passing day I try to move further And further away from that Which the red letter thing felt so radical when it came out Where it's like here's someone sitting down explaining everything

[00:50:10] But now it's just like the most exhausting thing And that and cinemasense and all of this shit And all of the copycats have just become The like you know like someone Like fucking tweeted at Ryan Johnson last night I made the mistake of for four seconds

[00:50:22] Logging on twitter after I'd seen the movie And someone had like Fucking screen capped this like SA Where it was just like Ryan I have finally come up with The definitive argument for why your film Is disrespectful Luke Skywalker And he was just like

[00:50:38] I disagree and also what are we supposed to say There's no you're not going to pass a lock here Dental Maybe add some new appendixes No disrespecting of Luke Skywalker A. Crimal Eagle B. Luke Skywalker Untouchable

[00:50:54] Do you remember like a year and a half ago when we were meeting with someone Who works at Vulture And the film had been out for Last year I'd been out for almost a year at that point Sure

[00:51:03] And he was like can you believe like ten months later I still am fielding pitches for Hey just want to reach out I come up with the definitive explanation Of why Last Jedi was bad And we were like this is so crazy that this argument is continuing

[00:51:16] Nine months later And now multiple years later It's like that has become so exhausting That I find no joy in explaining Why the Star Wars movie that I don't like is bad I get that I get that a lot

[00:51:30] Because I don't want to explain it but it's also just like Yeah okay but like It's a combination of the internet just being I don't know it's getting bad The elections happening So what I don't know I'll tell you who I'm voting for No I just

[00:51:48] I'm going to tell you Bob Ufric Straight ticket Whoever he's with Top to down Alright can we go on the record That blank check is Bob Ufric 2020 Bob Ufric innocent MVP Bob Ufric whatever he wants I donated 90,000 Bob Ufric's campaign But it was a year ago

[00:52:12] I didn't even I know for our Patreon guys All of our money is going to go towards the Bob Ufric It's going right to the Bob Ufric I just think he's a cool guy I think the culture It is funny because like We liked the Last Jedi

[00:52:28] It wasn't exhausting talking about the Last Jedi The thing that's crazy about the Last Jedi To me and a lot of film critics We were all there at that press screen All four All of us critics walked out being like Damn that thing is good He really

[00:52:44] We were like wow he surprised us with that I can't wait for people to freak out about this movie The two days in between When you and all of our critic friends saw the movie When I got to see it there was this hush tone

[00:52:54] Of everyone who had seen it Kind of holding a hot hand It's kind of great And it's not some bullshit conspiracy Where we were all just like yes Decide to like this We were all just like holy shit Well Kathleen called you up and just like

[00:53:10] Bob came by with the check Admittedly when we did He was so much bigger than his body It was pretty good When we did our Last Jedi episode Right afterwards I was like there's certain things That are bumping for me Like I overall like this movie a lot

[00:53:26] There are things I haven't totally reckoned with I've seen it many more times since then I only grow to appreciate it more and more I understand But I think it like fucking rules and it's great It's pretty good But we don't have to talk about Last Jedi

[00:53:40] We already talked about that We'll do a commentary on it in our Patreon soon enough I guess the one thought I did have though Is just thinking about the whole like Upsetness towards killing Luke off I mean you killed Han Solo People up there

[00:53:54] They're upset that Luke is not a badass in The Last Jedi Which I think he is He is, I agree with that I think he's grump that he sort of turned against His Jedi way But JJ set that up I agree with that

[00:54:08] But this is the debate that has raged on the internet With absolutely no one ever calling each other mean names And here's the even bigger thing That has come out recently It has always been a whisper but it's not pretty much been confirmed What did Babufric do?

[00:54:20] Oh no, no! Don't cancel Babufric! Is he Charlie Rosing people? Does he wear a robe and then it comes undone at the worst moment Is it turf? Oh god, no! Come on, come on, what have you heard? Fuck Turfs, go ahead In the completely discarded George Lucas outlines

[00:54:42] For what the next three films should be That like The fandom menace as they call themselves Are now hiding behind like These movies aren't legitimate Only the George version is real This George version we haven't read George's take on Luke was He becomes Colonel Kurtz

[00:55:00] Yes, in his sort of Big idea of Overwhelmed with a great failure And becomes a hermit and lives on his own And does not as disavowed the Jedi It's also what Yoda does The idea that But you know what? Yoda fucking should do it Cause he blew it!

[00:55:18] Yoda blows it so damn hard Three movies of people being like I think the Sith are conspiring And he's like, yeah Well let's think on that But the idea that Ryan Johnson perverted something That Abram set up That perverted something that Lucas intended

[00:55:36] When all three of those guys Gunned to their head were like Well no, obviously the story thing is that Something fucked up happened to Luke And that's why he's living in guilt and shame On an island by himself And has become a crazy man

[00:55:50] All three of those filmmakers had the exact same instinct It's the logical instinct It's the logical instinct for what to do for that character Especially if The whole cornerstone of Star Wars Is this idea that these things rhyme That these things cycle

[00:56:04] You know? And the interesting way for them To cycle is to have these subversions on the things We know Which I think Force Awakens does a very good job Of setting up new characters Who are interesting subversions of Our original heroes

[00:56:18] And Last Jedi does a really interesting job Of setting up new characters And the expectations of how we think those characters Story arcs are going to go And there's no subversions Right, I mean it just feels like It's this thing

[00:56:32] I was talking about with you folks after the movie Where it's like This feeling of To some degree it's not like this was the first time It happened but I feel like I saw this big shift After The Lord of the Rings trilogy

[00:56:46] Where people were like, oh man There were books that were all written at the same time By one guy and they shot three movies At the same time with the same exact creative team And so you have three movies

[00:56:56] That are really of a piece and it's a cohesive trilogy And I feel like since then When people sequelize things The emphasis is rather than going What's the most interesting kind of story For these characters next is to act like

[00:57:08] How do we write a sequel that makes it seem Like we were intending this to happen All along? The sequel can't just be Let's sit down, blank page What's the most interesting thing that happened next? How do we look at the things in the first movie

[00:57:20] And make it seem like they were all teasing something For a second movie that was never a given And I feel like this film Is trying to do that with Force Awakens, with the last Jedi With the prequels and with the original trilogy

[00:57:32] And take all these elements and go Well obviously this is what it was all building towards Right, and it does have that burden of being Episode 9 The end of the Skywalker saga But that is a totally self-imposed burden I want to sit, here's what I'm saying

[00:57:46] Babufrik, it's like a great He's like blue collar, okay And you need someone who understands the working man But he's not afraid to break the rules Which we also need in this country right now But he's good at his job

[00:57:58] I feel like I could have a beer with Babufrik I could have a beer with Babufrik I could hack a droid with Babufrik You could hack a droid and then have it Mean absolutely nothing right afterwards Not right afterwards, Angel 20 minutes later

[00:58:12] I will say this, alright so here's some things I liked about the Force Awakens I just want to say this very quickly The Force Awakens? When Babufrik came on screen You pointed very Passionately at the screen and went MVP, and what did I say to you

[00:58:26] I said David, I have had the action figure In my target dot com Cart, I've just been waiting for confirmation He did say this I've been so close to pulling the trigger I've been so confident that Babufrik is my dude He is your dude He didn't disappoint

[00:58:42] He didn't disappoint I'm picking up my action figure as soon as we leave Here are some things I liked about the Force Awakens A, Babufrik, great guy Should have been part of the team Babufrik should come with them Well so should Rose That's another conversation

[00:58:58] She had to look at Star Destroyer Of course, yeah You don't remember that scene where Finn goes, Rose you're sure you don't want to come Because I'm making it very clear that I'm inviting you And if you're not coming on our fun movie together That is your choice

[00:59:13] Because we're being very generous I understand things I liked about the Force Awakens I've been so generous with you We want you to be in the movie Babufrik Babufrik, yes Double shout out There was a point where Rose goes, nah He goes, are you sure?

[00:59:30] There's a lot of bad faith arguments online It's probably better if I sit in the sidelines She essentially becomes Pauly Perrette in NCIS Where she's just reading shit off a computer screen And you know what? It hurts Billy Lord Who I adore That's her role

[00:59:44] She's supposed to be the little friend Can I just say Kelly Marie Tran Looks fucking amazing at the premiere Quick aside Anyway, go ahead David, other things you like Hux Love, the big reveal That Hux is spying on The first order for the resistance

[01:00:02] Mostly out of personal jealousy Tyler Wren felt like a great resolution Of Hux's narrative He spent three movies getting shot Onto consoles and stuff like that Here's what I don't like Him being shot a scene later I would like more of a movie where it's this weird

[01:00:18] Allegiance of like But it's the problem with the movie where it's just like They have to move it, you don't even I at least wanted like a close up of his face Like a sad, like we have a moment But it's treated like a laugh After he just

[01:00:32] Like, you know, he was a fucking spy Yeah, but he's still a dickhead But yeah, but you know But also not to make blanket statements But saying it doesn't have It doesn't have time, it doesn't have time As I was sort of running the movie in my head

[01:00:48] I genuinely think that almost Nothing that happens in the first half of the movie needs to happen That's fair because it's FetchQuesty which is You know, very Why do they need the dagger in the hot-hot I think it's the dagger to find the Sith Wayfinder

[01:01:02] I can't believe you're not paying attention You need the Sith Wayfinder to find your way to the Sith It's in the name Wayfinder, Sith Wayfinder But like the movie is like You want to find your way to the Sith? Find her, I hardly know it

[01:01:16] Yeah, only this knife tells The defense of The movie is overloaded because we had to Complete a nine film arc There's so much we had to tie up Then why are you creating conflicts That you have to resolve of like Oh, C-3PO has read the dagger

[01:01:32] But he can't trans like I'm back to my things I like I like that if that was something that ran across The entire movie it feels like there's 15 minutes Spent on the four moves of He knows it, we have to reset it Now he's evil, now he's back

[01:01:46] But he doesn't remember anything No, RGD2 has been doing that We just ran around in a cul-de-sac For like a fucking 20 minutes We had to get there so Po could get inspiration For another cool lady Use her line for his like big motivational

[01:02:00] Look, I'm gonna get thirsty on the main But I thought Zory Bliss was really hot And it made me question my sexuality that was so turned on By someone who didn't have a face So you think you're faceless Sexual? I don't know what my thing is

[01:02:12] But she came on screen and I- Fuck, I'm into it Her ass is working overtime She's got great butt Hey, go to a Daft Punk show with the helmet on And see if you can meet someone Yeah, maybe you are Go into the Tron world

[01:02:29] Hook up with a computer program Look, I mean- Her ass is making it work in a gig economy Okay, I really- I think She also has an incredible voice Isaac's got a great butt too Yes he does And he is also working overtime

[01:02:45] Yes it is, it has a tone-sack card And I do like that this film was kind of Horny It feels a little hornier than other stars It's not horny enough It could be hornier It could certainly afford to be hornier

[01:02:59] But I like that it was a little horny Yeah, but then there's not much kissing Just one kiss How about the moment at the end Where he does that little kind of work That was great, they didn't say a word And I was like- Some good face acting

[01:03:15] If I can be fully honest Obviously I like the implication That there is a romantic or sexual history Between Zory Bliss and Poe Dameron Do I wish there was a scene where Poe Dameron And Zory Bliss for 10 minutes just stopped And said, hey can we just recount

[01:03:29] In detail every sexual act we performed Upon each other? Yes, of course Turn his mic off, turn his mic off It's a mess, I'm just asking Straight to jail, straight to jail Hands off? Hands off? Be quiet Too horny Things I liked, I liked Hux I liked Hux

[01:03:49] I felt like that was a fun combination As I was saying this to you on the subway And you told me to save it for the mic Fun combination of the admiral P.E.T. type These poor put-upon bureaucrats Who are evil but they're just regular evil

[01:04:01] Yeah, they did see it's the first time they've really stepped up by being a pirate Exactly, he's like well I'm gonna do something about it And yes of course, but I just like that idea Even if it, yes, is slightly underbaked In the same way, I did like

[01:04:11] Giving C3PO something to do He has lots to do in the original trilogy Can I just quickly say the other thing I really liked About the Hux twist? And what I think is in the spirit of what those new films have been doing well Go ahead!

[01:04:23] The idea that Hux ultimately reveals himself to like Look, I don't have any fucking larger philosophy here I'm just attracted to power I just don't like Kylo Ren. Yeah exactly I don't care about anything He's like I'm a regular villain, I'm not a fucking

[01:04:35] Sith, whatever that even is I just wanted to be in a big spaceship And blow things up But this thing of like look, this means to an end I love being in front of a crowd of people

[01:04:45] I love to be on a big stage with banners behind me I don't care what the fucking thing is And I've got red hair If I had made it as a stand-up, I would have done that Not become a conservative YouTuber C3PO, I like

[01:04:57] Just giving him a little something to do I think he's a lot of fun I think all of his lines really are funny Like all of his sort of stuff And I like everything they do with him as a character It just feels like it is 20 minutes

[01:05:09] Where they rush 6 big moves on And then he's sort of just around for the rest of the film And also again, it's this This is a script written by JJ Chris Terrio, story credits To Derek Connolly and the captain Which we did, let's be fair

[01:05:25] We saluted him when he was in here I did salute him And what do we say? I.I. captain C I will say this I'd read his script I would too Can I say the hardest take that I've been sitting on Maybe he'd have done a better job

[01:05:43] I kind of think so Probably not, but you never know I kept on thinking it And just mad I'm not mad, it's just I'm just thinking of the arc of this podcast Which is part of why I'm saying this I know But am I just thinking this

[01:06:01] Because it's like a beautiful narrative Conclusion to whatever we've been doing Possibly I think it would have just been easier to hate Because he made the same movie Yes, that's true It would have been easier to expect Well JJ's problem wasn't that it was Bad

[01:06:19] It's that it's so safe it Became bad I don't know It was a very eloquent phrasing By me, I think JJ was much too safe But as I do think this is maybe more of a neighbor's thing But yes, the fetch quest within fetch quest

[01:06:35] So even the 3PO thing Where it's like He can't translate it That's a fun idea He'd be programmatically Barred from reading I was going to say would CISS Descent, like a horror movie When anyone reads Latin It's more like hate Speech in the gal

[01:06:57] You just can't say it You would write it into computer But then how do we deal with it The guy who goes to the place, you gotta see the guy I also just feel like The thing I kept on thinking about Was how smartly the toy story franchise

[01:07:11] Uses the Buzz Lightyear character And we'll come up with these resets For him where it's like Oh, and the second one he has to meet A new Buzz Lightyear And the fourth one it's like Him trying to listen to his own voice box

[01:07:25] But it actually lets you live in these new Conditional identities of Buzz Lightyear Rather than this which is just The move is the thing Where it's going to happen And then you don't have to deal with the consequence I also just feel like in Star Wars

[01:07:39] Usually when you go to a planet Jesus Christ When you go to a planet, you hang out there This movie doesn't really hang out at any of the planets No, no, we skipped The classic format is right It's like free planets

[01:07:53] And an act is almost devoted to each of them Which again this felt like a response To Kanto by everyone saying they were there for too long So then we go instead Of like four different planets And spend five ten minutes One of the planets

[01:08:07] If we're going to sort of go back to the main plot Of the story you see Palpatine He's the dead speak yada yada yada Tells Kyla to go kill Ray Cut to Ray There's the light speed There's a very busy action sequence Where the Falcons like

[01:08:23] They get spy information Which is like when you said you were exhausted After that The answer Corenhaver described as Piglet Coachella An alien planet where they're having a festival For the first time In 42 years Guys what's 42 years ago The original Star Wars

[01:08:46] No, but I mean what did you think of Piglet Coachella? I liked it. Here was the thing I was getting into In the beginning of this movie Cause that's kind of fun. You're like oh look this is a new thing

[01:08:56] It was fun until she was like what's your name Right and then the rude piglet is like what's your Name I asked you a fucking question you complete Stranger I don't have a last name but I will In 30 minutes Yeah I will and like yeah give me like

[01:09:12] An hour 45 In the rhyming ring theory View of Star Wars Like Poetry of Rhymes Right, the way that Force Awakens Feels so much like an analog of You know a new hope or as I like to call it Star Wars

[01:09:28] Last Jedi has a similar approach to like break everything Question everything Test the heroes, subvert expectations Yada yada yada At the beginning I was like okay this is Feeling like it's marrying return of the Jedi In that it's in a bit of a hurry

[01:09:42] To reach all the ultimate catharsis That needs to be reached And also I like how much silly muppety stuff There isn't that. I feel like in the first 30 minutes There's a lot of really good puppet shit And characters with really silly voices

[01:09:54] And I was kind of vibing in that static And the fact of the matter is at the end of the day There is a baseline level of enjoyment I will have in any Star Wars film I love the fucking universe of Star Wars And I probably would rather

[01:10:06] Only seen it once in three days But I did not call it my skin off I like Star Wars I like tie fighters I like these characters, I like these performers I like these decks, the craft is so high The fucking like you know All the costumes

[01:10:22] I look all the questions The costumes look great. I will say As Ange pointed out, I did find some of the Sets and locations a little lacking Like Some of the places where they're at How did you even have time to take it in?

[01:10:36] If you barely like get like You would see the like the planet For like a second and you'd have to follow the plot But I don't mind that sequence On Pesana It's called where they're at Big La Coachella and then they get suckered Into like a little Machine

[01:10:54] You know vehicle Who's like hey I've been hanging out here And I've been like hanging out here whatever Okay Landos hanging out there Wait they just dropped Lando into the movie that quickly Wait now he's gone again? Like I'll be back later I'll just come back later

[01:11:10] I thought he was going to take the Millennium Felcom From there I thought they were setting up Because they were like we left it behind We have to take this new shit And remember how they get back to the Felcom It gets captured by the first order

[01:11:24] And they like run into it when they're risking Chewie from the first order But not that he's the copy of the same piece But much like Jedi where you're just like Lando gets like his own little Subplot and they're like he's just Here's what he's going to handle

[01:11:38] Leave him with a character too Didn't these spaceships have like keys Do you just walk on and like press the starter Is that Well they all come with holes And the Falcon got like It hadn't changed hands about a few times No I know but it's just funny

[01:11:54] They can't lock it I don't know But I was talking with Emma as well About how in Star Wars People are always getting in ships with This hunk of junk Anyway let's take it into space The airless void of space

[01:12:10] So you think it's also weird that it's like Oh my god Lando Kaurezian back Here he is meeting for the first time Like hey do you mind if I just take like 30 Minutes to fuck the spaceship it's a long back Story but we used to date

[01:12:22] Yeah yeah I am quietly in love With the flea bag My girlfriend's brain is In the Millennium Falcon and they're like There's a human brain in the Millennium Falcon No no no please that would be weird No I used to fuck a robot

[01:12:36] You know what David brought up something I've never thought Of about in the Star Wars How rickety the ships are? Yeah well rickety no keys I'm just getting tickets going on Are we talking about Asking the real questions Base cops

[01:12:52] What's going on cause I've seen a lot of speeders There are a lot of speeders And they're driving out of control Going through red lights I mean come on What a good comedian And I mean it's sincere I mean it's sincere

[01:13:06] I feel like for each of these episodes last year You've always just been exhausted Cause he doesn't sleep December's bad for me I don't know if I've ever had a good December It's a bad month it's my least favorite month I hate it too

[01:13:20] And then January is like trying to rebuild And February starts to get hot again cause that's when the birthday comes around And I'm like alright yeah I made it another year Well I see This is the thing I probably would hate February

[01:13:30] If it wasn't my birthday probably my least favorite month Why do you hate February? Cause my birthday is in January When a birthday I think February is just always Really cold Valentine's Day I moved to New York in February And it was like an absolute shit show

[01:13:48] It is a tough time to move Yeah February is fine Black History Month Short Not to just play the comparison game Can I bring up the things So there can be a line of piles of activity In this episode We are now

[01:14:08] We are now in the final episode away from The complete season of the Mandalorian That's right Did you know Baby Yoda is in that one? I have heard that Did you know he has a little ball that he likes to play with

[01:14:20] But this is what's weird I've watched every episode so far And I can't figure out Into the question congressman No but this is what's important okay I've watched every episode so far I love the show And maybe I'm just stupid Who is Baby Yoda playing

[01:14:34] Because I keep on watching trying to figure out What's the way Baby Yoda is playing I don't know what this joke is I know I was trying to do the bit of You're saying Baby Yoda is on the show

[01:14:44] And I'm acting like Baby Yoda is like Steven Root In makeup I don't fucking know My brain is melting It's a good challenge I like it Mandalorian I'm out of bed that won't quit And I'm sure we'll talk about it Behind Patreon Playpointing

[01:15:04] And I was getting too horny No no no I'm allowed Well, Angel's very allowed But I am categorically right on the record It's less creepy when I do it I don't think I'm allowed at all He's been number four on the allowed Chorniness of things Caut la

[01:15:24] Mandalorian you've seen all seven episodes There's one more to come Seven or eight now There have been seven in the low-key Love it love it love it But there were Do you remember last year When we were recording our last Jedi episode

[01:15:42] We were like well this is unquestionably the worst episode The worst episode we ever Recorded and we're like Embarrassed ashamed Ben can we not put it out can we delete it And then people were like great episode and we were like do we not know anything

[01:15:54] This is objectively our worst episode No no no last Jedi is still worse Anyway Mandalorian There were so many moments in this film In terms of it being overstuffed And maybe I'm just spoiled now because Mandalorian is giving me so much what I kind of want

[01:16:08] The future of Star Wars storytelling to be Which is more like we're in the world It doesn't have to be about fucking skywalkers Like it's a little more earthy This episode can slow down and for 30 minutes It's just about this one thing

[01:16:20] It's about this one place or this one dynamic Or this one character I do because he was a PA on vinyl Well I know because he was into Mandalorian You know there's a Boston in space Jake Hinawale he's very hunky Bill Burr also in the Mandalorian

[01:16:34] Lot of comedians Bill Burr was actually wonderful on the Mandalorian He was actually a fantastic and the gung and joke Slayed me Emerson alum Hell hell yeah alright It is this thing though where I love how behavioral The Mandalorian is I like that there's this weird

[01:16:52] Like 70s hangout vibe Like it does feel like a 70s western show Where they like ride into town and like something happens Like it's like the incredible It's like an old the old Hulk show What's your deal this week? And that there's not this hyper serialized massive story

[01:17:06] They're telling even though now the plans are starting to come together But what's coming together is like remember all the pals We met they're all gonna be Bring them back for one final curtain call Exactly And like when something like Zory Bliss comes into the film

[01:17:19] Or Janna comes into the film Or the idea of C3PO's memory getting reset Or any of these things in the movie Feels like a Mandalorian episode That is now being smushed into Five minutes of a two hour and twenty minute film

[01:17:31] Well Janna will get her own spinoff so But when Janna enters That's the idea I guess Well I mean Lando was literally like Oh that's interesting I don't know where you're from What if you had a spinoff movie But no no what Lando

[01:17:45] I think Billy Dee Williams can't deliver a line without saying Like without it seeming like he wants to have sex with you But he's like well let's find out where you're from I'm like Lando Jesus You could be your grandfather Relax

[01:17:57] I was too distracted by the fact that it was clearly a sequel Which I liked Janna I liked Naomi Aki Go for it it was just like I had no opinion on Janna I liked Naomi Aki She didn't have a lot to do

[01:18:09] When she does her scene where she's like Let me explain everything about who I am and what my deal is I turned to you and I went I like that that's a cool idea It is now just being yelled at me for five minutes

[01:18:17] Because the film doesn't have time to actually Characterize her through behavior And through dramatic action Like everyone needs to announce everything they're doing And who they are and where they stand And how they fit into everything I mean even to the degree of like

[01:18:31] Richard Grant who is so perfectly cast here Where you're like of course What an obvious choice to play a fucking creepy British stuff Shirt Is the idea that he's like a Palpatine like original fan That's just always been around So many wars together

[01:18:45] Well I'm like I mean that's what Was he like 15 I guess it's like what's Richard Grant now Like 60 Means he was like 30 and return of the Jedi Or whatever okay But this is one of the things That's the thing where he's like when he says it

[01:19:01] It's like said with such importance and I'm like So what he was like a lieutenant And it's like this is exactly the wrong amount Of information for me I either want you to just be creepy Stuff shirt and just give me that fucking

[01:19:13] Attitude or I want you to actually Have a thing that has relevance to the rest Of the movie To just be like hey don't forget about me People are going to write comics about me someday Let me just tell you my deal

[01:19:25] Thank you very much that's my time It felt like it was supposed to be a big drop But it wasn't Right yeah And I just felt that way almost every time A new character was introduced or a new concept Was introduced of like oh this looks cool

[01:19:39] I understand the kernel of the idea But it also feels like a movie that was on Like such a speeding train in terms of By the time that solo came out This film was too close to production And they probably realized oh fuck

[01:19:53] Maybe we should pull the brakes on everything And not have to hit specific Like sort of mandated dates Maybe we should let these films become What they need to be right But this just feels like Sorry Bliss, Janna, Richard E. Grant All these fucking things, Dio

[01:20:09] Are all just like vestiges of Like a blue sky spies into Sky's brainstorming session And they're like a bunch of fun ideas They're putting on a white board and then they're like Yeah I think we have room for that

[01:20:21] We can fit that in, we can fit that in And then the movie is just moving forward And forward and forward and at a certain point They understand oh there's not actually room to do Service to any of this but let's just keep it in

[01:20:31] And it's just like a thing in there Which feels to me like frozen to Where there are a bunch of things where you're like That clearly must be some other thing That at some earlier point meant something Here's the difference That it has that it's also like

[01:20:45] But then let's not forget The emperor, you know like it's looking backwards at the same time Like you know, wedges here Landow, like you know like They're trying to do that But ultimately all I care about is These four central characters

[01:20:59] I love those characters, you did such a good job investing me in them And they all mostly just seem like They're sort of running from place to place Pose the one who actually has a little to do Mostly I think because he didn't get as much

[01:21:09] In the first two With them as like a trio And I appreciate that And I love to look upon Oscar Isaac The three of them together was good Yes, it's fine, it's good The problem is that Rey has already burdened with her hero quest

[01:21:23] So she's kind of like just like looking off in the distance Anytime they're hanging out She walks off in the middle of the fucking desert And Finn like has this sort of half Storyline So Finn is four sensitive That's fine

[01:21:37] And this has been like a theory since Force Awakens I figured that was what caused I've always figured that the force was awakening In that movie And that's what pauses him And of course it was part of JJ's trick In that movie which is he was trying to

[01:21:51] You know, the marketing and everything was making you think like Well Finn's the hero, he's the Jedi He's gonna have the lightsaber And then the movies big trick Which people I guess sort of forget about these days Because they just remember as Rey is the hero

[01:22:03] As the Rey is the Jedi But I've always been fine with that Force the, you know, like Sure, get Finn, but good, hint at it But that's where the film feels disrespectful to Force Awakens in a weird way to me

[01:22:15] Is that he is not trusting that we want to see the culmination of these characters That he created, these actors that he cast He encouraged to own these roles And the movie instead needs to go like No, don't worry about that, they're all part of a bigger thing

[01:22:27] And the bigger thing's been going on forever Which is then, there you go That's exactly what it is and that's sort of a good articulation My fundamental He wasn't concerned with concluding their individual stories I don't know what each of these characters arcs is In this movie

[01:22:44] But if you look at it from the grand scale Of from the prequels to the end of this movie How is the Skywalker, the story about the Skywalker name Beginning, middle and end Then like that's what he was aiming for But like I hate the ending so much

[01:23:01] We'll get to the ending It's not about Rey anymore The problem No, go ahead It's about the franchise I think Finn got some more And Poe, I just like I love Rey and it just felt shallow I actually haven't seen this movie Which you don't need to see

[01:23:19] Frozen 2 is like we're gonna explain it Erin, Del, everything And I'm like, you're gonna explain I don't know what the fuck you're talking about Frozen 2 is acting like it's Frozen 8 Where they're like finally we're gonna dig into some of the lore

[01:23:31] And I'm like, I didn't need any of this I don't need to know about their grandparents Really? That's what they get into? Oh yeah Haven't you ever wanted to know about their grandparents? Well I've always wanted to learn how like Mermaids exist in the sea

[01:23:45] And that's why this equals a little mermaid Should be a fanchant of that No, yeah, that's like a weird Like what you're telling me sounds bad Look, I'm not gonna open the whole Frozen box right now I'm waiting for someone I'm also just waiting This is 10 comedy points

[01:24:03] But I'm also waiting for like there's gonna be some messy tell all article about What happened with that movie because clearly something weird happened It did seem like something weird happened And there's a lot of songs on the cutting room before we talked about it

[01:24:11] That are on the soundtrack cut late Grant me a tangent here quickly And this is a focus tangent This is a focus Star Wars tangent But I wanna lead us down an alleyway Are you okay with the tangent? Here's your tangent Reward Lucas always contends

[01:24:29] No the films are about this They're about heroes journeys, they're about this It's a soap opera, it's Dada Dada Dada But the thing that Catherine Kennedy very smartly identified That I think has been the key to Trying to reclaim Star Wars is when

[01:24:41] He offered her the company she said Look I'm not gonna do it Unless I can figure out what Star Wars weird power is And I've never been able to identify it And George went don't worry I know what it is

[01:24:53] I figured it out and gave her the same spiel He's explaining why people don't understand The prequels and why they're wrong And she was like that's not it, that's not it, that's not it He's like it is it's about this It's about storytelling symmetry and this and that

[01:25:05] She's like it's not, it's not, it's not And like hours of them meeting like this And she was like George what was going on in your life When you wrote Star Wars I'm resetting this very quickly And he says of course well my father Owned a hardware store

[01:25:19] And I was expected to take over the hardware store And it didn't excite me at all I imagined that there was something greater out there for me And I discovered film and that got to be my escape And I wrote my own destiny and she went great

[01:25:29] That's what it's about Star Wars is about not wanting to become your father At a basic elemental level That's what it's about and he said no it's about storytelling Of course it's about the hero's journey Right, right And in a way that is like the Terminator 2 trick

[01:25:41] I think the brilliant piece of setup In Force Awakens is Oh the thing to do here to tap into the core elemental Feeling of Star Wars Is to invert the previous thing What if your father was the greatest villain In the history of the galaxy

[01:25:55] How hard would you fight To make sure you didn't become him That it's the opposite of What if your dad was the coolest hero of all time Right And what would you do to try to get out from the shadow Of the expectations of the fight

[01:26:09] Okay so we're going to talk about Kylo now because He is I agree with you the one with the most compelling arc In a way And it's the Terminator trick of like second movie flip it And then you get to Terminator 3 and it's like what is it now

[01:26:19] What is it now he's a different bad guy But he's an old man All the stuff where it's like you can only mirror it There's an on and off switch There's not a third position And they throw in the third position on this one Which is Rey

[01:26:33] Which is what if your grandparent was a bad guy You didn't know it So simultaneously you're trying not to become your bad Forber but you're trying to convince him This is so interesting Right which we don't need to see it again It's the same thing we've gone through

[01:26:47] Here's the arc that they had set up in the last two movies Yeah Rey is this abundantly powerful new Creature of the forest Jedi, right Kylo on the other hand is burdened by all His legacy stuff And their bond Their bond

[01:27:05] Is the thing that's pulling and pushing both of them It's very clean Totally It works well And here's another thing The problem with the prequels is that Anakin has no father And there's no sense of what he's trying to avoid

[01:27:21] Or trying to become in that sort of sense It's just everyone telling him you're supposed to be the thing And the kids like I guess Yeah I don't know The other problem with the prequels is that it hinges on the love story

[01:27:31] And that's George Lucas' ultimate Achilles heel But the beautiful idea whether or not JJ ever intended for her to be related to Palpatine Or relate to anyone else She died of a broken heart She was so heavily pregnant with those two babies You could tell

[01:27:45] She only had time to deliver both of them before she could die of a broken heart And name them But It feels like Whether or not JJ ever had some master plan The thing the Force Awakens is setting up And that last Jedi takes to the finish line

[01:27:59] Is The beauty of Rey is Here's a character at the center of the film now The center of a new trilogy Who does not have any destiny Yeah Who is not part of a lineage Who has not been told that she is the ultimate Yes

[01:28:17] She's never been met with fear or awe And I'm fine with Her inner struggle to just be the classic Jedi thing Of like yeah you know It's easy, you have all this power To be swayed by petty emotion And you know

[01:28:31] I think her story could have been just as powerful If she was nobody in this And then still had to fight this big bad scary dude She has no real connection Even if you're gonna pull the sort of slightly late move Of bringing back the Emperor

[01:28:43] Where he's like It's the problem that we're talking about Where he's like I'm your grandpa And instead of me being like I'm your grandpa Instead of me being like oh my god That's crazy I'm like While they're fighting I'm just like So he's like

[01:29:01] Out in the town like Drawn for ladies Like he had a child Remember Slymore No who's Slymore Oh oh oh oh oh Shaved head blue lady with the fringe She's all over the prequels That's her grandma?

[01:29:19] Well it's just the only woman that ever seems to have hung out With Palpatine This feels very Voldemort if anyone's read The Cursed Child Which is another story that I Fucking hate I'm saying this on the record I just like Why bring back Voldemort

[01:29:35] I was talking with Leia Thomas Friend of the show about this The Voldemort thing that's exactly what she brought up as well Which in The Cursed Child it's like oh yeah Voldemort had a kid and you're like Voldemort made time to like have regular Sexual intercourse

[01:29:49] Palpatine just PNV Not to seem to have any social life Too early too early I'm sorry we have to confront it Because this is the thing that Wait wait look and let's be clear when you say PNV you mean Palpatine and Voldemort Cause they're hearing out and calling

[01:30:03] The penis is Palpatine so vagina is Voldemort No no but it's just like the idea that Palpatine had regular Old sexual intercourse With a person and that they We don't know it's regular it might have been a little weird

[01:30:15] It might have been like eh I didn't love the vibe It might have been food at most Or it might have just been forgettable Just like yeah I don't know Anyway but then beyond that the idea that he Had is a woman

[01:30:27] I think he's into BDSM based on that movie He had a kid who basically Looked like Jack Rainer I don't know who's playing that guy you see for five seconds Oh he's the guy from a thing I looked it up He's the guy from Unchesl Beach

[01:30:39] Oh good actor Yeah I mean as is Jody Cone Jody Cone is Cone's mom But also it's like you immediately have more questions Where you're like no no this is what I want to get into Wait how hands on was Palpatine as a father

[01:30:51] That's exactly it this is what I'm trying to say He had a kid let's say the kid was called Fucking Garrett Palpatine or whatever It's just like oh yeah kid He's the emperor The chosen leader of the Sith Who for a thousand years have conspired

[01:31:05] He took over the galaxy he pulled it off I'm gonna have one kid and not keep tabs on him So who is this dude Scott Evil Like what's his life I was thinking of guarding into like Graphic design in Palpatine Yeah no that's a good field

[01:31:19] I mean you can make a steady income And then after a while he's like oh you got a grandchild Hey can I meet the grandchild And they're like no no you can't I'm spending all my time thinking about that While Ray and Palpatine are like facing off Right

[01:31:32] And you know he's like I am all the Sith And she's like I am all the Jedi And I'm like Palpatine like his penis still works Like all that force lightning But it's also such a weird thing I'm doing the math I'm like this is

[01:31:44] He's a little animus for the dick Just holds it When the Phantom Menace starts The Sith thing has been going on For fucking ever And in the expanded years And in the expanded universe In nights of the old republic I mean in all these fucking things

[01:32:02] It's like a lineage that has gone on forever And it's this beautiful elemental thing in Star Wars Of like there's always going to be good and there's always going to be evil Whatever form it takes however it dresses itself up

[01:32:10] Powerful light powerful darkness as Luke says in The Last Jedi And this movie seems to position Palpatine As both the last and the first In terms of being the end all be all Of the greatest distillation of what a Sith Lord ever was And also he fucks

[01:32:25] Only because he's the one who is the most Visible in that position And I was like look if the idea they want to get at Is that Rey is somehow the end result of some dark lineage I would rather they establish that she's like

[01:32:39] A deep descendant of some plagus-esque figure Of like this is the first Sith And we can trace it all back to you That's too much plot for this movie so they have to be sure handy

[01:32:49] They just want the immediate cation of you remember this guy that died right? I have that I don't think everybody shares which is that I've never liked the Emperor I find him to be a very one-dimensional character When he's really I mean the classic

[01:33:02] Ian McDermott quote where he's like I tried to find One good thing to play in this guy You know because I'm playing this guy as a person And the only thing is that he goes to the opera so I guess he's a patron of the arts

[01:33:12] Like that's the one thing I can find in this guy That's not just like You think that's what he was doing the whole time in between? Well he's like okay so what's the guys deal and George was like Evil sadist wants to take over the world magic wizard

[01:33:22] And he's like yeah okay I get that but like Does he have like hobbies? I don't know ghostly opera and like cool alright I can at least hold on to that But probably it's one of those things where it's like

[01:33:32] He's interesting in the prequels when he's playing him as a man Yeah You know the opera scene in the pre- in the revenge of the Sith is actually very compelling Sure When he's playing him is like you know like that's fun But it's In the same way that

[01:33:46] You can't really dig too deep into that which is why He's Snoke doesn't matter either He's like Because like how deep is And then vice becomes less engaging as a film once George W. Bush gets elected You'd rather see how that guy makes himself

[01:33:57] Well I think we should have known all along Based on Palpatine in the prequels when he said do it That he was into sex But she brought it back in this film That was good 10 comedy points Thank you He does say do it He says

[01:34:13] He says do it in his movies Some abilities people consider are natural It's actually the most prequely of these sequels Like it's actually referencing the prequels Totally Now this was a theory I had heard and that I Would have preferred to what they do in this film

[01:34:28] Of course Palpatine explains to Anakin at the opera In revenge of the Sith I contend the best scene in that film Yes I agree This idea that Darth Plague is the wise Had perhaps cracked the code of how to purely Make a child out of evil

[01:34:45] With the implication being Out of the force Right But that you can just That Anakin is that Palpatine, to Plague, whatever Whatever Whatever And I would have rathered the idea that That's what Rey is Yeah Than that she's literally just second degree

[01:35:03] It's a weird split the difference move To be like yeah Yeah He's your grandpa You know how everyone has a grandpa Well he's yours But the problem is it just makes it seem Like all along these movies Have been about that guy What if in the

[01:35:16] Why, yeah, why the No, why not the mom Not the mom I don't know They do specify Palpatine's son Is her father But I think Palpatine Like so much of the value of Palpatine Is the same thing I kind of like About Snoke is just like

[01:35:29] There's always some fucking guy like this Who it is doesn't matter But that's what's so good about the last shot Is that Kylo is like Why would I be number two to some guy When I am a you know A self aggrandizing narcissist

[01:35:41] Who thinks he should rule the world Is an interesting subversion The same way it's interesting for Ray to be someone Where the destiny that haunts her is her lack of destiny Here's Kylo's arc in this movie Which we brought up After having this incredibly compelling arc in 7 and 8

[01:35:54] Does he have five lines of dialogue in this film He does but Al was pretty funny Yeah, Al was funny I mean he has the long dialogue sequence With Ray when they're fighting And the Han Solo And well we'll get to that right Requote he has the moment

[01:36:06] Which I will say the Han thing Was a pleasant surprise But also They like twist it you think it's Luke Totally But like I I thought that scene mirrored Like clearly they're marrying the Force Awakens When he kills his dad I thought that was marrying that enough

[01:36:22] And then the dialogue Is the exact same dialogue That scene is also And it felt like I didn't mind that scene Harrison Ford's doing a good job I think he shows up They're doing a good job And then also when When Kylo says dad

[01:36:37] And like he can tell it really I think he calls him that and so long I think he's great I just think like Why are we doing the exact same Like re-quoting everything Because that's in rhymes it's poetry But that one's like a little too

[01:36:50] And it's also an example Of how the film is intrinsically fucked Because everything in the story Is demanding that that scene be Between Leia and Kylo That's probably true And you've already had this fucking thing Where like oh suddenly we have to

[01:37:02] Reuse a shot of Leia looking off Into the distance concerned And now we have a photo double In silhouette acting like She's with her dying breath Making something happen Which is so drunkly retrofitted Was she just distracting? Yeah but Okay so here's the dream time Okay here's how

[01:37:19] So Kylo looks for the Sith Pathfinder He finds it He goes to the emperor The emperor's like yeah You'll be the new emperor Great Go kill Ray He finds Ray He's like I'm not gonna kill The emperor we're going to Rule together This is all making sense

[01:37:34] I think that he already pitched her In the last movie No I'm good No but still There's some lingering tensions there And in that film you actually believe For a moment that he might sell her on it Yeah exactly In this movie she's Crossed that threshold

[01:37:50] If Palpatine made Snoke the puppet And then Snoke puppeted their force connection Wouldn't Palpatine already know That they would betray That they would team up And like betray the big bad guy Palpatine saying he's in charge of Snoke Is that's where The logic completely Nothing much

[01:38:06] Alright you're a good man You're a good man to try this part And then make that So eventually he goes to find Ray again After telling her that she's a Palpatine Right And is like This is his helmet Cause it looks cool He turns off dashboard confession

[01:38:21] The fucking helmet thing is outrageous I don't even care that they put it back together I think it looks kinda cool Ben I had a really good pitch last night Did I not Wait what So there's the scene in the film

[01:38:32] Where he goes back to his little study And he like puts his hand on the helmet And I turn to you And you went yeah And the idea is that he's what Feeling nostalgic for wearing the mask So then he hires the chimpanzee and they re-weld it Right

[01:38:45] The idea is that No one's taking him as seriously as Earth Vader He wants that presence He realizes he needs it again Right It feels like such a petty thing Of JJ being like You broke my fucking helmet No I don't even take it that way

[01:38:56] I just didn't think it got integrated into potmots Cause then after a while He just takes it back off I just didn't understand like Kylo being like Good and Ben good again Right It was just so clean When it was already just off

[01:39:07] Do you know what I wanted to see I wanted to see Kylo Put his hand on the helmet And go Oh My mistake was I was trying to come up with my own version of Darth Vader I'm just gonna fucking own my legacy Yeah

[01:39:23] And he puts on the weird Bashed up Darth Vader helmet Oh sure But they can't It's all fucked up It's all fucked up Well they can re-weld it In the same way they re-weld whatever Don't you think it would be more interesting

[01:39:32] For the last movie Kylo Ren is wearing the mask I think Kylo should have re-fashioned his helmet Into like a headband And then like kind of like Pulled his hair back a little bit That's a bridge shoe for a bit That's a bridge shoe for a bit

[01:39:41] I wanted to see that happen I wanted him to just be like I'm fucking Darth Vader now No but that's not his arc in this movie It's my church It's not his arc in this movie remotely This is the helmet This is also another thing that through

[01:39:52] When he touched the helmet And then Rey connects to it I was Rey He's throwing her off I thought they were She's doing the training And he's sort of messing with her But how do they connect by touching the Vader helmet I don't fucking know

[01:40:05] Because also Vader was a palpatine Well the thing I was guessing was that Like oh are they going for Rey Is actually Vader's I thought they were Avatar They were doing Avatar reincarnation There's no logic to anything So whatever Kylo's plot was

[01:40:22] That's my idea of Kylo wearing the mask No it's stupid That's really stupid No it's not because Kylo's arc in I mean it's just a different movie But like Alright get to the wave planet I'm trying Jesus Christ Get to the wave planet

[01:40:33] Yeah he goes to the wave planet Planet of waves I'm like that Fucking rule there Waves are big as hell There's weird hairy horses I believe it's Endor Is the planet Oh is it really? Well they say it's Endor It's just not foresty

[01:40:47] I believe it's not the farest moon of Endor I believe it's actual Endor Oh But it's Endor It's the Endor Because yeah the Death Star fell on it But also to be fair at that point I might have missed those Endor Because the movie was screaming at me

[01:40:58] Should we get another bottle? What do you think? I probably want to save for like Another hour right? But on the wave planet On the wave planet which I thought That speaks Which I thought the Death The Death just speaks I thought the wave planet was fine

[01:41:13] He goes to see Ray again And he's like You gotta hang out with me Kylo Ren I'm the business He makes the same pitch he's been making For two and a half movies at this point They have their fight And then while they're having a cool fight

[01:41:28] On the back of a Death Star Remnant and there's waves crashing around them And you're looking at your watch And you're going there's no way this is The final battle Which it should have been but whatever Yeah exactly Then Leia distracts Ben By Kylo by being like

[01:41:43] You know Ben And he's distracted It's gonna take all her energy To reach him now Ray stabs him For his own lightsaber And then realizes like No And then force heals him Right Like she did the snake Into the snake in an earlier better sequence Uh huh

[01:41:57] And that is that Yes At that point in the film He is good Right It's over And then he just spends like an hour being like The sickness has been purged How should I be good? Well like what's like a good Sort of game plan for being good

[01:42:12] And I hate to say this But I did not find that to be very satisfying I did not either It's a little stupid Was not satisfying Just that it's like And then yeah one little nudge from Leia And then Ray just sort of this altruistic thing After everything

[01:42:27] I feel good I think I'm more in a Ben mood now I'm gonna go to Uniclo Get some basics What is the sort of example of like His dead dad comes back The only connection I mean I do get the understanding of

[01:42:39] I guess what they were going for Is that like she killed Kylo In doing that And Kylo is it But like and he just had to That's fine He had to see death in front of him To be like This is where he fell

[01:42:51] And then he has the combo with The Han Which I like But Han is in chef-guston mode He is called out as This is a figment of your imagination Well they have to You're projecting your father Your memory

[01:43:03] To say the things you wish he would say to you Which makes it like Oh he's just made this decision already Cause Han can't be like a force ghost Cause he's not force powerful But that's where Not to like fucking harp on this But it feels like

[01:43:15] Everything's built up to the fact that like Luke failed him Han failed him Leia is the last person No I agree but of course they can't do Break through to him and right I also feel like in the first half of this movie Kylo ran feels like

[01:43:29] Jason Statham in Furious 7 Where it's almost like a joke Exactly what I was thinking Every time the hero show up in a location Jason Statham shows up 30 seconds later He's like I'm gonna fucking kill you Right and then they're like We can outrun him

[01:43:42] And he's like no I came to the new place too David how did your British accent get so good? Oh boy It wasn't very good I'm sorry What? Big Ben Solo I tell you Well this is no time for jokes

[01:43:57] I'm trying to figure out the internal logic here No time to die James Bond 25 Well that's very funny It wasn't time to die for Kylo Kylo Ben it's not time for him to die But yes like One of the things that Abrams does borrow

[01:44:12] From The Last Jedi is their Their sort of long distance conversation And those scenes have so much tension You're constantly feeling I mean The Last Jedi really Is one of them going to convince the other And every time he shows up to fight her again

[01:44:24] Or fight people around her You're just like Okay on with it Like where are we going with this? Yeah and it's what we're going to is that Too many physical confrontations With Kylo Ren in the first half of this movie That's fair I go into time

[01:44:37] Too many confrontations Do we think Chewie shouldn't have been I wonder if that's the sequence That wasn't needed He either shouldn't have been Say killed Or shouldn't have come back Because they had to save Chewie Yeah he can't be dead Right so then don't fake me out

[01:44:52] Cause Chewie's death can't be a Oops Which is what that would have been You're going to fake me out for all of five minutes You're going to spend five minutes At most misdirecting But Chewie getting Kinnept in all of that It's another match question It was a detour

[01:45:08] That I think could have been cut Hey here's a question For then most of the movie after that Chewbacca is like totally naked Right he doesn't have his bandolier or anything I just remember that a lot of promotional material C3PO has Chewbacca's bandolier and his bowcaster

[01:45:22] That does not happen in the film does it? There's one moment where C3PO is carrying the bowcaster Oh Ray Brackson on his body But that's about it He shows up and she's like take all this shit And he's like oh what's happening You know any fusses

[01:45:33] He is prone to fussing I just remember that being the trailer and stuff And making it look like their action sequences Where C3PO was like fucking shooting people I'm not saying I wanted to see that But it feels like a weird He's basically like a coat rack

[01:45:42] For like two minutes Very good It's just the Chewbacca thing Is, and this is the thing about this movie The reason this movie is not a totally unwatchable film Is that each of the individual fetch-questy sequences We're talking about The pig Coachella Sure

[01:46:03] The sort of they're on the Imperial ship And Hux and you know like all those sequences On their own are like perfectly fun Got some action They're like there's quips The characters we love are in them There's no sequence where I was like There's no sequence like 3PO

[01:46:19] In the droid factory In Attack of the Clones where you're like This is unwatchable That is unwarriously fun Oh I mean unwatchable Yeah no no no totally we're on the same pitch But you know what I mean Like you know it's all fine It just hangs together horribly

[01:46:34] And it's also that thing where like The movie is always at the exact same pitch Is it is in such a hurry with nowhere to go That there is no sort of like Peaks and waves There are no quiet moments at all

[01:46:47] Like literally one of the only quiet moments Is when 3PO is like I'm just taking one last look at my friends And I'm like bitch you met these people Like five minutes early Or it's Rey just staring off into the distance Waiting for Kylo to show up

[01:46:59] Those are the slow moments where I'm like I just want to say I don't think this film Does well by Rey as a character I don't think there is much that Daisy Ridley can do But I do think watching this film It kind of underlined for me

[01:47:13] How effective she is Because the movie is only asking her To essentially stare at things with meaning Over and over again for two hours and twenty minutes And occasionally be like I gotta go She's incredibly good at doing that She's incredibly good at looking at something

[01:47:29] And holding it for ten seconds And seeming like she's making a really difficult decision She's got a lot of feeling Totally, that's the thing And all of those close ups have a lot of feeling Even if what she's supposed to be feeling Doesn't really make any sense

[01:47:41] So can I pose my question that I had asked earlier At the diner? I still like to take care of her pasta dinner Yeah I think that would Come on you got the patrion money We had her steak Hey listen I think she's a vegetarian

[01:47:51] When we originally started doing the show I said I would split the check with her And now that I have patrion money I will pick up the bill And how about you get pasta with steak tips Well it was just factory farming Okay sure So I had said

[01:48:06] She revealed that she is a cheating vegan So she's mostly a vegan But sometimes She's a bit naughty And I'm like She's a cheegan Sometimes she eats fish Okay Well I'm gonna take care of her pasta dinner I don't like seafood Or rather

[01:48:21] I would want to eat one of those pasta Would she grant me Like one of those things where she's like Oh maybe I'll get this one with the duck in it And you see You look at the menu and it's like 32 bucks And you're like

[01:48:34] No I wanna make this very clear Anything on the menu As long as it's pasta I wanna make it very clear With the patrion money I am willing to pay for anything on the menu You guys are paying for Daisy Ridley's pasta Correct But

[01:48:46] If you donate to our patrion Exactly But and I know people don't like it When we use patrion money for political causes But I will take Daisy Ridley out to a pasta dinner I will pay for whatever she wants But I get to pick the restaurant Fair enough

[01:48:58] That's all I'm saying Those are the terms And I leave the ball in her court No pressure I don't think she's interested Okay so That's the Sun type I've been getting for the last five years Okay so It's been a pretty resounding series of nose From the universe

[01:49:14] Alright so I said If this movie is like going so quickly If they had Instead broken it Broke it up into two parts And obviously I know it's They're sort of Constricted to doing it in three But let's just say That they were able to do that

[01:49:31] They decided that there was too much movie here So it's like Episode nine part one Part one and part two But it's I don't think the story is demanding that it needs to be two parts I think it feels like you're watching Every different option in Bandersnatch

[01:49:46] All in one go Like you're seeing everything they ever considered Could maybe fit into this movie And I think a lot of it is just like Out of here, save that Put that somewhere else Make that a spin-off Put that in a comic Put it in another script

[01:49:59] Whatever it is There's so many things in this movie That have nothing to do With the story that has been set up With these characters in the last two films The things we actually want to see paid off And even if you're saying that it has to

[01:50:10] Fill the obligations of the other Fucking previous six films There are other things on top That have nothing to do with anything Interest up I don't know I was just thinking Baba Frick's school Baba Frick I'm just thinking about my pal Babu I don't know Yeah, I mean

[01:50:26] You can't help but think about Like the other You know Big franchises that like Ended this year And you know The Avengers is something That like Had this impossible task Of you know All these movies And obviously I like that they Killed Thanos first And so then

[01:50:44] I think with this movie The whole time You're waiting for Palpatine To die and you're like I don't There's no tension The stakes don't feel As- The world doesn't feel big enough In a weird sort of a way Yeah Like when they kill Palpatine

[01:50:56] They go back to like Their one jungle hideout I'm like Who's even in charge now? Like go to other planets And like All these other planets New somehow Because Lando Just like Blipped enough to people And he's like This is happening And then Hey what's up with Lando?

[01:51:11] Okay, be me here So Lando like Paul Revere It is like the best Guess I'm going with that Alright but so the other thing I was thinking about Was Game of Thrones And like something A moment that always Sticks with me is Like Benny Uffer Weiss After After

[01:51:26] Spoilers Danny's Dragon And turns into an ice dragon She didn't see the Ironfleet coming Okay Ange Okay look She's forgotten about the Ironfleet No but this is before When she loses the first dragon Yes they say she's Forgotten about the Ironfleet The point is She

[01:51:39] They say at the end of the episode Like we We knew this whole fucking thing We knew that The episode would end With that dragons eye opening Oh shit you mean The first first dragon Yeah yeah First dragon that dies We knew that it was going to end

[01:51:52] With that dragons eye Like zombie ice dragon Yes And then To me that was like Such a fundamental flaw Of we don't care about all the shit That's going to get you to that point Right we just We are so concerned With that we will eventually Get there

[01:52:06] That we are going to do All this fucking zigan and Zaggan And I always it reminds me of Like when I was in high school I fucking hated physics I was very bad at it High five Yeah Yeah it was bad But if

[01:52:18] If you look in the back Of like your physics Like textbooks You can like find the answers To like all the even or odd questions Or at least at my school You could and when I figured that out Was like well shit yeah I'll just do that

[01:52:30] But then You know I would write the answers But then you still had to like Show your work And you couldn't do that And I well yeah no I got all the answers And then I did the work I thought maybe correctly And I remember my physics teacher

[01:52:43] Mr. Shukin pulled me aside And he was like why This is all wrong Why do you still have the right answer And like all this work is wrong And I was like because Like fucking hate math don't make me do this But it was because I

[01:52:55] I was in the ending before you Built out anything else With getting to the point And I think JJ was so concerned With getting to this ending And you know ending Palpatine And making the Skywalker family name Like became so much more important

[01:53:10] That he didn't focus on any of these characters I just want to say I wish you'd issued a spoiler warning Because you've ruined both Game of Thrones And most physics textbooks now I had not caught up to either one yet

[01:53:22] I was going to start Game of Thrones tomorrow After all the great buzz this year Feels like a good time to jump into the pool And I was going to sign up for a physics class Game of Thrones season of series of Nellie Everyone's like Ahhhh

[01:53:36] Griffin's like oh so this show's good Like it's good I should check it out I am a messy bitch who lives through the drama Here's something else Okay I want to talk about We're almost done But um

[01:53:47] Yeah we only have like two or three hours left to do the other Alright say what you're thinking I do want to say some good things I liked Yeah I said the things I liked Bobbufrick, Bobbufrick See 3PO cool Hux nice I like that Kylo

[01:53:58] I like the front scene I like that he ran like Han though Did you guys notice I like Kate Off When he gets to know his cowboy I love when he shows up at the end And like ow When he lands on the chain

[01:54:09] And a little shrug he gives When he's going to fight the Knights of Red Of course I love those The looks of them though I'm glad you love the looks Come on an axe But they're not red men But just that thing where they're like

[01:54:21] They're not red boys We're going to finally explain the Knights of Red Who are they I don't know there's like six guys you hang out with Ben here's a real Kobayashi Maru for you Okay Sure As we all know Snokes guards The Praetorian guards were the red boys

[01:54:37] What would you call the Knights of Red I call them um I don't know Anyway let's swerve out of this The scene I like They're great They're great Dark, great gentlemen I call them heavy metal boys That's actually a pretty good answer The Knights of Red

[01:54:58] Anyway they're so crazy They're just so The Knights of Red are so cool I love that There's that one night Who's just Get out of that guy's way They answered these questions That were bugging me for years Exactly like who are they

[01:55:08] Guys who hang out with Kylo Ren Great thank you Thank you I couldn't infer that Um The Han Solo scene I like I think Harrison Ford did a good job He's got a lot of integrity I agree It sounds so bad I didn't want to say it

[01:55:22] It does but I really actually believe it I agree with you Then there is a scene That is so Bucking demented Even within the manic Sort of sensibility of this movie After her big fight with Kylo Ray gets in his ship Flies not to see the emperor

[01:55:35] But to Luke's island Yeah Actually I don't know What's going on I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know Yeah Akto Krashet's the ship sets it On fire with remnants of the Jedi Tree or whatever All off-screen

[01:55:53] We cut to her in a frenzy Like throwing more wood At his ship as it's on fire And then Throws her lightsaber And Luke's ghost Like Catches it and comes And he's like That's no way to treat A lightsaber And I'm like Mark What's up

[01:56:09] I just seemed locked In two years ago What changed No offense to him. The hair is different. The hair part, he changed his hair part. It's really very distracting to me. I will say, like Mark Hamill is an actor that I have long enjoyed.

[01:56:23] And I enjoy his voice work and I enjoy him when he goes real goofy, which he's prone to do. But when he was in The Last Jedi, I was before I saw the movie like, is he gonna be up to this? Yeah.

[01:56:33] And he's so fantastic in that movie. Agreed. It is incredible how good he is in that movie. Agreed. It's easily the best performance he's ever given. No question. So I just googled the picture of the last Jedi. Has he seen The Last Jedi?

[01:56:46] Does he know what he was doing in that one? Because in this one, he's basically playing a different character. Yeah. I don't know. He's just, the tone of that scene is weird. Whereas the tone of the Han Solo scene is like,

[01:56:57] reverential and somber and quite lovely and he says, I know. It feels like they're trying to make him like cutesy Yoda. They play Yoda's theme which infuriated me. Yeah, it's weird. And then they do the whole lifting. The point that he didn't leave the island,

[01:57:12] that he couldn't leave the island, was because that his ship was so badly damaged. He used the door for a little hot door. He used the door for his hot door. This is all true and yet he's just like, yeah, let's bring it out.

[01:57:23] Play that track from Empire. Get in the ship at 5-5. Got lots of gas for you right here. Yeah. I don't even look, even, it's all ludicrous. But also, it should be, like that scene in Last Jedi when... I think he could have talked to her anywhere.

[01:57:37] Luke talks to Yoda. Mm-hmm. And he's like, wonderful. Like it's very, the dialogue is great. The good use of the Yoda score. Exactly. And then in this he's just like, look I was wrong. I was scared to be on the island. You gotta go!

[01:57:49] Leia knew who you were by the way. She did? Yeah, anyway get out of here. And I'm just like, even by the standards of this movie, this is really frantic. And sweet-talking. How would he have known that Leia knew? I don't know.

[01:58:02] And then he gets your Leia's lightsaber and you're like, oh, Leia had a lightsaber and then they had that little CG sequence of them having a lightsaber fight that feels like Abrams being like, I'm sorry I didn't give Leia a lightsaber while Carrie Fisher was alive.

[01:58:14] I feel bad about it. Totally. And it's just all frantic. It feels frantic. It's also... I don't know if I hated the Leia lightsaber thing. I love the idea. But it's one of those things where I'm like, are we just forgetting of this now? Like... Yeah.

[01:58:29] I don't know. Well, no, it just should have been introduced in Return of the Jedi, I f- If anything, right. But certainly in The Force Awakens. The biggest mistake The Force Awakens make is not much Leia. And of course, yes.

[01:58:39] As we said, there was that sort of concept of like, well, she... the last movie will belong to her. Okay. Right. And the only reason they had leftover footage that they could use for this is originally she was supposed to be

[01:58:49] in the whole first hour of the movie cutting back to her at the base and then he decided the first time the audience sees her should be the first time Han sees her. So all the scenes prior to Han seeing her were left to be...

[01:59:00] And it's a nice moment when Han sees her. Beautiful. But... It's ultimately a disservice to the character. You're making her conform to what's most exciting for Han. Yeah. Yeah. What were you talking about? Just the Luke scene. I mean, after that is the Palpatine showdown

[01:59:16] and the big space battle that is like... You know, the like, Sif? Shadows? No, the Sif guys were like... And then like the big space battle that's like the Return of the Jedi space battle where it's like, there's a million spaceships in the air!

[01:59:29] Which was revealed in the trailer. I also, yeah, I think they were... They showed too much footage. It's kind of the home reveal from Dunkirk. Yeah, where the guy is like, it's not a fleet, it's just people. Which is a nice line. I like it as an idea.

[01:59:46] The film has done no work to set that up as any sort of... No, literally the only setup is Zory being like, nah, come on, people are into it. And Poe's like, you're right! Yeah, I think that I was trying to struggle with

[01:59:59] like what is this movie trying to say? Because for me... Oh, it's about Skywalker's Rising Sun. Well the last Jedi... Maybe you have to correct yourself right there. I think The Force Awakens. Sorry, go ahead, Dan. But like I don't know,

[02:00:10] what would you say The Force Awakens is? It's myth making that movie is about like... I mean also that movie is about... But like the message that like all three of them kind of... Because to me, The Last Jedi is very clearly failure the best teacher is.

[02:00:23] Yeah, and the Force belongs to everybody. The Force belongs to everybody. This, the only thing that I could really connect to is just this idea of like... One, this idea of like healing. They seem to like really hone in on.

[02:00:36] And two, just that good is going to outweigh evil in the end because we outweigh... We outnumbered the bad. Right. Like that's it. Like they try to tell us that we're alone and we're not alone. But that's your right... And that's the big message.

[02:00:51] So that's why all those people show up. That is a thing that is paid lip service once every 45 minutes. Right, it's not a high level. It's not a high level. It's not really running in the middle. It's actually carefully woven throughout the... Right, no I had to...

[02:01:00] Yeah, totally. Another problem, I mean another metter read that I have you know Force Awakens is about falling back in love with Star Wars. It's the first post prequel movie. It's about these kids who are like Luke Skywalker, Han Solo. Yeah. I love those guys and they like

[02:01:13] get in the Millennium Falcon and they have a great time and they're hugging and like... You know it's trying to get the audience invigorated with that feeling. And The Last Jedi is Luke being like now, Jedi's are dumb. I'm not into it anymore. I'm out.

[02:01:26] And by the end of the movie he's like you guys want... You cute kids want me over. You guys are great. Okay, Jedi's are great. Can I tell you my pretty parallel take? I think Last Jedi and Force Awakens are both about being handed

[02:01:39] the reins of Star Wars. I think their movie is about people who are children of Star Wars for the first time people who grew up on Star Wars whose lives were... Very much, very much. Fundamentally changed by Star Wars are getting to write Star Wars

[02:01:52] and craft Star Wars and not just supplemental materials but the main text. And Force Awakens is the I want to go home again. Can someone who was not George Lucas who was not the chosen one make Star Wars their own thing and find something to say in it?

[02:02:07] And it's so much about just fighting for the right to be at the table in that kind of way, right? Yes. And to try to make the table what you want it to be. And then Last Jedi to some degree feels like Luke represents

[02:02:18] the notion of George Lucas that Ryan Johnson is Nothing you can do wrestling with who was given up on this whole fucking thing and is like, you don't understand I've been in through this whole fucking thing it's impossible it's done fuck you. Don't touch my thing

[02:02:33] leave me out of this don't make it, you know? And it's someone trying to like convince everyone that there is still value in this thing and the value isn't letting it change and grow and to question everything about it so that you know for a reason

[02:02:48] why you're keeping the things you love. I think episode nine is a great theme though which is like the Sith way finder is your best way to find the Sith. But you need the knife to get to the way finder, David. Everybody knows that. That's just so crystallized

[02:03:04] and clear. It's very clear. Can I just do can I do one little cinema something for just half a second? The fact that the dagger has like a fucking compass that pulls out that fits into from the exact vantage point that copied off the man by the way.

[02:03:19] The amount of damage that is carved out of the ship. What? What? Yeah, it's great. That's a cool puzzle. There's gonna be a whole comic about the dagger. It doesn't need to be a dagger, it doesn't need to be a Hulk.

[02:03:33] I will read Sith Dagger if she won. I mean, I think this goes back to like where was George Lucas at like mentally when he made the original Star Wars. I think where JJ was at was when Po is at, you know, Leia's deathbed. He's like,

[02:03:52] how did you guys do it? And I think that's JJ talking. He's like, I don't know how the fuck you made Star Wars. Tell me how to make a Star Wars landow. And he's like, we just tried our best. We just did a thing.

[02:04:04] And he's like, cool, I will copy you. There was one moment in this film that feels slightly personal to what JJ is going through in this film, which is when Ray unexpectedly shoots lightning bolts out of her hands.

[02:04:16] And goes, holy fuck, how do I not mess this up? Right. You know, this feeling of like, wait a second, I just realized how much goddamn power I have and the fact that everyone's looking at me and I'm at the center of the frame now.

[02:04:28] What the fuck am I supposed to do? Yeah, I like that. I like that. I thought JJ was in it because he's Dio. He is Dio who, look, I find Dio to be a very handsome robot. I like the way he moves. I like his voice.

[02:04:44] What is he doing in that movie? There's no, he serves. He doesn't have a lot to do. Well, he tells Finn that... He has like one piece of information he dispenses. And the piece of information is that they find out, which again, Garnian is a galaxy too,

[02:04:55] is that this guy was supposed to deliver Ray to Palpatine and then dumped her on Jakku. Yeah, that Jedi killer character's real inspector Zubio, by the way. They're like, of course it's a blip-de-blurp and yeah, he killed your parents, I guess. He killed your parents,

[02:05:09] but then he felt bad about it afterwards and then made sure you lived on this sad desert. No, no, no, he died, he's in the pit. The snake ate him. But, no. Snake ate him. But he killed her parents. Yes. The parents are like, Ray's not here

[02:05:26] and he's like, I believe you dead. He's like, I'll go over there. I fell in the pit and snake ate me. Let's try to say something nice. Let's try to say something nice. One thing we haven't mentioned. It's got some pretty good jokes. There's some funny moments.

[02:05:40] I laughed a little bit. The flashlight underneath the flashlight. Yeah, it's got some good jokes. Poe in particular lands some solid kind of behavioral calm. I was going to go, it went terribly. It went really bad, pretty bad actually.

[02:05:52] I also actually enjoyed where they're like, he was a spice-runner. He's like, here's Cavendra, here's Stormtrooper, we can do this all day. Like, he's good at under pressure guy. He's good at that. Yeah, he's good at hero with a chip on his shoulder.

[02:06:04] That's sort of like trying to hold back his anger. I personally would love to give him a little kiss. Would too. I really would. Last night when I couldn't sleep, we started rewatching a little bit of Force Awakens. And God, is that guy.

[02:06:20] In Force Awakens, the scene that I chore in Force Awakens is when Finn grabs him and is like, can you play a TIE fighter? He says, I can play anything. And I'm like... David just lifted the tape. Yes, the table just lifted on its own.

[02:06:35] You can play anything. And Finn starts laughing and he's like, we're doing this. I'm like, we are doing this right here. Take him off. David starts writing Finn Bo Fan Fiction on the spot. David just rips his shirt off.

[02:06:51] I mean, all right, one thing we got to talk about. When they have the final battle and he said, there are Force Diad. We didn't even talk about there are Force Diad, of course. Of course, Diad. Yeah. So Palpatine, you know, they be... He's Granddaddy.

[02:07:06] Are we getting to this, Moosh? That's what I want to talk about. You know, so she kills Palpatine. She's dead. Ben's alive. I do like this moment when all of the Jedi speak to her and they bring back fucking everyone and this sense of... Including Freddie Prinze Jr.

[02:07:22] Ken and Jarrus, we stand a legend. We do stand a legend. But also like all the voice actors who played the largely voiceless Jedi in the prequels. Yeah, Alice Sikaran, Ashokatano, but you also have Ewan McGregor, obviously Frank Oz. You have Liam Neeson, Samuel L. Jackson, everyone. Right.

[02:07:42] Hayden Christensen. And the sense of like this is how you make a movie that's about the characters at this moment pay respect to the legacy of everything that's built upon. Don't mind that at all. It's fine. I mean, I like the voices part,

[02:07:54] but then she's like, and I have all the Jedi and I'm like, yeah, all right, whatever. I mean, at this point, I'm just looking for the Deus Ex Machina kill the Emperor because he's a Deus Ex Machina.

[02:08:03] So it's sort of like, whatever, what are you going to do? Like trip him up? Like you got to do something. Well, it's the one that says we're like either anything would kill him or nothing will kill him. Yeah, right. Exactly.

[02:08:11] Well, should point out no one ever tells us how he comes back. My joke after the press screening was like the answer to everything is the dark power of the Sith. Like that's the answer. Right. You know, how do you feed yourself? The dark power of the Sith.

[02:08:25] It's just, you know, whatever. How'd you build the spaceships? I was like a salting melon. Yes, exactly. I just really like imagining that like big arbed thing carrying him all around. I need to pee to the bathroom and it's like, but after he's dead.

[02:08:44] Daisy Ray is also dead. Ben crawls out of the hole. She's real dead. She's real dead. She's I see touch. Yes. Ben revives her with his, you know, sort of like transfers his life to her. He does the same move as she does.

[02:09:00] But it's all the way, right? They look at each other. They give each other big old kisser runny on the lips now. And they do it with the energy of, hey, we've obviously been holding back. This has been a long time in the making.

[02:09:14] It's not like an impulsive thing. It's like a finally the seal is broken. It's kind of like, yeah, we've been thinking about doing this. Let's do it. I'm so contentious. Here's, and here's what I did at the press screening. I jumped in my seat.

[02:09:25] It's the only reaction I had to this movie. I was like, whoa, I did not expect them to kiss. It was horny and you love kisses. I do love kisses. That's true. And then afterwards I was like, I like the kiss and people yelled at me.

[02:09:36] Film critics around this city were gathered and they were like, what? Kiss is terrible. And I was like, no, I liked it. I like the kiss. I don't. I was spoiled for the kiss. So I knew it was coming. I have so much tension in the last year.

[02:09:51] I just don't, I hate right now with like a burning. I understand that. I just, I just because it's not a romantic dynamic. No, I mean he's taken her prisoner and tortured her and killed, almost killed Finn and. I mean add in a talking candlestick and he comes.

[02:10:07] But they haven't been trapped in a castle together. So it doesn't make sense. It all just, I don't like the power dynamic. I don't like that he nags her. I mean, you're a sad miserable loser. Unless you're with me, I think it's gross. It's not a great fight.

[02:10:22] It's not a great fight, but you're forgetting the time that she stabbed him and healed him and then he turned into a totally different person. So. I don't mind that he's redeemed. I just like, I'm also like noted.

[02:10:31] I say this in our marriage of the mob episode where we are predicting Star Wars. Come soon guys. Yeah, noted. I like Finn and Rey and I, yeah. I like them too. They have such cute energy together.

[02:10:42] I think the hug at the end was, I thought it was nice. I also felt like that was something that was set up that I thought would have been more satisfying to me. Sure. I mean, and in Abrams defense, you know, Ryan drops that ball

[02:10:54] in eight and eight. Ryan goes all in on there's this sort of tension between the two of them. And obviously Ryan brings in Rose is more of a foil for Finn. And then Abrams drops that ball here. And you know, like, so that's all weird. Yeah.

[02:11:08] They do some flirty flirting in this though. They do. And then he almost tells her that he loves her and then they get sucked in the quicksand. So then I know, and then they never talk about it again.

[02:11:18] I will say like I was like, okay, so when is Finn going to get to say that like he loves Rey? And I think the closest thing they get is that big hug at the end. You can see it written all over John Boyega's face.

[02:11:28] But then Poe shows up and he's like, hey guys, we hugging like, you know, after he went up to the story and he was like, yeah, and she's like, yes, I'll see you later. I get it. Right. That's all good.

[02:11:40] But it just also felt like they're like, we're not going to go for any ship. Like she'll kiss Kylo, but he died. Right. Obviously she kissed Kylo and he was like, anyway, so where do you want to live? Like Corellia? Like, you know, should we get an apartment?

[02:11:52] Like, you know, she kisses him. He fades into nothingness. Leia fades into nothingness. An embarrassing kiss. It's a nice kiss. Well, no, I just mean that's really awkward. You kiss someone and then they fall back dead. They're like dissolving to air.

[02:12:04] But don't you feel like also if as you said, his character essentially ends halfway through the movie and then he's just in stasis until he can show up and have a badass like entrance. Yeah. Shouldn't he just work with Ray for the second half

[02:12:19] of the movie so that by the moment when they kiss they've actually spent enough time together with him in a reform state? What this movie needs is for that turn to happen in the first act. Correct. And then Kylo to be on the Millennium Falcon

[02:12:31] and all of them to be like, what the fuck? Yes. This guy sucks. And then by the end he has to heroically die or whatever, but at least they're kind of like well. If she brought him on the Falcon when they first escaped the destroyer. Yeah.

[02:12:42] And instead it's like you gotta have three Kylo battles where he's like join me and she's like not interested and he's like come on. No, I don't want to. You know. And the thing is if you break a woman down enough it will work.

[02:12:52] As long as you ask her to be your guest you have to talk in candlestick, make her dinner you know and then you yell at her for 30 to 40 minutes and then you're nice one time and then you know. No, no, no, I.

[02:13:03] You have to get thrown into a ravine first. Sorry. You left at the most important part of that arc which is when you step out onto your patio and you sing. I am the bee. You love setting that up.

[02:13:18] I should rewatch the remake just to remember that song because I've already slept my brain. There are a few things. It's so bad. I wish the listener could see your arms. I am the bee. I didn't ask to be a bee. I am the bee.

[02:13:36] I am the bee. All right, so we're done man. I don't want to talk about anymore. I was right. I'm going to predict on the marriage. The mob episode she has a fucking yellow lightsaber. I knew she would.

[02:13:47] I knew Abrams would be like how do I show that things have changed? I know I'll pick a color no one's done in the main movies. She goes to tattooing. The family lightsabers this excuse me

[02:14:03] but nosey old lady comes by and is like hey what's your name first and last? She's like Ray. Ray Skywalker. Now what I was saying. She sees the ghosts of... What I was saying last night when we went out for drinks after the movie

[02:14:18] and you didn't come with us because you went home with forking. Yes I did. Humble Brack is it feels like the journey that Ray has been on is realizing that she is her own person and that the destination shouldn't be

[02:14:35] oh I've realized my family is who I choose it to be so I'm going to now say they were my real parents the skywalkers these two siblings right? Rather than saying what's your name Ray? What's your last name? It's just Ray.

[02:14:54] Would kind of be a nice note for that character to end on. It's time for the rise of Skywalker. Who cares? I gotta be honest terrible title. Terrible title. Doesn't make any fucking sense. It only works for that last scene which I agree with Gryffin

[02:15:08] should not have happened also but like why Barry to me burying the Sabres is like her way of like honoring and like burying this Skywalker legacy and then she's deciding to well because Leia even says like don't be afraid of who you are

[02:15:22] and which is Palpatine so Ray could be like I'm Ray Palpatine I'm like reworking I guess it would be like my name is Ray Hitler It would be funny though what's your name? Last name please. She's like Ray I mean it's a long story but it's Palpatine

[02:15:36] is your father the emperor? Grandfather look and she's like I'm taking out a gun you are a fascist I'm gonna kill you. The idea is like you know you want stories about characters like coming to understanding you know like ultimately

[02:15:52] and it feels like if Ray's ultimate arc has been trying to come to terms with who am I why am I here where do I come from who are my people at the end it should be I'm Ray

[02:16:01] that's all that matters I'm Ray I made my own life I wrote my own story I did things my own way. She got her own lightsaber again the lightsaber mirrors just her being like I'm my own person. It's a massive accomplishment so I understand

[02:16:14] maybe trying to take back the Palpatine name a little too much too fast but it would make more sense for the character to be like I'm Palpatine I'm redefining what that is even if it wouldn't work for her to have that idea for her to say skywalker

[02:16:27] kind of means nothing. But she looked at the sky and they smile and they're like to me the only reason she says skywalker is because then because like you know skywalker name is kind of they're like 5050 right like yeah he had Darth Vader

[02:16:44] and Kylo maybe not representing it well enough and then so like maybe she's just like I want to make sure his name lives on I just but that happens in return and Kylo is the last of the bloodline

[02:16:57] you know if he turns good in the first act of the movie and then it's about his redemption that is a rise of skywalker that would be my pitch totally I don't know we're not here to rewrite it Ray just Ray we're not here to rewrite it

[02:17:11] we just hate it and everything about it I think we're done yeah yeah we did it but box office my agents cats cats cats cats have been calling me obsessively which means I either just got a job or I have now lost a job by podcasting about

[02:17:27] I'm a skywalker for another hour either something really exciting has happened or I've missed a window of opportunity do you want to check out please fail? no episode's about to end I think everything is fine they can't text you

[02:17:42] I said what's going on they said we need to talk great Star Wars the rise of skywalker it's gonna open to like 200 million I guess it's gonna make a class change it's gonna do very well but there is definitely not the sort of like super hype

[02:17:59] one might have expected no this like sort of like end of series bounce it does seem like it's time to put it in the stable Ben for a few years listen to our patreon mail bag episode to understand why I'm underlining that phrase yes

[02:18:12] and yeah cats it looks like cats is gonna bomb weird maybe it'll have legs cat cat it's fun for four legs and a tail and if you rub a Wilson's fursuit that you can zip off revealing clothes underneath

[02:18:27] yes yes can I do a merchandise spotlight there's a new product I'm very perplexed by called the screen saver here's the idea we all know the lightsaber we know the basic sound it makes when you switch it we love right they do with the screen saver is

[02:18:44] and just make it a face that's not what they sound like what does the screen saver do the screen saver looks like a lightsaber except in like play school colors okay I always forget Griffin's background has been diesel

[02:19:02] of course it is he's looking something in my lock screen is Michael Keaton so it's like like bright white with like multi-colored buttons right it looks like some fucking Fisher price educational toy but the idea is you can push the red button and record any saying

[02:19:19] you want and then when you swing the lightsaber rather than making the lightsaber noise it says whatever you recorded on it that's weird right lightsabers don't talk that's weird I love swinging around the old lightsaber but I never think man I wish this was saying a sentence

[02:19:36] it just does that every time you swing it yeah I can say I am the beast or I don't know I don't understand the merchandise has been really bad for this movie I don't know if it's because it was so rushed that they didn't have development time

[02:19:54] all right listen I just like to say and I might have already said this I predicted it many years ago with my character my original character called Darth Stupid Idiot he was a brat and he was mad about being wet

[02:20:07] he was a big guy he was a grumpy yeah he was big and he was grumpy and I call came true and so just one again pat myself on the back for that prediction I mean congratulations thank you so much

[02:20:21] and guys stay tuned for congratulations my fashion brand yes of course stay tuned for our 2020 content guys it's the last episode of the year but our patreon has happy holidays content if you want to check that out now here's the thing I want to say

[02:20:38] right now on the schedule I'm Griffin Newman and I want to say my name is Griffin Newman and I want to say right now on our schedule for next week we're dark and then for the first episode of 2020 it's a sith week keep going it's a sith week

[02:20:52] for the first episode 2020 we have currently on the schedule the spies in disguise now I have heard from people who have seen spies in disguise that it is a lot less weird than we are hoping it will be yeah it might not be worth doing an episode on

[02:21:09] okay will we see the movie? 100% but I kind of want to say right now I think we should play it by ear and our next episode will be announced on Twitter and it will either be spies in disguise or married to the mob with Antford Grudeau

[02:21:24] a good episode that we already have saved up sure fair enough right I think there's no reason to do the spies in disguise episode if in fact the movie fails to live up to the promise of the trailer okay fine yeah but what about cats? oh damn

[02:21:40] here's my shot your issue is that there's a chance about Tom Hooper mini series there's a chance it's up to you freaks you're saying there's a chance we're saying there's a chance there is he might look it seems

[02:22:00] like it might be hard to avoid putting him in the Marsh Madness Bracket and I wouldn't want to blow our load on cats now because if we're doing you weren't even like that I'm leaving I'm sorry I'm sorry Ang

[02:22:15] I don't think we should ejaculate over cats just yet I already did my friends there's a time for jizzing on cats and it's later leave her be why are we talking about the music from Star Wars okay go ahead sure oh great joke jizz there we go

[02:22:31] 20 comedy points there is at least one jizz whaler in this movie that's what they're called I know but it never stops being funny it's fair whaler is the thing that always gets me that's always get me I mean this is the end of the episode right

[02:22:44] we're not gonna get better than that yes yeah we gotta we gotta end this hey folks thank you for another great year it was good we had a good time good year it's been a good year much like the Ridley Scott movie and yeah

[02:23:01] thank you guys for listening yeah thank you Anges thank you Ben thank you Dave I'm showing my appreciation you're welcome for the people who mean most to me in this room and thanks to the listeners we're excited to finish up Demi

[02:23:22] we're excited for our next two mini series and hey if you're still Johnson for us to talk about Star Wars more and who wouldn't be after this episode why you just slip behind that paywall you got three months of Star Wars episodes coming for you commentary with

[02:23:42] Chris Whites that's the next one up right Rogue One or Solo is the first and then Chris White yeah we got Chris Whites for solo no we don't know we have Chris Whites credited screenwriter on Rogue One sat down with us and talked about Rogue One

[02:23:55] which is pretty nuts and then there's also Solo where we're like this is boring but David has a really good run of coaxium I do I do have a lot of coaxium gotta keep it cold gotta keep that shut cold gotta keep that shit cold

[02:24:10] David also says a phrase that's been banging around my head for the last six weeks since you said it I'm a slut for Woody I am a slut for Woody I really am he's money in the bank anyway so if that's not worth five dollars what is

[02:24:22] I'm gonna go pee okay Smell you later David thank you all for listening please remember to rate, review, subscribe thanks to Andrew Goodover social media Joe Bonaparte around for artwork yay Liam McInerney for our theme song Happy New Year go to blankysireret.com for some real nerdy shit

[02:24:47] Tune in next week for either Spice and Disguise Tune in next week for Nothing and then tune in the following week for either Spice or Disguise or more likely married to the mob back-to-back Ang you're welcome and as always the little dude

[02:25:13] I just want to sit in this for a second just want to take one last look at your friends I I want to take one last look at my friends and I just want to reflect on how weird it is

[02:25:25] that we've come full circle on Star Wars now yeah bye